


Darkling Souls

by Petit_Fou



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Ben Solo Lives, Canon Divergent, Eventual Smut, F/M, Lightsaber Battles, MacGuffins, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, No beta reader, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Sith machinations, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Tags Contain Spoilers, elements of EU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 45
Words: 91,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petit_Fou/pseuds/Petit_Fou
Summary: Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.They’re in each other all along.- RumiAfter the battle of Exegol, Rey closed herself off from the Force, fearing her own power and the insidious whispers she kept hearing in her head, but it’s a tactic she realizes won’t work for long, especially not when Poe asks her to start training new Jedi. When she opens herself back to the Force, a startling revelation sends her the one person she thought she’d lost forever, but he may also be the most dangerous thing in her life.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 130
Kudos: 188





	1. Prologue: Dark Voices

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning: spoilers for Episode IX**
> 
> This is the first time I’ve ever published a fic so I really appreciate everyone giving this a chance! I’m new to tags, as well, so if I’ve mistagged something or am missing some necessary tags, please let me know :)
> 
> The reason I finally worked up the courage to post was because of Reylo. I’d been hoping it would be canon since TFA and it was really looking so good and promising through TLJ and then we got TROS. The kiss is the only thing that didn’t destroy it for me entirely, but everything that came after made it really hard to continue with the franchise. 
> 
> Naturally, I turned to fanfiction. Reading it has been so therapeutic and it also finally gave me the push I needed to post something myself—something I’ve wanted to do for a long time but lacked the courage to do so.
> 
> There are some truly incredible writers and fans here that I am in absolute awe of. They inspire me with their talent and knowledge. I myself am just a casual fan of SW. I’ve seen all the films, but have not seen or read material from the EU, however, I really wanted to try writing a fix-it for myself, so I started reading what I could on wookiepedia and tumblr and picking and choosing what I liked for the story I was writing; all of which means I may have made some wild assumptions and egregious errors. I sincerely apologize If I have.
> 
> Once again, I want to thank everyone one again who gives this a chance. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Artwork by the incredible, inimitable [lilithsaur](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/lilithsaur) on Tumblr.

~~~

The dark writhes.  
We are a snake without a head.  
The Master is dead.  
Long live the Master.  
We are lost without her.  
She is lost without us.  
We must find her.  
We must show her the way.  
To passion.  
To power.  
To victory.  
To freedom.  
We must free her.  
We search and search for her.  
It is not long before we feel her.  
She is alone.  
She is sad.  
She has closed herself off from us.  
She knows not what she denies.  
But we will show her.  
We are here Master!  
We try to reach her.  
We are interrupted.  
Someone intrudes.  
The ex-knight.  
The failed scion.  
We tell him to stand aside.  
He defies us!  
Foolish boy!  
We are wroth!  
He is but one.  
We are multitud.  
And yet.  
He guards her.  
He guides her against us.  
They are still joined.  
The dyad is powerful.  
The dyad is inmortal.  
We cannot break through.  
We are not strong enough.  
Not without the Master.  
We must reach the Master.  
We must retreat.  
We must rethink.  
We will reach the Master.


	2. The Request

Ajan Kloss buzzed like a beehive. In a few short months the jungle moon had transformed from lush greens to monotonous shades of grey and flashing lights. Gone the trees, the swinging vines and muggy air. Gone, too the rusted, rag-tag Resistance.  
  
What lay in front of Rey now was the re-awakened, renewed Republic.  
  
Suspended in the air around her, thousands of diplomatic ships waited to disembark, transporters, and freighters crowded so close together not even a drone could squeeze past.  
  
It was inspiring and a little too overwhelming.  
  
Fighting the urge to turn the Millenium Falcon around and let the engines burn until they ran out, Rey initiated the landing sequence.  
Her scavenger instincts always got the better of her in overly developed ports and cities. The deep certainty that nothing ever lasts slowly creeps up her spine till she’s looking at everything that’s sparkling and new with a critical and appraising eye. She hated that she did it, but she would probably never shake it. Scavengers not only know the value of everything, more importantly, they know that everything becomes obsolete with time.  
  
And that the biggest tend to fall the hardest.  
  
And the Republic was growing exponentially, from what Rey could see.  
  
Perhaps that was the real reason she wanted to flee.  
  
The Resistance had made her feel welcome, made her feel like she belonged. It was family.  
  
Then they’d won and that tiny spark transformed into a beacon that drew the whole galaxy to the Resistance’s doorstep.  
  
And just like that, the Resistance disappeared and the Republic was reborn.  
  
And the re-established Republic was nothing like the Resistance.  
  
It was another thing entirely. Large, multi-systemed, and multi-branched, it was an organization.  
  
It was not a family.  
  
And Rey did not feel like she belonged.

🌗🌗🌗

Finn, as always, was there to greet her with a hug that he held for just a second longer than she did. He was beaming with excited energy. Next to him, Jannah waited quietly, a cool counter to his chatter.

  
He peppered Rey with questions about her trip. Undeterred by her monosyllabic answers, he answered his unanswered questions with more questions.  
  
BB8 looked back and forth between them, its round body whirring slightly with each movement as it contemplated answering some of Finn’s questions, but unable to find a moment between his rushed delivery, BB8 gave up.  
  
Jannah interrupted the barrage with a wave of her hand. “You can catch up later. You’re expected in the conference room,” she said, turning to lead the way into the base.  
  
Poe was speaking with delegates from the survivors of the Hosnian massacre at the moment, but Rey would be squeezed in during a break of a few minutes. Rey felt the intensity of Finn’s stare on the side of her face as Jannah relayed this to her.  
  
Must be important, she thought.  
  
Inside the base everything was just as shiny and new as the hangar.  
  
BB8 drew out a beep of awe.  
  
“Yeah. Wow.” Rey echoed, even though the pristine, sterile halls made her feel dusty and dirty.  
  
“Engineers have been working non-stop since you left,” Finn said and he held himself just a little taller as they walked through the glistening halls.  
  
Rey, on the other hand, felt herself shrinking a little. Before, the base didn’t look so different from the old destroyers she used to pick through. Everything was rusted and dusty, wires stuck out of gaping holes where wall panels had been gutted for valuable tech and materials. Now, the halls were patched and the floors repaired and everything was well-lit. Crisp uniforms marched past and everyone seemed to have new gear. Rey could even smell the fresh paint on Jannah’s repurposed First Order canon blaster.  
  
She missed the old base.

“Come in,” Poe’s haggard voiced called from within what had once been the impromptu mess hall.  
  
Quietly, Finn, Rey, then Jannah filed in. At the end of a long metal table in a brand new shiny uniform, sat Poe, the newly minted General, looking stiff, uncomfortable and as though he hadn’t slept in three days. As they entered, his eyes flicked to Finn first before he got up and gave Rey a hug.  
  
“Good to have you back, Rey,” he said, his voice raspy. Up close, Poe looked even rougher than he sounded.  
BB8 bumped into his legs and beeped loudly.  
  
“Of course I’m happy to see you, too, BB8!” Poe’s solemn General face suddenly broke into that familiar flyboy grin. He bent down and rubbed BB8 all over, bending his head to touch the droid’s before standing up again, his solemn General face back on. He motioned to the empty seats and Rey took one. Finn sat next to her, while Jannah remained standing, her canon blaster hefted on her shoulder.  
  
Poe remained standing, as well, looking down at his hands splayed on the table. It was a pose of contemplation, one that Rey wasn’t used to seeing Poe, a man of action, take. It made him look older and in the white light, Rey was just noticing Poe’s grey hairs. Did he always have those?  
  
was a hushed anticipation in the room, even BB8’s modem was quite, as they waited for their General to speak. He took a deep breath then and looked up.  
  
“Rey,” he said, his voice firm. “I’m just going to get to it. I know we discussed this before you left and your answer was final, but...” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it and suddenly looking boyish again. “There’s no other way to say this. We need you to train more Jedis.”  
  
Rey started. Confusion, sadness, anger and just a bit of hope surged through her. She must not have heard him right. There were no more Jedis. Anywhere. She would know. She had looked.  
  
“Poe,”the pain was sharp in Rey’s chest as she repeated the words she’d said to him before, “there are no more Jedis.”  
  
Poe didn’t answer. His eyes were unfocused, distant. He was remembering. She knew this because she’d seen the same ache echoed in her own face. It was the look of unbearable loss  
  
“I know,” he said, finally, his voice cracking slightly.  
  
At that, Rey’s heart sank. Even though she knew what his answer would be, a part of her had hoped that maybe she’d been wrong.  
“There are no more Jedis,” Poe cleared his throat. Then, he said, “at the moment.”  
  
Confusion washed over Rey again as she tried to comprehend just what exactly Poe was saying. Then it slowly dawned on her. Was he seriously implying that she train Force-sensitives to become Jedi? No, no it was impossible. She barely wanted to use the Force, how was she going to train any one else to use it? They obviously hadn’t thought this through. They couldn’t be seriously asking her, a Palpatine, to train Jedis.  
  
Well, of course they still didn’t know. Leia and Luke never told anyone the truth about her, the truth about her powers and where they came from.  
  
If they knew, there was no way they would ask her to do the training. What if she couldn’t control the dark side and it came out and she hurt someone? What if she turned out like Kylo Ren?  
  
A gentle hand clasped Rey’s shoulder, interrupting her frantic thoughts. She turned back to see Finn looking down at her.  
  
“Rey,” his eyes were liquid with trust. “You’re the only one who can do this.”  
  
Rey opened her mouth to protest, but Finn pressed down on her shoulder, stopping her. He pulled his chair closer to her and turned her shoulders to face him.  
  
“Listen, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for sometime. There’s this thing, I can’t really describe it, but it’s kind of like a feeling, or a knowing, but more than that.” Emotions rolled over Finn’s face in waves as he tried to find the right words to tell her what he was feeling. What he didn’t know is that he didn’t need to because Rey already knew.  
  
“And,” he paused. “I can feel it, you know, the...”Finn hesitated, he had never said it out loud before, “the Force.” He looked to see how Rey would react to him saying that. Her small encouraging smile filled him with more courage than he thought possible. “Sometimes it’s not there at all and then suddenly it’ll be back, like it comes in and out,” Finn moved his hands towards and away from his head. “And I’m not sure what triggers it, but what I do know is that I definitely feel it strongest when I’m with you.”  
  
“With me?”  
  
“Yes.“  
  
Rey knew what he was asking her even before he held out his hand, palm up to her. She knew, but he he didn’t. “I don’t know, Finn, I’ve never done this before. I don’t even know what to look for.”  
  
That wasn’t true though.  
  
She had done it before and she knew exactly what to look for. Yeah and just look how that turned out, the voice in her head said.  
  
Oblivious to her inner dialogue, Finn kept his hand held out. “Please, Rey.”  
  
Rey looked down at his open palm and back up to his face. His lips were pressed in an expression that she knew all too well. He wasn’t going to let her back down from this.  
  
“Fine,” she said. “But I’m not going to be responsible if you, I don’t know, suddenly burst into flames.”  
  
To her relief, Finn chuckled. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”  
  
“Don’t be so sure,” she said, laughing uneasily.  
  
“She did single-handedly bring down Emperor Palpatine and the Sith,” Jannah said. “She could probably wipe you out with her pinky finger.”  
  
They all laughed then, except for Rey, who felt the smile on her face was too tight. If only they knew, they wouldn’t be so chummy with her. She’d probably be locked away in one of the newly fashioned jail cells. They’d probably never speak to her again except to question her.  
  
“Alright, well here goes then,” she said quickly. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Beneath her light touch, Finn’s skin was dry and warm. It was reassuring, somehow. With great hesitancy, Rey slowly opened herself up to the Force, allowing a small amount of the humming energy to flow out from her.  
  
At first, there was nothing, just the quietness that had made Rey’s heart ache so badly after Exegol. She opened one eye to check on Finn and saw that he had also closed his eyes and that his brow was furrowed, but in concentration, not in pain. Upon assuring herself that she hadn’t electrocuted her best friend and that he hadn’t burst into flames, Rey took another deep breath and tried again. This time, to her surprise, she sensed something. It was faint, like it was just out of her reach, so she opened herself up more.  
  
There, barely sensible, a flickering of Force. It was faint, but Rey could see that it emanated from Finn.  
  
It was so clear to her then what she had to do.  
  
Rey didn’t even think as she completely opened herself to the Force and gently let her Force flow to Finn’s.  
  
The flickering sputtered, seemed to go out, then sparked and grew stronger till Rey could feel Finn’s Force emanating from him steadily.  
  
“Whoa!” Finn looked down at himself, at his hands and back up at her with wonder in his eyes. “What did you do?”  
  
Rey gave Finn a small smile and a shrug. “It was just like you said, like you weren’t turned all the way on.”  
  
Finn jumped up and started walking around the room, as though he was feeling out a new body. He was trying to describe the feelings to Jannah and Poe, his words tripping over each other in his excitement. They crowded around him, drawn up in his excitement.  
  
Still sitting, Rey closed her eyes, glad for the respite from their attention for a moment. She was also glad that she could give Finn that experience, so different from her own. And in that moment, she also realized she had had nothing to fear. The connection she had made with Ben had been something else entirely. Finn would never be able to look into her mind that way, to sense her innermost thoughts, fears and desires, not unless she allowed him to.  
  
What was it that Palpatine had called it? A dyad. A prophecy.  
  
Just then, a soft whisper brushed Rey’s ear. She turned, but there was no one behind her. Unease quickly creeped up her spine from the dark pit of fear in her stomach. She’d heard those whispers before.  
  
Her heart racing now, Rey stood up quickly, too quickly, and sat back down as dizziness overtook her. Why was this happening? She needed to get out, but darkness was closing in on her. Her vision narrowed till all she could see was a pinprick of light.  
  
And all the while, the soft whisper grew harsher, building in strength as more voices joined it. It was a sound that she would never forget. They had first filtered into her mind deep in the bowels of Exegol and they had not left her since. The voices of the Sith Eternal.  
  
 _Master.  
_


	3. An Opening

_Master._

Rey shook her head, looking for a way out, but all she saw was blackness closing in. Why was this happening again?

___Master._ _ _

____  
____“No!”  
 _ _ _ _  
____

She clasped her hands over her ears, but the insidious voices were in her mind. Over and over again they beckoned her, slithering into the deepest reaches of her being. With frightening ease, they reached her loneliness, her sadness, her anger and amplified them.  
 _ _ _ _  
____

_____Master. _  
  
___ _ _ _

“NO!” Rey crumpled into herself as she tried to push against them, to reach for the power that was normally so easily at hand, but she couldn’t find it. Instead she felt the darkness pressing in, the coldness enveloping her and though she tried, she just couldn’t fight it.  
Lying curled in on herself, Rey rocked back and forth, wishing for it to stop, for everything to go back to the way it was. She felt herself shrinking and feeling so unbearably alone, just like she had when she was just a little girl left on Jaku.  
  


Why was she here again? Why did the darkness always come? It was relentless. It was unforgiving. She thought she had silenced them when she’d shut herself off from the Force, but she understood now how naive that had been. The voices were never truly gone. They were out there and they were looking for her. And one day, they would find her.  
  


The Resistance had won on Exegol, but Rey had lost.  
  


She’d lost her life.  
  


She’d lost her innocence.  
  


She’d lost Ben.  
 _ _ _ _ _ _  
______

All she had gained was a past that wouldn’t die. That reached out from the darkest corners of her own being and haunted her.  
 _ _ _ _ _ _  
______ ****

**Rey.**   
______  
_ _ _ _ _ _

Her heart fluttered.  
  


“Ben?”  
 _ _ _ _ _ _  
______ ****

**Fight it, Rey.**   
______  
_ _ _ _ _ _

His voice filled her mind, a clarion in the dark, and Rey held on to it like a tether. She reached for the power again, reached for him, and there suddenly all around her, she felt it, she felt him. The heaviness lifted and warmth engulfed her like arms wrapping around her. She felt the Force surging through her and she used it to push back against the voices.  
  


“Get. OUT.”  
  


A swarm of hisses assaulted her, stinging her ears, but their hold in her mind had already loosened.  
  


This was her chance. Rey summoned her strength and pulled the tendrils from her mind.  
  


As they lost their hold, the voices shrieked in anger and frustration, then they disappeared completely, leaving only a heavy silence.  
  


Tentatively, Rey pulled on the tether she’d so long thought was gone forever.  
  
 ****

**I’m here.**   
  


Tears stung her eyes as she tried to even her breath. Again, a feeling of warmth enveloped her like arms.  
  


“I thought you were gone,” she said.  
  
 ****

**I was...lost in the dark. I couldn’t find you.**   
  


Blood rushed to Rey’s cheeks. “I shut myself off from the Force.”  
  


There was silence.  
  


“I...the voices, they kept calling. It was the only way to keep them out.” Rey felt a shimmer in the warmth around her.  
  
 ****

**The Sith. They hunt you.**   
  


“I know. I can’t keep running away, but I’m...” The truth of that hit Rey hard. She knew it, she had known it, but had foolishly hoped she could just ignore it and they would go away. She didn’t even want to admit it to herself, but she was lost and hearing Ben again felt so good.

  
Too good, maybe.

  
She didn’t stop to question who was on the other end of the tether. Was it Ben? Was it Kylo Ren? Or something in her imagination? A trick of her subconscious?  
  


“Where are we?”  
  
 ****

**I don’t know.**   
  


“Are you a Force Ghost? What happened to you? Why can’t I see you?”  
  


Again the air around her shimmered. She felt it more than saw it and this time she sensed confusion. His confusion.  
  
 ****

**I can’t remember.**   
  


“Can you see me?”  
  
 ****

**I see you.**   
  


The warmth deepened and Rey’s plus began to race. Blood rushed to her cheeks again. The hairs on her arms stood up and her skin tingled as if being caressed everywhere all at once. Something pressed up against her, incorporeal, but she knew it was him. She longed to put her arms out and grasp something, anything, but there was nothing in front of her, just a sensation of a being.  
  


Frustrated, she pulled on the tether, tried to nudge some of her Force along it to him.  
  


Suddenly, the warmth and the pressure pulled away, leaving her bereft.  
  
 ****

**You must go.**   
  


“Wait, no, I have so many questions.”  
  
 ****

**Rey, go. Find me when it’s safe.**   
  


Rey felt him push against her, push her away. “Wait,” she called, but she was suddenly back in the mess hall. She blinked rapidly as the bright white lights blinded her. She looked down at herself, she was still sitting in the chair. She could feel that her cheeks were still flushed and hear heart beat was still high.  
  


Laughter broke in and Rey knew she had to get out of here as fast as she could before anyone could notice anything was wrong. And they definitely would think something was wrong the way she was flustered for no apparent reason.  
  


When her eyes finally adjusted, she looked up to see everyone still gathered around Finn, completely unaware of what she had just experienced. She drew in a shaky breath and let it out with relief. She’d never been more thankful for Finn’s dramatic flair.  
  


The newly empowered Force-sensitive was holding out his hand to a data pad at the end of the table.  
  


It was wiggling slightly, but not doing much more than that.  
  


Letting out an exasperate sigh, Finn let his hands fall to his sides. He turned his attention to Jannah then, cocked an eyebrow and said, “you will give me your cannon blaster.”  
  


Jannah didn’t answer. She hefted the giant laser off her shoulder and pointed it at Finn.  
  


“You will give me your cannon blaster...please?”  
  


Jannah released the safety.  
  


“Okay, maybe don’t try out all the Force powers at once, huh buddy?” Poe said, patting Finn on the back. “You’re going to need a lot more training before you can get Jannah to give you her blaster.”  
  


Jannah scoffed, “over my dead body, General.”  
  


Now Rey really needed to get out of the room. She knew exactly where Poe was leading with that comment, but she had barely gotten up from her chair when Poe was suddenly standing over her, forcing her to sit back down. He crouched in front of her, blocking any attempt she might make to get up again.  
  


“Listen Rey, I know what you’re going to say, you didn’t finish your own training, how can you train others etcetera etcetera, but what about all those Jedi texts you have, right? You’re smart,” he said, cuffing her on the shoulder. “I think this is something that you can learn on the job. I mean, we trust you, right?” Poe directed this at Finn and Jannah.  
  


Finn smiled and nodded enthusiastically. Jannah, solid and indecipherable as a pillar, gave Rey a wink.  
  


“We need you, Rey.”  
  


BB8 rapidly beeped a series of questions.  
  


“Of course it’s up to her. I would never make her do anything. What do you take me for BB8?”  
  


BB8 bleeped.  
  


“What this? It’s just a uniform. I’m still me,” Poe said, flashing his flyboy grin at the droid who whirred appreciatively. “So what do you say, Rey?”  
  


All she wanted to do at the moment was run to her room, but three faces waited for her answer. Three trusting and hopeful faces looking to her to share their dream. Three trusting, hopeful and completely oblivious faces that she couldn’t tell the truth, but also couldn’t let down.  
  


Hoping they didn’t notice the sweat dripping down her back, Rey barely lifted her chin.  
  


The three faces simultaneously broke out in smiles and laughter, even Jannah. Then Poe and Finn started chatting excitedly about the types of training Rey could do, they debated which space should be allocated to the new program and fiercely argued about what it should be called.  
  


Rey excused herself as soon as she could. The giddiness of everyone else in the room was almost too much for her to handle, she felt the pull of the excitement and she wanted so desperately to join in, to get swept up in it, but she was too confused. On one hand, she felt chilled by a hard cold fear that sat in the pit of her stomach like a black hole knowing that the Sith were after her. On the other hand, she’d got back the one person she thought she’d lost forever. He was there, she could feel him even now and that flooded her with a happiness that also scared her.  
  


Up until then, Rey’s life had been determined by choices that other people had made. Her parents, Luke and Leia, even Palpatine, had all led to that moment on Exegol, a singular path. And when she’d died, she’d fulfilled a destiny and that path had come to an end.  
  


From the moment Ben brought her back, her life was an open possibility, not a destiny or a legacy or a prophecy. She could be whoever she wanted to be.  
  


It was frightening, not knowing what she was supposed to do, but it was also the first time that her choices were finally her own, unaffected by any one else.  
  


She just hoped she made the right ones.

__  
__Back in her room, Rey pulled out the small trunk that had all her worldly possessions piled in it. It was mostly filled with the books and scrolls she had taken from Ahch-To and a few trinkets she’d kept for memories.  
  
The books she handled like precious gems as she took out each one and laid them on her cot. She would be desperately needing them now.  
  
Then, just as carefully, she pulled something black from the trunk. Quietly she unfolded the pieces of clothing, running her hand over them, smoothing out the creases. Her small cot was not long enough to fit them and the legs dropped over the edge onto the floor.  
  
Rey sat there silently for a long time looking down at the sum of Jedi knowledge still left in the world and the last remnants of Ben Solo. Then she closed her eyes and opened herself to the Force once again. _ _  
__


	4. The Call

He had gotten used to the darkness, gotten used to the slow fading. At a certain point, he had loss all sense of his body, but it didn’t scare him. He supposed his emotions might have faded, as well. He was even beginning to forget why he was here, wherever here was. He had to be here, he knew that much. He was here because he had been waiting for something or someone, it was important, but he couldn’t remember what or who exactly he was waiting for and the more he faded, the less he cared to remember.

Then, a call in the dark.

Her call.

And he remembered.

He reached out to the Bond so long forgotten and raced to her. And when he finally found her the emotions, so long fading, surged through him, burning with their intensity. Joy, elation, hunger, desire, then he realized she was crumpled on the ground and fear and rage heated the blood he no longer had.

He had found her, but so had they, the slithering tendrils of an all together different kind of darkness than the one he had been fading in. This was a malicious darkness, a power-hungry darkness that he knew very well.

And he remembered why he had been waiting. To protect her from those malicious whisperers.

He surrounded her, but in his current state, he could not fight them. He cursed his weakness, his slow forgetting and fading. Why was he always less than what he thought he should be? But now was not the time to pity himself. He could not fight them, but she could. She was so much stronger than they, so much stronger than anyone he had ever known, all she needed was to see.

He called her name and remembered the sweetness of it on his tongue. He urged her to fight.

And she did.

Around her, the writhing tendrils of darkness screeched and fought to hold on. He was sickened to see how deeply they had filtered into her mind. It showed him how much he had failed her.

When she had at last banished them, he waited, held himself back from overwhelming her with his presence, though he so dearly wanted to. Even now, just being around her, he could feel excitement, longing, need, but he wouldn’t rush her.

Then she called him.

He rushed to her, surrounded her. It was a strange, new sensation, it was so much after all the numbness of the void and yet still it was not enough. He sensed her, but ached to touch her, to hold her and press her against him, to breath in her scent and taste her lips, kissed but once.

She was questioning him, but he could hardly concentrate on his answers, his mind still hazy, still befuddled. All that mattered was she was here and he was here with her.

“Can you see me?” She asked.

Oh, if she only knew.

He wished he could do so much more than just see her. He roved along her as his hands would, if he had them. Starting with her neck, he traveled down following her shoulders down her arms and back up, slowly, lightly over her breast and circling down around her waist. He imagined pulling her against him, feeling the softness of her body against his hard planes.

He saw from the flush of her cheeks, her closed eyes and her quickened breath that she sensed his intent and it made him all the more frustrated.

She, too, was frustrated. So much so that without thought, as though it were the most natural thing to do, before he could stop her, she sent a piece of herself, of her Force to him, just as she had done before.

He suddenly felt a thickening, a filling and looked down, surprised to see the faint outline of his body and the power of her Force flowing through him. It felt amazing, envigorating and he craved more. In an instant, he withdrew from her. This wasn’t right. If he were a Force Ghost, she shouldn’t be able to infuse him with the Force. There was something dreadfully wrong.

Quickly, with the Force she had gifted him, he pushed her out of wherever they were. It was the only thing he could think to do in that moment, though it pained him to see the hurt and confusion on her face. It was too abrupt, but he didn’t have the time to explain to her what had just happened. It was too terrible a thing to explain then.

His heart ached at the realization.

This would break them, he was sure, break whatever was between them. It was too dangerous not to tell her. He would be risking her very soul.

But then why, why was he here? Why did it feel so right to be with her?

There had to be another way.

What he needed was time. Either way, he would have to keep things level, calm when he saw her next. He could not risk loosing control of himself and putting her in danger.

He must remain calm.

Something that was much more easily thought alone in the darkness, he acknowledged but swore to himself that at least this one thing, he could do right. Or so he hoped.

🌗🌗🌗

It was not long before he felt the Bond hum with tension and he knew she was looking for him. Gathering his self-control, he employed the techniques he was never able to let go of, even when he was Snoke’s most obedient apprentice, to calm himself.

He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing, he tried his best to clear his mind of his wants and desires, though knowing she was just there, waiting for him, it was truly hard, nearly impossible to do so.

The Bond thrummed with energy and he gave up all pretense of trying to mediate. Perhaps she was hurt and she needed him, he reasoned to himself. He’d best get there quickly and see.

He found her waiting in a small bedroom, barely big enough for one person, more like a pod. When he appeared, she’d gasped, her eyes running up and down his form. She started forward than stopped herself. It seemed that she too was fighting her urges.

This made it all the more difficult for him to recall his earlier promises to himself. Especially when he’d spied the narrow cot and on it the clothes he had been wearing at Exegol. All the things he’d just told himself left his mind and he made to sweep her up in his arms, but she took a quick step back, a defensive stance and he halted. The doubt he saw writ on her face hurt, but it also reminded him he need to keep his distance.

And that he really needed to work on his self-control. He’d spent to long with the dark side, giving in to every passion, every urge - and it nearly killed him how badly he wanted to give into this urge - but no, he must remain calm. For her sake.

Dutifully, he waited for her, his hands clenching and unclenching as he watched the pulse throbbing in her throat. He could feel his own roaring in his ears. How was it she still had this affect on him, even after death?

“Are you...” she hesitated. “Is it really you?”

“Yes,” he said. The sound of his own voice strange in his ears.

“Why can I see you...and hear you now?” She asked. Again her eyes roamed over him. He watched her looking at him, savored how she lingered on his eyes, his lips, traveling along his chest down to his hands. A look of worry creased her brow and he quickly stopped his clenching, the tension traveling up his hands to his jaw so that he was nearly grinding his teeth to powder. Stay calm, he reminded himself.

“You gave me your Force. You shouldn’t have,” he said. It came out clipped and sounded harsher than he intended it to.

He could see she was taken aback and he cursed himself.

“I was...it wasn’t...I didn’t mean...” she was flustered. Shaking her head, she looked back at him, into his eyes and she seemed to weigh something in her mind. “Why? Why shouldn’t I have done it?”

“It’s dangerous,” he said.

“How?” She took a step closer to him.

“You can’t just give your Force away.”

“If it’s mine, I can choose what I want to do with it, can’t I?” She took another step forward, with one more half-step she would be close enough for him to reach out and touch her.

“Yes. No,” He faltered and she took that half-step, bending her neck back to look up at him.

“You don’t know what you’re doing.” Calm was completely out of question at this point, so he tried to grasp anything, anger, fear, but they were all overwhelmed by her nearness, by his desire.

“Then teach me.”

She was looking up at him, her eyes were bright with wonder and just a bit a fear and it was that that broke his fragile will. That even though she was scared, she still trusted him.

Slowly, with as much control as he could manage, he gently cupped her face and lowered his lips to hers. Just a taste, he told himself, just enough to slack his thirst. The sensation was light, it was more than when he was incorporeal, but less, so much less than what he knew it could be. If he pressed any harder, he would simply pass through her, faint as he was.

Better this way, he thought to himself, better that they can’t. It would help them keep control. He began to pull away, but then she threw her arms around his neck, or she tried to, but feeling them pass through she gave a short cry of frustration.

Then, just as he knew she would, just as he knew he should have stopped it from the start but was too weak to, she pushed more of her Force into him.


	5. Peace is a Lie

In a vast, dank cavern hidden deep beneath the surface of a long forgotten moon, the scattered remaining voices of the Sith bickered relentlessly. Their arguments cutting in and out, their holos flickering, so far out was the moon, so deep was the cavern. Only one figure paced the floor, their dark robes swirling the mist as they turned and turned.

This was what the mighty Sith were reduced to, petty power grabs and inane infighting. No wonder they hadn’t been able to reach the Master, no wonder she had been able to throw them aside, weak as they were.

The sight of them now was pathetic. A handful of distrustful figures, huddled in the shadows. No longer the unseen puppeteers, they were but a paltry imitation, pulling at unattached strings.

Four holos in total. Each was obscured, their locations and voices altered for fear of discovery or betrayal.

The Republic offered substantial rewards for any information on or capture of the Sith. They even offered amnesty to any Sith who gave themselves over. A few of their number had taken it up. Others were killed before they could do so.

Traitors.

And yet despite all their setbacks, the losses and the trechery, they still gathered because there was yet one string attached.

The heir of Palpatine.

Long lost to them, she must now be their sole focus. Without her, the Sith would never rise again.

Holding up a hand to silence the indecipherable squabble, the robed figure on the cavern floor called the council to order. “My lords, we have little time to waste on such unimportant matters.”

“You call the restructuring of our decimated order unimportant?” The snide tones of the deeply altered voice echoed in the cavern.

“Anything but the retrieval of our Master, is unimportant. Without the Master, we are doomed.”

“Absolutely preposterous,” blubbered one voice. “Without structure there is no retrieving her, you fool. How else are we supposed to be able to snatch her from the home base of the Rebels? Hm? By wishing for it?”

The robed figure remained silent. They were used to the demeaning tones of the council. All their life they had been spoken to this way. They had long learned to harness the fury that raged within them so that their outer appearance was entirely calm. These lords were not powerful enough in the Force to be able to detect such emotion at such a distance, perhaps not even if they were closer. They were, after all, none of the elite that had perished on Exegol.

They, in fact, were no more powerful than the robed figure, perhaps even less, but it was not time yet for them to know that.

Now was the time to unify and share resources. Later would come the time to rule and control and make demands.

“Why we continue to allow this _messenger_ to speak thus, is beyond me,” said a voice heavy with boredom.

“Most things are beyond you,” replied the snide voice.

“Truly? Was I not the one who said it was far too soon for us to go after her?” The bored voice refuted.

“It was certainly foolish to think she would be vulnerable enough to reach,” said the blubbery voice. “Though the ex-knight was certainly an unexpected surprise,”

“Perhaps one that could work in our favor,” said the fourth and final voice. One that was cold and devoid of inflection.

This was the voice the robed figure was most weary of. It was the one that had brought them all together and the one that all the other voices most heeded.

“Indeed, I for one, have never heard of a Force Ghost maintaining a Force Bond,” replied the blubbery voice.

“Nor, I. It is something so very _unnatural_ ,” murmured the cold voice. “We must find out the truth to this.”

“How do you propose that, exactly?” Sneered the snide voice. “She’s hidden away in the most guarded rebel base in the galaxy. It would be impossible to extract her from there.”

“Yes, quite. And our combined efforts were not enough to overpower her will, either.”

Sensing their moment, the robber figure stepped into the center of the circle of holos. “My lords, that is the very reason I called you here.”

Suddenly attentive, the holos were uncharacteristically silent as they waited for the messenger to speak.

With a flick of their wrist, the robed figure brought up the screen of their data pad and pulled up a missive.

“As you can see this is an internal communication from General Dameron -“

“What a ridiculous farce,” interrupted the bored voice. “General? That trigger-happy dim wit? We may as well start celebrating now.”

Distorted laughter filled the cavern.

“Let the messenger finish,” said the cold voice with a slight edge.

Silence fell. Only the occasional drip of water from the stalactite high up on the ceiling to the pools below made any sound.

The robed figure continued, “the General sent this to each head of the military branch, informing them of his plan to launch a secret special forces training initiative, name to be determined, to be headed by Rey Skywalker.”

The robed figure waited to see if any of the holos would react to the name. Besides a single, sardonic laugh, no one else spoke.

“The General goes on to ask the heads of the army, navy and intelligence to identify any recruits who have exhibited, ’unusual abilities’ and to send them to Ajan Kloss.“

With another flick of their wrist, the robed figure closed the screen and waited to reveal their own secret plan.

“So, the Republic is planning to train new Jedi,” the cold voice mused.

In a jumble, the other three voices spoke over each other, each trying to sound impressive in their own way and none of them achieving it.

“This is disturbing news, indeed,” said the blubbery voice.

“How quaint,” scoffed the snide voice. “Do they really think she can train new Jedi? She’s hardly one herself.”

“A Palpatine training Jedi? Truly, the irony is almost too delicious,” drawled the bored voice.

“Her heritage is obviously still unknown,” the cold voice quipped. “Have you heard of any thing in this regard?” This directed at the robed figure.

“I have not.”

“Good. It seems she is juggling several secrets. This could play in our favor if we are careful and precise.”

The other holos mumbled their agreements. It was obvious, indeed, who was the leader.

“Now, messenger, you brought us this very valuable information, but tell us how does it pertain to our plans to get closer to the Master?”

“For many years now, I’ve made my unusual abilities noticeable, though nothing that would draw too much attention.”

“Well done,” said the blubbery voice. “Well done, indeed.”

The robed figured smiled bitterly beneath their hood, they didn’t need empty praise to know how well they’d done. “I’m sure my superior officer will inform her commanding office soon and within several days, I’ll be on Ajan Kloss.”

“And just what do you plan to do once you’re in the oh-so-secret Jedi training program?” Asked the snide voice.

“I plan to get as close as possible to the Master. We’ve seen that she’s lonely and lost. Perhaps I can befriend her, guide her.”

“Oh my, it seems our little messenger has _ambitions_ ,” drawled the bored voice. “Did you hear that? They think they’re going to be _friends_ with the Master. How cute.”

The resulting distorted laughter sounded shrill and cacophonous in the cavern.

As always, their visions were so narrow.

The quiet rage that the robed figure had worked so hard to conceal began to bubble to the surface.

“I...I would never presume...”

“Oh dear, I do think you’ve upset them,” giggled the blubbery voice.

“This is why there needs to be structure,” sighed the snide voice. “They always have such delusions of grandeur otherwise.”

Suddenly, a shiver ran down the robed figure’s spine. Someone was using the Force to search their mind. Quickly, they tried to push the invader out, erecting barriers that they had long since let fall, but the pressure was strong almost enough to break their defenses.

Sweat ran down their back, their anger forgotten and they concentrated on this new threat.

How could it be that someone was trying to read their mind here? Now? The power that would take...

Just as suddenly, whoever had been trying to invade their mind was gone, leaving nothing behind but a deep sense of dread.

“Leave the messenger be,” said the cold voice. “They’ve done more than any of you in furthering our cause.”

The other voices finally quieted, their giggles fading into silence.

“It is settled. We shall convene again once you have reached the Republican home base.”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Do not draw undue attention to yourself.”

“No, my lord.”

“And messenger?”

“Yes, my lord?”

“Do not forget who you are when you find yourself in the heart of the enemy.”

“Never, my lord.”

“You may yet be tempted to, but just remember,” the cold voice grew whisper soft, “peace is a lie.”


	6. An Impass

Rey’s entire body was humming with tension and need. This, this was what she had been yearning for. At night, alone in her cot with the deep ache of loneliness and haunted by a promise unfulfilled, she dreamed of this, of his broad chest filling her vision, of his heady masculine scent, of reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck and drawing him down to her.

When her arms fell through, she didn’t even spare a second thought to what she did, despite his warnings. She wanted, no, needed to feel him, just a little more.

“No, Rey, you can’t,” Ben had started to say, but by then he could feel more of himself. He could feel her pressing up against him and before he could stop himself, he was pulling her against him. It was still not enough, he felt as solid as thin ice, but it was so much more than before and he had been dreaming of this for so long, too long. He forgot about all about resisting, forgot all about protecting her. All he wanted to do was taste her, touch her, feel her.

Quickly, he tried to lift her up, but realized he was still not solid enough, so he turned her around and pressed her against the wall. Trapping her between his arms, he cupped her face and bent his head to her mouth. Rey flicked her tongue out to meet his and he groaned as she wrapped her arms around his neck again, pulling him closer.

She tasted so sweet. So luscious and so sweet. The slippery slickness of her tongue sliding against his was driving him to mindless pleasure. He could feel it building in his loins, he was solid enough to feel that. Pure urge. It would be dangerous to go further.

He needed to put a stop to this now, or he wouldn’t be able to later.

“Rey.” His voice was ragged. “Rey, please. Please, listen to me.”

Distantly, she heard his plea, but she was too consumed by the hot pleasure rushing through her. She didn’t want to stop now. She arched her back and brought his lips down to hers once more. They were so soft and tender. He kissed her like he was a man dying of thirst and she, a cool well.

He kissed her again, but this kiss was tempered, sweet, less urgent. It was slow and gentle, a winding down.

She should have known it wasn’t a kiss promising more. It was a farewell kiss, a kiss to be remembered.

Ben savored her as long as he dared. His heart still raced, as it always did near her and his lips and hands still tingled with the euphoria of tasting and touching her, but slowly he regained his composure. With great effort he sighed and pulled away from her. She looked up at him with soft, trusting eyes.

It was now or never.

“Rey, we can’t do this.” He took her arms from around his neck and held them cupped in his own.

“Why?” Rey didn’t understand why Ben was pulling away from her, she still felt dreamy and safe in his embrace. She looked up at him, a soft smile on her lips, content just to be near him.

He would try remember that look after. Summoning his courage, he continued.

“We can’t because you’re reckless.”

Rey was slightly taken aback. That certainly changed the mood, though she wasn’t quite sure why he was doing so. He was still holding her hands softly and there was none of the arrogance that he used to exude when he spoke to her.

“I fail to see how that is relevant,” she said, stiffening a little. “Also, not true.”

“You are reckless with the Force,” he insisted. “Specifically, the Force within you.”

“I beg to differ,” she countered, pulling her hands out of his. “I happen to be very well skilled, thank you. I distinctly recall saving your life, as well as healing a very large and very angry vexis snake, not to mention igniting other Force Sensitives and guiding them to the Light.”

Ben stared at her in disbelief. “Unbelievable,” he said. “You have power, greater than you know, and you just give it away to anyone, anything that needs your help.”

He swept out his arm, including the entire moon and galaxy, laughing to himself. Of course, of course fate would have it that possibly the most powerful Force Sensitive in a generation, no more, in three generations would be someone who had absolutely no idea how to wield it.

Rey was definitely no longer in a dreamy state. He could bloody well laugh at her. “Well, you’re welcome,” she said. This certainly wasn’t how she imagined their reunion going.

“You don’t understand,” Ben said, shaking his head. “It’s not surprising. No one has taught you what you should have been taught.”

Ah, now there was that familiar arrogance. Rey managed not to roll her eyes, though she was starting to get just a bit annoyed.

“I _have_ had training, for your information. From the very best, in fact. Your mother for one, taught me.”

Now it was Ben’s turn to be taken aback. Memories of his mother kneeling behind him, worry crossing her features and later, fear. He shook his head to clear his mind. Now was not the time to revisit the past. This was not going as he had planned. He needed to explain to her just exactly what she was doing, just how much she was endangering herself.

He also needed to tell her his suspicions about himself. Though this he dreaded most. He hadn’t even dare to really think about it himself. If it he was what he suspected himself to be, he wouldn’t blame Rey if she shut him out forever.

“Is that who taught you how to Force Heal?” Inwardly Ben groaned at himself. _You coward_ , he thought, _you’re delaying. Just tell her_.

“No,” Rey said, glancing over at the tomes and scrolls she had laid out. “I read about it.”

Following her gaze, Ben walked over to stand by the cot. It was strange seeing the clothes he had last worn laying before him. His hand hovered over them before passing over to grab one of the scrolls. He unfurled it and immediately understood how it was that Rey learned how to Force Heal.

“These are ancient Jedi texts,” Ben said, shaking the scroll. Shock then, of all things, hope suddenly coursed through his body. _Ancient Jedi texts!_ Maybe he didn’t have to tell her his suspicions, not just yet. If he could read the texts, he could find an answer and maybe even a solution.

Inwardly, Ben heaved a tremendous sigh of relief. He didn’t have to push her away entirely. He could still hold on to her, they would just have to be careful. He wouldn’t allow her to wield her Force so irresponsibly again. That much, he could manage.

Rey walked over and plucked the precious scroll from Ben’s hands. “Very ancient and very _delicate_ Jedi texts, yes.” It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, but they were the sum total of the Jedi teachings and he was prone to high emotions. Even in semi-transparent form, that could bode ill for a piece of paper as old as time.

Gently she settled the scroll back on the cot.

“How did you get these? I thought all the Jedi learning had been destroyed.”

“I, shall we say, borrowed them?”

Rey, somewhat self conscious under his unwavering stare, and suddenly unsure of what to do with her hands, began walking around her tiny room, picking up random objects and putting them back down again.

If she was being honest, borrowed was a very generous term, the more appropriate term would most likely be stole.

“Borrowed?”

Ben doubted she had borrowed the texts. She’d most likely stolen them.

“Yes, borrowed.”

Rey seemed deeply intrigued by a layer of dust she discovered on one of the shelves in the room. She wiped it between her fingers and still without meeting his eye, began looking for more dust.

“So, you learned how to Force Heal from these _borrowed_ texts.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Did you also learn that each being has a finite amount of Force?”

“I don’t think I got to that part yet,” Rey murmured, inspecting a piece of fluff she found.

Ben bent over and blew the fluff from between her fingers.

“Hey, I was collecting that!” Rey turned and bumped her nose into his chest. She hadn’t realized he had come up so close behind her.

Wrapping one arm around her, Ben brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her fingers. Now that he had her full attention he continued. “It should have been the first thing you learned if you were going to use Force Healing.”

Rey sighed. It really was unfortunate how he was able to make her quite loose her head. “Would you please stop trying to lecture me on what I am supposed to do?”

“I’m not trying to lecture you. I’m trying to protect you.”

“So you keep saying.”

“Rey, the only reason you’re not dead is because you have an immense amount of power. If any other Force Sensitive attempted to do what you did, they would have _died_. Do you understand?”

Rey was shaking her head, but deep down she knew what he was saying to be true. Each time she had healed, she had felt a draining. Even when she had helped Finn, it wasn’t that she had turned on his ability so much as given him more.

Then there was the ultimate truth. That she had been able to save Ben from certain death and walk away and that he, in order to save her, had died instead.

“But why can’t I give you just a little more if it means we can be like this?” She asked, reaching up her hand to cup his face.

“Because I would never ask you to do that. I died willingly, so that you could have a full life. And I would never-”

Just then, a sharp hiss filled the room.

Before Rey could react, a familiar voice called out.

“Rey? Who’re you...”

They both turned to see Finn entering the room. He looked up, the question still caught on his lips, the look of confusion on his face slowly turning to horror.


	7. I Can Explain

Finn face contorted in ways Rey had never seen. His eyebrows rose till they nearly touched his hairline, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as he struggled to comprehend the scene before him.

And the scene before him was certainly a hard one to comprehend: Rey, known hater and despiser of Kylo Ren, was wrapped in the semi-transparent arms of said hated person and reaching up her own hand to cup his face. The guilty looks on both their faces also strongly suggested that they may have done more than just hold each other.

“Finn,” Rey began, “this isn’t what it looks like.” She quickly slipped out from Ben’s arms and faced her panicking friend.

“Actually,” Ben countered, “this is exactly what it looks like.”

The second the man in black spoke, Finn unholstered his blaster and trained it on the ex-knight. The monster from his dreams.

Ben, for his part, was completely unperturbed.

“Whoa, no need for that,” Rey laughed nervously. She waved Ben to go stand in a corner, which he did, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed, his expression bored.

Rey sighed to herself, as though he could try to make it any harder.

Finn’s eyes darted back and forth between Rey and the man he knew she hated. He couldn’t understand how it was that he was here now, in her room and until just a few moments ago, in holding her in his arms. And now, on her command, he slinked off into the corner? Something was definitely not right.

“Rey, are you alright,” he asked, proud that he had managed to keep his voice calm but annoyed that his hand holding the blaster was shaking like a leaf in the wind.

“Yes, Finn, I promise you, I’m fine.” Rey took a step towards him, glancing at the jittery blaster. “I can explain.”

“What is he doing here?” Finn was starting the feel very warm in Rey’s tiny, tiny room. Kylo Ren was not nearly far enough for his comfort. If he could just grab Rey and they ran out together and called for help, maybe the monster wouldn’t be able to do anything.

Rey took another step towards her friend. Finn’s lips were set in that grim line she knew so well. She would have to handle this delicately.

“He’s well...he’s here because, er...” Rey searched for the words that would put her friend at ease, but nothing was coming to her mind. Finn’s anxiety and anger was only making her more nervous. “He’s, um...well the funny thing is, he’s...”

“I’m dead.”

Finn’s blaster dropped a little as he took in the information. He tempered the brief surge of joy he felt. Maybe he hadn’t heard correctly, or this was some kind of joke. He had to make sure. “You’re what now?”

“You didn’t notice?” Ben asked sardonically, lifting his arms and looking down, through himself to the distinctly visible wall behind him.

He was definitely see-through, but Finn wasn’t buying it. At least, not all of it.

“You’re not just, I don’t know,” Finn waved his blaster around as he searched for the right term, “Force Projecting or something like that?”

“Good guess,” Ben acknowledged, “but no.”

“It’s true, Finn,” Rey said, trying to bring the attention back to herself. “I saw him die.”

“Did you kill him?” A small, dark part of him reared up, eager to know if she had, if she had revenged him, but it felt cruel and unnatural and he quickly pushed it away.

Rey knew why he asked. She knew he still had a scar that looked like a mountain ridge that ran the length of his back. In the med bay, they’d told her the saber had cut so deep, that they could see bone. It was a miracle he’d survived. She couldn’t blame him if he sounded a little hopeful.

“No. I am the reason he died though,” Rey said, looking back at Ben. His expression was still bored, but when his eyes met hers, she saw the veiled vulnerability that had made her believe he wasn’t just a monster. It was that belief that had changed the course of the war. She was sure of it. She just had to find a way to help Finn see that, too.

“I can show you, Finn,” she said, holding out her hand. “If you let me.”

Finn looked down at her proffered hand and back up at her. Perhaps it was her tone or the fact there was an undoubtedly ghostly sheen to Ben, but he finally holstered his blaster.

He slowly approached Rey, all the while his eyes flickering to Ben who remained in his corner. “He can’t actually _do_ anything, can he?”

“No, not really,” Rey said, not meeting Ben’s eyes, which she could feel practically boring into her. Not really was very much an understatement, they both knew. Rey’s body and lips were still tingling after all, from all the things he _could_ do.

“Not _really_?”

“Don’t worry, FN2187 -“

“It’s Finn,” both Rey and Finn said at the same time.

This time Rey did look over at Ben, shaking her head. _Really, this man_.

“Fine,” Ben capitulated. “Nothing to worry about, _Finn_ , you’re safe from me.”

“Just ignore him,” Rey turned back to Finn, holding out her palm.

“Kind of hard to,” Finn murmured, but he was able to tear his gaze away from the shadow in the corner. At least he was no longer wearing his mask.

“Just like before, but this time, try to feel for my mind. Do you think you can do that?”

Finn nodded and closed his eyes.

“Alright now, just concentrate.”

Silence filled the room as the three of them waited.

“Are you concentrating?”

“Yes, of course I’m concentrating.” Finn’s lips were pressed into that grim line again and sweat was starting to bead his forehead. It was a lot easier to do when there wasn’t the man who had nearly killed you standing in the room.

“Think of it like that data pad, only it’s my memories you’re trying to retrieve.”

Still there was nothing, not even a flicker of the Force. Rey was sorely tempted to use hers to help Finn, but before she could even consider the thought she heard a resounding voice in her head.

**Don’t even think about it**.

“I wasn’t going to, I was just thinking it would be so much easier if I could,” Rey said under her breath.

Finn was growing frustrated. It was one thing learning how to use the Force with Rey. It was another thing entirely doing it with him watching from the corner, like some dark, judgmental apparition.

Rey was starting to doubt having accepted Poe’s offer. If this was a preview of how she was going to be as a teacher, she and the Jedi initiates were going to have a very rough time of it indeed.

_Think_ , she urged herself. She had been just like Finn once. What did Luke tell her? How had he helped her start to understand the Force?

The Force was not a power, it was energy. The energy that binds all living things. That was it, that was the key.

Inspired, she tried again.

“Finn, forget everything I said before. Right now, I just want you to breath. Can you do that?”

Finn peaked an eye open at her, saw that she was entirely serious and nodded his head, closing his eye again.

“Alright, now try to feel that thing that you told me you knew was inside you. Reach for that instinct. Reach out with your _feelings_.”

Feelings, feelings, Finn had so many feelings he sometimes didn’t know what to do with them, but he concentrated on that sensation that had always seemed to hover around him. Like when he had escaped with Poe and when he had met Rey. Yes, there, now he could sense it.

Finn stirred and Rey could feel his hold on the Force deepening. “That’s it! Yes, you’re starting to feel it. Now try to direct it at me.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey saw Ben stand up a little straighter. The bored expression on his face gone.

Finn was trying to direct the energy that was flowing through him but he struggled to control the Force. It danced around him like wind, surging this way and that.

Ben came over then and grabbed Finn’s hand.

“Hey!”

“Telepathy is a very basic Force ability, even a Force Sensitive as weak as you should be able to employ it.” Ben held up Finn’s hand, pointed at Rey. “It helps if you have a visual aid that provides a conduit for your intention. Think of your hand pulling the memories from her mind.”

“Well, I wouldn’t quite put it like that, but oh-“

Rey could feel the Force directed at her then and Finn tumbling around in her mind. She concentrated on the memories of Ben and Exegol, she needed Finn to see them fighting together, but she had to be very careful not to let him hear or sense anything that Palpatine had said to her. There were some secrets she didn’t think she could ever reveal.

So she relived it, over and over again, her death, Ben’s sacrifice and the lonely ache that had haunted her ever since.

Finn blinked open his eyes and let his hand drop. “You...you died?”

“Yes.”

“And he brought you back?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you ever say?”

“I...” Rey hesitated. She looked over at Ben who was standing near Finn, at the face of the man that she had come to care so deeply about. How could she say she had fallen for the enemy? For the man who had caused them so much pain and suffering?

She met Finn’s gaze then and saw that though he was confused, he trusted her. He would always trust her.

She realized then how foolish she had been.

“I should have told you,“ she said. “I’m sorry I didn’t,” this she directed to both Finn and Ben.

“It’s okay,” Finn said, reaching out to grasp her shoulder and give it a squeeze. It was a friendly gesture. All he ever dared make.

He looked at Ben then, taking stock of the man who had haunted his dreams since he ran away from the First Order. This would definitely take some getting used to. “So, what is he, like a Force Ghost or something?”

“You’re surprisingly intuitive for a rather weak Force Sensitive.” Ben, using his height to his advantage, looked down his long nose at Finn.

Finn scoffed. He wasn’t so scary up close and see-through, he thought.

Rey was afraid to break the uneasy peace, but she knew they couldn’t all stay in her tiny room forever. She’d managed to tell Finn and he hadn’t shot her on the spot so perhaps she could tell Poe. She would need to anyway, she couldn’t very well go walking around Ajan Kloss with the ghost of the ex-leader of the First Order tailing her.

Turing to Finn, she asked, “Time to find Poe?”

“Yup,” Finn confirmed.

The three of them started for the door when Finn paused to look back at Ben. “Is there anyway he could maybe be a little more or like, all the way see-through?”

“You mean invisible.”

“Yeah, invisible.”

“Ben?”

With the haughtiest eye-roll this side of the galaxy had every seen, Ben faded till he was no longer distinguishable, though Finn could swear that he still detected a faint air of annoyance.

The walk to Poe’s quarters was a long one. Enough time for Rey to start rethinking the advisability of going to the General of the New Republic and introducing him to her newly acquired companion. In fact, she was realizing just how bad and idea it was and quickly turned around to march straight back to her room, instead she marched straight into the very person she was trying to avoid.

Poe Dameron.

And the rest of the high command.


	8. We Have Our Spy

“Rey, Finn, good, just the two people I was looking for,” Poe grabbed them both, tucking them under his arms and walking them forwards towards the old mess hall.

“Oh yeah? What a coincidence, we were just looking for you, too,” Finn said, earning a brief but genuine smile from Poe.

“Hey, how about that, I get to see two of my favorite people twice in one day, lucky me.” Poe’s words were light, but beneath his arm Rey could feel how tense the General was carrying himself.

Her anxiety, already high, ramped up another level. She glanced around her nervously but saw no hint of Ben. She dearly hoped he would be wise enough to keep out of sight.

Following them in tight formation were the rest of the High Command: head of the army, General Chewbacca, head of intelligence, General Kanata, and head of the navy, General Calrissian.

They all wore serious expressions and Maz Kanata seemed to be peering at Rey in particular. Though, with her thick glasses it was hard to tell.

Guarding the mess hall entrance, Jannah stood with her gigantic blaster, the survivors of Company 77 flanking her. She nodded to them all as they entered, flashing a quick smile at Lando, who stopped to pat her on her shoulder.

“What happened to your bow,” he asked, eyeing the massive weapon.

“I upgraded,” Jannah answered.

“That’s my girl,” Lando laughed.

In the mess hall, the droids C-3PO, R2-D2 and BB-8 greeted everyone excitedly, the only indication that the news must not be entirely dire. It eased Rey’s mind somewhat, but she was still weary.

“Alright,” Poe called, “let’s all get seated. Most of you know why I called this emergency meeting, but Rey and Finn need to be brought up to speed.”

Rey shot a glance at Finn who was taking a seat next to her, but he just gave her a small shrug. Whatever Poe had to tell them took precedent. They would have to wait.

Poe made his way to the head of the table and gestured to Maz Kanata. “Maz, go over what you told me.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey could see the white light of the mess hall glinting off Maz’s large, thick glasses. She turned to see the tiny woman looking directly at her from across the table.

Rey suddenly felt the mess hall get a little warmer. Maz had a tendency to sense things, in fact, she had an uncanny ability to _see_ things that others couldn’t. It was well known that if you had something to hide, you better hope that Maz Kanata didn’t train her eyes on you.

Unfortunately for Rey, Maz’s eyes were definitely trained on her.

“Maz,” Poe prompted again.

The staring continued.

“Maz!”

“I’m old, not deaf, General,” Maz waved a hand at Poe, her gaze still concentrated on Rey. There was something different about the young Jedi, something significant, she could sense it, but she wasn’t sure what. She would find out, though. _That_ , she was sure of.

“As many of you know, it has recently come to my attention that some of our internal communications have been hacked.”

“Quite terrible, indeed!” C3PO cried. Beside him R2D2 and BB8 issued a series of concerned beeps.

”Yes, thank you C3PO,” Poe sighed. “Let’s try to keep the reactions till after the briefing, okay?”

”Most certainly, General Dameron,” the golden droid bowed, then held his hand up to his mouth to shush the other two droids beside him.

“As I was saying,” Maz continued. “Internal communications were hacked, specifically, missives from General Dameron to the rest of the high command concerning the new Jedi training program.”

Next to her, Rey felt a movement, a glimmer of the Force. She peeked at Finn to see if it had been him, hoping it had been him, but deep down knowing that it hadn’t. _Please, please just stay still_ , she begged, not even daring to speak to Ben with the Force, but hoping he could hear her thoughts. _Now is not the time!_

Maz’s eyes narrowed at Rey. “There’s obviously a market for inside information at any given time, but why this program is of particular interest is...concerning.“

“That, and the fact that those were the only communications that were hacked,” Poe added.

“Why?” Lando leaned in on the table. “Why would someone only be interested in this program?”

Chewbacca growled.

For the first time since entering the mess hall, Maz took her gaze off of Rey. “Very astute, General Chewbacca,” she said, giving the Wookie a wink. “We won’t find out the ‘why’ until we catch the ‘who.’”

“And how do you propose we do that,” Lando asked.

“Well, since those were the only communications that were hacked, we believe there’s a good chance that whoever it is that wanted those missives will try to send someone to infiltrate the new training program.” Visibly excited, Poe stood up and started pacing in front of his chair.

“We let them in,” he continued. “It’s a small group, so we’ll be able to watch each recruit closely. We watch them and we take our time, we wait for them to make their move and once they do, bam!” He slammed his hand down on the table. “We have our spy, we interrogate them, find out who they work for and we go find the bastards. Easy.”

Poe sat back down, his unmistakable grin taking up his face. He had it all figured out and that meant it was going to work. He peeked over at Finn and gave him a check-me-out-aren’t-I-a-kickass-general wink. Lately he’d been stuck with what seemed like an endless list of impossible situations, it felt good to finally be able to solve problems so easily.

At least, he seemed to think it was easy.

Rey, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure.

Nor was Finn. “Does this mean we’re in any danger,” he asked, his voice going up a half-octave with worry.

“No, well, sure maybe, I don’t know,” the self-assured, cocksure smile began to wane a little from Poe’s face.

“What if the spy is an assassin?” Finn’s voice jumped another half-octave as he considered the possibility.

Chewbacca gave a low grumble.

“They definitely won’t be there to make friends,” Lando agreed.

“Something tells me, that whoever it is, is interested in Force-Sensitives and the Jedi,” Maz added, “and not in a good way.”

Rey knew exactly who it was. Dread filled her as she realized that the whispers in her head had hunted her all the way here. The nameless legions that writhed in the dark. It could only be...

“It’s obviously the Sith,” said a deep, sardonic voice.

The hair on Rey’s arms stood up. _Oh no. Please not now_.

Suddenly on high alert, the Chewbacca, Lando and Poe were all on their feet, Maz on the table, their hands already reaching for their weapons.

“Who said that,” demanded Poe, his eyes searching the space between Rey and Finn where he thought he heard the voice emanate from.

Of all the times and of all the things he could have said, he had to choose this moment and he had to choose those words. Rey had never wanted to disappear so badly, but just then Ben materialized in all his semi-transparent glory, right by her side.

Chaos ensued.


	9. Can You Arrest a Ghost?

Several blaster bolts later, things had calmed down slightly. If by slightly, one meant that the shooting had stopped, but all weapons, including Jannah’s giant canon blaster, were still trained on the entirely unharmed apparition.

Ben truly couldn’t have picked a worse time or crowd to introduce himself to. If he had not personally harmed at least half the people in the room, he had more likely than not been indirectly responsible for their suffering.

“Rey,” Poe called. “You want to explain what this _monster_ is doing in my mess hall?“

Chewbacca growled.

“I’m not entirely sure what General Chewbacca said but I’m gonna go with: and why can’t we blast him to pieces?”

Rey peeked her head out from beneath the mess table where Ben had Force pushed her just before the shooting had started. If she thought it was going to be tricky explaining his existence before, now it was going to be harder than threading a dreadnought through an asteroid belt.

This was going to take some very deft maneuvering indeed.

Slowly, so as to not cause any excited misfires, Rey got up from beneath the table. The acrid smell of burnt plasma filled her nostrils and she turned to face down the barrels of serval weapons, all of which were still pointed at Ben who stood just behind her.

“Sir, remember how Finn and I mentioned that we wanted to talk to you about something?”

Under the table Finn violently motioned for her not to include him.

“Well, this is what we...what _I_ wanted to talk to you about.” Rey took a step to the side, relieved that the gun barrels didn’t follow her, and motioned towards the figure behind her. “This is the ghost of Ben Solo.”

Some of the barrels lowered slightly, as their owners frowned in confusion.

Chewbacca, however, tightened his hold on his bowcaster.

“I knew it! I knew I sensed something was different,” Maz yelled, clicking her lenses into zoom as she sized up Ben. “He is definitely transparent.”

Maz holstered her blaster then and started walking down the table towards Ben.

“Maz,” Poe warned.

The wizened old woman waved her hand dismissively, saying “let the head of intelligence do her work, General,” as she continued walking.

When she reached Ben she leaned in close, adjusting her lenses as she looked at him up and down.

The scrutiny seemed to last an eternity, but to Rey’s relief, Ben remained completely silent and still, for once.

The rest of the room shifted uneasily, weapons were starting to become heavy and Finn in particular was starting to feel cramped, squatting beneath the table.

Finally, Maz leaned back and tilted her head to look up at the man who had once been the Supreme Leader of the First Order. She lifted her glasses off and squinted her beady eyes at him.

In her long, long life, she’s come across many different types of people many times over. That made her a pretty good judged of character, but what made her a great judge of character was that she never expected people to be the same. Some changed for better, others for worse, but she could always tell from a person’s eyes just where on the scale they lay and she was fairly certain that the eyes in front of her were not the eyes of a monster.

Perhaps they never had been.

Maz had known good people who had done terrible things and terrible people who had done good things. The galaxy was a complicated place, full of complicated beings. She for one, believed it was a complexity that no one order or power could rule or guide.

There must always be a balance.

“I see you,” she said. She spoke quietly so that only Ben could hear her. “You have much to make up for, son of Leia and Han. You have caused much pain, but I think you already know that, otherwise you would not be here.”

Ben remained completely still, not acknowledging anything Maz had said, but she didn’t need him to respond. She had only to look into his eyes and his eyes were telling all she needed to know.

Nearby, but not near enough to hear what Maz was saying, Rey wished she had learned how to Force Eavesdrop, if there was such a thing. Ben’s expression was entirely unreadable, but his eyes were full of emotion as he looked down at the little orange woman.

“You certainly can make an entrance, no doubt you are your father’s son,” Maz said. She reached up suddenly and grabbed Ben by the chin and tilted his head this way and that, noticing that if she pressed too hard, her fingers passed through the transparent skin. “He was also pretty good at getting himself out of sticky situations, let’s see if you are, too.”

Ben gave Maz a smile that only a son of Han’s could.

Maz smiled back, then, with a loud smack, she whacked Ben on the cheek and said, “by the way, you owe me a castle, _Ben Solo_ ,” before she turned and walked back to her seat.

Rey was afraid her jaw would hit the floor, she couldn’t believe what she had just seen. Nor could any one else it seemed, as they were all a bunch of oh shaped faces in the room. Even Finn had crawled out from under the table to see what was happening.

Incredulous, everyone stood around silently as Maz settled herself back into her seat.

Finally unable to take it any longer, Poe asked, “anything you want to share, Maz?”

“Oh relax, all of you,” she said, “especially you, General Chewbacca. He can’t hurt us and nor can we hurt him, not with blasters anyway. We might as well sit down and figure out what to do.”

“What to do?” Poe shouted, “he’s a war criminal! We should be putting him on trial...wait, can you put ghosts on trial? C3PO find out if we can put a ghost on trial.”

“Right away, General Dameron,” C3PO answered. “I’m running a search on all war crimes tribunals held under the Republic and the New Republic and, oh dear, it seems there haven’t been any such trials for ghosts, but perhaps, if I searched -“

“Forget it,” Poe interrupted, he rammed his hand through his hair, his eyes darting back and forth as he thought of a solution. “There’s a first for everything, right? Jannah, arrest that...man...ghost...person.”

Jannah started towards Ben, but R2-D2 rolled in front of her and issued a slew of doubtful beeps. Undeterred, Jannah stepped around the droid, only to be blocked by BB-8, issuing its own beeps of uncertainty.

“I beg your pardon, General Dameron, but I believe R2-D2 has a point, as ghosts can dematerialize, it would be quite impossible to keep Mr. Solo imprisoned.”

“He’s solid enough for a slap,” Lando countered. “I think we all heard that.”

Indeed, they had.

A mere slap was not nearly enough, in Poe’s opinion. Not even death was enough of a punishment. Here was the man who was responsible for so much pain and suffering and destruction that Poe could barely think about it without wanting to do something about it, something _violent_.

“BB-8, move. Jannah, cuff him.”

Jannah stepped around the small spherical droid and made her way to Ben.

“Dameron,” Maz cautioned, “you’re rushing things.”

“You don’t think Leia would’ve had him arrested on the spot? This is the man who murdered _Han Solo_.”

Not raising to his bait, Maz said, “I think she would have found out why he was here first.”

“He’s the enemy! How else would he know it was the Sith? He was working with them. What more reason do you need?” Poe pointed at Ben who stood completely still as Jannah placed hand cuffs on him. They immediately fell through him and clanked on the floor.

Poe threw up his hands in frustration. “Great, just great. We have the Kylo Ren our hands and we can’t even cuff him.”

“We did try to warn you, General,” C3PO ventured.

“Yes, thank you, C3PO,” Poe sighed, finally taking his seat. With that, the anger and urgency seemed to go out of him. They obviously had no means of keeping him, but thus far the apparition hadn’t moved, hadn’t made any attempts to flee or threaten them. He hated to admit it, but maybe, just maybe it was worth it to hear what the man had to say.

Poe glanced over at Maz who gave him a slight nod. “Alright, let’s hear it, then,” he said.


	10. A Healthy Appetite

For the first time since the Resistance declared victory, the High Command heard what had truly happened on Exegol. Rey told them as much as she dared, but she still couldn’t bring herself to reveal her connection to the evil Sith Lord.

It was one thing to defend a former enemy, it was another thing entirely to have been related to the ultimate evil. And, not the mention, to also have been the intended heir to the Sith throne.

She also told them about her encounter with the Sith in that dark place and how Ben had appeared.

Upon hearing that a chill of dread ran down the spine of everyone in the room. They had been so sure that they had finally destroyed the Sith that to hear that an attack had been launched and they hadn’t even known, undermined the hope that had started to feel.

They questioned her about Ben’s nature as a ghost. Could he use the Force? Could he move through walls? Could he transport to another planet? She answered as best she could, though she didn’t go into too much detail about his semi-transparent appearance. She thought she’d best leave that unexplained.

Finn, who had crawled out from underneath the table, stood by Rey’s side and confirmed everything he could. She had never been more thankful to have him as her friend. She would never once regret giving him part of her Force.

Ben, for the entirety of the discussion, had remained completely still and silent.

“So,” Poe said, finally turning to the apparition everyone had been talking about. “You came back to protect her?”

Ben bent his head in acknowledgment.

Poe took this and considered it. It was times like this that he missed flying the most. Out there, he could just rely on his gut. Grounded, he tended to doubt it. And right now his gut was telling him something he just couldn’t believe.

He glanced up at Chewbacca, Lando and finally Maz. They each gave him a small nod. It was an unspoken agreement passed between the four of them. For Leia and Han.

“Well,” Poe said, “it seems like we can’t arrest you and since you’re the only one who has any sense of what exactly it is we’re fighting against, I guess we have no choice but to trust you...for now,” his tone was light, but there was a hard glint in Poe’s eye, one that his companions had come to know well. “But make no mistake, Ben Solo, we’re watching you.”

It may have been an empty threat, but Poe swore that if he was given reason, he would find a way to punish the ghost, son of Leia and Han or no.

🌗🌗🌗

Rey had never been so glad to be back in her tiny pod of a room. She couldn’t believe what had just happened to her. Had it really only been a day since she got back? She was in desperate a need of a shower. A very hot and a very long shower. She kicked off her shoes, unbuckled her belt and started lifting the shirt over her head, already dreaming of the jets of hot water beating down on her head and shoulders when a low cough broke through her revery.

Ben, who had wisely vanished when the high command had told him he was dismissed, had quietly reappeared just behind her. Startled, Rey’s arms got tangled in the shirt and it took her a few seconds to pull it back down. Her face by that time, was flaming red. She couldn’t be sure but thought that Ben might have been blushing, too, which only made her blush harder, if that were even possible.

“I’m sorry, I-“

“I didn’t realize-“

They both interrupted each other. Again, neither could look the other in the eye.

“I’d better let you,” Ben didn’t finish his sentence and began fading.

“Wait!” Rey had called out instinctually, not thinking what she was going to say afterwards, she just knew that she didn’t want to see him leave again. “Please, don’t go.”

“I won’t, if you don’t want me to,” he said, gentle.

“I don’t,” she said. “It’s is so strange. There are so many things I want to ask you.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” he answered.

“I suppose it doesn’t have to be right this minute. I really do need to take a shower, it’s been a very long day.”

“Go ahead. I’ll wait.”

He turned then, politely facing the wall so that she could undress behind him.

He really did mean it then, she realized. He really wouldn’t risk her giving him any more of her Force.

Slightly miffed, Rey took off her clothes quickly and hopped into the one-person shower. It wasn’t that she thought he didn’t want her, she knew he did, but somehow his calling her reckless felt like a rejection. As did him turning his back.

Trying to shake the feeling, Rey let the hot water beat out the tension along her shoulders. She rolled her neck from side to side, then she slowly ran her hands over her body.

Reckless, really? It wasn’t like she was some sex-crazed maniac.

She was a young woman with a healthy appetite.

An appetite that just happens to kick into high gear when he’s around.

And he’s just as much to blame, really.

Just the thought of how he’d turned her around and pushed her up against the wall was enough to make her heart start racing. How his hands had run down her chest and wrapped around her waist to pull her closer against him.

In the shower, Rey cupped her breasts lightly, squeezing the nipples, imagining that it was his hands touching her. Then she ran her hand down between her thighs. Her fingers came away slick and she sighed. Since it seemed he wouldn’t be fulfilling any of her desires, Rey put her fingers back and began rubbing herself.

Ben, quiet, waited for her.

He listened to the sound of the water hitting her body and imagined each droplet as it made its way down the contours and curves. Suddenly, he sensed a tension in their Bond. He was about to call out when he felt the deep flush of pleasure. _Her pleasure_.

Shocked, he stood stock still, feeling the building throbs with each flick of her finger.

He swallowed. Hard. Then he smiled.

He felt along their Bond until he was in her mind. She’d left it completely open for him.

Faster and faster, her finger slipped over her clit, the pleasure building till she neared the edge of her orgasm. He waited as she gently hovered near the peak, urging her to give in, then with one final flick, she burst. Wave after wave of hot pulses throbbed through her as the water ran her slickness down her legs.

When Rey stepped out of the shower, Ben turned to to face her. He drank in her face, dewy and flushed from the hot water. He noticed now how she flushed all the way from her cheeks to her ears when she was embarrassed.

“Rey,” he called, but she still couldn’t meet his gaze so he strode over and gently lifted her chin till she met his. “Never be embarrassed by your desire.” He realized now, how it must have sounded to call her reckless and he cursed himself for it. He swore to himself that he would make it up to her. That he would give her the pleasure she deserved.


	11. A Dark Secret, A Dark Hope

“I will do anything you ask,” Ben said, his eyes earnest as he held Rey’s gaze.

And she knew he would, but though desire still thrummed, low and warm between her thighs, the urgency was gone.

Something was holding her back.

Though she knew he regretted telling her she was reckless, and really who was he to call her reckless after the stunt he pulled with the high command, the moment they had just shared felt strange, hollow somehow.

Rey couldn’t quite put her finger on it, so instead she just asked him to hold her.

Without hesitation, his arms wrapped around her and hers around him, her face pressed up against his chest and he rested his chin on the top of her head.

Rey sighed, settling into the embrace.

It was more than she had ever hoped after Exegol, to be enveloped in his arms again, but even now, she ached to hear a heart beat, to feel his warmth mingling with hers.

But that was never to be.

She wondered then, if that was perhaps what had felt so off about the experience. Was it that he couldn’t, or make that, wouldn’t be physical with her?

She had no problems pleasuring herself and if this was a way for them to share it, why did she feel so unsatisfied?

Then the thought occurred to her, would it be like this forever? Could she be content with this, a dream of faded colors?

It was better than nothing, she chided herself, even as she passed through Ben’s chest as she squeezed him tighter. A dream, no matter how faded, was better than the lonely hopelessness she had felt after his death.

She should count them lucky.

She did count them lucky.

And yet...

She still yearned for something more. The physical aspect was part of it, yes, and it was something that she craved acutely, but there was something more, she knew. The physical aspect was just an expression of the thing she longed for.

She had felt it only once.

In that brief embrace, when Ben had brought her back from death, they had been whole, completely open and connected to each other. Everything had felt good and right, the future was bright.

And then he’d left her.

She had never even had the chance to say goodbye.

Again, she chided herself. By some quirk in the Force, they were given a second chance and here she was, questioning that impossibility.

But there was something different about Ben Solo.

The more she thought about it, the more she was sure she was right.

She thought back on it now and realized that when she’d called to him through their Bond in the shower, she had sensed something that had raised her suspicions. She had been completely open to him, waiting for him to open up to her, too.

And he hadn’t.

He had given nothing of himself.

It wasn’t just his transparency that marked the difference between then and now. It was their Bond.

She felt along it then and she nearly gasped with shock when she encountered them. The walls.

It stung to feel them. The same way it had stung when he’d told her she was reckless and had turned his back to her.

It wasn’t her desire that scared him, she realized. He had rode her pleasure with her and she’d seen that he’d enjoyed it.

It was something else.

Ben was hiding something from her and it made Rey’s heart ached to think that the man who had given his life up for her, with whom she had shared a connection unlike any she had had before or since, was closed off to her.

He was there and not there.

And Rey kept trying to tell herself that she was okay with that.

🌗🌗🌗

Ben had held Rey until she’d finally pulled away from him and mumbled something about sleep and rising early to start training.

It was a polite way of asking him to leave.

He didn’t protest. He’d fucked up and he knew it.

He always managed to say the wrong things or say it the wrong way.

He’d realized it when he’d called her reckless and saw the hurt that had flashed across her face before she’d tried to hide it. He’d seen that same hurt when he’d turned his back to her before she’d climbed into the shower.

He wished he’d been more careful, more thoughtful, but it wasn’t one of his strong suits.

Though the anger had went out of him when he cast off Kylo Ren, he still didn’t think before he spoke most of the time.

Case and point, he’s big reveal during the high command briefing.

Though actually, he had been thinking in that instance. He’d been thinking that the entirely inept high command would never figure out it was the Sith who were behind the hack and that that would put Rey in greater danger.

He was providing much need intelligence.

Could he have waited until after Rey had revealed his presence?

Possibly, yes.

But there was no use regretting his actions now. He’d done what he’d done to protect her and keep her safe and that was the best way he saw of doing it.

If only his other methods to keep her safe hadn’t backfired on him.

He knew she would sense the walls he had put up and it would make her question him. If it had just been the walls or just the careless words, maybe he would be laying beside her right now, tucking her close into the crook of his body.

But he’d given her too many reasons to withdraw.

Again, he didn’t regret his actions. The list was already long enough, he didn’t need to add to it any more than he already had.

Besides, it was safer this way.

Just the thought of being beside her on that narrow cot was enough to make him reconsider his previous conviction. He imagined running his fingers along all that soft, supple skin then quickly shook his head.

It was definitely time to go.

The question was, where to?

He was sorely tempted to peek in on the High Command for fun, especially General Poe who he was somewhat curious about. What did the Commanding General of the New Republican military get up to on his time off?

Ben had a feeling it was probably not nearly as exciting as he’d like it to be.

General Kanata, on the other hand.

Now there was someone he would really enjoy peeking in on, though that would mostly likely be a terrible idea. Her Force sensitivity would no doubt alert her to his sleuthing, which would definitely not go well towards building up the good will he was trying to earn back.

The thought of him slinking through the base like an actual ghost was also entirely unappealing and just sad.

There were the Jedi texts that he desperately wanted to read just laying about Rey’s room. He could sneak in and grab them, but that felt like a violation of trust, so he decided against it.

That left nowhere else to go, but the darkling plane where he’d first come back to himself, though he dreaded going back.

He dreaded it because going there would make him face a truth he had been holding back from himself.

A truth he had been on the brink of telling Rey, but then he’d seen the Jedi texts and a flash of foolish hope had stopped him.

What a hypocrite, he chastised himself. _You claim to do everything to protect her, but stay silent if it might break the Bond._ So off he went, back to the dim, empty plane.

The place was as empty as before. The low light tapering off into blackness in the distance and as far as he could see, there were no visible features, just an endless darkening horizon.

He waited to see if the fear and anxiety might come rushing back to him, the unrelenting assailment of the dark side, but when it didn’t, it affirmed his suspicions that what he’d felt was what Rey had been feeling when she’d opened herself up to the Force again.

Their connection through the Bond had been instant and powerful. He’d felt everything she had.

Now that she wasn’t here, Ben could feel his sense of self blurring at the edges yet again.

And he knew, the same way that he knew the second she was able to give some of her Force to him, only now more so, that everything he’d done to distance himself and close himself off from Rey had been the right thing to do.

If he was stronger, he would just stay here. Let himself forget and fade till he was no longer a threat to her. But even he knew that was impossible, not now that their Bond had been reestablished.

Not now that he had become foolish enough to hope.

On thing was certain, he needed to get his hands on those texts.


	12. Some Much Needed Advice

After tossing and turning, questioning and doubting herself, Rey had finally fallen into a fitful sleep. When she woke, she was still confused and hurt about the blocks Ben had put up. She knew it wasn’t against her necessarily, but she didn’t feel like reaching out to him through the Bond just then. She could sense him there, sense him waiting for her, but she still felt too raw about the previous night.

She just needed a little time to herself, to sort through her feelings. And there was only one way she knew how to do that, but getting there was going to be a trial in itself.

It was nearly impossible to make it through the newly expanded base without being hailed by someone who wanted to speak to her or shake her hand or hug her. Mostly for the novelty of having done so with the “Hero of Exegol” as they kept insisting on calling her.

It made Rey cringe every time.

However, there was one perk that Rey didn’t mind so much. It seemed being famous made her impervious to certain bureaucratic hold ups. At a security check point, she was eagerly waved through by smiling guards, even though she hadn’t brought her ID. She also found she didn’t need to give a reason for taking one of the speeder bikes. The wide-eyed technician was so awe-struck, they didn’t even ask her to sign off. In fact, they hadn’t even spoken to her.

They had just nodded, opened-mouthed when Rey had asked, “mind if I borrow this? I promise I’ll bring it back in a few hours.”

Rey also hadn’t given them a second to reconsider. In a burst of speed, she was gone. If there was anything Rey liked as much as fixing things, it was making them go fast. Pushing machines to high speeds always had a way of making her relax. The blur of the landscape made her feel as if she was leaving all the things clouding her mind behind. It let her forget for a little while and just focus on balance and precision.

By the time she made her way to the only patch of jungle left on the moon, Rey was already starting to feel better. Stepping off the speeder, she removed her helmet and took a deep breath. She was comforted by the lush jungle all around her, the loamy and spongy soil beneath her feet, the chirp and croak of wildlife in the dense foliage.

She never thought she would be able to smell green, but if she were ever asked to describe it, this it what it would smell like. Rich, full of life with a hint of decay.

It smelled vibrant.

And so very, very different from Jakku. Or Tatooine.

Setting her helmet down, Rey surveyed the start of the course. It looked exactly the same as when she’d left it. At that time, she never thought that she would never complete her training. So much had changed since she’d left. Leia was dead and in a few short weeks, she would be training future Jedi there.

And she had absolutely no idea how she was going to do it. She felt entirely unsuited to the task.

The dark clouds that she had thought she’d left behind, slowly started creeping back into her mind.

Rather than dwell on it, Rey opened a crate filled with seeker droids. She activated five and released them. Then she began her pre-course warm up. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and breathed out the tension. She pictured the course in her mind’s eye, envisioning her progress through it. Already she was feeling calmer. Then she opened her eyes and ignited her lightsaber.

🌗🌗🌗

Hours later, Rey was cleaning up the course when she felt a shimmer in the Force and girded herself, thinking Ben had lost his patience and come to her. Despite all the She still wasn’t ready to face him.

“Is that how you greet your Masters,” a lightly sarcastic voice asked from behind her.

Letting out a gasp of joy, Rey turned to see Luke and Leia standing just behind her. Forgetting herself, she ran to hug them.

“You know you can’t hug a ghost, right,” Luke deadpanned before he allowed himself to be enveloped by his former apprentice.

“Oh shush,” Rey admonished him. “If you can lift an x-wing out of the sea you can give me a hug.”

Looking over Rey’s shoulder, Luke said to Leia, “told you she needed us,” as he lightly patted Rey on the back.

“I’m pretty sure it was me who told you she needed us,” Leia said, but before she could say more, it was her turn to be enveloped by Rey.

“It’s so good to see you,” Rey said when she had finally let them both go. She was smiling at them contentedly when she quite inexplicably burst into tears.

A look of worry crossed Luke’s features, but Leia assured him with a calming gesture. She’d seen this before, in fact, she’d had one or two herself. They had to let Rey have her cry; this one sounded as though it had been a long time coming.

Flanking Rey, Luke and Leia guided her to a tree trunk she had cut down in her run through the course, and sat her down then they each sat on either side of her and waited.

Choking back big heaving sobs, Rey tried to get a handle on herself. She didn’t want to waste this precious moment with Leia and Luke, but it also felt so good to just finally let out all the emotions that she had been holding back. And she had been holding back so much.

The dull pain of the long lonely months she was on leave trying to forget, trying to bury all the things that hurt.

The feeling that she was pretending to be someone she wasn’t.

The fear that she would make choices that would put everyone she cared about in danger.

Patiently, Luke and Leia waited as Rey slowly regained herself. Their strong, steady presence just reminded her how weak and lost she felt. And how foolish it had been to shut out the only two people who she had nothing to hide from.

“Rey,” Leia said softly when she saw that Rey had quieted some. “What happened? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I’m alright, I’m sorry,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “It’s just been a very tense couple of days. Poe has asked me to start training Jedi.”

“We were wondering why you had opened yourself back to the Force,” Leia answer, her voice still soft and soothing.

“It was about time,” Luke countered, earning him a narrowed eye warning from his sister.

“And then when I did, I found Ben, I mean he found me, or we found each other —“ Rey could feel the tears welling up again and she fought to hold them back, swallowing the lump in her throat. “But it’s strange, something feels...off. And it’s not just that he’s put up walls, there’s something else.”

Luke and Leia shared a glance over Rey’s bent head. “We felt him, too.”

Leia took Rey’s hand in her own. “Forgive my son. He’s always had his own way of doing things, but his intentions are good. He just needs to trust himself more.”

Rey looks down at the ghostly hand holding her own. She barely feels it, yet it gives her so much comfort as do Leia’s words.

Maybe that’s what had felt off. Maybe Rey was sensing Ben’s own doubts about himself.

“Will Ben be able to see you, too?”

“He will,” Leia said, but her tone was hesitant. “Ben isn’t ready to face us yet. He knows we’re here. He’ll call us when he’s ready, I believe.”

Rey sighed, it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It felt so good to be able to express her emotions she realized, then she started tearing up all over again.

“What’s the matter now,” Luke asked, incredulous.

“I have no idea how I’m going to train new Jedi,” she confessed. “And I’m absolutely terrible at explaining things.”

“I believe you’ve borrowed everything you need,” Luke said, his tone as dry as driftwood.

It was enough to earn a chuckle from Rey. “Everything except a true Jedi Master,” she mumbled.

“You already have that, in here,” Luke tapped Rey’s head and then her heart, “and in here. Trust yourself, Rey.”

“And trust each other,” Leia echoed.

Rey thought on Leia’s words all the way back to the base. She barely even noticed this time when people called out to her, she was in a complete daze.

Somehow, she made it back to her room. She quickly showered and changed.

Trust each other, Leia had urged.

Perhaps Rey had been too quick to judge Ben, after all.

She took a deep breath then and reached along their Bond, calling to him.

He came immediately.

His lopsided smile was almost shy, like he was asking for her forgiveness and his eyes, always so expressive, were asking for her understanding.

It struck Rey that she had seen that smile before. It was the same way Han had smiled at Leia, especially after he’d done something particularly reprehensible.

It’s enough to make the vice around her heart ease and she smiled back.


	13. A Hero’s Glow

Over the next couple of weeks, Rey and Ben settled into a new rhythm. Whenever Rey went to sleep or had to do anything private Ben would leave her, but he would always return.

Rey could remember a time not so long ago that she dreaded going to sleep. She didn’t dream, she hadn’t dreamt since before the end of the war, but upon waking from the peace of slumber all the memories of the past year would come rushing back and her heart would break all over again. Day after day.

Then he came back.

She woke and he was there, greeting her with the softer version of his smile on Exegol.

It was tender and content.

It was entirely surreal.

There was still a shadow of another emotion around the edges, but Rey tried not to see it. She had promised herself to trust Ben, as Leia had urged, and she hoped that seeing her do so would help him to eventually open up to her.

As she was still technically on leave, Rey didn’t have to check in with Finn, who was her superior. The High Command had given her and Ben two weeks to form a plan to capture the spy and Rey was expected to draft a lesson plan, as well, for the Jedi training program. As the two were linked, with Ben thinking that they could lure the spy into revealing themselves during certain Jedi training techniques, they spent most of the day at the base’s library, where Rey had C-3PO store the translated copies of the Jedi texts.

Rey, more of a wing-it type of person, hadn’t really tackled her task as readily as Ben had his. He was definitely the planner type. He even seemed to be excited about their upcoming task, whereas Rey was dreading it.

He was always eager to examine the texts. He would read them thoroughly. Rey, more of a skimmer herself, often grew bored and impatient after long hours in the darkened library.

Rey thought he seemed to be searching for something, but when she asked him if he was, he quickly told her no.

When they weren’t formulating plans or studying the texts, they would go on long walks around the base talking about any and everything. Ben was of course completely invisible, the High Command having decided that for now it was best to keep his existence a secret.

Though Rey knew that the clock was ticking down to the moment when they would have to face the Sith again, the threat seemed distant in these slow, shy days of getting to know one another.

They had an unspoken understanding that there must always be a little distance, a little coolness, but Rey didn’t mind it so much. After the first heady rush of need and desire, she was learning that there was so much joy in the small things, too.

They were affectionate in gentle ways: a hand on the nape of the neck or cupped around a hip, a light caress along exposed skin, fingers entwining, or a soft, fleeting kiss.

The first time she’d slipped her hand into Ben’s, she’d wondered at how perfect the fit was. He sensed it too, for he squeezed her hand and looked down at her with the same tender smile that she was starting to become accustomed to seeing on his face.

It’s a good look, she thinks to herself, it suits him.

Happiness seemed to suit her, too. She’d never been more complimented on her appearance before. Not the way she looked, but more so how she looked. People kept coming up to her and telling her how she seemed brighter and Kaydel Ko Connix said she was practically glowing and wanted to know what her secret was.

It was a strange change and Rey wasn’t sure how to take it.

Most of her life, she’d never really thought about her appearance, not that she was beyond those things, but she’d just never had the time to dwell on it.

She would catch glimpses of herself in the reflection off pieces of metal she was polishing back when she was a scavenger and it never struck her to think whether or not she was pretty. She looked the way she looked and that was that.

Sometimes she would wonder which of her features had belonged to her parents. Was this her father’s nose? Her mother’s eyes? Or maybe her grandfather’s chin? Now, she shuddered to think about what else had she’d inherited from Sheez Palpatine, but back then she could never have imagined that she would want to know who her family was.

Whenever she’d been approached by boys or men, she’d been pretty sure the offers had less to do with her than having a warm body to press up against for a few hours, so she’d always passed on them, not paying much heed to the compliments thrown her way to try to lure her in.

For one, she’d heard the same phrases used on multiple targets, flyboys were particularly guilty of that method. For another, it never impressed her if someone tried to compliment her looks. What did her looks have to do with anything? If there was anything she was proud of it was her skill with languages, her ability to fly almost any ship she could get her hands on, her resilience.

All this led to Ben taking immense pleasure as he watched Rey struggle to accept compliments.

After the umpteenth person came up to her to express their admiration and was looking slightly bewildered as Rey went off on a entirely unrelated tangent, Ben, invisible, leaned in and whispered in her ear, “just say, ‘thank you.’ You’re talking the poor girl’s ear off.”

Blushing, Rey abruptly excused herself from the one-way conversation, noting the relief on the girl’s face.

They had been on one of their regular walks around the base when the girl had stopped Rey.

“They’re empty compliments,” Rey said when they had moved out of ear shot of anyone else.

“No, they’re not,” Ben’s tone was amused. “It’s people trying to tell you they care and they’re happy to see you seem well.”

“Well, I wish they would just say that then,” Rey grumbled.

Continuing their walk, they made their way to the largest and tallest communications tower on the base. With a little Force suggestion, Rey had managed to get the code to the roof door back when the Resistance had just built it and to her and Ben’s delight, they discovered that the New Republic never changed it. They had been coming there ever since.

Up there, they felt unreachable and it was the best seat in the whole base to watch the sunset.

Ben materialized and pulled Rey down to sit between his legs as they looked out over Ajan Kloss. Resting his head on his palm and his elbow on top of a raised knee, he was looking at Rey when he said, “you don’t take compliments very well in general.”

“What do you mean?” Rey squirmed, feeling a blush building under his unwavering gaze. She still got hot under the collar when he was so close and so focused on her.

It was such a strange mixture of emotions. She liked it and yet it also made her feel unbearably shy. She would suddenly forget how to move her mouth or blink or it would feel unnatural and she knew he could sense all of it.

“I can feel you every time some one calls you the ‘Hero of Exegol,’” he said. “You’re so embarrassed _my_ cheeks flush.”

Rey chuckles a little at that, but then she falls silent. They watch the sun as it disappears over the jagged skyline of Ajan Kloss, glass and polished metal glinting. Already the air feels much cooler.

“I’m not a hero,” Rey says after a time. “All the real heroes died.”

Ben lifts his head then and gently tilts Rey’s chin till she’s met his eyes. “You are a hero, Rey, you helped defeated one of the darkest forces this galaxy has ever seen and you saved countless lives.”

“At the cost of so many others,” she whispers. It is a guilt she’d never voiced until then. Only she had felt the disturbance in the Force at the immense loss of life when the Resistance won the battle on Exegol.

Now it was Ben’s turn to be silent for a while. “Sometimes it takes great sacrifice to achieve peace. At least, that’s what I used to think.”

“Does it? I think about people like Finn and Jannah, and you, you all turned away from the dark side. How many others could have, _would_ have if we’d given them the chance?”

“That’s not the nature of war, not with an enemy like the First Order and the Sith,” Ben answered. “When I was Supreme Leader, I was so fixated on victory, that I believed it was worth any cost. It was what I had been taught to seek.”

He looked off into the distance, his brow furrowing as his eyes dart across the horizon. Though he had put up walls, Rey could see that he was struggling to come to terms with his past.

“The are no reasonable measures when you are fighting an unreasonable enemy. Something my mother always used to say,” Ben said finally, meeting Rey’s eyes again. “There was only one way to defeat the First Order. Anything else would have lead more blood shed and maybe even an age of darkness under the Sith. What you did was _right_.”

Rey loved that he wanted her to believe it. Even if she wasn’t sure she did, it helped ease her guilt.

She just wished that she could do the same for him. To guide him to see himself differently, the way he’d helped to guide her.

She could think of one place to start.

“Have you reached out to her? To your mother?”

“No,” Ben sighed. “There are so many people I need to apologize to,” he confessed. “I guess I’m just scared to get started. If it were me on the other end, I’d blast me to cinders before I even had a chance to open my mouth.”

Rey nodded, understanding his reluctance. They’d come a long way in getting to know each other and she could sense, even without the Force, that it was not the moment to push him.

Whenever that time came, Rey would be there for him, she made a silent promise to him, the same way he had been there for her.

She stood up then, holding out her hand to help Ben to his feet. “I think people are more understanding than you give them credit for. Besides, not much a blaster can do to a ghost.”

Ben laughed, taking her hand and pulling her close as he stood up. He encircled her head in his arms, resting them on her shoulders, and kissed the top of her head. “Ah my little Rey of sunshine, with you by my side, even the darkness looks bright.”

Rey smile into his chest and circled her arms around his waist. They stood entwined until the last light of day disappeared from the sky.


	14. A Theorem

Ben had never talked about his feelings so much in his life. At first, he’d tried to avoid it, turning the focus to Rey, but she would always come back to him, though never in forceful or prying way.

She was so very gentle with him.

Her open, earnest face was so full of trust and curiosity that Ben found himself slowly giving voice to the things that had for so long defined who he thought he was.

So much of his early life, he’d tried to hide those feelings of abandonment, inadequacy, and rejection, then after he went over to the dark side, Snoke had used those very feelings to goad and manipulate him, to drive him further away from his family and from the light.

Ben could see that now. He saw it then, too, but he had thought that he had no other choice, that his fate was to live up to everyone’s worst fears.

Then he’d met Rey and she had shone a light into the darkness.

She listened to his deepest, darkest fears and instead of judging him or telling him he’d been wrong, she’d empathized with him.

Once, when he’d opened up about his early childhood, his memories of his parents fighting and the hurtful confusion when he started sensing their fear of him, she’d gotten up to cradle his head in her arms.

“That must have been so hard to see the two people you loved the most fighting,” she’d said. “I can’t imagine the pain you must have gone through.”

And though it had been tough, her own starkly different childhood brought home just how lucky he had been, but she never belittled him or made him feel guilt for feeling the way he had despite the privilege he had known all his life. Instead, _she_ comforted _him_.

It was incredible to him that they had suffered nearly the same dark thoughts, had been tormented by loneliness and abandonment, but she had managed to keep to the light. Her strength made a mockery of his, in his eyes. But when he started to berate himself for his failures, she had immediately stopped him.

“You were just a child, Ben. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to carry the weight of the Skywalker legacy on your shoulders. If my parents hadn’t been able to hide me away and I had been forced to grow up a Palpatine...” she hadn’t even been able to finish the sentence before she started shuddering. “Not that they’re anything alike,” she was quick to differentiate, “I just mean the pressure must have been nearly unbearable.”

“And then to be hunted,” she continued, for she was in no doubt that Palpatine had sought Ben out from the beginning. Those whispers, those voices were all too familiar to her when he had described them.

And when she’d said it, it had rung true for Ben and for the first time since he’d been consumed by those feelings, Ben felt as though a veil of pain and guilt had begun to fall away.

It was so liberating not to be defined by his darkest thoughts.

He still struggled with the anger and the hate for himself, but he was finally coming to terms with it. His guilt, too, still weighed on him like a heavy load, but he had learned how to carry it better.

All because of her.

If he could, he would spend the rest of the time he had just knowing Rey. Everything about being with her was illuminating.

He wanted to forever bask in that glow.

If only he didn’t know what lurked in the shadows and drawing ever closer.

So, every night, when Rey had gone to bed, Ben would access the translations of the texts in the library. It was far better than the eerie solitude of the plane and there was never any one in the library at such a late hour.

It was a peaceful place and he appreciated the quite moment to himself after the emotional highs of being with Rey. It allowed him to process what they had discussed that day and, more importantly, it allowed him to search the texts without raising Rey’s suspicions about what he was looking for as they often looked at the texts together.

At the beginning of the two week deadline, he’d been more relaxed, taking his time as he poured over the texts, but he was growing more and more desperate as each day passed and he was no closer to finding an answer or even a clue as to his condition.

As illuminating as being with Rey had been, the texts were less so. Some had been written in languages so long extinct that the translation to Basic could read as stilted, obtuse and sometimes downright nonsensical.

Ben didn’t know if certain passages were meant to be taken literally or figuratively. Quite often he went with literal because that was what sounded best to him.

The Rammahgon mentioned both gods and Exegol, and he had since learned that one of those did indeed exist. Who was to say that the other didn’t?

But he wasn’t interested in gods or ancient Sith strongholds.

Ben had all but decided to give up when an incomplete passage caught his eye. He had passed over it a few times before because he’d seen that there was such large parts of the text missing that it was hardly a sentence, but this time his eye fell on the words, “plane...portals...time and space...between...”

The footnote indicated that there had been illustrations in the original book that accompanied the text, but that they had been damaged.

Ben glanced back at the title. “The Chain Worlds Theorem,” he read out loud, something pinging in the back of his mind as he did so. 

There was only one other person who would be able to tell him what he wanted to know. He needed to find C-3PO.


	15. The Best Storyteller This Side of the Galaxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I go out on a wing here and make a claim about a text I haven’t read. I’m hoping you’ll forgive me taking some artistic license. Thanks!

Ajan Kloss, though not gigantic compared to previous Republican bases, was still sizable enough that Ben found himself wandering in circles for hours trying to locate his mother’s former spymaster. Even though he and Rey had been exploring the base for nearly a week, he’d been more concerned with staying undetectable than paying attention to his surroundings. He’d also been entirely distracted by her nearness.

As he wander down yet another empty hallway, Ben wracked his memory, trying to recall if they had ever seen or head C-3PO on one of their many walks, but he couldn’t recall a single one. At this rate, he might as well just wait in one spot and hope that chance brought them together, but he couldn’t afford to waste another night and this was the first lead he’d found since he’d started reading the translations.

It was imperative that he find C-3PO.

If Ben remembered anything about the golden droid was that he was a talker. An unlikely choice for a spymaster and yet the protocol droid had been instrumental in the history of the Resistance and, more personally, his own family.

When Ben was growing up, he’d loved hearing the stories that C-3PO would recount of how he had been rescued from the scrapyard by young Anakin Skywalker, especially his stories of rescuing Leiah with Luke and Han. He would ask the droid to recount them to him over and over again.

He was maybe one of the few who never grew tired of the droid’s propensity to reminisce. It was a habit Ben was sure C-3PO had not lost in the many years since he’d seen him.

He had to be chatting off someone’s ear somewhere. The question was: who’s ear could the droid find at this hour to chatter into?

And that’s when Ben knew where he had to go.

With the exception that the band was made up of off-duty personnel, Ajan Kloss’s cantina was like most cantinas: drinks were cheap and grub was sub-standard.

At this time of night, it was late enough that the band had stopped playing and there was only a few stragglers left who were well into their cups, which suited Ben just fine. A few very drunk people were much less likely to take notice of a droid talking to a semi-transparent man.

He was surveying the room when a flash of gold caught his eye.

Seated at a booth, C-3PO was talking animatedly to a pilot that had slumped facedown onto the table in the booth, a pool of drool collecting under his open mouth.

“And that was when the Ewoks thought that they had angered me, which was a very clever trick of Master Luke, I must say, and so —“

“Hello, Threepio, mind if I?” Ben asked, slipping into the booth.

“Oh hello, who...oh my, I must be hearing things, I thought I heard my name just then. Perhaps I’ll need to get my microphone checked, which reminds me of the time that I almost —“

“It’s Ben, Threepio,” Ben said, using the Force to levitate the passed out pilot a little further into the booth. He then materialized as much as he could.

“Master Ben?” The droid was incredulous, looking around them to see if anyone had noticed that the former Supreme Leader had just materialized in the middle of the Republican base. “This is quite ill-advised. I do believe General Poe insisted that your presence stay a secret.”

“It still is, as long as you don’t make too much of a fuss and draw attention to us,” Ben said, using the arm of the pilot to wipe the pool of drool on the table.

“Well I certainly wouldn’t do that, but I’m afraid this is quite unwise,” C-3PO said nervously.

“Were you telling him about the battle on Endor,” Ben asked, hoping to distract the droid.

“Oh yes, I was just getting to the part when I convinced the Ewoks to join us. You know, I haven’t had another opportunity since then to speak Ewokese? It’s quite an interesting language, very plant centric as you can imagine. They have over 30 different words for tree.”

“No I didn’t, but I remember you telling me so,” Ben said, smiling. “You know, Rey can speak it. You should ask her to practice one day.”

“Oh, that would be quite delightful. I had no idea that miss Rey was so well-versed in languages.”

“She could give you a run for your money,” Ben teased.

“Oh, I very much doubt that, Master Ben, I am proficient in over seven million —“

“— forms of communication,” finished Ben, chuckling. “I remember.”

C-3PO was quiet for a moment as he regarded the smiling young man in front of him. He didn’t think he seemed that much different from his memories of a young, shy boy with a mop of shaggy dark hair and soulful eyes who used to smile at him the same way and never grew tired of his ramblings.

“I do recall, you were a very good listener,” C-3PO said. “Very attentive to the details and always so engaged.”

“Not hard when it’s the being told by the best storyteller this side of the galaxy.”

If droids could blush.

“Oh. Well. Thank you, Master Ben,” C-3PO said. After a moment he ventured, “would you like to hear any one in particular? You were always quite found of how Master Anakin found me in the scrap heap or perhaps I could recount how —“

“Actually, Threepio,” Ben interjected, hating to interrupt the droid because there really would be nothing nicer than to hear one of his favorite retellings, but Ben just couldn’t afford the time. “I came to you because I wanted to ask you about something I found in the translations from the Jedi texts that you did.”

“Yes, miss Rey gave them to me. It was quite a tricky request, many of the languages found in those texts have since become extinct. I have to confess that at first I quite felt like shutting down, but I wasn’t deterred, after I realized that none of the contemporary languages could work as a key, I went back to the texts themselves, that’s when —“

“I’m sorry Threepio, I’m sure your process is very intriguing and one day I’d love to hear it, but right now I need you to tell me, do you remember anything regarding the ‘Core Worlds Theorem?’”

“The name does sound familiar,” C-3PO paused a moment as he search his databank for the reference. “Ah yes, unfortunately the original text was badly damaged. Miss Rey informed me that the books were being stored in a hollow tree on an island. Salt air is not very conducive to the preservations of organic material, as the texts are made of.”

Ben waved his hand, indicating he wasn’t interested in the condition of the books. “What did the text say?”

“On the other side of the title page was an illustration, but it was stuck together with the text on the opposite page. Miss Rey had tried to pry them apart, but I was only able to decipher the few words that appear in my translation.”

“What about the illustration? Did you see any of it?”

“I’m afraid not, Master Ben.” The droid sounded as disappointed as Ben felt.

“It’s alright, Threepio,” Ben sighed, letting all the hope he had been building up flow out of him.

He was still wallowing in his thoughts when he realized that C-3PO was still speaking.

“— would have been quite the loss, but Master Luke’s notations in the Book of Sith indicate that the theorem appears at least once in the writings of Darth Plagueis whose scientific journal documents his experiments and —“

Gripping the edge of the table, Ben leaned forward and very slowly, very deliberately asked, “what ‘Book of the Sith?’”

“Oh dear,” it suddenly dawned on the droid just who he was speaking to. He started scooching out of the booth. “I do believe I must be going, the hour is quite late.”

“Threepio,” Ben said. “Sit. Down.”

“I’m going to have my memory wiped for this,” the droid sighed gloomily. Over the next hour he recounted how Luke had come across the book, a collection of writings and records, and kept it rather than destroying it. “He believed that it was an important insight into Sith logic and culture and begun taking notes. Unfortunately, he was never able to finish his study.”

Ben had sat rigid as C-3PO spoke. He almost couldn’t believe it. Luke? Studying the dark side? Impossible.

He shook his head to clear it. He didn’t want to be thinking about his uncle now. That was another problem for another day. “What did the texts say about the ‘Chain Worlds Theorem?’”

“I have no files of the texts themselves,” the droid replied.

“You recorded the notations but not the texts? Why?”

“Master Luke had me erase the texts from my files. He deemed the material too dangerous.”

Ben clenched his jaw to keep from shouting in frustration. “Where’s the original?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know,” the droid demurred.

Ben sighed. It seemed that the Force wanted him to confront his past a lot sooner than he’d planned. He definitely was not ready for it.


	16. A Portentous Dream

Despite the bliss of waking to Ben’s smile each morning, the realization that she would be training Jedi in less than one standard week was starting to hang heavily over Rey’s head.

She definitely was not ready for it.

Even though they had been making plans on how to capture the spy, she hadn’t really believed it. The threat seemed so far away and she was lulled by the tranquility of their days into believe that maybe, just maybe the voices had been a bad dream, that the Sith weren’t out there waiting for her. After all, she hadn’t heard the voices since she first opened herself up to the Force again.

But as the deadline drew near, Rey knew she couldn’t keep pretending that this could go on forever.

The time of long walks and sunset kisses was drawing to an end.

And Ben still had not let down his walls.

Rey never mentioned it. In fact, they never once spoke about it, though there were times that seemed ripe for the opportunity.

As when they were discussing what basic defense strategies to begin with, she had circumspectly waited for him to acknowledge the very ones he was using, but he didn’t.

Or whenever their tentative embraces became a little more heated and she would reached out along their Bond — she couldn’t help it, it was instinctual — and come up against his blocks.

Feeling her, he’d always push away a little. Not so much as to make her withdraw, but just enough to cool the heat building between them.

Rey let it be. She had chosen to trust him and this was how she was showing it, by respecting his silence.

Then it came time to present their plan to the High Command.

Upon hearing that Ben was taking a more active role in the training, Poe had immediately expressed his disapproval, his eyes shooting to Finn, who would be training with them. He’d wanted to scrap the whole plan.

If she didn’t know the stakes, if she hadn’t have heard the voices, Rey would have agreed with him just so she didn’t have to use the Force. But she knew that this was their chance to flush out the Sith, once and and for all.

But what scared her more was what the high command would decide to do with Ben if they didn’t need his help anymore. What would happen to him? Would they put him on trial? Lock him away? Forbid her to see him?

She would run away, of course, if it came to that. She would do it without a second’s thought, but it would be a rootless life, a life of hiding and isolation. A diminished life. Something she was already very familiar with.

Now that she knew what it was like to have friends, to have family, to love, she would do everything in her power not to go back to that.

This was Ben’s chance to prove he had changed, that he could help them. Rey had to make the high command see that.

“Perhaps we did jump into this too quickly,” Lando had said. “How do we know that the spy and Kylo—excuse me—Ben aren’t working together? They just happened to show up at the same time? Both of them now in the same program? It seems highly suspicious to me.”

Chewbacca had growled his agreement.

“We can’t back out now,” Maz had countered. “The recruits are already here and how else are we going to get to the Sith?”

“We’ll find another way,” Poe had answered.

“The Sith are impossible to find if they don’t want to be found.” That had been Ben’s contribution, making Rey wonder if he’d ever not sounded arrogant in his life.

Then everyone was speaking at once and Rey realized there was only one way that she could see to fix the situation. She had to put her own stake in the game.

“We’re a dyad,” Rey had shouted, causing everyone to fall silent.

“And that means...”

“It means we’re like two halves of one whole. We know exactly what the other is thinking, feeling at all times.” She had looked over to Ben then who had nodded, his expression unreadable, but his eyes soft, thankful.

“So, if, say, Ben here harbored any inclinations for the the dark side or had plans to betray us, you would know?” General Calrissian had asked, a little incredulous. And who could blame him.

It tugged at her own doubts. Why was Ben hiding a part of himself from her? Could he still be tempted by the dark side? But those thoughts had to be pushed aside.

She would have to trust him just as she said she would.

“Yes, exactly,” Rey had affirmed.

It said a lot that the High Command didn’t question her. Rather they had accepted her every word. And the plan was allowed to continue.

She had _lied_. To the _High Command_. To her _friends_.

And Ben had said nothing afterwards.

🌗🌗🌗

Perhaps it was the nerves from the approaching deadline or the sense that Ben had been different in the last few days, but the night before the training was to start, Rey dreamed.

It had been a long time since she’d dreamed so vividly. Not since before the war had ended and like those dreams from before, these dreams shook her to her very bones.

She was back in the Mirror Cave, the cold, dark air filling her lungs and numbing her fingers. Even before she turned, she could sense it, the Mirror. The dark surface was cracked and fogged over, but as Rey approached, a familiar figure appeared on the other side. She couldn’t make out his features, but she would know him anywhere.

Behind the Mirror, Ben paced back and forth, his step agitated, his body tensed.

Rey drew closer and could just make out the faint shadows of his face. She saw that he was talking to himself, but she couldn’t hear the words he was saying. She tried to call out to him, but he kept pacing, oblivious to her.

Unease creeped Rey’s spine from the pit of her stomach, wrapping around her heart and squeezing it. Something was wrong, she could sense it, but she didn’t know what. Then she tried to reach him along their Bond.

She reeled back, stunned.

There was nothing.

It was as if he wasn’t there.

Rey tried to push down the spike of fear that shot through her heart. She could see him, he was still there just beyond the Mirror. He’s okay, she kept telling herself, he’s still there.

She watched him pacing, trying to calm herself, but she couldn’t. Something was...off about him. Drawing closer, Rey looked closer and to her horror, she saw that with each turn, Ben was fading.

“Where is he,” she demanded from the Mirror.

It stood silent and still, the image of Ben slowly disappearing unwavering.

“Where IS HE?”

Rey would be damned if she let this happen again. She slammed her hand against the Mirror and summoned the Force, pressing against the cool surface, almost willing it to break.

And yet, nothing happened.

Ben was a faint outline now, she could no longer see his face.

With growing desperation, Rey drew on every ounce of power that she could feel within her. Along with her fear, a growing rage was bubbling like molten lava through her. Fear that she couldn’t save him and rage that this was happening all over again, that she was loosing him and could do nothing about it.

There was a loud crack and a flash. Lightening had sprung from Rey’s finger tips and smashed against the Mirror, traveling along the surface and lengthening the cracks.

She stared in horror at the sparks of power radiating from her hand, her shock mingled with a deep certainty.

Rey knew this was where the Mirror had been taking her. It always showed her the truth, even if she didn’t want to see it.

So, instead of stopping herself, instead of withdrawing her hand and hiding from herself, Rey pushed more. She gave into the surging tides of anger, felt the power of it flowing through her, strengthening her. She finally gave in to what she had been fighting for so long.

She gave into the dark.

And the Mirror shattered.

Rey jolted awake, her heart in her throat.

She felt for the Bond, relief flooding her and called to him. He was there instantly, concern furrowing his brow.

Without pausing, he swept her up in his arms, blankets and all, and cradled her as he sat on her bed. Her arms went up over his neck and she clung to him as he rubbed her back. She would never regret giving him more of her Force, just to be able to to this. She desperately needed to feel him in that moment.

When she had regained a semblance of calm, Rey finally spoke the words she had been afraid to say, “I thought I was loosing you again, I thought I...” She swallowed the hard lump in her throat. She couldn’t go on.

“I’m here,” he said, his voice gruff. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. It was just a dream.” He said it into her hair over and over again.

She wanted to ask him to promise, but held herself back.

“Do want to tell me about it,” he asked, his tone soft and gentle.

What she wanted was for him to never leave her side. What she wanted was for them to have a chance to be with each other. What she wanted was to know why he’d put up walls.

Was the dream a premonition? Was the Force telling her something? Or was it just her own fears manifesting themselves?

She wanted answers, but more than anything, she wanted to trust him.

Taking a deep breath, she told him what she’d dreamed.

For the first time, Ben realized what his death had done to her. He felt the uncontrollable shakes trembling through her whole body as he held her. Each one sending shards of pain and guilt deep into his heart.

And then the fear. How could she have dreamed of him fading? He hadn’t told her of it.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he’d told her and to himself he made a promise that he would do everything in his power to never hurt her again.

He would find a way, he swore it.

It was meant to be a reassuring kiss. A sweet, goodnight kiss, but Ben couldn’t help but notice the softness of her in his lap. Her bottom pressed against his crotch.

The kiss deepened and he let it. Just a little more, he told himself, and then I’ll go.

But a little more turned into a lot more as she began to squirm, instinctively rubbing against him in ways that made him groan into her mouth. Her sweet mouth that parted under pressure, granting him access. As his tongue met hers, he reveled in the slick velvety texture. His hand moved up from her spine to grasp her neck and bring her closer to him so he could taste more of her.

Suddenly, Rey pushed back against him, breaking their kiss.

Thinking he’d gone to far, Ben started to apologize, but she silenced him by straddling him. Once, she rocked her hips, and Ben realized that ragged sound was his own breathing.

His fingers dug into her hips. Whether to stop her or encourage her, he wasn’t sure yet. He was trying to get a hold on himself. He should stop this, but then she leaned down, cupping his face in her hands.

“Be with me,” she said.

And he couldn’t say no.


	17. A Feast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NSFW**.

It was different this time, this was more than the initial rush of lust. This was everything he had dreamed of, had wished for in his heart of hearts. Alone in his quarters aboard the Finalizer, when he couldn’t hold it any longer, he gave into his deepest desires, imagining her just as she was, straddled atop him, her hair falling over them, a soft curtain hiding them from the world.

In his fantasies, she’d taken his hand, given into him body and soul. She was his completely. With the same passion that she had fought against him, she would love him and together they would bring justice and order to the galaxy.

He would grow hard just thinking about the softness of her lips, the fire in her eyes that he wanted to light with desire instead of hate, he imagined her panting with want, asking him, telling him what she wanted him to do to her.

And he hadn’t even tasted her then.

Now that he knew just the hint of it, he knew his fantasies had been so much less.

In his fantasies, they would ride the waves of pleasure along their Bond. It would be so much more than just their bodies connecting, it would be their minds, their souls, their very existence melding in that time and space.

He knew that was what she was asking of him now.

All he needed to do to make it complete was to take down his walls. Even half-transparent as he was, he could share this with her. She would feel how she made him feel, she would know how he wanted to give her everything of himself, she would know him entirely.

It was all and everything he’d ever wanted. And yet, he realized that in his fantasies, she hadn’t ever had the option to reject him. What if he opened himself up to her and she turned away? It would be no less than he deserved.

She must have felt his hesitation because she leaned down to nuzzle his neck then, unwittingly rubbing against him. Through the thin fabric of her underwear he could feel the dampness press against him and just like that, his doubts were quickly swamped with a growing heat.

He may not have been entirely solid, but there was enough of him to fill his trousers in response to her movements.

She was only wearing a overly large black shirt, all he had to do was lift it off and she would be completely exposed to him.

Then, with a start, he realized the shirt was his. The one he had been wearing on Exegol.

“This is mine,” he said, emotion clenching his throat.

She lifted her head then to look at him, her eyes dark, pupils dilated. Desire yes, but something more, something deeper that echoed in his own soul.

She nodded, even though it wasn’t a question, her eyes filling with tears. “It was all I had of you. It was all I thought I would ever have.”

He could feel her ache and yearning through the Bond, how completely she had given herself to him, unquestioningly, as he had so often dreamed.

And here he was, holding himself back, for what? For fear of rejection? She had seen him at his darkest and still she’d come for him.

If they could overcome death, they could overcome whatever evil had set them apart or together.

It was then, looking into her eyes that Ben decided to let go of the fear, to give into her, to trust her.

He let down his walls.

He saw the shock in her eyes, then that emotion that echoed his own. He knew it now. It was love. He felt it coursing through him like blood, like the Force, a thing alive.

He realized then that this was what he’d wanted all along, not her surrender, but his.

His grasped her face between his hands, bringing his lips to meet hers. She knows now, how precious she is to him, she can feel it through their Bone, but he needs to say it anyway.

“I love you.”

She sobbed into his kiss and he tasted her tears.

Her hands were hungry things, roaming over his chest, his shoulders, down his arms and back up to tangle in his hair. It was as if she was intoxicated by him.

He let her explore him, his hands clamped at her waist as he gently rocked her over his harness, slowly building that low sensation.

“I’ll give you anything you want,” he said. “Tell me what you want.”

Suddenly shy, she went still. He could feel her doubts racing around in her mind. Until then, she’d just been doing things instinctually. Now that she had to think about it, it made her self-conscious.

“Nothing you say will sound stupid,” he assured her.

Still, she was unsure. He realized she didn’t even know what she wanted, how to ask for it.

He reached out gently, curious to know what had caused her to be so bashful. She seemed so passionate and self-assured in everything else.

What he found was quick, unfeeling groping in the dark. A smacking of flesh and disappointed curiosity. That’s what it had been for her and he ached to know it. Ached to know that she had never been loved.

This, he promised her silently, would be what she deserved.

A worshipping.

Slowly, he let his hands travel up her waist till they were just under her breasts. He could feel her breathing quicken as he drew near. It took every ounce of his self control to stop just below, his thumbs just brushing the underside of her tits.

Beneath his palm, he could feel her heart fluttering like a butterfly. Slowly, he brought his thumbs up, lightly caressing her nipples. She shuddered at the sensation. Again, he ran his thumbs over the taught buds, eliciting a shaky breath from her.

This was just the beginning and already he was extremely turned on. His cock pulsed against her, straining with need, but he suppressed it. He wanted to take things slow, to show her just what sex could be.

He cupped her breast then and pinched her nipple between his fingers, just as she had in the shower. A gasp escaped her lips, which he caught with his own, sliding his tongue into her mouth as he played with her nipples.

He took his hands away, eliciting a soft cry of complaint. He smiled into their kiss, _oh just you wait my little Jedi_ , he thought.

He took the corners of the shirt in his hands and very slowly began to lift it. He kept eye contact with her, through the Bond he let her know that at any point she could stop him, he never wanted her to feel uncomfortable or that he was rushing her, but she grabbed the edges of the shirt herself and lifted it off, daring him to look on her and also flushed with embarrassment.

The combination was enough to make him want to flip her over right then and there, but he held back. Instead, he feasted his eyes on the woman of his dreams.

**Force take me, you’re glorious.**

The flush of embarrassment turned to desire as she watched him watching her, then through the Bond she saw herself through his eyes and she smiled. To him, she truly was glorious.

A light sprinkling of freckles crossed over her chest, a mirror of the constellation across her cheeks and nose. He wanted to kiss each one as they traveled down to her pert, round breasts, but her nipples, erected, begged to be catered to.

Bending his head, he lightly licked one as he squeezed the other, earning a gasp of pleasure. Then he cupped the breast he had been licking, sealing his mouth over her nipple and sucking, flicking the hard peak with his tongue. He snaked his other hand down her waist, grabbing her ass as he thrust against her.

She groaned and he nearly came from the sound.

She was rocking desperately against him now. He could feel that the front of his trousers was soaked with her. He could feel her aching need growing. Soon, soon, he would give it to her, but he wanted to draw it out as long as he could. He switched his attention to her other breast, swirling his tongue around the neglected bud, sucking on the sweet flesh.

When she whimpered, the unspoken plea reverberating through his body, he knew he could hold out no longer. Grabbing her behind the knees, he quickly flipped her on her back, positioning himself between her thighs.

He devoured her with his eyes.

She was a feast and he was a starving man.

He would never have enough.


	18. Devoured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also, **NSFW**. 🤗

In all her life, Rey never thought she could be this happy. Joining the Resistance and meeting Han and Leia were a close second, but nothing, nothing compared to the drugged bliss she felt at this moment.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

It wasn’t just his words, his entire being told it to her over and over again, their Bond thrumming with tension and energy as they reached out to each other through it.

Their bodies were entwined, their minds tuned to the other, every sensation felt by the other.

Like this, she felt like they could overcome anything.

In her quiet moments alone, she would fantasize what their life could have been like. It was filled with sweet kisses, like the one they had shared on Exegol, long embraces and whispered confessions.

Even when she yearned for him, growing damp between her thighs, she would reach her release with thoughts of his body over hers, his wide chest filling her vision, the vague sensation of filling.

But nothing like this. _Nothing_ like what he was doing to her now, his lips trailing kisses all over her body, his hands, so large and so possessive, sliding, grabbing, squeezing. And his tongue, Force take her, she never knew a tongue could be used this way. It nearly drove her mad the way he sucks, flicks and laps at her nipples.

And then there was the shape of him beneath her soaked underwear, so much larger than she ever could have imagined. A little fear jumped in her throat at the thought of it stretching her.

But the way it felt when he pushed her down on it and the sound he made as she rocked her hips was enough to make her forget the upcoming discomfort.

Even as she writhed atop him, she sensed that what she was feeling was a pale imitation of what it could be if Ben were whole; she’d read it from Ben, as well, but she held herself back from giving him any of her Force. It would end everything they had shared up till now. His walls would go back up and he would never give in again.

Though she missed the feeling of heat and wetness wherever his mouth trailed along her, it was so much more than she’d ever thought possible. And she was thankful for it. For him.

Then he’d flipped her on her back.

And though she’d tried, Rey hand’t been able to suppress a little surge of disappointment. She knew this part had to come eventually, but she had been enjoying so much of what had come before that she’d almost fooled herself into think it could just be that. Just the grinding and kissing already felt so good, she didn’t want to end it.

It was better than anything she had ever felt before. She wasn’t a virgin, but most of her experiences had been somewhat awkward and sloppy. And her first time had been so uncomfortable that she’d never done it again after that. She’d let Ben see because, embarrassed as she was, she wanted him to know: he wasn’t her first, but _this_ certainly was a first.

Sighing, resigned, she thanked him for the pleasure he’d shown her till now, then laid back and prepared herself for the discomfort.

Ben, meanwhile, looked down on her with ravenous eyes, it was almost enough for her to get excited about what was to come. The way he looked at her made her feel powerful and vulnerable all at once.

It was a heady brew.

She only had time to wonder for a second at the the devilish smile on his soft, swollen lips before he scooped his hands underneath her buttocks, lifted her to his smile and licked her through her soaked underwear.

**Mother of —!**

Rey nearly bucked Ben off her, the sensation was so electric. _What in all the worlds had he just done to her? _She looked down at him smiling wolfishly between her thighs.__

She felt like a sacrificial lamb.

Her breaths came in short pants as she waited for him to continue but he just grinned at her.

“Tell me what you want,” he said, trailing kisses down along her thigh to her knee, getting further away from where she wanted him to go.

He came back, nearing her cleft, but barely skimmed it on his way to the other side.

Rey’s clit was throbbing so hard she could feel it all the way down in her toes.

**I want —.**

But the words wouldn’t come out. Embarrassment flushed her entire face. She couldn’t believe what he was asking her to say. She couldn’t do it.

“Yes,” he asked, a wicked lift of his eyebrow.

For ages it seemed like he teased her. With his teeth, he gently nipped the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, making them quake with anticipation, but never going nearer to her center.

Growing impatient, Rey lifted her hips slightly, earning a gruff chuckle from Ben.

“Oh, is this what you want?”

Then he oh-so-lightly kissed the tiny nub of pleasure and the words came tumbling out of her.

**Yes! Your tongue — please use your tongue!**

Rey felt the flush traveling all the way up from her cheeks to her hairline. She couldn’t believe what she had just asked him to do. No one had ever done that to her. She’d hear about it, of course, but she never imagined she would be asking for it. She tried to look away, so as not to see the look of ridicule on his face, but he caught her eye and his expression was anything but.

He hooked a finger under the band of her underwear, drawing it down her legs and letting it drop somewhere behind him.

When he turned back to her, he pressed his lips in a line. It was something he did whenever he tried to control his emotions.

“Force, I wish I could taste you,” he growled.

Then he was taking the hot bud of nerves into his mouth, sealing his soft lips over it and swirling his tongue around it again and again.

The pleasure was so intense Rey almost came, a shout escaping her mouth, but just as he felt her reaching her peak, he slowed down.

She felt him struggle to hold back the wave of desire that engulfed him as she pressed her hips up to his mouth, asking for more.

“Not yet, my sweet,” he said. “We’re going to take this slow.”

With exquisite tenderness, he backed her down from the edge then slowly started building her back up again. Each lap, each flick of his tongue driving her to that release that she’s been skirting ever since she’d straddled him.

He looked up at her with his olive eyes, reading her through their Bond, giving her exactly what she wanted but also pacing it so that she wouldn’t climax too soon.

Every time she would get close, he’d slow down again, driving her nearly mad. She cringed to hear the high pitched whine that escaped her lips when he did, but Ben only smiled. He liked knowing he was driving her wild.

As he teased her arousal back to near orgasm heights, he reached up with one hand and caught her nipple between his finger and thumb, squeezing it as he sucked on her, sending jolts of pleasure through her entire body.

With his other had, he took one long finger and slid it down her entrance, wetting it, gliding it up and down as he lapped at her. When his finger was slick with her, he slowly pushed it in.

A rush of air left his lungs.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he said, his voice cracking.

Rey couldn’t take it any more. All this building her up was making her delirious. She needed a release and she needed it _now_. Her clit was so swollen, she was ready to burst. She lifted her hips off then, drawing his finger deep inside her.

**Please —**

Ben grunted with surprise, slack-jawed with desire, then his mouth was back on her, his tongue rolling over the swollen nub as he slid in two fingers this time, stretching her deliciously. She titled her hips and he started pumping them deep inside her. She groaned, she was just on the edge. He answered her groan with one of his own and a swirl of his tongue.

And she came.

Hard and intense.

Unlike anything she had ever felt before.

Whenever she pleasured herself, she always gave into the orgasm instantly. She had never held it out, built it up like this.

Stars exploded behind her eyes.

Waves of shocks rolled through her entire body like electric pulses, strobing from her core as Ben continued to lick her, her walls clutching at his fingers as he crooked them.

Only when she gasped at the overstimulation did he lift his head.

He looked like a man possessed, his eyes nearly black, the pupil dilated.

He sat back on his knees then to look down at her, at his fingers that were still sliding in and out of her, the slick sucking sounding so vulgar and, even after that explosion of pure pleasure, so arousing.

She should have been embarrassed, splayed out in front of him, her wetness covering half his face and dripping down his fingers, but she was already feeling the stirrings of another orgasm building deep inside her.

Ben pulled out his fingers then, running them up her crevice to lightly caress her overly sensitive clit. “This time,” he said. “I want you to come on my cock.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been mulling over this and the next chapter for a little while, trying to get the tone and pacing right as it’s the first sex scene I’ve ever written. So, I would love some feedback if you’re willing to comment (constructive, not offensive please). Thank you!


	19. Curiosity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NSFW** 😘

Rey’s breath caught in her throat. How could she still be this turned on? After what Ben had just done to her, she didn’t think she could handle anymore, but her body had an entirely different response.

It positively _ached_ for more.

He looked like an avenging god, dark-eyed, kneeling between her legs. As her eyes traveled over him, she couldn’t help but notice the huge bulge pressing against his trousers. Her mind was just beginning to come back from the drowsy haze post orgasm and the sheer suggestion of _size_ was enough to sober her up slightly.

But not entirely.

Not enough to dull her curiosity. And she was _very_ curious, indeed.

Certainly she wondered what happened to a ghost shirt after it was taken off? Did it disappear? Could Ben even take off his clothes if he was a ghost? And then there was the question of ghostly fluids...

But more than that, she wanted to see him as he had seen her.

She’d caught a glimpse of Ben topless before, back on Ahch To — a time that was so far back it seemed like lifetimes ago — but she had been distracted from truly appreciating just how fine a form he had. Though, even then, even in her anger, she’d noticed that her heart had been fluttering not entirely because she had been angry.

Flipping over to her knees, Rey took his shirt in her hands, taking a second to marvel at the light heft of it, and lifted it off his head. His ridiculously perfect hair, flounced, actually _flounced_ like it had when he first took of his helmet all those ages ago.

She would have inspected the ghostly shirt in her hands, but Rey’s attention was soon distracted by other things.

_Force, he was so much man._

Now, it was her turn to ogle him like a starving woman, her eyes roving over the expansive landscape of him, from the sculpted planes of his chest as smooth as marble, as perfect as a statue, down to his waist, as solid and thick as a column, back up to shoulders so broad they could hold up galaxy filaments. Her eyes traveled along the mountainous line of those shoulders that tapered into muscled biceps, sinewy forearms and long, blunt fingers — fingers, she blushed to realize, that had just been inside her, doing things to her that made her squirm like an animal in heat. Shyly, her eyes darted quickly down before going back up to his face.

She saw that his jaw was clenched as he held still under her perusal.

**You’re glorious, too.**

And now it was his turn to blush.

Ben Solo, half-naked, lips swollen from what he’d just done to her, was _blushing._

Because of _her._

Rey would tuck this memory away like a treasure and bring it out whenever she was feeling low. It wasn’t that she was laughing at him, rather she didn’t think she’d ever seen him look bashful before.

It was absolutely adorable how he struggled to suppress it.

Her heart warmed at the vulnerability that she saw in his eyes.

Another part of her warmed as she also noticed how Ben was struggling to control his arousal which was aching just as intensely as hers had been.

Rey had never thought that she was the kind of person that could elicit this kind of reaction. That, and the fact that equal to his arousal was his desire not to pressure or scare her, made Rey feel _empowered_ as she never had before.

Not even when she had discovered the Force.

Here was a man who not only desired her, but loved her entirely.

She didn’t want to just look at him then, she wanted to touch him, feel him as he had her.

Slowly, reverently, she ran her hands over his body. Even though she couldn’t feel neither the texture nor the warmth of his skin, she didn’t allow for that to diminish from the moment.

After her hands had passed over him, she began to kiss all the parts of him that caught her eye. The hallow between his collarbone and his neck, all across the incredible wide plane of his chest, she even bent to lick his nipple as he had hers, earning a hiss as Ben sucked in air through his teeth.

Still he held completely still.

When she had first seen him half-naked, he had been covered in scars, some old and faded, others, like the one she had given him, red and angry. She might have used them as reference for her exploration, but they were all gone now. Rey paused in her kissing to run her finger over place she had mortally wounded him with his old lightsaber. There was nothing left. Not even raised skin, as a reminder of who he had been.

Except the scars on his soul.

 _But now they had time to heal those, too,_ she promised him, earning a sardonic laugh that was choked with emotion and desire.

And something else — something he had been hiding from her.

She felt Ben stiffen as he felt her along the Bond, touching on this hidden fear, so she left it.

They would have time for that, too.

Lower and lower she went, her lips brushing the sharp ridges of his ribs, down the hardened muscles of his core, and still further down, following the dark trail of hair from his bellybutton until she was facing what she had dreaded and yet was so curious to see, straining against black cloth.

Ben was breathing heavily now, but before she could unzip his trousers, he stopped her, caught her chin and brought her back up to kiss him.

It was a long lingering kiss, a calming kiss.

**We don’t have to.**

She knew he meant it, which made her want to do it all the more. She wanted to give him pleasure the same way he had given her pleasure, even if it meant a little, or by the looks of him, more than a little discomfort.

Holding his gaze, Rey slowly unzipped his trousers and reached in.

A gruff gasp escaped his lips as her hand closed around his erection, his eyes rolling back as she pulled it free.

For the first time, Rey had a good feel and look at what she had been grinding against all this time.

It was so _thick_ and _hard_.

And _big_.

Too big. Her hand not even close to covering half of it and her fingers far from meeting as they circled his width. Her curiosity suddenly fled.

“That’s not going to fit,” Rey blurted out. “I can’t —“

Ben laughed, his hand coming down to cover hers and slowly pumping up and down the long shaft, the laugh turning into a soft pant.

**It’s alright. There are other ways.**

She watched, fascinated as he guided her hand along his cock, exerting a little more pressure near the head, letting her fingers glide over the ridge. He tucked his face into the crook of her neck, pumping her hand with his, the rhythm slowly increasing.

A glistening bead of clear liquid appeared at the tip.

 _So, that’s what ghostly fluid was like. Not so different,_ she thought.

As she stroked him though, her curiosity began to warm until Rey could feel the stirrings of arousal again. Her body was responding to the pleasure he was feeling through the Bond and she was also getting turned on by turning _him_ on _._

**I want — I want to try. I want you to put it — inside me.**

A low groan escaped his lips and he stopped pumping as his cock throbbed in her hand.

“What you do to me, Rey,” he growled in her ear after.

He uncurled his hand from around hers, kissed the crook of her neck and slowly lay her back down. He followed her, kissing her tenderly before he pulled back a little to search her eyes and through the Bond to see if there was any flicker of doubt, but she was sure this time.

He position himself between her thighs and leaned over then, one hand by her face as he took his cock in the other and slowly rubbed the head along her entrance, coating it in her slickness.

**Force, you’re still so wet.**

His voice is strangled through the Bond.

He was taking it slow though, ready, even though it would kill him, for Rey to halt him at any moment. Far from it though, each time the smooth skin of the head of his cock slipped against her clit, Rey moaned a little, her hips naturally tilting to invite him in.

It was driving Ben mad, Rey could sense. His whole body was shaking with the effort. Unable to resist any longer, he slowly nudged the head in.

He paused, waiting for her to tell him what to do.

It felt...alright. Strange, though not enough to discourage her so she slid her hands down the contours of his back, lightly pressing his ass to guide him, slowly in and out and in just a little more each time.

Ben was tense above her, his arms two pillars beside her head, his face a stern mask of concentration as she adjusted to him. He bent his head and kissed her softly, his tongue as slow and gentle as his strokes.

Until Rey winced from the discomfort. Then he stopped, kissing her brow.

**I’m sorry, my sweet. Do you want me to stop?**

He began to pull out, but she wrapped her arms around his waist, trailing down to his ass and held him in place.

**Don’t stop.**

He kissed her again, then, leaning back a little, he reached down between them to begin lightly rubbing her clit as he pushed into her. The sparks of pleasure flooded more of her juices around his cock and she stretched and stretched, until she felt entirely filled and just when she didn’t think she could fit any more, he’d push a little deeper.

**Just a little more.**

Ben’s breath was ragged in her ear and she could feel him throbbing inside her.

He gave a short thrust then, eliciting a gasp from her and a groan from him. It wasn’t unpleasant, in fact, it felt as though it could feel good.

_This wasn’t so bad, she thought, a little uncomfortable at first but now..._

Rey tilted her hips a little, feeling a delicious hint of ecstasy deep inside her.

Ben swirled his hips in answer and the tip of his cock hit a spot inside her that made Rey groan with pleasure.

_Oh yes, that was definitely it._

There was that wolfish smile again.

**So, that’s how you like it huh?**

He pulled out a little then thrust into that sweet spot again, earning a shout of pleasure this time.

Rey clasped her hand over her mouth as he swirled his hips and pulled out even more to slam into her to the hilt again.

And again and again and _again_.

A hot tingling sensation blossomed in her core and she could feel her orgasm building up as Ben thrust into her, his pelvis grinding against her clit, his cock hitting that liquid spot.

Just as she was edging that oblivion, Ben sat back on his heels, still inside her to the hilt, and lifted her legs to rest on his shoulders. He gripped her hips, tilted her pelvis up and pulled out nearly to the tip before he _slammed_ into her with a grunt.

**Fuck, you’re so tight around my cock.**

He thrust into her again and again, faster and faster, his arms bulging from the strain, his fingers digging into her hips.

Rey’s hands crept up to her own breasts, pinching the nipples between her fingers, sending hot sparks into the molten magma at her core that was bubbling, nearly overflowing.

It was the sound of her own wetness sucking in his cock, the sticky slap of skin on skin that finally drove her over the edge.

She came in bright lights, flashing like falling stars. All the while he pumped into her, his cock swelling, stiffening more as he felt her coming around him, squeezing him, drenching him, his own climax building till —

**Rey — I can’t —**

He groaned as he came deep inside her. His cock pulsing as it emptied. His body shuddering with the release. Ben fell over her then, his body a roof to hers. His breath coming out in ragged gasps.

Rey could feel something filling her, the liquid from before and she wondered briefly if she could get pregnant. The instinctual fear, then hope, then disappointment, all rose and fell in a flash.

Theirs would not be a normal life. No children in the future, no growing old together, but at least they could have this. At least they had each other.

Gingerly, Ben pulled out of her then. Scooping his arm under her back, he flipped her so that she lay half on top of him, his arm coming to wrap around her, his hand resting on her hip, her head on his chest.

Rey looked down his heaving abdomen in wonder at the part of him that had given her so much fear and so much pleasure. He was covered in their combined liquids, still seeping some. She wanted to reach out and touch it, but with his other hand Ben searched for the blanket that had, long past, fallen on the floor and pulled it up to cover them, making sure Rey was tucked in.

Their breathing began to slow and the drowsy haze of their spent passions settled over them.

Rey fell asleep listening for the beating of his heart.


	20. I Didn’t Know Ghosts Could Do That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little **NSFW** 😘

If she dreamed, it must have been pleasant because Rey woke as she hadn’t in a long time, slowly, gently blinking her eyes open and breathing long and deeply.

She woke rested.

Her whole body felt lax, her muscles languid. Beneath her, the slow rise and fall of Ben’s chest lulled her back into a half-sleepy state. The rumble of his slight snore, making her smile.

She felt good. She felt right.

Everything, that is, except for Rey’s neck, which felt like it would snap if she turned it to the right.

She’d fallen asleep with her head on Ben’s chest and must have slipped down to his arm, which was still tucked underneath her head. Even just a slight shift and pain tweaked down the top part of her spine. She should move, should start to get ready, today they would start training the new recruits, but Rey didn’t want to move just yet.

The moment was too peaceful. _When was the last time she had felt this safe,_ she wondered. A long time past, if not ever.

Plus, even though her neck was killing her, it afforded her a perfect view of Ben’s sleeping profile, his long torso, infinite legs, and gigantic feet which, she stifled a giggle to see, were hanging off the end of her bed.

She could spend forever looking at him, she thought, letting her eyes trace the shape of him, over and over again, etching the memory of him into her mind.

She’d hated herself for it, but she had begun to forget what he looked like after Tatooine. At first, it was that he had all those beauty marks that dotted his face and neck, the tiny moles by his nose and over his left eyebrow.

Her eyes darted to them now, making a constellation out of all of them.

Then it had been the color of his eyes — olive and flecked with brown.

Then the shape of his face, the placement of his features, the curl of his hair, his height, his breadth, till finally all she was left with was a sense that what she thought he looked like was a memory of a memory, a fading impression.

She never wanted that to happen again.

So she took her time, looking at him as a woman in love does, with ardor, with detail, and just a little fear. _May this not be the last time I see this face,_ she wished, _but if it is, I will remember it always._

Deep asleep, Ben was oblivious to her silent promise to him.

He looked so much younger, Rey realized then, gazing at him. The hidden softness of his features emerging from the many masks he wore.

His lips, which could be petulant at times, was soft and pillowy, his expression free of frown lines and tensed muscles.

Then there was the _nose._

Rey was sorely tempted to run her finger along the peak. It was so prominent a feature that on any other man it might have been ridiculous, but on Ben, it just made him all the more handsome.

She remembered the feel of it as he tucked it into her neck, as it bumped into her own nose as they kissed.

Her eyes continued down, passing over the rise and fall of his chest, down the length of his flat abdomen, down still further till her eyes rested on the lump she saw beneath the blanket.

_No, it couldn’t be._

Curiosity getting the better of her, she slowly tugged at the blanket till she had bared him to her gawking.

And she was absolutely _gawking._

He truly was glorious.

And, Rey blushed to see, he was still hard.

Vivid flashbacks of their bodies heaving, sliding together, entwining and creating sensations she never thought another person could make her feel, or that she could make another person feel, stoked the low fire in her core.

She licked her dry lips and contemplated waking Ben, when a low chuckle, broke her revery and Rey glanced up. His eyes were still closed, but he’d very obviously sensed what she was thinking.

“It’s just...the morning,” he said, his voice full of gravel. He peeked an eye open then, looking down right mischievous. “But if you keep looking at it like that...”

Rey looked back down and it _twitched._

With a squeal of embarrassment, she buried her face into the crook of his arm, then immediately regretted it as her neck spasmed.

“I think my neck is as stiff as you are,” she groaned.

Quite unexpectedly, Ben barked out a laugh. A full, deep throated, chest expanding laugh, earning him a shocked look from Rey. She’d never seen him laugh before. In fact, he couldn’t even remember the last time that he did. It had not been for many, many years.

It felt good to laugh.

It felt good to wake up holding her in his arms.

Rey, his sunshine. His band of pure light.

“I know just the cure for that,” he said, his eyes still mischievous.

“Do you think we have time,” Rey started to ask, suddenly very aware of the fact that they were both completely and undeniably naked and pressed together, but instead of rolling over her as she expected, Ben gently helped her sit up, careful not to mover her neck too much. He maneuvered her to sit at the edge of the bed, then he sat down behind her, his legs straddling hers.

At first Rey’s arms instinctively went to cover her chest. _Not that there was much to cover,_ she thought, her body consciousness suddenly smacking her in the face.

Without missing a beat, Ben leaned over and whispered in her ear, “they felt perfect in my mouth,” kissing the back of her neck before he sat back.

Rey thanked the stars that he couldn’t see the ridiculous grin that spread across her face when he said so. She was all teeth for the next minute. That was, until his large hands cupped the right side of her neck and shoulder and very gently began kneading them. A moan escaped her lips as the crick in her neck began to loosen.

Really, it was shameful the noises this man’s hands could elicit from her.

Ben meanwhile, practiced the art of remaining calm and wholly unaffected. Or at least he tried to. It was practically impossible to do as his eyes drifted down the elegant curve of Rey’s spine to the sensuous curve of her buttocks just a short distance from his cock which was erect for an entirely different reason now and staring at him with menace.

He tried to ignore it, though her moans weren’t making matters any easier. And his hands, how they _itched_ to reach around and start playing with her breasts, those plucky nipples were just asking to be squeezed. If she didn’t realize how much he loved them last night, he would need to remind her, with ardor, but before all that he could feel how tense Rey’s neck and shoulder was underneath his hands and today, of all days, she needed to be as relaxed and alert as possible, so he put aside his fantasies. For now.

Besides, he would have _all day_ to plan what he would do to her tonight.

He was just thinking of where to start when her voice broke through his thoughts.

“I didn’t think ghosts could...you know...do all the things we did last night,” she scrambled to finish.

He didn’t need to feel along their Bond to know that she was blushing all the way to her toes. He was about to answer when, at the back of his mind, just as he knew it would, as it always had since he could remember, an insidious little voice destroyed the illusion of joy he was so desperately trying to believe.

 _You won’t won’t be able to hide the truth from her much longer now. It’s pathetic how afraid you are, you should never have let your walls down, you could have held on to the farce much longer,_ it said.

Rey wasn’t the only one who was haunted by unwanted voices, but unlike her, he couldn’t block out his own voice.

Mistaking his silence, Rey continued “I mean, I didn’t think you needed to sleep or even could. Now that it’s possible, maybe you could stay with me during the nights,” she ventured. She turned to look back at him over her shoulder and even though she didn’t mean to, even though she had sworn she wouldn’t, her gaze darted down and then back up, wide eyed.

Even in his troubled mood, Ben could still let himself appreciate her admiration of his desire for her.

 _Yes, that’s all you, my sweet little Jedi,_ he thought.

Rey was most likely about to say something impossibly silly that she would have immediately regretted in regards to Ben’s positively vigorous _endowments_ , when she noticed the look on his face. Gone was the sweet, untroubled expression, instead a cloud had fallen over.

Turning to face him, she cupped her hand to his face. His eyes were speaking again, she didn’t need to reach along their Bond to see the fear reflected in them, the doubt.

**Ben, what is it?**

She remembered then the fear she felt earlier when they had been reaching out to each other along the Bond. His walls were no longer up, but she could sense a hesitancy, a misdirecting. He hadn’t wanted her to see all of him, not yet, even if he no longer blocked her from seeing it.

She sensed the same resistance now as she reached along their Bond. It gave her pause, but after a moment, she decided she would respect it. She still didn’t want to push him.

They had time, she kept telling herself. They had time.

Suddenly, a sharp hiss filled the room.

Stepping in, fully dressed in his General’s uniform, Finn’s question died in his throat as he turned to face them, “Rey? Are you ready —“

The horror on his face was quite possibly worse than when he walked in on them the first time. His eyes widened to twice their size and his chin hit his chest.

Then he began to dry heave.

It was definitely worse.


	21. An Unexpected Introduction

Finn had long since understood what his and Rey’s relationship would be. He didn’t need to be a Force Sensitive to know what her feelings for him were. Even though he’d been draw to her from the start, as he had with Rose and then Jannah—though with Jannah it was perhaps more a camaraderie that he felt—nothing had ever came of it; the brief kiss with Rose notwithstanding.

Then there was Poe.

He didn’t know what to think about Poe. He had been the first person Finn was attracted to and it wasn’t just the Force that had been guiding Finn to him—it was something else.

Sometimes he would catch Poe looking at him in a way that would make his heart trip over itself or he’d be nearer than someone else would. And it always warmed Finn’s heart how friendly and affectionately Poe treated him, but then he reasoned that Poe was friendly and affectionate with everyone. It was not something he induced in particular.

Perhaps, it was just a reaction against the indoctrination he endured, he reminded himself that he should ask Jannah if she felt as he did, or maybe it was just how he was. Either way, seeing Rey in the arms of Ben Solo, naked, had stirred up a feeling Finn had thought he’d buried long ago.

In fact, it was all he could see now, flashing before his eyes, as he walked with Rey towards the new recruits who were assembled before a dais that had been set up in the clearing near Rey’s old training course.

He was so absorbed that he hadn’t even spared a glance at his fellow students as he passed by.

**Please, stop thinking about it, Finn.**

Taken aback, Rey had never communicated with him through the Force before, Finn answered more sharply than he intended.

**Are you reading my mind?**

**I don’t need to. I can see it all over your face.**

He just couldn’t shake the image.

**Rey, I saw you. You were...you were...with him.**

Rey didn’t answer as they climbed up the dais. Finn caught Poe’s eye as he filed in behind him. There was a slight frown of worry before the mask of General Dameron fell back in place. He gave them each a small nod before turning back to face the new recruits.

Once Rey was shoulder to shoulder with Finn, she whispered, “it wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t just barge into other people’s rooms without warning them first,” Rey hissed. Though her tone was more embarrassed than sharp, she wasn’t addressing what Finn was really saying. It was one thing to forgive the enemy, but he’d never imagined her _sleeping_ with him. This, however, was not the place and certainly not the time to do it.

Without preamble, Poe began his commencement speech.

Rey tried to pay attention, but she was too distracted by all the emotions rolling off Finn, by her own anxiety and most of all, but the twenty recruits that were looking up at them.

Now that she was standing in front of them, all of the planning that she and Ben had done seemed insufficient. She had been expecting five, maybe ten recruits maximum. This? This was a company.

And even though it shouldn’t have mattered, Rey hoped she appeared...official? Professional? She didn’t know how a Master was supposed to look, all she knew was that she didn’t feel like one and she feared that it showed.

Chiding herself for the superficial preoccupation, she tried to concentrate on Poe’s speech and on detecting any unusual emotions of the recruits through the Force.

“You will be training together, sleeping together, eating together, every day and every night. You will not be leaving this area until you either progress to the next stage of training or are sent back to your previous station. If you do not make it to the next stage,” Poe paused for emphasis, “it does not mean there isn’t a place for you with us. Now more than ever, we need the galaxy to come together and it’s with your help, whether through this program or through another, that we will be able to restore the New Republic to what it was.”

Even though he wanted to, Poe didn’t even hint at the possibility of a hidden enemy. The assembled recruits were all so young and fresh-faced, yet out there among the many was one who was unlike the others. It was against his nature to not do anything in the moment, long term tactical strategies were not his forte, but he was learning. He was learning to be many different things.

Before the program was to start, he had Maz give him the files of all of recruits and he had studied them profusely before handing them over to Rey and Ben. He may not be a Force Sensitive, but he trusted his gut and more often than not, his gut had been right. So, he watched for minute facial tics and shifting eyes, waiting for his gut to tell him something.

“Most of you don’t know why you’re here. Some of you may have intuited it, but let’s just get this out there in the open. You are training to be Jedi.”

An excited energy hummed among the recruits.

“You have all been briefed as to the top secret nature of this program. For that reason all your communication deceives have been seized. They will be returned to you should you be removed from the program or at the end of it. I don’t think I need to stress that it is paramount to the success of this program that it remain a secret.”

Poe and the rest of the High Command had, after much contention, decided that the recruits who didn’t pass training would have to be persuaded using that mind thingy that Force users do to make them believe they had trained for another program.

None of them had liked the idea and Rey in particular had argued against it. Using the mind trick hadn’t felt so bad when she was trying to escape or when she wanted to obtain the code to the communications tower, but somehow this felt like a violation. Poe had whole heartedly agreed, his eyes boring into Ben’s as he did so.

In the end, Ben had been able to convince everyone that in order to maintain the secrecy of the program and to protect Rey, they had to do it. It was, he argued, a _Jedi_ skill after all.

As she studied the faces, Rey wonder who among would pass and who she would have to persuade and who was the one that had horrible designs for her.

They, on the other hand, weren’t really looking at her. Rather, each and every student was trying not to stare at a point just over Rey’s left shoulder.

They were all waiting to find out just who exactly was the semi-transparent, bluish figure standing next to the Hero of Exegol.

When she had taken a quick glance behind her to check on him, Ben had a completely unaffected expression devoid of all emotion except for perhaps a hint of self-assuranc, or arrogance, depending on who was asked.

But beneath that cool exterior through the Bond she could feel the tension with which he held himself and the laser focus he trained on the recruits.

“The training begins here. You’ll be guided and selected by Masters Skywalker...and Solo—“

Till then, the recruits might have thought Ben was a holo, but the name was unmistakable. Even before Poe had finished there was an audible shift.

Rey nearly shouted the horrified ‘No!’ that rang through her head. Ben was supposed to have been Olar Ken, a historian specializing in Jedi lore and practice, who would aid Rey in training the new recruits via hologram. That’s what they had spent weeks concocting.

This? This was _not_ what they had discussed.

“—who you may have noticed, is deceased.”

The murmurings began in earnest then. Everyone had heard rumors that General Organa’s Force Sensitive son had gone to the dark side, joined the First Order, murdered his own _father_ , and then had disappeared without a trace. In fact, there were still warrants out for any information on Ben Solo formerly known as Kylo Ren, but it seemed that he was already dead.

With growing unease, Rey reached out along the Bond to check on Ben. He allowed her in and eased her worry. He was completely calm, unshaken and, if she wasn’t mistaken, he was actually slightly bemused.

“Master Solo,“ Poe paused, allowing the tension to build, “gave his _life_ to defeat the First Order and has come back to help rebuild from the ashes what his mother, General Organa, had fought so long to save: the New Republic.”

The murmurings had turned to outright chatter, drowning out the last part of Poe’s sentence as the recruits expressed their confusions and doubts, some even expressed anger and others fear, a few hurled insults and threats, their home worlds having been enslaved or destroyed by the First Order.

It was shock tactic, pure and simple. A bold move against multiple targets calculated to conceal a subtler one. Ben didn’t begrudge Poe his little play, in fact, he admired him for it. Perhaps, the General was smarter than he looked.

It was easy enough to counter Poe’s move. Ben allowed the waves of hate and fear to wash over him. He stood silent and unmoving, his expression a blank mask. He neither defended himself nor asked for forgiveness. Now was not the time for that.

He understood that all that energy and force need a place to go, so he opened himself to it, let himself be the target.

It was an interesting reaction. Not one Poe had expected. In his mind, Ben Solo was no differently to Kylo Ren, however the later would never have allowed this kind of treatment. Poe had enough experience with the later to know in his gut that he wouldn’t.

Poe hadn’t intended to go off script, but at the last minute he had winged it. It was just a little test to see if the former Supreme Leader of the First Order could handle the rebuke. Just a taste really, of what was in store for him if he really did mean to try to redeem himself.

Not that Poe cared what Ben’s good intentions were. He really just wanted an excuse to scratch this plan and enact plan B or C or D or any other plan that didn’t include him having to work with Leia’s prodigal son.

Ben, however, hadn’t given him one.

Beyond giving him a tough time, and though it was unlikely, Poe had hoped that revealing Ben’s identity just might cause the spy to expose themselves, as well. But his gut had remained silent. Even still, he thought it had been worth trying something his way.

And just like that, the game was in play.


	22. New Talents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NSFW** 😘

Ben proved to be an excellent teacher.

Even though several recruits had been reticent to even draw near him, his steady manner eventually earned him weary acceptance.

Even Akiva Qi-Xot, a refugee from Hay Minor and a friend of Rose Tico’s, and Sol Claermoore, the son of a senator who had died in the Hosnian Massacre, had relented from whispering insults from under their breaths when Ben had addressed them one day before starting training.

“Hate me if you want. Blame me for the pain you and your family and all the people you’ve ever known have suffered. I don’t deny you that — your anger is justified — but just hating me will never bring you any peace or justice, it will never bring your friends or family back. So you have a choice: you can give into the hate. If you do, this is not be the place you can pursue that path. If you find others that hate the way you do, it often begets violence. Then one day you might find yourself in the same position I was once in. Your other choice is: you can relinquish hate, not anger, but hate, and learn what I have to teach. Then take those skills along with your anger and make sure that something like this may never happen again.”

It wasn’t an apology, nor was it an excuse, but it was something.

Then, when Ben had been able to guide those that were Force-Sensitive into successfully connecting with the Force without bursting into tantrums as they had expected, he’d even gained begrudging trust.

Rey, on the other hand, quickly realized that just because she learned it and could do it, didn’t mean she could teach it.

Luke had been stern, at times short-tempered. Leia was always calm and Ben was surprisingly like his mother, even and unhurried — he had already become much less volatile after she’d healed him and now he really seemed to take to the role of a teacher.

He was encouraging, patient, and understood that each student needed something different.

Rey, on the other hand, was struggling to find her rhythm and style as they forged through the first days of training.

It wasn’t that they were doing any hard. On the contrary, they were simply trying to discover which recruits were actual Force Sensitives and which weren’t.

All the recruits were assembled into the open space that had been cleared before the jungle course. They were all sat in mediation poses and were asked to reach out to the Force.

There were a few strong Force signatures from the start. It was obvious that they had already consciously used the Force to some degree, but none had had any formal training.

Those recruits went with Finn, who had already learned the basic tenants that Luke and Leia had passed on to Rey. He and they practiced limited core skills, including center of being and breath control, while Rey and Ben continued winnowing through the rest of the recruits.

Some of the more advanced students grew bored with the unchallenging pace and one, a Jaxon-Dax Sekel, kept asking when they were going to get their lightsabers.

But Ben and Rey couldn’t gauge what the was needed until they had gone through everyone and as time was passing, Rey was growing more frustrated. She kept falling back on the same phrase that Luke had used with her.

“Reach out with your feelings,” she kept saying over and over.

With some it had worked, with others not at all.

Mara Dorstar, a Twi’lek, and Ta Sisk, a Mon Calamari, could feel the Force but neither were able to grasp it. And no matter how many times Rey tried to explain what “feelings” meant, she only read confusion from them.

She felt terrible because if they didn’t make the program, she knew it would be from her failure to explain rather than theirs to understand.

The only thing that kept her from giving up entirely was that neither Ben nor Finn were able to explain it to them any better than she had. She had all but given up when one morning Mara greeted her with her lekku, as she had always done and without thinking, Rey had returned the greeting. Beside her, Ben said, “your gift with languages is unique.”

“It’s probably just something to do with the Force,” she said, trying to brush it off, but Ben had shook his head.

“The Force allows inference, not comprehension. You understand languages because you understand people. You understand what they need, what they want to communicate and what they don’t. Use it.”

She’d blushed at his compliment, then felt embarrassed by her past mopping. She realized that she had allowed her frustration to cloud her reality; she’d lapsed into feeling ineffectual and had forgotten her other strengths, until that morning.

And that was when she finally made a breakthrough.

Even though all the recruits spoke Basic fluently, for some of them it was not their first language or the language they thought or _felt_ in. Once Rey understood that, their progress and her confidence accelerated.

At night, Ben and Rey would crash into the tiny cot that they shared on site. Ben conspicuously bidding the recruits good night and disappearing, of course, so as to keep the nature of their relationship a secret, before silently reappearing in Rey’s tent later.

Those first nights they had come together like magnets. Smashing together and tearing the others clothes off in seconds. It was very different from their first time. These couplings were fast, hot and _sloppy_. Rey, already wet from thinking about what they were going to do for the whole day, was always ready to take Ben, and he, feeling how wet she was at the end of each day, could barely hold himself back from slamming into her and coming in one thrust.

It was very difficult to keep silent.

They didn’t have time for prolonged pleasure, but no matter the position, whether he held her up, took her from behind, or had her ride him, Ben always made sure Rey came. If he came first, he made sure to bring her to climax with his fingers and his mouth. Afterwards, they would fall into a deep, exhausted sleep.

It was only in the mornings, if they woke up early enough, that they’d take a little more time to explore each other.

One morning, Rey rose before Ben and looking down at his sleeping form, she was overwhelmingly tempted to take him into her mouth.

Slowly, she crept down till she was between his legs and gently took him in her hand. He wasn’t even completely hard, but his girth still shocked her. She checked to see if he was awake, but he hadn’t stirred, even when she’d wrapped her fingers around him.

As she slowly started to pump her hand up and down, she felt him swelling and hardening, the veins along his cock bulging. The shiny head of his erection was just begging to be licked.

Rey wet her lips then sealed her mouth around the top, her tongue swirling over and over the tip. She tasted herself on him from the night before, so she sucked and licked till she didn’t taste herself anymore, then she pulled off with a vulgar _plop_ and looked up at Ben.

He was most definitely awake then. His eyes, glassy with want, focused on her lips and his nostrils flared as his breathing quickened. She brought her mouth close again and stuck her tongue out to run along the back of his cock from the base to the tip.

The sight of Rey sucking him off was an image Ben would never forget. Her hair, messy from the night, tumbling over her shoulders, her breasts visible through his shirt that hung baggy on her, her perked nipples, her lush tongue lapping at him as she wet his cock.

At the top, Rey paused, catching his eye again. He was holding his breath, his whole body tense as he waited for her to continue.

Then, she took him as deep into her mouth as far he would go, the tip of his cock hitting the back of her throat and she sucked.

Ben couldn’t help the guttural groan that escaped his clenched jaw.

Feeling him throbbing in her mouth, Rey felt so _powerful_.

Up and down she went, licking along the back of his cock and playing with the head, her hand pumping with her.

Her lips were beginning to feel a little bruised, but she didn’t mind. She knew he was close, could feel him swelling, hardening even more in her mouth and in her hand.

**Rey, I’m close.**

His rested his hand gently on her head, following her pace and rhythm. He watched her plush lips run up and down his cock, her tongue darting out to lubricarte his shaft. And then she looked up at him with those hazel eyes, her mouth stuffed, his dick gripped in her hand and his world exploded.

The liquid came spurting out of him, coating her mouth as he growled.

She caught it all, still working the shaft, sucking and licking all of it as it pulsed out of him, slowly ebbing to nothing. When Ben gave his last shudder of release, she swallowed. It was...strange, the consistency was viscous, but it had no taste, no warmth. Perhaps that was a benefit, she’d heard how awful it could be, but Rey was curious, she’d wanted to know what Ben tasted like.

Ben pulled her up to kiss her then. At first she resisted, thinking she might have morning breath _and_ cum breath, but he insisted till she opened up to him. They kissed until the sun rose and it was time to go to breakfast.

🌗🌗🌗

By the end of the week, they had determined that as many as eight of the recruits were non-Force Sensitive, while another two had decided they no longer wanted to participate in the program.

They were generally easy enough to persuade with the mind trick into forgetting their experience. A few required more exertion and then Ben and Finn had to lend a hand, but eventually they were all sent back to their former posts, with Maz and her people watching closely, of course.

That left ten recruits. Ten was a manageable number spread out among the three of them, Rey thought.

Without meaning to, they each had their favorites. Not that they neglected the other recruits, but to these they were a little more attentive.

Finn, playing both student and teacher roles, was very drawn to the spiritual Araneya Rinou and Var Tahlee, two young Mirialans who had not gotten their face tattoos yet. Their Force signatures were all somewhat similar and complimentary and they immediately formed a tight bond.

Though Ben didn’t play favorites, he was attentive to Ora Siln, a shy, moody Devaronian who was often left alone by the rest of the recruits. In many ways, she reminded Rey of Ben and she imagined that he might have been like that at Luke’s academy and it made her heart ache a little.

Not that the other recruits intentionally disregarded Ora or bullied her, but bonds naturally formed between certain groups and she was not truly a part of any of them.

Jaxon-Dax and Sol became immediate friends, their rivalry good-humored and entirely masculine, involving lots of pranks and punches.

Mara and Ta had bonded over their shared difficulty in connecting with the the Force in the Beginning.

Then there was Akiva, Karion Kane and Mai Umdal, the three human females who stuck close together.

Akiva was fiery and steadfast. She reminded Rey of Rose a little and perhaps that was why she felt drawn to the girl from Hays Minor. Though in truth, Rey was growing to care about all the recruits, even Jaxon-Dax who was constantly trying to skip steps. He was brash and excitable, but his arrogance was balanced out by his eagerness, as well as Sol’s calming influence.

Rey was learning that they each had things that they were good at and things they were bad at and that her job was to see what was good and nurture it and try to fix what was bad.

It had been so absorbing and so unexpectedly fun, that she had completely forgotten about the spy.

Until the morning they woke to Karion Kane’s screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All names from the Star Wars Random Name Generator site.


	23. An Emeny in Their Midst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning: a character is attacked off screen in this chapter. There’s suggestion of violence on an unwilling subject.**
> 
> Also, just a reminder that I’m basing some upcoming plot points off a mixture of the films, canon, and non-canon sources, that is to say I’ll be taking plenty of artistic license so a midway reminder that this fic won’t necessarily be EU-compliant. Thanks!

Her eyes were staring up at the canopy, her body completely still as she lay on the cot. If they didn’t already know that something was wrong, she might have just woken up.

Akiva was consoling Karion, who’s cot was next to Mai’s, when Ben and Rey entered the makeshift barracks for the recruits. Finn arrived soon after them. The rest of the recruits were standing close together, shifting nervously on their feet.

It was Sol and Mara who came forward. The two eldest and the two who had ranked as lieutenants before transferring to the program.

“We were all getting up, getting ready,” Mara said, glancing at Sol who nodded in agreement. She continued, “Mai wasn’t moving, which was strange, because she was always one of the first ones up and moving long before anyone else. She was always very...bright...like waking up to sunshine...” Mara trailed off, her eyes watering.

Sol’s hand went to grasp Mara’s shoulder, but he stopped it, clasping his hands behind his back. “Karion went over, thinking Mai had overslept, but when she saw that her eyes were open, she though Mai was resting, so she called her name and when she still didn’t respond, Karion tried to shake her and that’s when, well, that’s when—“

“It’s alright,” Rey said, seeing that it was difficult for them to speak. “Finn, stay with the recruits, make sure they’re okay and send an emergency link to Poe.”

Finn nodded, guiding Sol and Mara back to the group of recruits. Over the past several days, training together and created a bond between them all. They could sense each other’s emotions and at this moment, Finn felt a surge of confusion and fear. Without even realizing what he was doing, he started practicing his breathing control.

The recruits, noticing what he was doing, soon followed suit and soon they had regained a measure of calm.

Meanwhile, Rey and Ben approached Mai.

The memory of coming upon Rey, so still and so blank, flashed through Ben’s mind. The same sickening dread, closing his throat.

Rey sensed it through their Bond, an echo of her own fear once upon a time. She wanted to reach out and grasp his hand, but recalled the recruits behind her.

**I’m here. We’re still here.**

Ben didn’t respond, still unable to take his eyes from Mai’s form, but the tension in his face eased and he nodded slightly.

When they reached Mai’s side, they both held out their hands, using the Force to see if they could sense what had happened to her.

Ben was the first to speak. “Someone’s erased her memory,” he said, his voice firm and edged with anger.

“So, she’s alive,” Rey released the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. She’d sensed Mai through the Force when they drew near, but, as she well knew, there were times that one’s signature lingered even after the person had gone. She placed her finger beneath Mai’s nose then and felt the faintest of breaths.

“She is, but she needs to be taken to med bay and looked after. She’s in a state of shock. Coming to can be disorienting on a lesser scale, but seeing how affected she is,” Ben gestured to Mai’s rigid form, “it could be traumatic.”

“How do you know about it,” Rey asked.

Ben didn’t answer for a long time.

“When I...after the academy, when Snoke found me, he said he’d had to erase the memory of my...of what I had done because I was going mad with it. I was in the same state as Mai for several days. Eventually I came to and it was...difficult.”

Something about what Ben was telling her struck Rey as strange, wrong even, but she couldn’t place it.

“It would take a very powerful Force user to pull this off,” Ben continued, “one who has been trained in the Dark Side.”

A shiver ran down the length of Rey’s spine. She glanced behind her at the recruits huddled around each other. _One of them_ , she thought, one of them had done this, but if she had to say now who she thought the spy might be, she would draw a blank. It could be any of the recruits because it seemed like none of them could be an infiltrator.

Rey looked back at the corpse-like body in front of her. _What had happened?_ Mai was gentle, bubbly even, she wasn’t threatening to anyone. _Why had the spy attacked her?_

“She must have seen or heard something she wasn’t supposed to,” Rey guessed.

Ben nodded his agreement. “Something revealing, something Mai would have had to tell us. Otherwise the spy wouldn’t have risked such an overt action,” he said. “They were afraid of being exposed.”

“But how did we not _sense_ it?”

Ben frowned and shook his head. He wasn’t sure, but what he did know was that it was a level of manipulation that he’d only ever seen in the most powerful of Force users, _Dark_ Force users.

Even though he hadn’t spoken it out loud, Rey had sensed his thoughts.

They were beginning to realize that the enemy in their midst was much more that just a mere spy.

🌗🌗🌗

The room where they interviewed the recruits one by one looked nothing like an interrogation chamber and yet that was what it was.

It was small and airless and like everything else on the base, was probably repurposed.

As each recruit recounted their story and were questioned by the high command, Rey, Finn and Ben attuned themselves to the Force to sense for any abnormalities.

Though, as Ben had mentioned before they began, if the spy was powerful enough to hide or mask their use of the Dark Side of the Force, they would be more than capable of hiding and suppressing their emotions. Nothing short of prying one’s memories from their mind, would be effective.

Still they continued with the cross-examination.

They spoke with Akiva and Karion first, and sensed great pain coming from both of them, which they didn’t deem unusually, considering they were closer to Mai. The pain was especially distinctive from Akiva, who was so affected that the pain she felt almost seemed physical.

Then rest of the recruits each gave their versions, all of them corroborating what had happened that morning. None of them, exhibited any emotions that would raise suspicions.

As each one was released, they were told that Mai Umdal had suffered a mental breakdown from the strain of training and that after discussing it, the high command would let them know if the program would continue.

None of the recruits voiced doubt or questioned the line they were given, but Rey could sense that none of them believed it.

After what seemed like days, it was finally Rey’s turn to brief the high command on what she’d heard and seen. Once she’d finished, she stepped back to stand in line and Finn stepped forward, then Ben.

After they had all finished, a weighted silence filled the room. The implications of what had happened to Mai Umdal lead to dark musings, not just about the intentions of the spy, but what they were going to do to counter it.

“It’s obvious we’ve underestimated just who and what the spy is,” Maz finally ventured, her expression of concern deepening the lines around her eyes and mouth. “Is there any way to recover memory that’s been erased?” This, she directed at Ben, who had told the high command that he knew what had happened to Mai Umdal to be memory erasure because he had experienced it himself.

“Not that I know of,” Ben replied.

“I think the more important question is whether we should continue down this path. It’s quite obvious we’re dealing with someone who has no intention of running away,” Lando interjected, “not until they’ve got what they came for.”

Chewbacca growled, tossing his head.

“Yes, they’ve maintained their identity at the loss of their secrecy,” agreed Maz. “General Calrissian and Chewbacca are both correct. Whoever the spy is, they’ll know they’ve alerted us to their existence, or to the very least, the existence of someone in the group who has ulterior motives. They know we’ll be suspicious and watchful. That pressure makes an already dangerous individual even more unpredictable.”

“And we’ve learned just how dangerous this person can be,” added Lando.

The tension in the small room, already high, clicked up a few notches more. Everyone turned to look at Rey.

“We should halt the program —”Maz started to say.

“—or, we could also take advantage of this catalyst,” Rey finished. Her instinct to go after the enemy ignited by the audacity of what they had done. That they had _dared_ to harm someone right here, right on Ajan Kloss and right under her nose.

“But that’ll be hanging you out there like bait,” Finn objected. “The spy will be even more desperate to get to you now!”

Caught between wanting to catch the spy and suspecting that Ben had a hand in it, Poe’s eyes kept flicking to the later as the High Command debated what to do.

He hadn’t spoken once after Maz had questioned him. He’d remained unreadable, an unfathomable pillar. Poe kept waiting for his gut to react, to tell him this was the moment, this was the excuse he needed, but it had been frustratingly silent after it had prompted him to reveal Ben’s identity.

The way Poe saw it though, he had the two people he didn’t trust, two people he suspected and they were right there on his base in his palm, all he had to do was close his fingers. He figured, he didn’t need his gut to tell him what to do in this situation.

“Why don’t we isolate all of them. Interrogate them one by one. Rey and Finn can use that Jedi mind thingy—“ Poe made a motion that mimicked pulling something from his head. When he continued to receive confused stares he sighed. ”You know, that mind probe that the former First Order commander over here was so fond of.”

“You’re joking right,” Finn asked, incredulous. “We might as well just start calling ourselves the First Order if we’re going to do that.”

Poe had the wherewithal to look abashed. He hadn’t quite thought that one through, he had to admit, but he was still suspicious of Ben. He needed assurances that he and the spy weren’t one and the same.

Poe held up his hands as a sign of admittance that he’d perhaps taken the suggestion too far. Then he said, “how are we so sure that it was the spy that did it?” He paused, making sure everyone’s attention had turned to him. His next question, he specifically directed at Ben. “You said you’re familiar with the move that was used on Mai Umdal, does that mean you’re capable of replicating it?”

“Yes.”

There was no hesitation in Ben’s answer.

“So, how do we know it wasn’t you,” Poe asked, his eyebrow cocking and a little self-satisfied half-smile playing on his lips. _Gotcha_ , he thought.

The entire focus in the small interrogation room shifted from Rey to Ben and in an instant he could see as well as feel all the old fears, the old suspicions readily coming to the surface once again as they considered him.

Lando’s fist clenched on the table, Chewbacca began to grumble, and Maz’s nose scrunched. Beside him, Finn’s Force signature surged and his emotions registered loudly as hurt betrayal.

Ben knew he needed to get a handle on the situation quickly. He opened his mouth to answer when Rey spoke up.

“It wasn’t him,” she said, defiant as she stepped forward, Ben realized to shield him.

Taken aback a little by her tone, Poe’s eyes narrowed as he looked between the two of them. “How can you be so sure,” he asked.

“I’m sure,” Rey said, tilting her chin in just that way that Ben knew meant she was ready for a fight, “because he was with me last night.”


	24. Compromised

The resulting silence stretched for eons.

It was so quiet one could hear eye lids blinking and held breaths seeping out of open mouths.

Then all at once, the concophony began.

An exasperated moan escaped from Finn as his hands went to his face. There was going to be an explosion and he didn’t know which to cover, his eyes or his ears or his mouth.

“You said what now?” Poe growled, standing up so fast from his chair that it went flying back.

Chewbacca grunted in surprise, his head tilting in confusion.

Lando’s clenched fist flattened, then slapped the table as he laughed uproariously, leaning back in his chair.

Maz clicked several zoom lenses in place before saying, “yes, the energy is definitely different.” It seemed that she was also trying to repress a smile. “You can see it in the eyes.”

“Definitely in the eyes,” Lando said, smiling at the two young lovers in a way that made Rey want to bury her face in a hole.

Chewbacca growled, gesturing with his massive paw at Ben and then at Rey.

“A lot like his mother, indeed. Heart-strong, courageous, smart,” Maz agreed. “It’s no wonder the young fool fell for her. He didn’t stand a chance.”

“Just like Han,” Lando chuckled.

Rey had been expecting a fierce battle after her confession, but this? This _teasing_? This was not what she had been expecting at all and she didn’t quite know who to handle it.

Ben, for his part, was realizing how right they were, these old friends of his parents. Rey did remind him of his mother in many ways. But she was also so different. Especially now, still standing in front of him, ready to protect him when she thought everyone was against him, ready to defend him even though she had her own unanswered questions, ready to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Though the tension had significantly eased, it reminded Ben that he still hadn’t gained back the high command’s trust and this had just proved how easily he could loose what little ground he had gained. It also reminded him that he could keep pushing off revealing his fear to Rey. He would need to tell her soon, but not before he’d talked to Luke.

And certainly not before he put Poe Dameron’s mind to rest. Even now, especially now, the General was watching him, the distrust radiating off him in waves.

To Poe it was unfathomable that the generals in his high command could be joking at this moment. That just because Rey had vouched for Ben, once again, everyone’s suspicions were put aside. That’s how much they trusted her. Not that he didn’t, he knew that without her they would have lost the war and he would never forget her sacrifice, but he knew how much love could blind a person and Rey Skywalker was definitely in love.

What else could make one see a man in place of a monster?

“Am I the only one who sees how _dangerous_ this is,” Poe asked, incredulous. “What if he _is_ working with the Sith? That means Rey is completely compromised.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Lando said out of the side of his mouth.

Chewbacca huffed with laughter.

“If he was working with the Sith, then _she_ could easily have compromised _him_ , too,” Maz countered.

“Fair point,” Lando conceded with a nod of his head.

Poe had hoped that his tone was enough to dampen the jocular spirit, but apparently, it wasn’t.

Apparently, he was the only adult in the room.

He shook his head, completely baffled by the reaction of the rest of the high command. “I can’t believe you’re all taking this so lightly,” he said. “One of our most powerful assets has been seduced by an enemy—“

“Former,” corrected Rey.

“—former enemy,” Poe said through clenched teeth.

“And how do you know I didn’t seduce him,” Rey asked, her cheeks so hot she was sure she could light a fire with them.

“It doesn’t matter who started it, all that matters is that you’re...you’re...“ Poe’s hand circled as he tried to find the words, “—together now,” he finished.

“Oh, they’re definitely together,” Finn mumbled. “The memory will be forever burned into my cortex.”

Shocked, Poe turned to Finn. “You knew?”

“I, well, I kind of, sort of, you know, walked in...on...them,” Finn finished in a mumble, his throat feeling particularly dry and tight at the moment.

Lando and Chewbacca tried to muffle their laughter when Poe shot them a threatening look, but Maz did nothing to hide the sparkling interest in her eyes.

“You knew and you didn’t think to tell me,” Poe asked.

To Finn’s surprise, Poe wasn’t angry. In fact, he seemed hurt and in a strange way, it made Finn feel guilty that he hadn’t thought to tell him. “Well, it’s...it’s kind of a private matter, you know, between...them,” Finn gestured to Rey and Ben vaguely, not meeting their eyes. They equally couldn’t seem to meet his. “I mean, you don’t even want to know what I saw.”

“I do,” Maz said.

“Maz,” Poe begged, his eyes shooting to the ceiling. He took a calming breath and trained his eyes back on Ben. “It’s no longer just a _thing_ between them when it threatens the safety of this base and possibly the rest of the Republic.”

This time, he knew he’d struck the right tone as he watched the teasing smiles disappear. He turned to Rey. “You say he was with you last night. Can you be sure he was there the whole time?”

Rey opened her mouth to say yes, but hesitated for just a split second. Could she be sure? There was that hidden part she kept meaning to ask him about...

Like a predator sensing a weakness, Poe’s eyes narrowed on Rey.

It was enough to shake her out of her stupor. She could do this later, she reminded herself, the last place she should start questioning Ben was in front of Poe. Squaring her shoulders, she said, “Yes, I think so.”

“You _think_ so,” pushed Poe. “So, you can’t be completely sure that he didn’t sneak off in the night?”

“I don’t believe—“

“We can’t operate on beliefs, Rey,” Poe interrupted. “Not in this situation. I need concrete proof. I can’t, in good conscience, put people who are my responsibility at risk just because you _believe_ the guy you’re sleeping with can be trusted.”

Tears sprung so suddenly to Rey’s eyes that she had to blink rapidly to hold them back. His words stung so much more than she had expected. They stung because she realized the truth to what Poe was saying.

“General—“

Poe held up his hand to cut off Maz’s warning. He could see that he was finally getting somewhere. “You understand that, don’t you Rey? That _lives_ are at risk here.”

Then he said exactly what her guilty heart was telling her the whole afternoon.

”Did you stop to think that maybe if you hadn’t been so caught up in your new romance, Mai Umdal wouldn’t be lying in the med bay right now.”

“Enough,” Ben said, his voice as cold and sharp as a blade. He stepped in front of Rey and didn’t stop until he was directly facing Poe, then he leaned down so that he was eye level with the other man and said, “you want assurances, Dameron? All you had to do was ask. Finn, come here.”

Reluctantly, Finn walked over to the Ben who was pulsing with anger that felt like heat blasts to a Force Sensitive. It was intense and rolled off him like a furnace. Poe would have no idea how much the later was holding himself in check and the thought occurred to Finn that, just as he should’ve told Poe about Rey and Ben’s relationship, maybe he should tell him about this.

“Remember how I showed you to extract the memories from Rey’s mind?”

“Yes,” Finn said, his throat feeling dry for an all together different reason now.

“Don’t forget the visual aid.” Ben noted that Finn hand was shaking as he held it up. He caught the other man’s eye and gave him a brief nod. “Now, concentrate.”

Though he felt it was a betrayal to Rey, to the one person who would truly understand everything she saw there, it was the only way Ben could think to gain Poe’s trust.

So, he let Finn see everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession, I really do like Poe. I know he’s being such an anti in a room of shippers, but he has his reasons.
> 
> Also, confession, I totally picture Finn as Eric Effiong from Sex Education and maybe Poe as a little bit Adam Groff, too. Like, he’s feelin’ it, he just doesn’t know how to show it...yet.


	25. A Shared Memory, A Second Chance

Finn crashed through memory after memory, flashes of colors and indistinguishable voices overwhelming his mind. He felt pulled by strong emotions, glimpsing Ben and Rey embracing, he careened away from it, only to see them lying peacefully in bed, entwined in each other’s arms, which somehow hurt more. Not because he wished it was him lying with Rey, but because he wished he could hold and be held by someone that way.

Finn could feel Ben trying to guide him back through the timeline of his memories, but his own powers were sorely diminished and he watched helplessly as Finn richotched through his mind.

He didn’t have control of this skill and he knew that Ben was most likely feeling his reactions to the intimate memories he was tumbling through, making the experience beyond uncomfortable and unexpectedly dizzying. He was having a hard time orientating himself in time and space. Finally, he saw the stricken stare of Mai Umdal and the grasped onto it, anchoring himself.

In his own memories, he’d never gotten close enough to see her face in this detail. The glassy eyes staring blankly at nothing and worse, the automatic blink that was the only indicator that she wasn’t dead. Her lips were slightly parted, two teeth just barely visible beyond. Finn wanted to look away but he couldn’t. He reached out his hand, no, Ben’s hand reached out, feeling for answers.

The dark side of the Force. He’d remembered this, or maybe it was Ben who remembered this.

The memories were sticking together seamlessly now. Back and back he went. First the scream, then waking with Rey in his arms, the days of training, flashes of skin, lips, the curve of a breast, the peak of a nipple, but he was no longer embarrassed, he had more pressing things to worry about than embarrassment, Rey was asking him to be with her and it’s all he ever wanted, they could have this if nothing else.

This was what he had been wanting. When he was just a faceless number, he yearned for something more but he didn’t know what — now he knew, it was this. It was belonging.

But it was also more than that. It was unity, mind, body and soul.

All he wanted to do was stay in this moment, to relieve that feeling of connectedness, but he couldn’t because he was running out of time, he needed to find C3PO, the answer was in the Jedi texts, he had stayed to protect Rey, he had to find her, but the dark kept closing in —

Suddenly, he was jerked out, the world was spinning around him. There was something he had to do, something no one could know. As his vision cleared, he saw Rey standing close and he wanted to reach out to her, but then he saw Ben and there was a dissonance between his memories.

“Finn, are you alright,” Rey asked, the creased between her brow deepening.

He came back to himself at the sound of his own name. He shook his head, trying to clear the sensation of living another man’s memories. It was haunting and he still couldn’t look at Rey without feeling an intense and overwhelming connection to her. It was more than

Just then he realized he was looking up at her. Somehow he’d ended up on the ground and someone was propping him from behind. He looked back to see Poe’s worried expression.

“You okay, buddy,” he asked. “We lost you for a minute.”

He was down on the ground with him, kneeling to support Finn. He was in no way touching him in an intimate way, but Finn felt as though the skin all along his back where Poe pressed against him was uncommonly warm.

He quickly sat up and got to his feet. “Yeah, buddy, all good, buddy,” he said, dusting off his pants where no dirt was.

Poe got to his feet as well, adjusting his suit and clearing his throat. “So, what’s your report, General” he asked, cringing a little at his choice of words.

When Finn met Ben’s eyes, he sensed as well as saw the raw fear in him. It was a look that Finn had been dreaming about since he’d woken up for the med bay with a giant scar that still ached along his back.

In his dreams, it was different, he would overcome the dark warlord with his sheer mastery of the Force and he would have him begging on his knees, or he would outmaneuver him or overwhelm him in some way, proving his mental and physical prowess. The method didn’t matter so much as the end result: the look of defeat and the plea for mercy on the face of the man that nearly killed him

And yet Ben Solo was not the monster who had struck Finn down that night in the woods.

Finn had never known Kylo Ren. He had, reluctantly, started to get to know the man who stood before him now, Ben Solo.

He hadn’t let go of his fear and suspicion, but, he’d found himself letting his guard down around him little by little. He’d been there the day Ben had spoken to Akiva and Sol, the words striking Finn in a way he hadn’t expected.

He’d agreed with them.

He realized he had a choice now. He knew that even if Ben wasn’t the one that had harmed Mai Umdal, he was withholding something from them all. That alone was grounds to put a stop to everything, a valid enough reason for Finn to enact his revenge, his hate on Ben, but still thrumming through his body was the deep ache of the other man’s love for Rey and the intensity of whatever it was that connected them.

Perhaps that’s what decided his mind for him or perhaps Finn chose not to walk the path of hate that day.

Taking a deep breath and letting it all go, he said, “It wasn’t him.”

Poe absorbed this with considerable calm. He hadn’t really expected Ben to be guilty of that particular crime, but he was sure Finn had hesitated before answering. There was something off about Ben Solo and he would eventually find out what it was, but that would have to be for another day.

The important thing was that Ben knew Poe wasn’t as easily taken in as all the rest.

“Are you satisfied,” Rey demanded. She’d come to stand next to Ben, who seemed as shaken as Finn by the experience.

Poe nodded. “For now.”

There was a general sigh of relief.

“What do we do with the training program,” asked Lando, his bemused expression long since gone. The bags under his eyes had darkened and his usually impeccable cape was wrinkled.

Chewbacca was slumped over in the always-too-small chairs, stifling another massive yawn. Only the infatigable Maz looked exactly the same.

“The only way to catch the spy is to continue with the program,” Poe decided. “But we need to ensure the safety of the recruits.”

“We’ll have droids watch over them during the night and we’ll make a rule that no two recruits can ever be alone,” Maz said.

Everyone nodded, it seemed like a good enough solution to their exhausted brains.

“We’ll have to speed up the training, as well” Ben said. “A Force user who can erase memories can easily overcome two acolytes. We need to force their hand again.”

“Time for phase two then,” Poe admitted. He unconsciously glanced at Finn who had not met his gaze after he’d regained consciousness. “Maz, have your people briefed that we’re moving up the timeline. Lando, Chewbacca, you know your instructions.”

It was finally time to dismiss everyone. As they filed out, he almost stopped Finn, but he didn’t know what he would have said to him, plus Finn seemed in a hurry to leave, so he let him pass.

When they had all left the tiny, suffocating room, Poe let out a massive sigh. Once again, he was left with the feeling that he had solved nothing.

“Sounds like you could use a drink,” a wizened voice said from the doorway.

Poe turned his head to see Maz standing with her arms crossed, one shoulder leaning against the doorframe. She had taken her glasses off, a signal that she was standing there not as his Head of Intelligence, but as his friend. It was something Poe wished he could do, just take off his uniform and go back to being Poe Dameron, but he couldn’t, not when he felt the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders.

“There were times when things were looking really dark. I mean, I was pretty sure that was it, we were done for on Crait, then on Exegol.” He paused thinking of all the people they had lost. “But you know, it still wasn’t as hard for me as it is right now. Kill or be killed. Go after the enemy. I get that, I can accept that.” He stopped letting the silence settle before beginning again. “Being the one that people are looking to to keep things together, to keep things safe while the Republic rebuilds? That is something I don’t get. It’s not something I ever thought I’d have to do. Me, a pilot with no diplomacy training and a tendency to say fuck the manuals.” Poe crossed his arms and shook his head. “People are expecting me to do what Leia should have been here to do. And the way I see it, the only reason she isn’t here, is because of him,” he said, gesturing towards the door through which Ben had long since left. “I know he’s not the enemy, not right now. But there something about him I don’t trust. It’s one of the only things I feel certain about. Everything else I’m just winging, hoping it’s not a fuck up. And that means hoping that a decision I’ve made won’t cause everything we’ve done, everything everyone who’s died has ever done, to mean absolutely nothing.”

Poe finished, took in another deep breath and let it out. He hand’t expected all of that to come pouring out of him, but once he’d started, it had actually felt good to hear it.

Maz didn’t respond, but Poe didn’t need her to and she seemed to know that.

“So,” she said, finally breaking the silence, “you wanna get that drink or not.”

Poe sighed then laughed at himself. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Good. I already sent Chewie ahead to order us two tall ones.”

Poe pushed himself off the table and walked over to the diminutive Head of Intelligence. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she hook one around his waist, then they walked out together, heading towards the cantina.

“So, Chewie, huh?” Poe looked down at Maz. “When did you two start getting so close?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Maz looked up at him and said, “with all due respect, General, maybe you should start worrying about your own love life instead of everyone else’s.”

All down the hallway, Poe’s laughter rang out.


	26. A Secret Confession

Finn, Ben and Rey all returned to the training course directly. The recruits were kept on base one more night while the barracks were refitted with droids and live surveillance.

Before Ben and Rey could enter her tent, Finn grabbed Ben by the arm. It was a strange sensation. There was something resisting, something physical under his hand but he also felt that if he gripped any harder his hand would simply pass through.

Ben stopped, however, and upon meeting Finn’s gaze he nodded slightly. He turned back to Rey and gently pushed her onwards towards the tent. “I’ll be in soon,” he said.

Her gazed passed back and forth between the two of them. They shared a look that spoke of deeper, unspoken things.

Finn had only ever treated Ben with suspicion, fear, and though lately, during training, it had evolved to weary acceptance, there was never any warmth between the two.

But now? Now, Finn was looking at Ben the same way he sometimes looked at Rey, with worried concern.

From what she knew of Finn’s incontrolable grasp of the Force and Ben’s weakness, she could only guess what Finn had seen.

Something at the back of her neck pricked at the thought. Perhaps, it was the thing that Ben had been hiding from her - and if it was, why did it have Finn so concerned?

But she supposed she would find out later, always later.

She took Ben’s hand and squeezed it, earning a fleeting, reassuring smile from him, before she ducked into her tent.

Ben and Finn were left standing awkwardly outside, unsure how to continue.

“Why don’t we—“

“What did you want—“

They both started and stopped at the same time, waiting for the other to finish.

Finally, Ben pointed to the log across the cleared entrance to the training ground that had been felled the previous day. Finn nodded and they both headed over to sit side by side.

It was a strangely peaceful moment. The brightness of Ajan Kloss’s two moons casting a enough light for them to see the shapes of things around them. Ben himself had a faint blueish glow that was all the more pronounced in the thin, white light.

The jungle around them, never silent, was more subdued at night. The chirp and buzz of the nocturnal creatures a steady, somnolent sound. The pungent smell of the loamy soil sweetened with some night-blooming flower.

Perhaps it was the late hour, the soothing sounds and the perfumed air, or perhaps it was the shared memories, but Finn was no longer scared of the man sitting next to him. He still had his suspicions, yes, but they were no longer based in fear.

Perhaps that’s why he dared to grab Ben’s arm. And now there they were, sitting side by side, the former leader of the First Order and a defector. It struck Finn as particularly unbelievable, but from what he was learning about the Force, pretty typical.

What was also unbelievable was how far Ben’s legs stretched beyond his own. He remembered those legs eating up ground as Kylo Ren had charged at him in the forest, but it was getting harder for Finn to equate that monster to the man who sat next to him, his arms crossed and his head bowed as he waited for Finn to speak what was on his mind.

Finally, Finn asked, “why did you let me...see?”

Ben sighed and didn’t answer immediately. “I didn’t really have a choice,” he replied after a pause. “It was the only way to get Poe to trust me.” When Finn didn’t comment, he continued, haltingly, “I also couldn’t...control you. I’ve...lost most of my access to the Force.”

It was an admittance of weakness, something Finn never expected to hear from the man beside him. The image of Kylo Ren, pounding his bleeding wound, flashed through his mind then it was replaced by the image of Rey leaning over him, her hair loose around her.

It was a jarring change, but Finn decided to follow his intuition. Tentatively, he asked, “are you worried about her?”

Ben’s whole body tensed for a instant, before he relaxed again. “I see some of the training seems to be working,” Ben said, his tone wry. It almost sounded defensive, a clear end to their conversation.

Finn own reaction at first was to feel bashful for a moment. It was true, most of the time Finn’s connection to the Force was intuitive rather than controlled. He wasn’t very good at telekinetic skills or many of the action skills, he still couldn’t Force Push to save his life, nor could he get the handle of Force Speed, but in all the training of sense, he excelled.

It was what had guided him when he escaped with Poe and when he knew where to target the command ship on Exegol. The sensation came and went, but he was sure that in that moment that Ben needed someone to talk to. So he didn’t react, now it was his turn to wait.

Looking over to the tent across the training yard where Rey slept, Ben finally let out a long sigh. “I can’t protect her, not really,” he confessed. “But she doesn’t need me to protect her. She never has. She’s strong, she can do it on her own _if_ she believes in herself.”

“ _If_?”

“The only thing Rey fears is herself,” Ben said. _And loosing me,_ he thought, but that wasn’t something he was willing to talk about, not even with himself. “It’s the one thing the Sith can use against her.”

“Why would Rey fear herself? I mean, I have noticed she seems to be holding herself back, but how can the Sith use that?”

“Rey is...conflicted,” Ben said, his tone indicating he wouldn’t elaborate further. “The Sith know how to get at your deepest fears and weaponize them against you,” he continued, his voice becoming slightly ragged, “and now they know hers, they won’t stop till they’ve got her.”

”But that’s why you’re here, right? You came back to help her stop them.” Finn said it as a statement, a reflection of his own hope, even though everything he sensed from Ben seemed to indicate the contrary.

”So I thought...” Ben gazed out over the empty training yard, his expression darkening, “but, I am useless to her like this.” And in a growl almost to soft to hear, he said, “maybe even worse than useless.”

Finn felt a chill of fear run down his spine at the later’s last words. He could feel the Force pushing him towards this moment, this was what had prompted him to grab Ben’s arm. When he worked up the courage, he said, “you’re not a Force Ghost, are you.”

The man beside him hesitated and for a moment, Finn questioned his sanity in going down this path. Even if he no longer had half the power he used to, Ben Solo could still be dangerous. His cool exterior an exertion of sheer will that hid the turmoil of barely checked emotions that warred within him. Then then intensity ebbed, and after letting out a deep sigh, Ben said, “no.”

Finn was shocked. Not at the information, but that Ben would reveal it to him, Finn, the traitor. ”What exactly _are_ you?”

“That,” Ben said, ”is what I need to find out.”

Finn sensed that Ben was holding back something but he didn’t pry. He wasn’t sure where the boundaries were in this new—he couldn’t exactly call it _friendship_ but something akin to it—he had with Ben. He was curious and somewhat awed that the hulking man was opening up to him at all and he found that he didn’t want to cut that connection.

“You have to tell her, Solo.” He hadn’t meant to call Ben by that name, especially when he saw the shock that crossed his features, followed by the brief, small, sad smile, but after it had come out, it seemed fitting. Finn could see the similarities between them now that he was looking past his prejudices: the dry humor and the seemingly gruff exterior.

“She doesn’t need that stress right now,” Ben said, after he’d regained his composure, but that was just the surface of the truth and he knew that Finn could feel it, too. He girded himself for further confrontation.

But Finn remained quiet for a time. It wasn’t his place to tell Ben what to do, but he thought he might know someone who could, even from across the veil. “I once got some really good advice on a situation like this,” he said.

“What was it?”

“Women always find out the truth,” he paused to lean forward and catch Ben’s eye. “Always.”

Ben huffed a small laugh. “Who told you that?”

“Han Solo.”

A flash of pain flicked across Ben’s face before he shook his head and chuckled. “He would know, he never could never get away with a lie. My mother always caught him.”

They both laughed, remembering the man that had seen through both of them.

Finally, Ben stood up and held out a hand to Finn to lift him up. They walked back over to the tents and the empty barracks.

Before he could duck into his tent, Ben stopped Finn with a hand on his shoulder, the genial smile he’d been wearing replaced by a unreadable mask. “If you tell any one about this,” he said, his grip tightening, “I’ll finish what I started in the forest.” Then he was gone and Finn was left standing in the dark, wondering how much of the threat was true and how much was Ben’s very dark humor. He decided he’d rather not find out.


	27. A Momentary Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NSFW**

Rey was already tucked into the narrow cot when Ben entered. She didn’t stir as he climbed in next to her, cupping her body with his own, but as he settled beside her, she reached over and grabbed his arm to pull over her, entwining her fingers with his.

He waited for her to reach out along their Bond, waited for her to ask him what he and Finn had talked about, but she didn’t. He hated that Finn knew, but he was also strangely relieved he’d been able to tell someone else.

 _What did it matter now_ , he thought. He could tell her, he _should_ tell her. He loved her and she deserved to know.

But even though he could feel her waiting for him to open up, he couldn’t bring himself to do it, not until he’d spoken to Luke.

Yet another thing he was putting off.

He just needed her to wait just a little longer.

He leaned in to kiss her shoulder, just a soft kiss, an action to counter his silence, but as he did so she pressed back against him and his body reacted instantaneously.

It was a minuscule movement and yet he was already rock hard.

He should be embarrassed by her affect on him, but he was too hungry to be inside her to care. She gently pushed back against him again, the softness of her cheeks giving to his erection and he knew without even having touched her yet that she was as wet for him as he was hard for her.

Equal and opposing forces.

It wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. If anything, it was just an apology. Since he could not give her that part of himself, he would give her this — and he would make sure that this was one distraction she would thoroughly enjoy.

He unlaced his fingers from hers, running his hand down over her breast, along her waist, then slipping under the shirt she always wore, his shirt. He reached up to find her nipple, squeezing till it pebbled between his finger and thumb.

A little sigh of pleasure escaped her lips, so soft. He smiled to himself. He would have her panting soon.

He nuzzled her neck, lightly nipping the sensitive skin while he palmed her breast, the small weight of it so sweet and full in his hand. He grasped it as he rolled his hips, rubbing his cock against her ass so she could feel the length of him, the tension of need she built in him. Rey arched her back in response, pillowing him between her cheeks, making him groan into her neck.

Just thinking of the delicious wetness of her was enough to make him almost loose his control.

Force, how he wanted to tear her underwear off and bury himself to the hilt inside her, to take her hard and fast as they had done many nights after training, but he stopped himself.

He wanted to build a slow fire tonight.

Letting go of her breast, he trailed his hand down, skimming over her belly till he reached the top of her underwear. He felt her thighs press tighter together as his fingers slipped under the thin fabric and continued down. She stilled as he neared the knot of pleasure.

Through the Bond, he could feel the pulse of want ripple through her body, a pleading vibration.

He paused, then slowly, oh so slowly, he ran his finger along the crevice, pressing lightly over the raised swell of her clit as his finger slipped down the slick wetness of her cunt.

He couldn’t hold back the growl of desire as he coated the tip of his finger in her, her juices soaking his hand. It still drove him wild to feel how wet she got for him. How slippery and sweet she was, just waiting for him to fill her and stretch her.

And oh how she wanted him to. He could feeling her yearning, a hot, liquid thing, through the Bond, but he didn’t give in. He continued his light caresses, delving into the part that ached for him just a little before languidly bringing his finger back up to brush against her clit.

Only when she was practically keening, did he start to flick the little bead a little faster, stoking the low fire in her core till it was bright white. Her hand reached up to pinch her nipple as his finger brought her to the very cusp of her orgasm and then he paused for just a second; he let her ride the moment between arousal and release as long as he dared, then he slipped his finger over the throbbing nub again and again and again till she burst with pleasure, her body shuddering in wave after wave of liquid bliss.

Languidly, she turned her head and he captured her lips in a deep kiss, his tongue rolling over hers as he reached down between them and pulled down her underwear. Grasping his cock, he wet it at her entrance before pushing in the head. She was so wet, he slipped in with no resistance.

Then he grabbed her hip and buried himself to the hilt, groaning into her mouth as she gasped into his. He began slow rhythm, feeling the delicious tightness of her squeezing him as he kissed her. She rocked with him, arching her back each time he entered her, but he knew he wouldn’t get her like this, with this slow love-making. He knew what she was whimpering for.

He pulled out and got to his knees then scooped her up onto hers. She looked back at him over her shoulder and he could see the excitement in her eyes. _This_ was how he would get her.

He grabbed her hips and, positioning himself at her entrance, he slammed into her brusquely, his cock tipping the spot deep inside her that made her bite her lip to keep from shouting. Through the Bond, he felt the bone-deep pleasure and it almost made his knees buckle. He gripped her hips tighter, then pulled out and slammed into her again and again, her moans escalating as he thrust himself deep inside her, liquefying her core till it coursed through her entire body.

She was so wet it had smeared all over his groin and her ass, creating a sticky mess between them. It was dirty and rough and he liked how she liked it.

He tried desperately to hold himself back as he felt her building up to another orgasm. He could feel her tightening, her fists clenching around the sheets as he drove into her relentlessly.

Then in a flash, she crested that wave and came tumbling down in a free-fall, her cunt throbbing around him, her body going limp in his hands. He couldn’t hold out any longer and he exploded deep inside her with a growl, collapsing over her as he emptied in pulses.

After he’d regained his breath, he pulled out of her and laid on his back, waiting for her to join him after she’d cleaned up.

It always surprised him how much he wanted to hold her after, to draw her close and feel her pressed against him.

What surprised him even more was that she would want to, too.

Rey snuggled onto him and Ben wrapped his arm around her. With his other hand he threw the blanket over them.

He’d delayed another day, but he knew it was only a matter of time. Too soon this dream would dissipate and he would have to face reality.

So he shut his eyes and pulled Rey close and held on to the dream for as long as he could.


	28. We’ll be Together Soon

A cloaked figured paced frantically in a small darkened room, awaiting the link to open to an audio transmission. Even though the locations were scrambled, it was dangerous thing to do. There were too many eyes and ears scanning the base now, but this was an emergency.

Since the short holo they had sent out once reaching Ajan Kloss, the spy had not since communicated with the secret council — or what passed for the council after Exegol.

The relay had been short, a one-sided confirmation that they had made it to the base.

So much had happened since then.

There was the urgent matter of the failed scion, Ben Solo. The dead failed scion, or so they all seemed to think.

The spy had panicked when Poe Dameron had introduced him, not realizing until too late who it was standing by Rey’s side. It was entirely unfeasible — the man who had once been Kylo Ren _working_ with the _Republic_. It shook the spy to their core.

His rebellion against Palpatine was not unexpected, he had long coveted the Sith throne, but _this_? This was betrayal of the highest order.

And worse than the shock was the fear that a Force-Sensitive of his strength and training would sense the spy immediately. They were definitely no match for the man that had once been the Master of the Knights of Ren, ghost or no.

But luckily for the spy, whatever he was, it was soon apparent that he was not his former self.

And as the days passed, the spy grew less scared and more disappointed.

It was pathetic really, to see that this was the fate of one who had had so much promise. The heir of Vader reduced to being no better than a teacher’s assistant. It would have been laughable, if it didn’t bother them so much to see him trailing after Rey like a shadow, never leaving her side.

They had noticed how Ben watched Rey fastidiously. How the two would sometimes share familiar looks when it seemed no one was watching. How one would always come to stand so very close to other. Once, the spy had even seen Ben brush his hand against hers and she had linked her fingers with his briefly.

As they thought about it, those little shared moments more than bothered the spy, it _infuriated_ them.

He must covet her power, for hers rivaled that of what his once was. In fact, she was probably even more powerful than he and that was why he was still there, hanging around her. It was because he wanted something from her. Everyone did.

That was how the world worked. You either the one to take or be taken from. 

And she, still so naive and so trusting, so fearful of herself, she did not see it. The spy had never come across one so powerful and so uncorrupted, so unwilling to use their powers. But would she be Rey if she was not so?

She most likely would have sensed there was someone hiding their true selves if she had been comfortable with the extent of her powers, but she deliberately dampened her capabilities.

Both discoveries, that of Ben and Rey were unexpected boons that the spy thought they could use to their advantage.

And they had been, slowly ingratiating themselves, first with the other recruits, which had not been hard, the slowly with Rey herself. They were all so young and so easily manipulated.

Suddenly, there was a low crackle as the location scrambler worked to conceal the incoming transmission holo.

“Report,” the cold voice demanded.

The spy first related the existence of Ben Solo. They expected the council to immediately start bickering, but only the static of the scrambled line filled the room. Somewhat weary, the spy continued, “I have ingrated myself with...” they had been about the say ‘Rey’ but had stopped themselves.

Since the beginning, she had insisted that they all call her by her name and not Master Skywalker. It had become so normal that it was instinctual, and, what’s more, the spy had liked calling her Rey. It felt good — a little rebellion against the strict hierarchical codes of the Sith, but they couldn’t let the council know that. “I have integrated myself with the Master, but I can never get her alone,” they amended. They could not keep the disgust from their tone as they recounted, “he is always with her, slinking after her like a shadow.”

“More like a parasite,” the cold voice mused. Then, unexpectedly, they said, “are you jealous, little messenger?”

A blush raced over the spy’s face. The comment caught them completely off-guard. It was something they expected from the bored voice, but they hadn’t spoken. That it came from the cold voice was all the more disturbing.

Again, the suspicious silence of the other council members irked the spy. Their interruptions always annoyed them, but it was more familiar than this worrying quiet.

“Perhaps, we don’t need to kidnap the Master after all,” the cold voice spoke again, but they did not seem to be addressing the spy. “Perhaps we just need to separate them.” Then softly, almost as if to themselves, “A stronger hand is needed for that.”

The musings sent a shiver of dread up the spy’s spine. “There’s another thing,” they said. They had stalled relating this part, but they couldn’t withhold any longer. Taking a deep breath, the spy gave a summary of the incident with the girl, Mai Umdal.

After they had finished, they girded themselves for the berating voices of the other council members who would surely rain down spite on them now, but again only the white noise of the scrambler punctuated the silence.

Feeling uneasy, they continued, “I assure the council that though I had to take drastic measures, my position and identity have not been exposed. I took care that there were no witnesses.”

In fact, it had taken all the spy’s control not to kill the girl outright. It would have brought an immediate halt to the program, so they had stayed their hand. It had taxed them mightily.

“Indeed, the high command think the girl succumbed to stress. We were ordered to rest a night and are to continue training tomorrow. This is why I was able to send this transmission.”

The spy was rambling a little, they could hear it, but it was worse listening to the lengthening silence on the other end.

“You’re position was not _exposed_ because it was not a secret to begin with,” the cold voiced finally snapped. “If it is true that the failed scion is aiding them, even in his altered state, he would know use of the dark side of the Force when he encountered it. The excuse that the girl succumbed to stress was a lie,” the cold voice growled. “Which means they already knew you were there. They are most likely trying to trace this very transmission. You are no longer the hidden hunter — you are the hunted or worse, the poisoned bait.”

Suddenly, the tone in the cold voice changed. “Do you _want_ them catch you, little messenger?”

A shiver ran down the cloaked figure’s spine. They stuttered, “no, I would not—“

“Do you forget to whom you speak?” The cold voice hissed.

“No, my lord. I would never betray you,” the spy said, shaken.

Inexplicably, the room seemed to grow colder and just as before in the dark cavern of the forgotten moon, the spy felt someone trying to invade their mind and this time it was even more forceful than the last. The attack was insistent, piercing, and it took all the spy’s concentration to keep out the whoever was trying to break them.

There was no question then who was behind it, but what was more frightening was that the second attempt had been so much stronger than the first. They had barely been able to keep the cold voice out of their own head.

“We shall see,” snarled the cold voice.

Then, instead of ignoring the warning that rang loudly in their mind, that urged them to stay silent, the spy asked, “my lord, where are the others?”

“You needn’t worry about them,” the cold voice sneered. “We’ll all be reunited soon enough.”

Nausea closed the spy’s throat and an overwhelming sense of dread clamped their heart.

“Till then, do _not_ contact us again,” the cold voice seethed. “Do _not_ attempt anything with the Master or the failed scion. Your mission now is to remain undetected and beneath suspicion. We will be watching and we will know if you betray us.”

Before the spy could ask what the last part meant, the holo cut off and they were left in a darkened room, shivering with fear.


	29. Sowing the Seeds of Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning: blood and broken noses.**

In the dark of early morning, Maz escorted the recruits back to the training grounds herself. The wizened woman eyed each and every recruit through her magnifying lenses as they disembarked and filed into the refitted barracks. They were all so young and so eager to help build a new galaxy. They all seemed so innocent.

And yet, among those soft, fresh faces, hid a liar.

For so long, Maz had had to hide her connection to the Force, but now she wished she knew how to wield it better. If she did, maybe they wouldn’t be in this situation, risking the galaxy and the lives of ones so young.

Accompanying her were C3PO, R2D2, BB8, and, as extra security, Jannah and her squad. They disembarked last, after greeting Rey, Ben and Finn who had come to joint them, Jannah and her people quickly moved off to secure the perimeter while the droids went to inspect the refitted barracks.

It was perhaps, in the vernacular of military speak, overkill, but after discussing it with Poe and the rest of the high command, they had determined that it was more of a risk to let the spy continue unobserved than to alert them to the fact that their existence was known.

They had moved on to a new phase in the game. The trap was no longer hidden. Would the spy be fast enough to spring it and make off with the bait or would they be caught?

Maz liked to gamble here and there. She never lost her head over it because she knew when to walk away from bad odds.

These were bad odds.

She turned her sharp eyes to the trio. She barely reached Ben’s waist, but still the later straightened a little and stood to attention.

“General Kanata, how are—“ Rey started, but she was cut off with a wave from Maz.

“Let’s dispense with the pleasantries. There were two untraceable transmissions that went out last night,” Maz said, her tone flat and serious. “The comm links were open at different times. It could mean that the spy reached out to whoever they were communicating with twice or that there are two spies, or it might not have been the spy at all. I believe, with all the evidence we have, that one of the transmissions was definitely the spy.”

The possibility that there might be more than one spy clearly agitated the trio. It was already unfeasible that one of the recruits could be, but two? These were people who had become close to them. If you eat every meal, spend everyday and evening together, ties are bound to form.

“I’ve had my people check and cross-check all the profiles, but they were all vetted, not a single one came up suspicious.”

Maz paused, letting the information sink in. Around her the jungle air was thickening with moisture and insects as the sun began to rise. Perspiration was starting to bead on Rey and Finn’s brows. The drone of the insects was growing louder, and the birds and other creatures were beginning to call out. It was a lively sound that reminded Maz of the woods around her castle.

“In times of transition, it’s always a little easier to fake official papers, IDs, security clearances, and what not,” Maz continued, her familiar tone causing Finn and Rey to glance at each other, “but you dig deep enough, and you’ll always find a tell. Not with these recruits. Everything is spotless. Everyone is who they say they are.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we have to find a motive,” Ben answered.

“Exactly,” Maz agreed. She was surprised but she should not have been. He was once a Commander, after all . “We must find out what would motivate one of them. Is a relative being held captive? Are they in debt? None of them have any close ties or even distant ties to the First Order, so it’s not ideology.”

The trio are silent as they consider the implications of this. Perhaps, the spy was someone who had no other choice.

“In the meantime, I’ve assigned C-3PO as head of droid security. He’ll be watching over the students with the other droids.” She turned to Rey and Ben. “R2-D2 has been assigned to Rey and BB-8 will go with Finn.”

Finn started. “Oh,” he tried to sound slightly surprised, when in fact he was deeply surprised, maybe even freaking out a little. “I didn’t think I needed, I mean, what?”

“Genearl Dameron insisted his personal droid be assigned to watch over you,” Maz said and it seemed to Finn that she was _teasing_ him.

Now he was definitely freaking out. His blush was hotter than a supernova, and especially under Maz’s sharp, magnifying lenses.

“I, well, that’s very kind,” Finn mumbled, looking off to inspect an interesting clump of trees over Maz’s right shoulder.

“There’s no need to assign a droid to Rey, I can watch over her,” Ben said then.

“Command’s orders,” Maz answered. “I’m sure you and Rey can find enough private time outside of training hours to compensate.”

Now it was Ben’s turn to blush uncontrollably and look off into an interesting clump of trees over Maz’s left shoulder. He nodded his head in compliance, unable to meet the Head of Intelligence’s eyes. He could feel Rey’s face was a hot as his.

And that’s how Maz left them, red-faced and squirming. It was time for her to return to the metal halls of the base and leave all the green behind.

🌗🌗🌗

In the mess hall, which was just a long table fashioned from the trees that had been felled in practice covered by a tent, the recruits had finished their meal and were whispering amongst themselves.

“Do you really think all those things are there to protect us,” asked Akiva, as she held her dark hair out of her dark eyes which followed some of Jannah’s squad as they walked the perimeter. Her square jaw was set. “What if it’s to protect them _from_ us.”

“Of course it’s not for us. They don’t trust us,” Jaxon-Dax answered. He leaned forward into the group, his large, muscular body taking up all the space, and in a conspiratorial voice said, “Mai wasn’t stressed. Someone _did_ that to her.”

“You don’t know that for certain, Jaxon,” said Mara, her lekku arranging themselves into a gesture bidding calm and though the other recruits didn’t know Twi’leki, they sensed the meaning. She was often the tempering counter to whatever it was that Jaxon-Dax was trying to stir up. She was all soft lines where he was bulk.

“JD and Akiva have a point, though,” said Sol. “Why this sudden influx of security? You can’t say the timing isn’t suspicious.”

The rest of the recruits considered. Sol was the eldest among them _and_ the son of a senator. He had a certain air and way with words that swayed others. Where Jaxon-Dax was inflammatory, he was suggestive.

“If it is for us,” Ta said, after a moment, his large amphibious eyes resting on each of the recruits as he considered them, “it could mean that one of us attacked Mai.”

There was a collective gasp as each recruit’s eyes sought out the person they trusted the most in the group. _Could it be? Could the person they felt connected to be capable of such violence?_

“Force take us, you mean that we can’t trust each other,” Araneya asked. She grasped Var’s hand who squeezed hers back. They could have been siblings, if not lovers, so closely did they resemble each other in form and expression.

“I’m not suggesting that,” Ta answered, he could not help glancing at Mara. “But, it does seem as though the high command is concealing something from us.”

“We’re just recruits,” Var said, patting Araneya’s hand to reassure her. “It’s only natural that we aren’t privy to the high commands plans.“

“Except when our lives may be at risk,” Akiva said. She had joined the Resistance not long after Rose and her sister Paige. She believed in the fight, but she had natural distrust of any governing body. “If one of us is a danger to the others, we have a right to know.”

“Maybe it wasn’t one of us,” Jaxon-Dax said, “maybe it was Master Solo.” He was excited by his own suggestion. Even though the former Fist Order Commander had won some ground with the recruits, it was much easier placing the blame on him than on any one of them; it was also much easier hating someone than trying to forgive them.

“Think about what you’re saying, Jaxon,” Mara said. “First of all, the high command would never let someone they didn’t trust participate in a secret program. Secondly, if he had committed something so heinous, they would have arrested him.”

“Can’t really arrest a ghost, though, can you,” said Sol and the rest of the recruits had to agree.

“Maybe it’s because they couldn’t pin it on him,” suggested Akiva. “So, they’re waiting for him to slip up again, only this time there’ll be eyes.”

Mara flung up her lekku in exasperation. “Are you all really suggesting that the high command are lying to us and risking our lives? It is preposterous.”

The recruits all started speaking at once. The noise drawing the eyes of Jannah’s squad, when a few started to approach them, they quieted down, pretending to eat once again.

“I know what Ben said to Rey when they went to see Mai,” confessed Karion into silence. Everyone immediately turned to her. The shy girl trembled under the weight of their gazes.

“How were you able to hear, we were too far away,” Mara asked. Her tone was gentle but doubtful.

“I...I used the Force,” Karion said, her eyes downcast. “I didn’t really mean to do it, I just really wanted to know what happened to her.” Her throat tightened and tears spilled onto the table.

Mara frowned slightly and glanced at Ta. It was hard for a non-Mon Calamari to read one’s minute facial expression, but Mara had learned to interpret some of the micro movements and colorings that flushed along Ta’s domed head. He was equally unsettled by Karion’s admission.

“What did you hear,” Akiva prodded gently, wrapping her arm around her friend’s shoulder.

Wiping her eyes, Karion continued, “I didn’t listen for long. I just heard one part.” She looked up then, her eyes filled with fear. “Master Solo said only someone trained in the Dark Side would know how to do whatever it was they did. Someone _powerful_.”

A cold dread settled over the table even though the day was growing hot and humid. The drone of the insects heavy in the air.

“Proof enough for me,” Jaxon-Dax said then. And even though he was smiling, it was hard, his eyes like blades.

Raising her lekku in disbelief, Mara asked “what could possibly be his goal in attacking us?” She was still doubtful of their claims, but she too was shaken by what Karion had told them.

“I don’t know,” Jaxon-Dax leaned back and crossed his arms. “I’m just telling you what I see,” he said. “All I know is that from here on out, I’m going to be looking out for myself, since it seems like the high command isn’t.” Large sweat stains darkened his training uniform, plastering the fabric to his arms and chest which were rigid with tension. “At least, I’ll be prepared when the next attack comes because you can bet that it will.”

The rest of the recruits were stunned to silence.

“So they did lie to us,” Var breathed, as if he couldn’t quite believe it himself. He frowned and then he looked up quickly to see where the rest of Jannah’s squad were, his eyes darting to the droids, as well, then to Ben and Rey, who were standing by the transporter with Maz. Last his gaze lingered on Finn. His look of shock turning to confusion and disbelief.

“Why would they do that,” asked Araneya, horrified.

“Either they think it’s one of us,” Akiva said, “or we’re the bait.”

“Let’s think about this logically,” Ta said, trying to bring reason to the argument that seemed to have gone off the rails. “If what Karion says is true, then there is someone who is not what they claim to be. That means —”

“Who do you think did it then,” Akiva asked, cutting him off. “A novice Force user —“ she paused for effect, “— or the former Master of the Knights of Ren?”

“He didn’t do it,” Ora said vehemently, slamming the table with her hand. She was sitting a little apart from the rest, so she stood up to make her point. She didn’t often speak to or engage with the rest of them, she was by nature a loner, but she couldn’t stand by and tolerate the slandering any longer. “You have no proof. Just hearsay and your hate. It could be any one of us, too.”

“You’re just defending him because you’re his little favorite,” Jaxon-Dax said, waving her off like an annoying insect.

“And you’re just stirring shit,” Ora spat back at him, baring her sharp teeth.

“Oh? So what’s you’re proof then?”

Ora was one more smug word away from jumping over the table and smashing her fist into Jaxon-Dax’s face. “He told Rey.”

“Well, he didn’t say _he_ did it. He said _someone_ with training in the Dark Side did it. And —” Sol looked around before bending his head to whisper, “has anyone else noticed the way they look at each other?”

There was a pause and a shift in the atmosphere. They had _all_ seen how the two couldn’t keep their eyes off each other.

“What does that have to do with anything?” The skin along Ta’s head was flushing red, a sign of displeasure.

“Maybe nothing at all,” Sol said, holding up his hands in defense. “Or maybe she didn’t think to question him. Maybe she just wanted to believe him.”

“You’re talking about Rey, the Hero of Exegol,” said Araneya. She looked over at Var and he nodded. They may have been shocked by what the high command were doing, but they never questioned Rey.

“You know what they say,” Jaxon-Dax shrugged, “love is blind.”

Everyone knew that he, along with Sol and Akiva had not exactly warmed to Ben even if they accepted his teaching, but it was Jaxon-Dax who had been disciplined and checked the most by the former Commander. It was Jaxon-Dax who would most like to see Ben gone, but these were heavy charges and the rest of the recruits were uneasy with this line of thinking. They shifted uncomfortably in their seats, looking over their shoulders to see where the Masters were.

They all fell silent then, but the debate was far from settled. Tension still hummed through the tent and it was clear that some of the recruits had made up their minds as regards to Ben Solo’s culpability. They eyed the former Commander as he, Rey and Finn finally made their way to the mess tent.

Just before they reached the recruits, Ta quickly said, “we should all take care to heed General Kanata’s rule of three,” he glanced at all of them, “make sure we’re never alone with Master Solo or each other.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jaxon-Dax said, “warn his little pet —“

That’s when Ora jumped the table and made a connection.

Her head. His nose.

Then there was blood everywhere.


	30. Hidden Talents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning: blood and broken noses.**

It happened in a flash. Suddenly they saw the Davaronian jump up and slam her head into Jaxon-Dax’s face, spurting blood everywhere.

Though none of them would ever admit it, they didn’t exactly rush to the tent when they saw it. In fact, by the time Finn, Rey and Ben got there, Var, Araneya and Mara had pulled Ora off Jaxon-Dax while Sol and Akiva were seeing to his nose. Karion was standing to the side, worrying her nails to the bed while Ta was standing between the two groups trying to calm everyone down.

There was blood on Ora’s forehead, smeared over her vestigial horns. She was breathing heavily, her sharpened teeth bared and her normally reddish-brown skin flushed to terracota, her red eyes bright with fury.

Jaxon-Dax was cursing fluidly, his eyes squeezed shut against the pain. He was holding his hand to his face so they couldn’t see what the damage was.

Jannah and three of her squad had joined by then, too, but it was obvious that the skirmish, if it could even be called that, was over. She noted who the offending parties were, then she checked with Rey before heading back to the perimeter.

Surveying the scene, Rey could summarize what had happened. It wasn’t hard to guess considering it was Jaxon-Dax with the broken nose. It was bound to happen, the way he ran his mouth.

As she stood there, she knew she should punish someone, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was the same age as many of the recruits, maybe even younger. She didn’t feel she had the right.

“Well?” She asked. She felt silly with her hands on her hips.

None of the recruits answered her. Instead, they all busied themselves with menial tasks, clearing the plates, fixing their uniforms, cleaning blood off their forehead, studying the ground.

“There was a...misunderstanding,” Sol said finally, wiping his hands on his training uniform, leaving streaks of blood.

Neither Ora nor Jaxon-Dax corrected him.

The tension was still palpable, however, and Rey noticed a current of some other emotion — the recruits almost seemed skittish around her and Ben. Even Araneya and Var seemed distant with Finn who they normally always greet warmly.

Sensing she wasn’t going to get anything more out of them than that, she walked over to Jaxon-Dax then. “Let me see.”

He opened his eyes and let his hand come down. She winced. That was definitely a broken nose. The skin around his eyes was already starting to swell, the blood starting to dry.

“That bad, huh?” Jaxon-Dax asked, his nose already blocked. He glanced over at Ora who was watching and then winked at her. “Nice one.”

Quite suddenly, Ora’s anger left her and she didn’t know what to do. She frowned in confusion at the bloody-faced brute who seemed to be looking at her with admiration.

“Men,” sighed Mara, rolling her lekku.

Rey hadn’t learned that gesture yet, but she could guess its meaning. She was just placing her hands on Jaxon-Dax to heal him when Ben stopped her, with a hand over hers. It was the first time they had every touched each other deliberately in front of the recruits and she couldn’t help but notice that they noticed.

Ben continued as if he didn’t, leaving his hand on top of Rey’s. “Despite the rough start, this is a good opportunity for everyone to learn how to properly use the Force to heal. Come close.”

When the rest of the recruits had gathered around Jaxon-Dax, Ben turned to address them. “You need to touch the subject. Right now, you’ll only be able to heal minor injuries, cuts and bruises and you’ll need to center your mind while doing so to identify the trauma, but eventually, you’ll be able to heal severe wounds and some of you may even be able to heal fatal ones.”

He focused his attention on Rey then and even though she knew he was speaking to them, he was looking at her.

“It’s essential that you use the person or being’s own capability to heal. Do not,” Ben said, enunciating each word, “use your own Force.” He nodded then and Rey closed her eyes and reached out with the Force. She saw it then, in her mind’s eye.

His entire body was like a galaxy of hurts, red lines crossed over him and nebulas bloomed under her focus.

As she concentrated more, she could see that this was not the first time he’d suffered a broken nose. In fact, Jaxon-Dax, it seemed, was a brawler. There was not a portion of his body that had not suffered some type of trauma at least once. If it wasn’t broken, it had been battered, bruised, stabbed, gashed or cut.

It was clear to her then, what she had to do to help him heal.

She opened her eyes in surprise, finally realizing in that moment that what she had done before was at best impulsive and at worst ignorant.

That it would have been dangerous for anyone else but her; that she could be the way she was because she had such a wide margin for error.

That she could be _reckless_.

It was a revelation and she was paralyzed with embarrassment as she thought of all her past actions.

An embarrassment that was made all the worse because she had been so proud of herself in those moments.

She’d always prided herself on her ability to adapt, to find solutions. She never had any schooling, but she knew how to fly almost any light craft spaceship put in her hands. She could take apart and put things back together without needing a manual. She spoke more languages than everyone she knew except C3PO. She’d learned all those things on her own.

And yet, the more time she spent training others, the more she realized that for most of the people she would meet there was a right way and a wrong way to do things.

And she, it seemed, was always doing things the wrong way.

It wasn’t just with the Force, either. Sometimes it was just how she was. Recently, it was the way she ate. It hadn’t even occurred to her that it was something that could be done a wrong way and a right way, until she’d caught Sol trying to suppress a laugh while the other recruits exchanged looks when she’d licked her plate clean one day.

They weren’t trying to be mean. Instead, she had sensed that they were embarrassed. _For_ her.

It had been humiliating. Another thing to add to the list of things she was self conscious about. From then on, she’d tried watching them all more closely to see what was the right way to be.

Not that she thought it was right and her way was wrong, necessarily, but it made her stick out all the more and she already felt like she didn’t belong.

What she learned was that nobody was as refined as Sol, except perhaps Mara who was innately elegant, but nobody ever licked their plate clean either.

It was all the minor things, things they all did without noticing, things that she had to struggle to remember to do, that set them apart. It exhausted her to be so attentive, while also trying to teach what she didn’t feel she was qualified to teach, all the while trying not to loose control of her powers and injure someone.

It overwhelmed her, especially at times like these when all the things she juggled seem to come precariously close to falling down.

And to make things worse, the recruits were starting to shift nervously around her. They could feel the emotional tumult she was going through, they could feel her embarrassment and her insecurity.

 _What would they know of hardship_ , she thought bitterly, but even as she thought it, it didn’t sound right in her head.

Ben stepped closer then and his presence, rather than being a comfort as it usually was, only made her more aware of her self and at the moment, she couldn’t stand what she saw.

**Rey, what’s wrong?**

He tried to reach out to her along their Bond, but she pushed him out and tried to center her mind again and focus on Jaxon-Dax.

She just wanted to get this done.

Heal. She needed to heal him. Rey closed her eyes and underneath her hand, she felt the Force begin to knit back the damaged tissue and bone in his nose.

But even as she tried to concentrate, her emotions kept rearing up. She was usually so much better at containing herself. She couldn’t understand why suddenly she was feeling so out-of-control, as though her feelings were being magnified.

She felt Ben stiffening beside her, but instead of heeding it, she chose to ignore it.

She let her frustration and anger and embarrassment flood her mind, influence her. She seethed with it.

**Rey, stop.**

Red lines bloomed behind her mind’s eye. She could see they were like cracks in the foundation.

**Rey, listen to me.**

She should have, but something in her told her to keep going, to see what would happen. Something that she had been suppressing since the night in the Mirror Cave. Something dark.

**Rey!**

A dull crack split the silence.

Jaxon-Dax roared with pain. His hand shot up to his face and he stared in confusion at the blood that came away on his fingers.

His confusion soon turned to anger and then something else, something deeper, as he looked up at the two. Being this close, Rey could feel the transition, could feel the sense of conviction, which she didn’t understand.

Ben quickly pressed down on her hand and Rey felt the surge of the Force within Jaxon-Dax rise to mend the cracked cartilage and bone so shattered it was nearly powder. It was faster and more thorough than when she’d attempted to do it. The swelling receded and, if not for the streaks of blood, Jaxon-Dax’s nose was aligned even better than before. Ben had healed not just her break and Ora’s but all the breaks from before.

But that wouldn’t matter in the near future.

All that mattered now was that the recruits had seen: Ben stepped closer to Rey, she’d lost control and then proceeded to break Jaxon-Dax’s nose. Again.

It wasn’t a direct attack, but it coming so quickly on the heels of his prediction alarmed the rest of the recruits. Those that were suspicious became convinced and those that were doubtful became suspicious.

When Rey and Ben stepped back, everyone looked to her for an explanation, but no words came to her. Suddenly, it felt like whatever it was that had been driving her had left, had disappeared with the shattering of bone, and took with it any sense she had.

She stared at them blankly.

“Everyone grab a sparring partner,” Ben spoke up then, drawing their attention to himself. “Best of three rounds moves on, whoever wins today, doesn’t get cleanup duty. The rest finish with seeker droids, practice parrying blasts with the wooden sabers you made the other day.”

They didn’t move away at first. There was a tense silence between breaths as they waited to see what Jaxon-Dax would do.

He let his gaze linger on Rey and Ben just a few seconds longer than was comfortable. Then he smiled, that hard, blade of a smile, scrunched his nose and said, “just like new,” before getting up and walking off towards the sparring pit, the rest of the recruits following him

“Well, that’s not a good,” Finn said. He was about to ask Rey what had happened, but she was resolutely not meeting his eye.

Ben nodded him towards the pit, so he left, but not before he saw the former trying to take Rey’s hand and her pulling it out of his grasp and drawing away from him.

Not good at all.


	31. What Doesn’t Bring Us Together, Drives Us Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very slightly NSFW.

The rest of that day, the recruits practiced their sparring. When they first started learning the forms, Finn naturally had the upper hand, having wielded a real lightsaber once and having had weapons training as a stormtrooper, but he was soon eclipsed by Jaxon-Dax, Ora and Mara, who understood the forms better than he could.

Jaxon-Dax, through his pure ferocity, nearly always wore down his opponents with his brute strength. Mara who was so lithe and flexible she almost seemed like she was dancing as she sparred, usually overcame her opponent by outlasting them, evading their attacks again and again till they were exhausted. Ora was the most Force Skill adept of the three, often using exterior elements to distract her opponent before attacking them while their defenses were down.

In the end, it came down to Jaxon-Dax and Ora. The fight was particularly heated. Each had won one round, the winner of this last one wouldn’t have to clean up with the rest that evening. But that wasn’t the reason the two sparred so viciously.

There was something else driving the two—an energy that vibrated out every time they clashed, hitting the rest of the recruits, Ben and Rey, and even Jannah and her squad, who had gathered around to watch.

Ora was the weaker of the two, but she was the cleverer fighter. She accessed her environment and used everything around her to her advantage. Jaxon-Dax just barged through, swiping aside anything she threw in his way, swinging heavy, arching strokes that would break bones if his practice stick ever met flesh.

It wasn’t an elegant fight, the two opponents were physically and mentally exhausted. It was near the end of the day and twilight was fast coming on the jungle moon. They had been sparring since morning, breaking briefly between bouts and for lunch. The sweat that had soaked through their uniforms, dried, and soaked through again, leaving rings of salt. The blood on Jaxon-Dax’s had long since oxidized to a dark brown.

But neither would give ground. There was something that needed to be settled by that fight. Everyone could sense it, though most didn’t understand what it meant.

Ora had just flung a felled trunk at Jaxon-Dax who stopped it with a push, the counter Force sending her rolling on the ground. Seeing his chance, Jaxon-Dax leapt over the log and ran full tilt at her, raising his arms his chopped downwards. The blade was already coming down as Ora regained her balance. She saw that she wouldn’t be able to avoid it. At the last instant, Ora brought up her own practice weapon. Jaxon-Dax’s cleaving blow landed heavily on her shoulder, but at the same time the tip of her wooden blade pushed into his abdomen, slipping beneath a rib.

A tie.

They broke away from each other, over the sound of their heavy breathing, they could hear the cheering and hooting of their spectators. Ora could feel her shoulder throbbing and Jaxon-Dax probed the tender spot below his rib.

Their eyes locked. There was a brief tense moment where it seemed like they might go at each other again, but then Jaxon-Dax tilted his head in a small acknowledgement. Ora answered it with one of her own.

A peace. For now.

Watching them, Ben was reminded of his first fight with Rey—her anger, her ferocity, her defiance. He could recall the need to prove something to her. It was so intense, it was almost an ache.

At that time, he had thought it was to prove that _she_ was worthy of _him_.

And in the end, he realized he had to prove that _he_ was worthy of _her_.

He looked over then, trying to catch Rey’s eyes, but she had been studiously avoiding his gaze all day, putting as much distance between them as she could. When he tried to reach out to her through the Bond, she just pushed him away, as well.

He let her.

He would come to her later. He would explain what had happened, sort of, at least as best he could to put her mind at ease so that she wouldn’t start questioning herself and their Bond. He would find a way to calm her and everything could go back to the way it had been.

Later, he would wonder why he ever thought that was possible.

🌗🌗🌗

As Ben reappeared in Rey’s tent, a loud beeping was accompanied by metal shifting weight.

 _Dammit_. He had completely forgotten about the assigned droids.

“Yes, thank you Artoo,” came Rey’s clipped voice from the fresher, “I know he’s here.”

Ben was about to call out to her when he heard the sharp hiss of the sanisteam turning on.

He didn’t need to feel through their Bond to know that she’d done it deliberately. A part of him debated reappearing in there with her. In that tiny space she would have nowhere to go except to press up against him. Her skin would be flushed from the steam, her hair frizzy, her tensed muscles relaxing. She’d be so slick beneath his touch. He’d use his tongue and fingers till she couldn’t help but look at him.

Ben shook his head. He had to laugh at himself, it really didn’t take much for him to loose track when it came to Rey.

With effort, he dismissed the idea.

He knew he couldn’t keep pushing away the need for them to talk every chance he got, piling up the questions till they threatened to topple over and bury him.

It wasn’t like him. He never shied away from hard tasks, but this? This, he avoided like it was a black hole.

He was also guilty of drawing their collective attention elsewhere. It hadn’t even been a conscious thing most of the time, he just couldn’t help himself when she was near. He had to strain to hold himself back, to not sweep her up into his arms and devour her. He reveled in her pleasure, in being the one to give it to her. He didn’t think he would ever grow tired of it.

It was so much more enjoyable than facing the reality.

Maybe joining her in the sanisteam wasn’t such a bad idea.

He took a further step into the tent only for the droid to start towards him.

“Artoo,” he said by way of greeting. It didn’t answer as it slowly propelled itself between him and the fresher door.

He raised a brow at the droid. He wasn’t sure but he thought he detected a faintly menacing air to its stance. It probably still hadn’t forgiven him for what had happened to Luke...and the temple...and all the acolytes.

He couldn’t blame the droid. He didn’t forgive himself either.

Rey stepped out of the fresher then, her steam pink cheeks just about the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.

She was still wearing his shirt from Exegol, which he took as a good sign, but she didn’t greet him as she went about getting ready to go to bed.

He ventured to break the tense silence. “Rey—“

She didn’t pause in her movements, but he could see her tensing as if she was readying for a fight.

“Rey,” he began again, “don’t blame yourself for what happened today.” He made to move closer to her, but heard the whir of wheels as R2 moved to block him again. He wondered briefly if Poe also specified that Luke’s old droid be assigned to Rey specifically instead of C-3PO.

A series of trilling beeps filled the small tent.

“Nothing, Artoo,” Rey said, still not addressing Ben. “Nothing to worry about.”

There was a hardness to her tone. She’d folded and refolded her uniform twice now and still she wouldn’t meet his eye. He knew she was upset by what happened with Jaxon-Dax, but this was something else. Normally, she would’ve been open with him, they would talk down her fear of herself, of her heritage. He would help her see she was not defined by who her grandfather was—as she had helped him to see that he was not defined by who his grandfather was—but this time was different.

He should have heeded it.

Instead, he tried to coax her into speaking to him, tried to direct her attention to a topic they both connected on. “You can’t let the Dark Side scare you,” he said.

There was a weary beep from R2.

“How can I not?” She said, her fear making her voice quiver. “Every time I’ve used it, people have been hurt.”

“People were hurt when you used the Light Side, as well,” Ben countered.

He saw her frown slightly, her fear turning to disbelief and something else—something he hadn’t seen since The Supremacy—disappointment.

His heart jumped a little. He tried to stop clenching his hands, a nervous tick he could never control.

“You cannot fear the darkest parts of yourself. _You_ taught me that. If you fear it, you will never be able to control it.” He knew he sounded forceful, that it wasn’t coming out how he intended it, but his own fear was starting to choke him.

He tried to take a calming breath. “Rey, what happened to Jaxon-Dax wasn’t your fault. It was a mistake. Someone as powerful as you will always see both Light and Dark. If you had had more training, it could have been prevented.”

She didn’t answer him, didn’t acknowledge that she was listening.

“You can’t keep holding on to those ideals. Even Luke knew the absurdity of seeing things so simply.” Again, he winced at the sharpness in his tone and the inherent plea in it.

They had talked about this before. She knew his views on the Jedi Order, she’d even _agreed_ with him, to a certain extent. They’d adapted the training program to reflect their discussions on it; they’d amended the meaning of being a Jedi _together_.

But the look on her face now, it was as if she didn’t know him—or worse, he realized, she was finally realizing just what he really was.

He started towards her, side stepping R2, the droid’s domed head turning to follow him. If he could just make her look at him, if he could just hold her, she would understand, she would see he meant to make it right.

“Why is it that I feel it more now that you’re back?” She asked, as though she hadn’t heard him.

The shock of her words drove him to the spot.

”What do you mean?” He asked, though, in fact, he knew.

”Why,” she said, finally looking at him, “do I know how to use the Dark Side?”

He felt her reaching out their Bond, then, but not to probe him. It was so that he could see her. She didn’t hide her self-doubt, her fear of herself, but what shook him was her suspicion.

She let him feel it all.

“I can’t wait anymore, Ben.”

His name on her lips was like the heavy fall of a hammer. It shattered the thin illusion he kept trying to build around them.

“What happened to Jaxon-Dax...what I _did_ to him,” her eyes locked onto his, “it’s something that only someone trained in the Dark Side can do, isn’t it.”

She didn’t blame him for that, but in someway she had sensed the truth of things—the truth that Ben was so desperate to ignore.

When he didn’t answer, she took a step closer.

“It’s something, _you’ve_ learned to do, isn’t it.”

It wasn’t a question.

He stared at her in silence, pleading with his entire being for more time.

“Are you going to tell me?” She asked then, all the emotion drained from her voice.

He swallowed the terrible lump in his throat.

_Coward._

_COWARD_ , he screamed internally at himself.

And still his lips didn’t move.

“I see,” she said. Tears brimmed in her eyes, her lips pressed into a thin line. “Then I think you’d better go.” The last part was just a whisper as she turned away from him and crawled into her cot, pulling the blankets over her.

Ben could feel the dream slowly slipping away from him and he had no one to blame for it but himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took a little more time to get out, but I hope to amend that with Some exciting news: I commissioned a piece for this fic from the one and only [**lilithsaur**](%E2%80%9C)! If you haven’t seen her art, you should absolutely go check it out. Once I’ve made the banner I’ll be sharing it here and on my [**Tumblr**](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/petitfoux2).


	32. We Are More Than the Sum of Our Mistakes

Ben stepped outside the tent and wandered to the edge of the jungle. Faintly he could smell the sweet density of vegetation. He took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh.

“Lover’s quarrel?” Asked a sardonic voice just behind his shoulder.

Without turning, Ben greeted his uncle, “was wondering when you’d turn up old man.”

“Seems like just in time,” answered Luke as he stepped up beside his nephew.

The old Jedi Master paused, his face hidden by a cowl, before he continued walking into the jungle. Ben had almost lost sight of him, then he followed.

They wandered so deep into the foliage that, except for the faint glow that Luke cast, Ben couldn’t see anything. He kept tripping over roots and plants. His uncle, meanwhile, just passed through them.

After nearly eating dirt for the tenth time, Ben was starting to loose his patience. “You have a particular spot in mind,” he growled.

Luke didn’t answer, but Ben detected a faint huff of amusement.

Distantly, Ben could hear the roar of water. When they finally came upon the waterfall, Ben had the strangest sensation that he had been here before, even though he never had. And then he realized it was a memory of a memory.

In the stories his mother used to tell him of her time training with Luke, she always recalled a massive waterfall deep in the middle of the jungle. When she had described it, it had almost taken on a mythical-like quality, as if it were a living thing. Her awe had come down to him, settled in his bones and now in enveloped him as he gazed at the cascading water that shone like a comet’s tail in the bright light of the twin moons.

“This was her favorite spot to meditate,” Luke said. “Some people need absolute quiet, but not Leia. She liked the sound of the crashing water.”

For the briefest moment, Ben felt as if his mother was there with him. He caught his breath, unsure he could face her yet, but when he looked around they were alone. The deep dark of the jungle revealing nothing.

He was both relieved and disappointed.

Luke, for his part, kept quiet. Ben’s clenched fists and pressed lips were tells he had long ago learned to identify.

It was funny, he thought, how different they were, his first student and his second.

Leia was driven, single-minded at times, and even though she was fiery, she had very few tells, politician that she was. When he was training her here, there wasn’t a single skill that she didn’t try to out-perform him on, constantly challenging him. It had been a bright moment in his life, the galaxy had seemed balanced, he’d found a new way to interpret the Force, and he and his sister would lead it. And then came the day she’d laid down her saber. It had hurt him more than he expected, but he accepted her decision.

He wondered now what would have happened if she hadn’t.

Ben, on the other had, was studious and sensitive. All his emotions registering on his expressive face and soulful eyes. Luke could remember the how his nephew would look at him with pure adoration, how he would hold himself back so as not to dismay the other students that trained with him, how he would practice calligraphy for hours in silence.

He wondered now what would have become of Ben if he’d been a better Master, a better uncle.

They stood there for a while at the base of the falls, their thoughts lost amid the roar of the water as it thundered on the rocks below.

Finally, Ben turned and met the sharp eyes of his uncle, eyes that he always felt were judging him, waiting for him to fulfill a prophecy he’d tried so hard to fight. He could ask him one of the thousand questions he had, questions that had defined his youth, that had caused him so many sleepless nights, questions that Snoke had used to infiltrate his mind and turn him to the Dark Side, but all that seemed to fall away then.

Those were the questions of another life.

Now, he all he wanted to know was how to keep Rey safe—even if it meant from himself.

His uncle’s expression was as guarded as it ever was, but there was a patience to him, an easing of tension that he had never had when he was alive.

“What does the Force want with me,” Ben asked, his voice barely heard over the crashing water.

Luke considered his nephew before saying, “the Force is not a being, it does not want or desire. It seeks balance in all things.” He saw his nephew’s lips press harder. Ben was never one for vague axioms, especially when it came to the Force — in that way, he was very much like his mother.

Luke tried again. “Do you know why your mother liked to mediate here?” Ben’s expression softened a little at the mention of his mother again. Softened and then constricted in another way. “She said she could understand the Force better here in the flow and crash of the water. She saw the similarities clearly, how it can be contained, harnessed for power, how it can bring life and how it can destroy. We tend to see it as something to benefit us, to bend to our will, but in it’s purest form, it is something we should strive to be like.”

Ben was silent for a time, thinking of his mother, thinking of his life in the cosmic flow of time, a stick caught in the eddy, pulled under and miraculously re-emerged with no idea where the current is taking him.

“I’ve always felt pulled by forces that were beyond my control. I thought that if one day I was strong enough, I could be the one that dictated the course of my own future. I thought it was worth whatever cost.” Ben stared into the silvery mist of the falls, reliving his decisions.

“Power is an illusion,” Luke answered.

Once, Ben would have been annoyed at his uncle’s cryptic responses, he would have suspected he was hiding something from him, but the truth of the phrase settled on him finally.

It had taken the shattering of his fragile hubris, it had taken the death of his parents, it had taken giving up his own life for him to finally see that.

“I have been wrong about so many things,” Ben said, “but I’m sure I made the right choice on Exegol. I would give my life for hers in every lifetime.”

He sighed, the cool spray of the water gently dampening his face. It was strangely reminiscent of when he’d started to fade. A coldness slowly creeped in from his extremities, till the only warmth he felt was Rey’s hand in his.

“I thought the Force had brought me back to be with her, I thought we were given another chance. We could begin something new, Rey and I, something unburdened by the past. I’d even begun to think it was my destiny.” Ben laughed at himself then, as if he hadn’t learned well enough the first time. “I swore I would heal the wounds I wrought and I swore I would let nothing hurt her again. In my naivety, I thought that meant anyone and anything else, be it the Resistance, the Republic, or the Sith. I never thought—”

He paused. He would be putting into words what had been haunting him all this time and he felt that once they were out there, it would make them real.

“I never thought it would be me, my very _existence_ , that threatened her the most.” A shudder ran through his body as he said it. “I don’t know why the Force didn’t take me, but I fear it will be at a cost to her. I gave in once to a destiny I thought I was fated to and I left nothing but destruction and pain in my wake.”

“We are more than the sum of our mistakes,” Luke said, seeking to ease the bitter sound of regret he knew only too well. “Take that from a man who had made too many.”

He didn’t apologize again, he knew Ben wasn’t looking for that. He had said it during their fight on Crait, but his nephew had been too enraged to hear it for what it was at the time. It may have been a tactic, but it wasn’t a lie either. He had failed him, multiple ways, multiple times.

The admittance hung heavy in the air between them.

But Luke would not make this about him, death had given him as least that much clarity.

“Fear kept me from doing anything, good or bad, and while I wallowed in self-pity on an island, the galaxy went on without me, turning to darkness because I didn’t have the strength to accept my mistakes. What did it serve to hide myself away? Nothing.”

Luke tried to catch Ben’s gaze, but his nephew was staring fixedly ahead. It was apparent that he had come to a decision as his furrowed brows smoothed and the tightness around his mouth eased.

“You’re right. I can’t let fear hold me back any longer. That’s why I need to know what I am,” Ben said, finally turning to his uncle. “I need to know where you hid the Book of the Sith.”

The old Jedi Master eyed his former student. This was not what he had been expecting. He could see that his nephew was waiting for him to judge him, to make that split second choice again, but he felt none of the anger or darkness that had so long haunted his former protege and he himself was much changed after death, calmer, wiser, he dare say.

“I left it in the rubble of the academy. It’s probably nothing but ash now,” he said after a pause. “Didn’t you say the past should stay buried?”

Ignoring his uncle’s question, Ben shook his head and chuckled darkly. “So, that’s where you kept it. All that time, you were studying the greatest Masters of the Dark Side and never guessed there was one whispering to me in secret.”

The irony of it cut Luke like a saber. Worse than any accusation. He glanced at Ben, ready to apologize, to beg forgiveness even, but his nephew’s tone was not begging for one. It was...resigned. He wasn’t thinking about the past, he was concerned about the future.

“What do you think you’ll find in it?” Luke finally ventured.

“An answer,” Ben said, his solemn tone softened by just a touch of sadness, as though he already knew what answer that would be.

“And once you have that answer? Then what?”

“Then, I’ll have to act.” He took one last look at the waterfall, his eyes traveling all the way up the long wall of water to the edge, then he turned and started making his way back towards the encampment.

“You aren’t alone anymore, Ben,” Luke said to his nephew’s retreating back. He was alarmed by the defeated slope of his shoulders, his slow, heavy step. “You’re two halves of a whole. Your decisions affect her just as much as they affect you.”

“That’s why I need to find that book,” he said. As he reached the edge of the jungle, he turned and took one last look at his uncle. “Maybe there’s a way to undo that.”

The shock that passed Luke’s face was brief, but Ben caught it. “I’m going to protect her. At whatever cost.”

Then he stepped into the dark and was swallowed by the night.


	33. Operation Omega

He’d left her.

Again.

Rey couldn’t stop the simple refrain from repeating over and over in her head. As equally baffling to her was why.

What had she said to him the night before?

What had caused him to leave?

Though she tried, she couldn’t recall everything.

She’d been angry. 

Scared.

She’d just wanted him to finally tell her the truth, but when he wouldn’t, when he’d stayed silent, looking at her with his big, emotional eyes — eyes that begged her to understand him, to listen to what he wasn’t saying, what he _couldn’t_ say — she’d shut him down.

“I think you’d better go.”

Rey cringed.

But he had to know she hadn’t meant for him to leave her. Not like that. That’s not what she’d meant.

At least that’s what she told herself and yet beneath the pain of betrayal was a small pocket of relief.

Relief that she didn’t have to carry yet another heavy burden, for she was sure that once he told her, nothing could be the same.

And maybe he’d known that, too.

“Rey.”

Rey jerked to attention, bringing herself out of her whirlwind thoughts.

Some one had asked her a question, but she’d forgotten who and she’d forgotten what. She looked up into the faces of the High Command, each of them watching her guardedly.

It was an unfamiliar expression to see on the faces of the people she admired and trusted most in the Republic and it made her feel all the more alone.

At least, they hadn’t arrested her as an accomplice on the spot. If they blamed her privately, it remained unspoken.

She could try to read their emotions, but she was concentrating too much on trying to control her own.

“I’m sorry, could you please repeat the question,” she said, her voice flat. She wondered briefly if the air filtration had stopped working. The small interrogation room was unusually stuffy and hot.

“You’re sure he’s gone? Not just...” Lando waved his hand vaguely in the air, “invisible?”

“I’m sure,” Rey answered. “He hasn’t cut off our...Bond.”

The word felt corrupted somehow, damning for her now that he’d left. She could see it in the way their faces hardened slightly when she said it.

She cleared the tightness in her throat. “I can still feel him, I mean. We’re still connected. I can’t pinpoint exactly where right now, but I know he’s far.”

There was a curt nock at the door. Poe called for whoever to enter. A Srgt. Major stepped in, briskly saluted the Generals and walked over to whisper in Lando’s ear. The latter’s frown was replaced by shock then something akin to disgruntlement. It confirmed what Rey already suspected.

“I beg your pardon, Generals,” Lando said. “I’ve just received information that the Millenium Falcon has gone missing. The techs on duty have been questioned but they can’t remember what happened the night before. Some sort of collective amnesia, it seems.”

Several moments passed as the High Command exchanged looks. They weren’t exactly dark looks, in fact, they seemed more dismayed than outraged. Everyone, that is, except for Poe, but even he was more muted than expected.

“Do we know for certain it was Ben Solo?” Asked Maz.

“Can there be any doubt?” Poe countered.

No one refuted his claim. He took that as a good sign. He knew that at times the Council disagreed with his more hot headed approach to things. He’d had to compromise more than once because of it. So now, in the light of the information Rey had just revealed, he strove for calm.

He didn’t want to have to compromise on this.

Rey had known immediately upon waking that Ben had gone. She’d felt the yawning ache of distance between them, the bottoming out of her stomach as she realized what he’d done. And before she could stop herself, because she knew what she would find, she’d tried to reach out to him along the Bond, only to crash against all his barriers.

Chewbacca grumbled confusedly from his seat then.

“Yes, that is curious. If Ben Solo is a Force Ghost, why did he need to take the Falcon?” Asked Lando. His tone had changed from displeased to curious. “Can’t he just...appear anywhere?”

Rey had been so distraught by his disappearance that she hadn’t even thought about the strange nature of Ben’s flight.

Beside her, she felt Finn stir. She glanced at him, confused by the look he gave her before he stepped forward.

Finn took a deep breath, briefly recalling the heavy hand squeezing his shoulder and the unsmiling face that threatened to kill him if he so much as told a soul, then in a rush, before he lost his courage, spit out, “that’s because he’s not a Force Ghost.”

The room fell into a deep silence as everyone stared at him in disbelief.

Growing uncomfortable under the scrutiny, Finn added, “at least, he doesn’t seem to think he is and I guess taking the Falcon kind of proves it?”

Poe was staring at Finn, his mouth slightly agape. “Finn! We talked about this! Did you not think to tell me—us?”

“I...no?”

Poe threw his hands up in the air. “Unbelievable.”

Finn couldn’t tell if Poe was more frustrated by the statement itself or because Finn hadn’t thought to tell him.

It was just dawning on him that not telling anyone had probably been a mistake, death threat or no, and that not telling Poe specifically was something worse than a mistake.

Maz cast a quick glance at the Acting General before she turned her attention to Finn.“Can you please explain how you were privy to that information?”

“I...sensed it when I searched his memories. And then he told me so himself, afterwards.” Finn let the last part of his sentence dwindle off. He turned to look at Rey, his eyes soft with guilt. “I told him to tell you.”

Rey was oddly numb at first.

She remembered that night, how she’d waited curled up in the little cot they shared. How she’d let the moment pass, allowing their need for each other overcome everything else, so easily falling back into the lull of the sweet little dream they had built for themselves.

_How many times had she done that already?_

Then a slow, creeping nausea filled her stomach. She tried to press it down, to breath through it, but the feeling kept rising to her throat.

Bright in her mind’s eye, the memory of the incident with Jaxon-Dax.

Clear as if it was happening at that very moment, the dark feeling that came over her, easy and familiar.

Only then, when it was so blatant, did she confront him.

And still he wouldn’t tell her.

Then he was gone.

Without saying a word to her.

Leaving her with the sickening dread of loosing him, but perhaps worse, fearing what their connection would lead to, what it brought out in her.

In that moment, her doubts about herself merged with the that blossoming fear about Ben.

Desperately to suppress her inner turmoil as the High Command continued their discussion, Rey dug her fingers into her palm, hoping they were unaware of the strain she exerted to maintain control of herself.

She couldn’t let them see just how affected she was. If they even guessed at her fear, they probably wouldn’t allow her anywhere near them.

“But, why did he run? Does this have anything to do with the spy and the Sith?” Lando asked. He sounded confused rather than accusatory.

“I don’t think so,“ Finn said, speaking what he truly believed.

“What makes you think that?” Poe asked. He was annoyed, but he wasn’t as adamant as he might have once been about linking Ben Solo with the Sith.

“I...“ Finn didn’t have a specific answer, it was more...“just a feeling? I guess? He didn’t take Rey and isn’t that who the Sith are after?”

Ignoring the last part of his sentence, Poe scoffed, “what, like a _Jedi_ feeling? We can’t be basing all our actions on _feelings_.”

The irony of him, Poe Dameron, the man known for acting on a feeling, telling anyone else that they couldn’t base their actions on feelings did not escape him and the look that Finn gave him indicated that it did not escape him either.

Poe waved his hand to dismiss the topic. “The why doesn’t really matter at this point. What we need to know is _where_ did he go? And can we find him?”

“Unfortunately, the tracking device was removed. They found it smashed on the hangar floor.”

Poe grunted. He tapped the table, catching Maz’s attention. “What’s the update on the hyperspace tracker?”

She shook her head. “Still waiting for parts.”

Poe cursed, but it was mild. He wasn’t particularly upset by the news. He seemed...stimulated. He still looked gaunt, exhausted and overwhelmed by his duty and the responsibilities laid at his feet, but now his eyes were bright and sharp. He leaned forward, resting his lips on his clasped his hands, his eyes narrowed on Rey.

“You said you can still feel him, right?”

Through the fog of her nausea, Rey suddenly saw her opportunity, something she could hold onto to stop herself from spiraling. She didn’t even think twice before stepping forward.

“I can find him, General,” she said. “ Just say the word and I’ll leave right this minute.”

The galaxy was vast, but she would find him and then she would finally push him to tell her everything. He couldn’t hide, not from her.

Poe didn’t answer her right away as he regarded her.

She knew what she must look like. Her hair unkempt as she had barely had time to comb it out and put it together when she’d realized what Ben had done. Her clothes were a mess, as well, her belt askew and her tunic untucked, her nervous sweat staining the armpits. She hadn’t cried but her eyes burned from holding back the tears that threatened to fall at any minute.

Rey held his gaze though, willing him to see her commitment, her determination. Willing him to see that she would see this through.

“Alright,” Poe said and at that Rey felt the tension in her shoulders ease a little.

She was finally starting to breath normally when Poe stood up.

“This will be your first mission with the recruits,” he said, his eyes boring into hers. “It’ll be a good test. I want you to find Ben Solo and bring him back here.”

Rey hesitated and she felt all the eyes in the room focus on her. “It’s faster if I travel alone,” she said in what she hoped was a neutral, firm tone.

“You’ll take the recruits. That is what you’ve been training them for,” Poe said, his tone brooking no objections.

What Rey took it to mean was that he didn’t trust her.

Chewbacca growled at Poe, gesturing his massive paw at Rey.

“General Dameron, may we remind you that the recruits haven’t finished their training and we still don’t know who the spy is,” Maz concurred. “There’s a chance that the two are working together and this is a trap to lure Rey out.”

“Then we plan for that. Who knows, we might even catch them both.” Maz opened her mouth to protest, but Poe held up a hand to silence her. “This is the perfect opportunity to see if the program can actually work. We’ve discussed this already.”

Poe glanced from Maz to Chewbacca. After a brief moment, they nodded their consent.

“All the recruits have already had basic training, most of them have seen battle and both Sol and Mara ranked as lieutenants before the program. These are not green recruits, they know their way around a blaster. Besides, Jannah and her squad will be joining as back up. Just in case.”

Even though it could have been for Ben or the spy, and even though he hadn’t even looked at her, Rey had the distinct feeling that Poe’s “ _just in case_ ” was meant for her.

Just in case she didn’t do what they’d tasked her to do.

Just in case she ran off with Ben and betrayed them.

A sudden, sharp twinge of bitterness rose in her, suppressing her nausea for the moment.

She knew she shouldn’t but she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “didn’t you say that we can’t put people’s lives at risk?”

“It’s one thing to be trained by the enemy, it’s another thing to hunt him down.”

Rey felt the fire burn in her as the tears that pricked her eyes threatened to fall. _He’s not your enemy_ , she wanted to yell, but Poe had already turned away from her.

What was worse was that he hadn’t even said it with any rancor, just stated it as though it was a matter of fact.

Poe called out for his second in command, Kaydel Ko Connix, to enter the room. As soon as she did, he began giving out orders to her in rapid succession. It almost sounded like code, but as Rey listened, she caught snippets of something about the first phase of Operation Omega.

He conferred with the High Command then and they each gave their own set of coded orders to Kaydel, though with less verve and enthusiasm than Poe.

Caught up in the moment and seemingly unaware of the tension in the small room, Finn suddenly burst out, “Wait, you’re rolling out Operation O? This means we’re getting lightsabers, right?” Finn looked around excitedly. “Right?”

Poe grinned at him. “That’s right buddy, official sabers. Well, not really, they’re made with synth-kyber crystals, but they’ll work just the same. We had them made for when you finished training. Now seems like the perfect time to try them out.”

He was telling Kaydel to have the sabers delivered to the training grounds when a dark understanding crossed Rey mind.

“You wanted this to happen,” she said, unable to hold herself back, angry that the tears that she had been trying so hard to hold back were falling down her face. “Operation Omega? You planned for this.”

Poe stopped in the middle of his instructions. He didn’t turn towards her at first. Instead, he took a deep breath. “You think I _want_ this? I don’t want _any_ of this,” Poe said.

Their eyes locked and for a few brief seconds. Rey was shocked to see the truth of his words reflected there.

Then Poe closed his eyes and when he opened them again, the mask of his rank fell back into place. “My responsibility as Acting General is to plan for all eventualities. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t anticipate this.”

Rey opened her mouth, but she realized then there was nothing she could say.

“I know what it looks like to you, but I didn’t make Ben leave. He did that on his own.” Poe turned away then and continued his instructions to Kaydel.

He didn’t have to say it, Rey knew she’d been dismissed.

She should have known it from the start. In Poe’s eyes, maybe even in all of their eyes, Ben had never had a chance.

It was as if by his leaving, he’d confirmed whatever suspicions everyone had about him — Rey had to admit her own among them. It was as if by leaving, he’d forfeited his right to be judged fairly, regardless of his reasons.

Rey finally understood that there was no use fighting this battle here and now. She would never win. The idea was too firmly fixed and there was nothing she could do to change it.

She wondered darkly, if she would every be able to change it.

If she would ever be able to even get the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that I had written Sol and Var as lieutenants in Chapter 23, but I had meant it to be **Mara** instead of Var. So, I’ve gone back and edited it.


	34. A Bittersweet Lullaby

_He wasn’t a ghost._

_He wasn’t a ghost._

_He wasn’t a ghost._

Rey tried to shake the thoughts from her mind, but it was impossible.

Everything had changed.

_He wasn’t a ghost._

_Did that mean he was alive?_

There was the dull sound of someone speaking and with a distant awareness, Rey realized that Finn was talking, but she was too absorbed in her own thoughts to pay attention.

_If he was alive in some way, did that mean he could die again?_

A horrible shudder ran through her body.

“Rey, are you even listening to me?”

“Yes,” she said automatically. They were seated side by side on a transport taking them back to the training grounds. Rey’s eyes were glued to the window, watching the sprawl of the base zip by, her thoughts passing just as quickly.

Finn moved to sit in front of her in one of the backwards facing seats and took her hands in his own. This would be one of the few moments they would have together alone and he needed to tell her the truth.

Rey tried to pull her hands from his grasp but he gently held on. Unable to ignore him, she was forced to mutter that she actually hadn’t been paying attention.

“I said I was sorry for not telling you about Operation Omega. It was Top Secret and I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone,” he sighed, “but I should have told you. I know that now.”

Rey’s eyes flicked to Finn’s. “Were all just waiting for him to slip up?”

Finn held her gaze and, using the Force, willed her to see the truth in his words. “I promise you it wasn’t like that. We had set up Operation O long before, right after we won on Exegol, in fact. We knew that some of the hierarchy of the First Order had managed to escape and go underground, so we sent out scouts to gather information. The preliminary data that came back revealed that some of them still have miniature armies defending them. We realized we couldn’t send in regular troops for extraction. That’s when Poe thought of creating a highly secretive special operations force and when we heard you were coming back, well, naturally, we thought about the possibility of you training Force Sensitives.”

Finn trailed off. Then he squeezed her hands again. “What I mean is, I suggested it. I knew this thing was inside me and...”

Finn paused and Rey felt the flow of his sincerity washing over her, intensified by their contact and it made her weary.

“And after loosing Han, Luke and Leia, I knew you were feeling lost and, even though I didn’t realize it at the time, you had lost Ben, too. I just thought this could be—“

Rey tried to pull her hands away from his again, but he held on.

“—I thought that this would give you something to fight for. Something we could do together to continue what they started. Isn’t that why you chose to be Rey Skywalker?”

Her heart pounding in her ears, Rey finally wrenched her hands from his and he let her go. She didn’t mean to be so forceful, but she couldn’t take his pity just then.

And the name—it sounded wrong when he’d said it. It had sounded empty and false.

Rey felt herself closing up. She didn’t mean to shut out her friend, but she couldn’t help herself. She had never been one to share her pain, not this way. Scavengers couldn’t do with excessive feelings, you risked loosing yourself to despair if you gave in. Everything, even emotions had to be hardened, whittled down to the essential and self-pity was never on that short list.

Sensing her withdrawing from him, Finn tried to reach out to Rey again. “We were going to tell you after the recruits were done with their training, really we were! But then Ben showed up and, well, we had to make some...amendments.”

Finn had the wherewithal to blush. “But, I never wanted this to happen, Rey.”

Of course he didn’t. Maybe it was true that none of the High Command did, but as Poe made so clear, their wants came secondary to their responsibilities, which encompassed so much more now.

Rey understood perfectly well.

They might have let her go on her own before, when things were slapdash and haphazard, but now there was the rest of the galaxy to answer to.

Now, there was oversight and accountability.

She wondered, briefly, if they had an operation for her, as well, for if she turned or didn’t do as she was told.

“Was there...any thing else that you knew that you didn’t tell me?” Rey asked, finally lifting her gaze to Finn’s.

He perked up when she addressed him, then frowned at her, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Did Leia ever...talk to you...about me?” Rey struggled to keep her tone cool and calm.

“Well, yeah, we talked about your training, of course.”

“What did you talk about?”

Rey could see Finn delving into his memories, trying to dig up something he thought she was looking for.

“She kept saying how you were such a fast learner. She wanted to laugh every time you got frustrated when you didn’t pick something up immediately, not realizing how incredible it was that you could pick it up at all.”

Rey searched his eyes as he spoke. She could have used the Force to reach out and read him, but she didn’t. She knew she would feel if Finn was lying or not.

“More than anything, she was really proud that she got the chance to train you.”

Her.

A Palpatine.

It was there, just on the tip of her tongue. She almost told him then just to see what he would say, what he would do if he knew who she was, but in the end she stayed quiet.

If Leia never told, maybe it was because she thought that some secrets were too dangerous to ever reveal.

Rey had to look away then back out the window to the blurred grays. Finn’s too hopeful smile, his eagerness to please her, his trust, it all felt like a heavy burden, pulling at the secrecy she wrapped herself in.

Maybe this was how Ben had felt because all she wanted to do was run.

🌗🌗🌗

The briefing was harder than Rey expected, but she clamped down on the tumultuous emotions that threatened to overwhelm her and she bit out all the necessary information.

“We just knew you hadn’t turned,” Karion cooed as she ran up and hugged Rey.

The recruits were ecstatic. They hadn’t thought they would be receiving their first mission so soon. For some, their their enthusiasm died somewhat when they learned what their first mission entailed exactly; others grew even more excited.

Rey tried to numb herself to it all.

“Finally! I’m so sick of training, time for some real action,” Jaxon-Dax whooped with excitement. “No offense, Rey.” His smile conciliatory but his eyes remained hooded.

“We’ll get him, Rey, don’t worry, we’ll make him pay for what he did to Mai,” Akiva said, more bold than all the others, grasping Rey’s shoulder and squeezing it.

It took all of Rey’s self-control not to push Karion off her, to return Jaxon-Dax’s smile, to not jerk her shoulder from Akiva’s grasp. She knew that they didn’t mean to hurt her, they couldn’t possibly understand and she couldn’t expect them to, but it drained her to maintain her civility.

She didn’t correct them, either, even though she desperately wanted to, the spy was still there, after all.

At least they weren’t all so eager to chase after Ben.

“That is terrible news. We’ll endeavor to complete this mission as quickly and efficiently as possible,” Sol said, always the diplomat’s son.

Var and Araneya bowed their heads in consolation.

As soon as the briefing was over, Ora stormed off, refusing to speak to anyone for the rest of the day.

Later, Mara and Ta had come to Rey as they were cleaning up from practice. Ta held back a little as Mara approached her and folding her lekku in what Rey read as a thoughtful gesture, said, “I can’t imagine what you must be going through, but I wish you to know that I am attuned to your pain.”

She’d given her a sad smile then, before retreating with Ta to the mess tent where the rest of the recruits were waiting.

From that moment on, it was as if training had entered a new phase.

The recruits were friendlier than ever. They listened to Rey with the kind of dedication and seriousness she and Ben had strived so hard to attain before.

Even Jaxon-Dax made an effort to curb his attitude.

But despite their enthusiasm, Rey felt empty. Numb.

It was a feeling she forced on herself. She couldn’t bare the thought that she was a training them to hunt down the one person she cared for most in this world.

It would be the only way to get through the rest of training.

Though they groaned, Jaxon-Dax in particular, they were only allowed to practice their stances and fight against the seeker drones, which allowed Rey to keep her distance from them. She corrected them here and there, but it was obvious that her heart wasn’t really in it.

The recruits were far too excited by the prospect of their first mission to really notice however. Soon they would be handling live sabers in combat.

But despite all their enthusiasm, it was quickly evident that they were not mission ready.

Rey had never been so thankful for what could only be blamed on her inadequacies as an instructor. It gave her a perfectly legitimate reason to delay and with Finn on her side, eager to make up for what had happened earlier that day, as well as the general reluctance on the part of the rest of the High Command to enact Operation Omega, Rey was sure she would be able to postpone the departure.

He hadn’t wanted to, but with pressure from Maz, Chewbacca, Lando and Finn, Poe had had no choice but to grant her request.

Still, he checked in with her twice a day so that she could assure him that Ben remained a fixed constant. 

She gave him the same answer every time.

Wherever Ben had fled to, he had stayed there.

An unwavering beacon.

At first, she had been furious, but as time passed, she grew more and more despondent as a heavy sense of foreboding overcame her—one that she had thought she’d cast off when she’d killed Palpatine on Exegol.

She’d done her duty, fulfilled her destiny, even if she didn’t really believe in such things.

She thought that that from then on her life would finally be her own.

But she should have known better.

Ben had asked her once, why the Force had brought them together. At the time, she had thought it was an accident, something unintended because of what had happened on Starkiller Base.

She had never really stopped to think about it. Not until now.

For her, the Force was an energy source, something that people used in certain ways according to their beliefs. She hadn’t believed in the Force the way Ben and Luke did or the way the Ancient Jedi did.

And yet, there was no doubt that something had brought them together, something greater than either of them.

Snoke had tried to claim he had been the one to connect them, but Rey would never forget the feeling the moment she sensed Kylo Ren on Takodana and the moment they invaded each other’s minds in the interrogation room aboard Starkiller Base.

She knew him. Even though they’d never met, she knew him.

And he’d known her.

Rey was certain now that they were always meant to meet.

Throughout her life, she’d had strange visions of worlds and people she didn’t know, voices would invade her head suddenly then disappear. It wasn’t until Ben told her of his past that she realized those had been his memories.

And he recounted hers, as well. Nights of hunger and loneliness, days of thirst and toil.

But it wasn’t just memories.

Ben had seen Ahch-To before she had even been there and they’d both seen each other taking the other’s hand.

One future came to pass and the other didn’t.

Rey wondered briefly then what would have happened if she’d given in to him then in that burning throne room.

What dark future would they have wrought?

Or would it not have been so dark?

As they’d grown closer, she’d begun to realize how empty she had been all her life. Even after she discovered who her parents were, even after the Resistance had taken her in, nothing had made her feel so whole as when she was connected to Ben.

So whole and yet also also so drawn to the Dark Side. Being with Ben, that part of her seemed to bloom, her emotions and passion became deeper and stronger and there were things she knew innately about the Dark Side, skills that she had never learned.

It frightened her.

More so because it didn’t feel so very wrong.

Maybe that’s why Ben ran.

Maybe he sensed the shape of their fate, that the Force wasn’t finished yet and they were destined for something else.

Something he didn’t want to come to pass.

The days went by quickly. It was the nights that were hardest.

Back in her tent, Rey undressed systematically, all her movements slow and done without thought. All her concentration dedicated to keeping herself from breaking apart.

She stepped into the fresher and tried not to think of all the times Ben pressed up against her in the small sonic shower or how he would look at her when she stepped out, his eyes sometimes ravenous, sometimes soft and sometimes dark and unreadable.

She pulled the black, torn shirt over her head and tried not to think of all the times he lifted it off, laying kisses all down her neck and shoulder and chest.

She crawled into the empty cot, curling in on her self and tried not to think of how they’d fit so perfectly in that tiny space.

Then when all the lights had gone out and she lay there in the dark, still unable to sleep, in a quiet voice she’d say, “play it again, Artoo.”

And Ben’s low voice would fill the quiet. A parting message he had left just for her as she’d slept, unaware of he’d been there, unaware he’d gone.

Three very simple words that had once made her so happy and yet now caused her so much confusion and pain.

But still she would ask the droid to play it over and over again till she finally drifted off to sleep to the sound of his voice.

A bittersweet lullaby.


	35. To Catch a Spy

Rey had lost count of the long days and restless nights. All she knew was that it was too soon when Poe came and told her they would leave the next day. He then dismissed the recruits, giving them a free night before they were to ship out.

No more delays.

The recruits were ready.

Rey could no longer deny they were.

It was strangely gratifying and yet also horrifying. Even in her numbness, some sense of accomplishment seeped through at seeing how much they had improved, but it was quickly replaced by dread as she imagined them using those skills, skills she had taught them, skills she had learned fighting Ben against him.

At the height of his power, even she could not match his prowess with a saber—Kef Bir had taught her that—but now in his weakened state, he would be no match for any one of them, let alone all of them together.

The thought of it overwhelmed her with anguish.

So much so that when the recruits invited her to go out with them to the cantina to have a drink, she declined.

She knew they didn’t mean any harm by it, but she couldn’t bear to celebrate with them.

They saw this as the start to something new and exciting in their lives. She saw it as the end of a dream.

She was back in her room on the base when a harsh rap stirred her from her thoughts.

“Come in,” she called.

Finn entered, looking anxious, before Maz’s diminutive figure pushed past him quickly followed by Poe and C-3PO.

Staring confusedly at half of the High Command piling into her tiny room, Rey started to open her mouth when Maz cut her off.

“We have a breach, an untraceable open transmission right now,” she said. “We haven’t been able to track it, but maybe you can sense it.”

“You mean, with the Force?” Rey asked confused.

Maz nodded. “Quickly now before we loose them.”

Not even sure what she was looking for or how to look for it, Rey tried to clear her mind and focus on finding something, anything that would link her to the transmission. She opened her mind to it, but was invaded by an overwhelming amount of interference.

She heard requests for landings and take-offs, myriad commands and chatter, but she couldn’t distinguish one from the other. The sounds clashed and crashed in her mind. It was too much.

Rey shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said. “There’s just too much noise.”

“No, no, come on, there’s got to be a way,” Poe said, pacing, as much as one could pace in Rey’s crowded little room.

He had changed out of his uniform and Rey was taken aback by how young he looked, as if he’d gained back five years, unweighted by all the still material and medals. His hair was slicked back and he was freshly shaved.

Rey also thought she might have smelled cologne.

“When did you realize there was an open transmission?” Rey asked.

“Poe and I were just going over the mission details,” Finn said. Strangely, his demeanor seemed to change. He seemed almost embarrassed or shy. He was studiously not making eye contact with Poe.

“We were just going over details, that’s right,” Poe confirmed and even more strangely, he seemed to be blushing as his eyes kept flicking over to Finn. “Then Maz informed me that she and her team were alerted about the transmission.”

Maz looked back and froth between the two generals, her eyes narrowing to little beads when a small, fleeting smile creased one corner of her lips before it disappeared.

“We don’t know how long it’s been, but I informed the generals no more than five minutes ago,” Maz said. “We decided that our best chance of finding the culprit would be to try to use your skills with the Force.”

Rey bowed her head in frustration and disappointment in herself. Catching the spy might have caused them to delay the mission, maybe even changed the objective completely.

It would have changed the focus, taken the target off his back.

Rey tried again to search through the tremendous cacophony, but the clamor was impenetrable.

“If I may make a suggestion?”

There was a collective sigh of tried patience.

“You can just make the suggestion, C-3PO, you don’t need to ask permission each time,” Maz reminded the droid.

“Well, I beg your pardon, General Kanata, but that goes against my primary object. I am a protocol droid, after all.”

Poe’s eyes shot to the sky as he took a calming breath. “Threepio, we’re on a very short time frame here.”

“Oh yes, quiet right. As I was saying, if I may suggest, if we can get nearer in vicinity to the transmission perhaps Miss Rey’s powers to identify the culprit will be greatly aided.”

“How can we do that if we can’t even track it?” Finn asked.

The droid, feeling the attention on him, drew himself up to his full height and reminded himself to be as concise as he was able.

“I believe if we eliminate portions of the base that will not be conducive to long range transmission due to interference, as well as take into consideration that whoever it is will have to be quite near to a Holonet node, we can possibly narrow down the areas of search.”

No one said anything for a moment and C-3PO wondered if perhaps he had, once again, been too verbose for them and had lost them along the way.

“Brilliant, yes,” Rey blurted out finally, wondering why they hadn’t thought of that before.

“Oh good,” C-3PO answered, quite pleased with himself.

After a moment, C-3PO tilted his head in question as the three of them continued to stare at him. “Shall I run the diagnostics then?”

“Yes!” They all shouted, startling the droid slightly.

“Goodness! No need to yell,” he said. Really sometimes he wondered how any diplomacy was programmed into him at all when it seemed like everyone he met was so rude.

Composing himself, he input the requisite data and ran the diagnostics. After a moment, he continued, “I’ve cross referenced the location of the nodes and suitable places for long range transmissions. There are five—“

“That’s not so bad,” Rey had started to say.

“—hundred locations that fit this description.”

“Five hundred? There’s just no way,” Poe groaned, throwing his hands into his already disheveled hair as he started pacing again. “We need to add another search parameter to narrow down the field.”

“What else would they need?” Maz’s eyes narrowed to near pinpricks, a sign she was deep in thought.

They all stood around, it was so silent it was almost possible to hear them searching for an answer. C-3PO waited patiently as he looked back and forth between the three of them.

“Privacy!” Finn yelled suddenly.

“Yes! Buddy!” Poe shouted with equal enthusiasm. He stepped over to clap Finn on the shoulder, but the later, mistaking the move, reached up his own hand to clasp Poe’s, bringing the two closer together. There was a quiet moment as the two looked into each other eyes, their lips parted.

Poe was the first to regain his composure. He unclasped his hand from Finn’s and turned to the droid. “Okay, Threepio,” he said. He tried to clear his through as his voice hitched slightly. “Eliminate any areas that aren’t enclosed spaces.”

“Eliminating now.” C-3PO paused as he ran the new data. “There are now,” he paused, everyone held their breaths. “Thirteen locations.”

There was a collective groan of frustration. It wasn’t an unfeasible number, but they didn’t have the time for Rey to go to all of them.

Not to be defeated, Maz tapped the datapad she brought with her and flick up the screen to display a holographic map of the base. “Where are the locations?”

C-3PO shuffled over to the Head of Intelligence. “May I?” He gently took the pad from her and began inputting the locals.

Zooming out, the droid flattened the holo till it was a one-dimensional map with the points of interest flashing in red.

The mood of the room fell even further.

The locations were miles apart.

Poe let out an exasperated sigh, turning away from the map, he threw his hands up in the air.

Maz’s frown deepened as she tired and failed to think of a solution.

Rey let out a sigh of defeat. She felt inexplicably drained by everything. What was worse was that this wasn’t her, she never gave up without a fight and yet all she wanted to do was kick everyone out of her room and curl up on her cot.

She was tired of fearing the invisible, tired of the uncertainty, tired of hiding things, tired of all the secrets.

She was just about to ask them all to leave, when Finn started nodding his head.

“What if,” he held everyone’s attention, “we split it?” He looked around at the crestfallen faces that were slowly turning to hope.

There was a silence as everyone in the room considered him. Finn didn’t waver under their gaze.

“Listen, I know what you all think, but I’ve come a long way,” he said. “I can do it. I’ll take half and Rey you take the other half. This way we might actually be able to catch them.”

Rey considered for second, her heart lifting again from the depths of her of disappointment. Then she nodded her head.

“Thank you,” she said, unable to keep the tremor from her voice.

Finn caught her eye and held her gaze. He seemed to know that she mean it in more ways than one. He reached over to grasp her hand and squeeze it. They were in this together, he wanted to assure her.

Then he turned and made for the door. “Send me the map,” he called over his shoulder to C-3PO and then started when he found Poe right on his heels.

“I’m coming with you,” Poe said to Finn’s questioning look.

Finn made to protest but the look in Poe’s eyes and the set to his jaw told him there was no discouraging him. He wasn’t touching him, in fact, Poe wasn’t even that close to him, but Finn felt at though his skin was burning from his nearness.

With a final nod, they sped out the door into the base, chasing the first flashing light on the map. Rey left right after them, turning in the opposite direction, Maz following close behind her.

“Let’s go catch us a spy.” The small woman was grinning delightedly, her blaster already in hand.

A few seconds later, a somewhat befuddled C-3PO exited Rey’s small room. He looked down the hall in the direction Finn and Poe ran and then down the other way in the direction Rey and Maz went.

“Well, I suppose I’d better go inform the rest of the High Command,” the golden droid sighed despondently. “Not that I’m one for danger, but does anyone think to take me along? Almost never.” C-3PO shook his head as he started walking towards the Command Center after sending two private encoded commlinks to General Chewbacca and Calrissian.

“It’s not as though I haven’t been on a few risky adventures myself. And when it comes to spies, well, I’m quiet adept at handling them as Poe well knows,” C-3PO sighed again, though this one sounded a little more like a huff than a sigh. “It really is quite insulting, I must say, to be so underestimated. Politeness is so often mistaken for weakness, I’m afraid, though I do suppose my manners have helped in many situations, as well.”

C-3PO could be heard talking to himself all the way down the hall.


	36. Hey Kid

It wasn’t the familiar grooves in the controls, nor was it the divots in the seat, the faded paint or the dim exterior.

It wasn’t the weight or the heft of the ship, nor was it how smoothly it operated under his touch.

It was how at home he felts, sitting in his father’s seat, that hit Ben the hardest.

That and the memories that he couldn’t hold back, each one as raw and as fresh as a red wound.

His father holding him as Ben sat on his lap, guiding the Falcon on his own for the first time; Chewie leaning in close, his musty, almost sweet smell filling Ben’s nose as the Wookie helped him learn how to aim a blaster at rocks near the boarding ramp while they waited for Han to come back from wherever he had gone off to; the time on his fourteenth birthday when he’d deftly navigated the Falcon through a whole flotilla of parked senatorial ships while his father and Chewbacca yelled at him from their seats; the one family vacation they’d taken all together.

It all seemed so long ago.

Another life.

One he would never be able to go back to.

Even though he tried, he couldn’t help his eyes from looking for his father’s die. They hung where they always had, the low light of the console catching gold plating. Ben had to swallow the rush of emotion that swelled from his chest and threatened to come out.

Instead, he concentrated on getting out of the Ajan Kloss’s orbit as quickly as possible. Pushing the hyperdrive lever forward as soon as he darted and launching the Falcon into hyperspace.

He sat back in the chair then, watching the lights streak against transpartisteel windows, his father’s golden die swinging gently from the jump.

It had been more than ten years since he’d last flow his father’s prized possession. Ten years in which he’d piloted other more advanced spaceships. Ships that didn’t buck and groan, that didn’t creak and shudder as you flew them, that had far newer tech and weren’t a mess of modifications — but of all the the ships he’d flown, none of them had ever made him feel the way he did now.

And none had ever flown as fast.

He would be at his destination in less than a day.

He was speeding along the Celanon Spur, which he would ride till the end, then switch onto the Hydian Way briefly before exiting into the Gordian Reach.

Suddenly, a loud blaring filled the cockpit and lights began flashing.

Ben looked around in confusion, unable to locate the source of the problem. His eyes searched the cockpit and it was only then he realized all the new switches and modifications. He didn’t know what half of them were and didn’t want to risk flipping the wrong one.

_Think_ , he urged, dipping into the Force to guide him.

A flash of a memory.

He heard his father speaking to someone.

Rey.

_What did you do?_

_I bypassed the compressor._

The sweet sound of her voice, so light and cheerful brought a soft, sad smile to his lips.

Ben jumped up to open the panel where a compressor might be placed on the ignition line and saw that something had been pulled out.

_So that’s how she bypassed it_ , he thought, chuckling to himself.

He didn’t question the memory that wasn’t his own. He didn’t even balk at it.

In fact, it made perfect sense that he would know Rey’s memories.

It was just another piece of evidence to prove his theory.

His amusement quickly vanished at the thought.

Beneath him, the Falcon began to shudder, the alarms still blaring in his ears, calling his attention back to the present. He began pulling out the wires, tying to see if something had been cut or pulled or burnt.

“Come on, you old piece of junk,” he growled.

“Hey, watch who you’re calling old,” came a voice directly over his shoulder.

Ben stilled at the panel, the wires a mess in his hands. He slowly turned to see his father leaning with one-elbow on the back of the pilot’s seat, his face serious, but his eyes a light with humor.

The shock is not as overwhelming as the first time, but still Ben was rooted to the spot, scared that if he took his eyes away, his father would disappear.

Han laughed then, a soft half-chuckle. Ben didn’t know why he did, maybe it was a private joke, maybe it was the way he was looking at him.

Maybe it was seeing his son back in the Millenium Falcon, fussing with the controls, like he’d always done.

Han looked around the flashing cockpit and raised his eyebrows. “You gonna fix that or you joining me earlier than expected?”

Ben closed the mouth he just realized was hanging open and cleared the lump that was stuck in his throat, reluctantly turning back to the opened panel.

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” he mumbled, his eyes traveling to the reflection in the transpartisteel window, relief flooding through him when he saw his father still standing there as he pulled more and more wires out.

Han stepped toward him and Ben heard the weight of his footfall on the floor.

_It’s just a memory_ , he reminded himself, but he couldn’t help the bittersweet ache that bloomed in his chest at his father’s nearness.

“Well, what’d you do?”

Ben could see Han out of the corner of his eye now. He had his hands on his hips and was frowning at the mess of wires entangled in Ben’s hands.

“I didn’t _do_ anything,” Ben said.

Han harrumphed in answer.

Ben could practically feel the heat of his father’s all-too-familiar suspicious stare on the side of his face.In his youth, Ben had tweaked with the Falcon one too many times for Han to take him at his word.

Ben had to bite down on his cheek to keep from breaking out into a grin, which would have only made his father even more suspicious. 

“Okay, then walk me through it,” Han said as he leaned against the wall, watching Ben.

Clearing his throat, he said, “I, uh, jumped to hyperdrive and then alarms just started going off. It shows an electrical malfunction, but I don’t see anything that’s torn or crossed here.”

Han nodded. “Did you check the ignition line? Some son of a bantha—“

“—put a compressor, yeah I know, dad, but Rey already took that out.”

Han raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “She all but ripped it out, maybe something else came loose.”

Ben checked again, but there was no damage done.

The Falcon shuddered harder and a worried look crossed Han’s face.

“Well, unless some other slimy moof milker got their mitts on the Falcon, I’m at a loss, kid.”

Ben almost slapped himself when the realization hit him. “Of course, the kriffing tracker.”

“Hey, watch that mouth,” Han growled.

Ben dove beneath the pilot’s seat, pulled out the panel and digging into the mess of wires. Two seconds later, the blaring alarms quieted.

“Ha, got it,” he said, smiling as he pulled himself up.

The cockpit was empty.

The ache is instant and sharp.

Then he heard something crash to the floor from the interior of the ship.

“Dad?”

“Back here,” Han called.

Even though he tried, he couldn’t stop himself from jumping up at the sound of his father’s voice. The relief was like a pain-killer that flooded his whole body with warmth.

Wiping the grease on his hands on his trousers, Ben followed the sound of clangs and crashes to the lounge area.

Han was rummaging around the storage lockers, mumbling to himself about how people don’t appreciate a good ship and just use it as a junk storehouse when Ben rounded the corner.

Then more faintly about not having much time and needing to find it.

Ben was about to ask his father what he was looking for when Han glanced back at him.

“So, couldn’t stay put, could ya?”

It hit closer to home than it should and Ben dropped his eyes to his feet. “I had to leave,” he finally answered.

“Sure, I know the feeling,” Han answered as he continued to empty each and every locker, unceremoniously dumping the contents around him. “Sometimes it seems like it’s better to run from a fight you know you can’t win.”

“No, it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like between you and mom,” Ben struggled to keep the hurt from his voice. “I mean, we fought, but it was because I—“

“Ah! There it is.” Han pulled out the false bottom of a storage locker and from the secret compartment, retrieved a very dusty bottle. He held it up, looking at it with deep satisfaction and what almost looked like love.

“Quick, grab two cups, would ya, kid?”

Ben sighed and went about looking for the cups. His father had a way of avoiding conversations he didn’t want to have and Ben knew all the signs. At least his memory was true to form.

After a minute of searching, he set two chipped cups on the hologram board that functioned as a table when it was turned off. Han brought of the bottle, handling it with care, a bright twinkle in his eye.

“What is that?” Ben asked.

“This,” Han said, gently blowing away some of the dust, “is Corellian whiskey. I’ve been saving it.”

Ben raised his eyebrows in confusion as his father lovingly popped the well-worn cork and tipped a generous amount into Ben’s cup and then his own. They’d had Corellian whiskey before. True, it was expensive to import, but it wasn’t something he thought his father was particularly attached to.

“Is it a special malt?”

“Nope, this is about the cheapest Corellian whiskey you can get. It’s closer to engine fuel than anything else, but it sure does the trick,” Han said, holding the cup to his nose and taking a deep breath. “Ah, the sweet smell of home. Bottoms up!”

He tapped his cup to his son’s then downed the shot.

“Whoo! That’ll put hair on a dead man’s chest.”

Ben tried not to wince at the choice of words and brought the cup to his nose to take a whiff.

It smelled _strong_.

“What are we drinking to?”

“I‘ll tell you after you’ve drank it.”

Ben took a tentative sip of his own drink.

It _burned_.

Ben tried to take a bigger sip, choked, then started coughing loudly, his eyes, watering from the effort.

Han laughed in acknowledgement.

“Holy Sith, dad, what _is_ that?” Ben asked, after regaining his breath.

“That, Ben, is the first thing I ever stole,” Han sighed, catching his son’s eye. “It used to belong to my father.”

The bottle itself was completely nondescript, old and dusty, the label all but worn off, but as Ben reached for the bottle and hefted it in his hands, the weight of his father’s gaze on him as he contemplated the only thing that belonged to his father’s family in his hands gave it immeasurable meaning. 

He hadn’t even known that Han had kept anything from his childhood. He’d so rarely spoken of it and so much less of his father that Ben had gotten the impression that it was something Han wanted to forget and never think about.

The only concrete thing Ben knew was that he had been abandoned by the only person he could call family when he was younger.

A dark and scaring experience that Han carried with him, even if he didn’t realize it. To someone as sensitive and adept as Ben, it had always been readily noticeable. Even from a very young age.

So much so that when he was a child, Ben had once wondered if it was something genetic.

An impulse that couldn’t be fought.

It hadn’t made Han’s growing absences in his early life any easier, but it was an explanation that Ben felt had absolved his father in some way. 

That is until Snoke had found that fragile belief and crushed it.

Ben set the bottle back down and finally met his father’s eyes.

“Why’d you take it?”

Han took a breath and held it before letting it out. “I told myself it was because I wanted to take away something he actually loved, but,” he paused, “over the years it’s become a reminder, more than anything else.”

“A reminder of what?”

Han leaned in, covering Ben’s hand with his own.

“A reminder that sometimes we fail the ones we love, even though we’re trying our best, but even if we do, we should never stop trying.”

Ben took in a shaking breath, his eyes focused on his father’s hand covering his.

“We should never have stopped trying to reach you, son,” Han said. “It was never too late.”

Ben shook his head, as if he could will the tears away. Then a ragged sob escaped his lips and whatever damn that had been holding it all back broke. His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes and fell to the table.

Han leaned over then and wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulders and he squeezed him close and it felt so real.

So real that it made Ben weep all the harder for what he’d done, for what he’d felt compelled to do. He fought for breath as the anger and helplessness and loss crushed his chest.

“It’s alright,” Han said, rubbing his shoulder. “Let it out, kid.”

“I’m so sorry,” Ben gasped, gulping for air between his sobs. “I’m so sorry, dad.”

“I know, son” Han said, his voice tight with emotion. “Me, too. Me, too.”

It was a surrendering and both wept for it.

They sat like that for a long while until Ben gained control of his breathing again. He took a deep breath in and let it out then brought the cup to his lips and finished the rest of the burning whiskey. He closed his eyes and let the warmth ease the tightness in his throat and chest.

“So, what were you saving it for?”

Han smiled then and squeezed Ben’s shoulder once again. “For when you came back.”

“If I’d known this was waiting for me, I might have reconsidered,” Ben half-chuckled sarcastically.

Han laughed, playfully tapping the side of his son’s face. 

“Listen, kid—“

“You have to go now, don’t you.” Ben hated the catch in his throat.

Han’s answering smile was soft and sad. ““But don’t worry. I’m here,” he said, using his free hand to tap the spot just above his son’s heart. “I’ll always be right here.”

Ben let the brief touch sink all the way through him as Han pressed himself up from the table and made his way towards the cockpit. Just before he disappeared from sight, he turned.

“And Ben, whatever it is you think you have to do, just remember you can’t remove yourself from the problem and think that will fix things, take it from some one who knows.”

He took a step forward then back again.

“It’s never too late.”

He smiled one last time at his son, winked, then turned and rounded the corner.

He was there.

And then he wasn’t.


	37. What Was Long Hidden At Last Revealed

In the early morning dawn, Ben left the Millenium Falcon and stepped out into cool wetness. He’d come in in under the cover of night and flown low, almost cropping trees to avoid any detection and landed in the lowland marshes near by the lake that sat below the old Jedi academy.

Once he cleared the tall gasses he looked out onto the placid expanse of water.

He could almost see them all tumbling down the hill, him and all the other students stripping away their sweat-soaked clothes after a hard practice and plunging into the cool waters.

Tried as he might, he couldn’t quite remember all their faces. He hadn’t ever really gotten to know them well.

Besides, it had always really just been him, Voe, Hennix, and Tai.

The threesome that allowed him to tag along at times.

And just as he thought of them there in the lake, so too did he remember them the last time he saw them. He remembered their exact expressions when they’d died.

Ben dove into the nearly frigid waters, trying to clear his mind. He wasn’t here to reminisce.

After crossing the lake, he made his way up the gently sloping hill. Above him loomed the blackened dome of the old Jedi Temple, a giant hole gaping in it’s side.

Even though vines had grown over the sides and grass crept up the base, anyone could see that building hadn’t been abandoned, it had been destroyed.

Ben swallowed the bubbling guilt and circled the walls looking for a way in. The main entrance had collapsed and the side doors were sealed shut. Near the lightening strike that had started the fire, he found a small opening and gingerly crawled through.

The interior of the old academy was cool and damp and an utter mess. 

Water had seeped through the holes and cracks and pooled on the floor. Plants grew everywhere, slowly reclaiming the derelict building. But not even the years of rain, nor the plant life could hide the horrendous scorched and crumbling walls.

A ferocious fire had raged here.

It was a wonder the building still stood.

For the first time, Ben second-guessed his resolve. Was it possible for the book to have survived all that? When nothing else did?

If it did survive the fire, it certainly would have been picked up by any clever and persistent scavenger and opportunist after his mother’s people had finished recovering anything they could.

Slowly, he picked his way through the ruin. He went to the dormitory first. There was nothing there, nothing that could be seen of the horror he imagined had befallen his fellow students, though the blackened walls and fallen stones and new skylight that hadn’t been there before were enough to make his stomach churn.

Ben tried to reach out through the Force, but he felt nothing. No reminisces, no memories. He hoped it was because they were all at peace, gone to be one with the Force.

He hoped it had been quick.

But neither death by fire nor by stone is pleasant.

Unless the explosion from the lightening was enough to kill them on impact.

Ben looked up through the gaping hole to the bright blue above, recalling the tremendous storm the night he’d fled.

It’d seemed like the sky had split apart, rays of pure energy shooting down into the defenseless building.

Though he never really wanted to, it occurred to him then that it was strange that he never exhibited that power again.

A niggling fleeing tickled the base of his skull as though he should remember something more, but all Ben wanted to do was forget.

His world ended that day.

If there was one thing he knew, it was that he would always have a connection to the Dark Side just as he would always have a connection to the Light.

If the book was here, he would find it.

🌗🌗🌗

Rey’s heart pounded in her ears as she rushed down corridors, her swift steps echoing off the empty halls. Her lungs and her muscles were burning as she pushed herself hard. She could have exerted less and used more of the Force, but she held herself back from using her full power.

She told herself it was because of Maz, but she knew deep down that it was because she still couldn’t trust herself.

Besides, not far behind her, Maz kept up her frantic pace. Rey wasn’t sure how, but the ancient woman hadn’t slowed her down once as they raced through the sleeping base.

It felt good, pushing herself physically to the point of burning.

A fire was fueling her, chasing away the numbing ache she’d settled into after Ben had left and the deep fear of having to go after him. 

It didn’t matter that the ache and the fear were still there, underneath it all. She could forget it for just a few hours as she concentrated her entire being on finding the source of that transmission.

This was all that mattered now.

She needed this.

She needed this win.

Maz didn’t once question her or urge her to use the Force. Instead, she stuck doggedly at Rey’s heels, guiding her with directional calls as they zigzagged their way through the base.

They made it to their destinations in half the amount of time it would have normally taken them with only droids and a few night-shift security roaming around at this late hour.

The guards often did a double take, not quite sure they’d seen what they’d seen: the Hero of Exegol dashing through the base and on her heels, the Head of Intelligence with a blaster in her hand and each with a stern look.

Whatever it was that was going on, the few witnesses knew better than to call out and disturb them.

Besides, most were struck dumb at the sight and by the time they had the wherewithal to say anything, the two speeding figures were well past, leaving raised eyebrows and open mouths in their wake.

Whenever they neared an interest point, Maz would yell “switch” and Rey would slow to allow the other woman to overtake her and lead the way, glancing at the holomap projected by her datapad.

Once they reached each point of interest, Rey would halt, close her eyes and try to focus her mind. She was never really sure of what she was doing, but she reached out anyway.

It was an old habit, intuitively reaching out to the Force and hoping it would somehow understand her innate need and manifest in a form that she could use.

Less studied and formal, much more instinctual and probably less effective in this case, but Rey had no other choice.

This is when she really could have used Ben by her side. Whenever he was near, it was as though she innately knew certain things, things she had never been taught.

She was sure that if he was here with her now, he wouldn’t even have to tell her what to do, she would just know how to do it.

And it wasn’t just that, whenever she was with him, she felt her connection to the Force was more profound.

Skills that she had just learned somehow felt as though she had been practicing them for years instead of months and she understood the theory of the skill as well as the practice of it.

She had even been able to use skills she had never learned — the incident with Jaxon-Dax proved as much.

Rey supposed she should have seen it all earlier. All the evidence was right there in front of her the whole time, but she didn’t want to think about that, so she cleared her mind as best she could and concentrated on finding the transmission anyway that she could.

Meanwhile, Maz circled her, employing her own limited use of the Force, trying her best to help, even if that was sometimes just by shooting very menacing looks at anyone who looked like they wanted to approach the Hero of Exegol to shake her hand.

At least in that, she was effective. Maz was _very_ good at menacing looks.

Across the base, Poe and Finn were ticking off locations, as well.

They weren’t making up as much ground as Rey and Maz, as Finn, despite his bravado in Rey’s room, was less sure than her that what he was doing was right, but unlike Rey, he was willing to open himself up entirely to the Force and to trust that it would help him do what needed to be done.

Han had once told him the Force didn’t work that way, but from his own experience, he was pretty sure that it did — and all that mattered, really, was that he believed that was the way of it.

Even still, he was slower than Rey making it through the locations C3PO had marked on the holomap, but that wasn’t just because of his shorter experience with the Force. In fact, it was mostly to do with his companion, Poe.

It wasn’t that Poe pushed him. On the contrary, he never once pressured him or expressed his anxiousness.

Only his shifting feet and pressed lips gave any indication that the Acting General was the least bit nervous, but he never put it on Finn.

In fact, each time that Finn shook his head in defeat, his apology in his eyes, Poe would shake his own head in response, refusing the apology, never once allowing Finn to blame himself.

He was nothing if not supportive.

But Finn sensed there was something else pulsing beneath the thin surface of Poe’s seemingly cool exterior and it would overwhelm him every time Poe drew near.

Whenever they reached a location, Finn would pause, close his eyes and try to concentrate. Poe would check their perimeter then come stand close by Finn, as if he was offering physical support knowing he couldn’t do anything else.

But every time he approached him, Finn was completely thrown off. Having opened himself up completely to the Force, he was hyper-sensitive and what he sensed the most was Poe.

It wasn’t until they’d reached the second location and Poe had stood so near that Finn could hear him breathing that Finn, even though he shouldn’t have, reached out to read what he was sensing from Poe.

It was a high-strung want that radiated from him, spiking every time he drew near.

With shock and giddiness, Finn realized he knew that want. He knew, too, the tension it created when he’d had to suppress it.

He’d felt it himself with Rey, with Rose, briefly with Jannah, with Arayena and Var, and though he’d never admitted it, never even realized it, with Poe from the very start.

There was no mistaking that feeling and, with no one else around, it could only be for him.

It was then that so many little things suddenly clicked into place.

Poe’s disappointment and hurt when Finn hadn’t told him things, lending Finn BB8, coming with him now, and throughout all that, the underlying tension he’d sensed from him.

It all made sense now.

And Finn had absolutely no idea what to do about it, especially not as they raced against a clock they weren’t even sure had run out.

And there was something else. Something that held Finn back from giving voice to the shared thing that lay hidden between him and Poe.

It was like a strange undercurrent undulating beneath the tension. It felt oddly familiar and yet the sense of it made Finn uneasy.

It felt dark somehow.

In the end, Finn had had to ask Poe to stand further away and when he’d had seen the hurt expression flash briefly over Poe’s features, Finn’s heart had squeezed painfully in response, but he couldn’t take it back.

Finn had to prioritize and it was imperative that they track down the transmission this very moment. All else could wait, even his own feelings.

They’d split the locations, six to Finn and Poe and seven to Rey and Maz. He and Poe and gone through four and were just reaching their fifth point when Maz reached out to them on a private commlink.

“We’ve just cleared the last location on our list. No luck,” she said, her tone was flat and she sounded mildly out of breath. “You?”

“We have two more. We just arrived at the south side comm tower now. You and Rey get to the drill area. Report once you get there.”

The commlink clicked off and Poe locked eyes with Finn then. There was a desperation shading his gaze.

As quickly as he could manage, Finn centered himself and reached out with the Force. He urged it to show him something, anything, but once again he was met with resounding silence.

He knew it somehow, even before he’d tried, but he didn’t want to let Poe down. He tried again, just in case, but felt nothing that he could grasp.

A sudden and horrible thought occurred to him.

“What if we’re too late?” He asked.

“There’s still the drill area,” Poe said, the desperation in his eyes hardening into something else. “Come on, we need to go.”

Finn winced as Poe grabbed his arm and began to pull him along as they ran. His grip wasn’t hard, but there was that darkness again that Finn had sensed before. 

“Poe, what’s this all about?”

“It’s about catching a kriffin spy,” Poe gritted out as they ran. “And once we catch them, then it’s going to be about getting that war criminal back here to stand trial.”

Finn glanced at the other man’s profile. His handsome features compressed into hard angles and lines. He was and wasn’t the Poe that Finn remembered that day aboard the Starkiller Base when he’d finally decided to escape from the First Order.

Gone was the cavalier flyboy with the easy grin. In place of that was this flint-eyed stranger who stalked through the base like he was being driven by something.

It sent chills down Finn’s spine.

🌗🌗🌗

Ben didn’t want to count the days that had already passed. He knew that sooner or later, Rey and the Republic would be coming for him and so far he’d had nothing, nothing worth offering up as an answer for his disappearance. He’d searched the entire academy four times now, even going so far as to clear all the stones from inside what had once been the library, the dormitories, even the hallways and courtyards, everywhere he thought he might find some hint of the book. But no, he hadn’t come upon anything, not even a hint of a thing.

Another series of days had passed and he’d become so desperate as to try to clear the kitchen and storage cellar of stones. Maybe Luke had buried the invaluable piece somewhere with some calcified potatoes.

Unlikely, but still, he had to try.

As always happened, by the time he was done achieving that most elementary of Jedi skills, moving rocks, Ben found he was exhausted and the last of the late afternoon sun was fast dwindling.

Like so many nights before, Ben knew he would have to stop and begin again in the morning.

Normally, he made his way back to the Falcon, the swim in the late afternoon not so terrible after a long day of lifting stones, however, he noticed that it was far later in the evening than he’d realized.

He didn’t like staying around the academy too late. On his first day, he’d noticed that there was something else out there watching him. It was quite the feat, considering that he had rendered himself invisible, and though he tried, he was never able to catch whoever or whatever it was that was spying on him.

As the days passed, that feeling of being watched didn’t ease so much as he became used to it. If they hadn’t attacked by now, they probably wouldn’t.

At least, that’s what he hoped, seeing as a late evening swim across a cold lake was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. He would have to take his chances staying the night at the academy and even though he craved the warmth a fire would bring, he thought it was probably better not to give whoever was watching a fixed point to locate him at during the night.

A quick look around the academy in the fading twilight was enough for Ben to realize he wouldn’t be able to shelter there, either. Water had pooled into most of the rooms, it was almost impossible to find dry ground.

Somewhat dejected, Ben left the academy and started making his way down the hill towards one of the smaller stone huts that dotted the circumference of the academy. On his way, he passed the path that led to a a pile of rubble. He didn’t spare it a glance. 

He was heading towards the groundskeeper’s hut at the far end, when he passed another path that he wanted to ignore but couldn’t.

He couldn’t because as soon as he’d neared it, he’d felt an undeniable pull. He turned and let his eyes run down the overgrown lane to the small stone building at the end of it.

He should have known from the start that his uncle wouldn’t keep something so dangerous near his students and yet he’d resisted coming here.

Slowly, Ben made his way down the path to the untouched stone hut that was once Luke’s lodgings. 

His uncle’s old quarters looked exactly as it had all those years ago. Inside, a few vines and insects crept through the cracks, but the place was otherwise untouched by damage. The low stone bed was unadorned by blankets, the hearth empty of ashes. Not a single piece of furniture or identifying article had been left, but Ben knew the pull for what it was.

He went to the bed and sat, closing his eyes as he centered his being and mind. The sensation had grown steadily stronger as he’d approached the hut and now as he concentrated on it, it surged, filling the small space.

It was so strong that it almost seemed to be calling to him.

_Here. Here. Here._

He wondered how he had never heard it before. Perhaps he had still been too much a part of the Light to hear it back then.

Or perhaps there had been too many other voices crowding his head.

He heard it perfectly now though.

Concentrating more, he identified the source, emanating from beneath an enormous, flat, circular stone near the hearth.

He didn’t remember how many stones he’d lifted today or over the past countless days, but this was the only one that really mattered. It took all of his remaining strength and focus to do it, as as though the weight placed upon it was double what it should have been, but finally he was able to lift it just enough to leave a gap for him to slip his hand through.

Getting up from the bed, he knelt and searched the dark hole in the ground. His hand closed around something hard and angular. He grasped it and pulled it through the gap. In the dim twilight he saw that it was a protective case, its hard angles reminded him of ancient holocrons.

He unclamped the front lock and tilted the case till something heavy slipped out into his hand. It was thick and looked to be several different books bound together as one.

_I am the answer you seek._

With trembling fingers, Ben opened the Book of the Sith.


	38. The Book of the Sith

The book was heavy, the spine thick and ribbed. Ben ran his hand over the smooth cover. The red leather was soft to the touch, unmarked and looked relatively new compared to the brittle pages it held within.

Age emanated from the thing in his hands. This was ancient history, most of which had been lost over time.

It was, without a doubt, priceless and extremely dangerous.

If the Sith had known that his uncle was in possession of it, they would never have let him hide away for so long.

Though he desperately wanted to see the contents of the book, Ben didn’t open it. It was now very dim in his uncle’s small stone hut and he knew that in less than an hour, he would barely be able to see his own hand.

He had a choice to make: build a fire and reveal his location or try to get back to the Millenium Falcon. It crossed his mind that whatever had been watching had had no reason to attack before, but that was different now, but still the thought of a long, cold swim in the dark was enough to make Ben shiver where he knelt. Plus, in his exhausted state, he didn’t know how well he could keep the book hovering above the water for the length of the swim.

Fire it would be, but a small one, well hidden in a well guarded corner so that he could see anyone approaching if they did. That eliminated his uncle’s small hut, which left the academy, with all its wet floors. 

The descending night air cooled the sweat that beaded Ben’s brow as he made his way back to the crumbling ruins. From a defensive standpoint, the ruins were bad, but at least he knew the layout well enough to make an escape if he needed.

Though he tried, Ben failed at making a quiet re-entrance as he tripped and stumbled in the dark, knocking over looser stones, which he swore he’d removed, and splashing into pools.

He’d once almost lost his grip on the book, which would have gone tumbling into a shallow foot of water.

What irony that would have been.

He could have just used the Force to keep it hovering near him, but having lifted stones all day and needing to spark a fire later, he didn’t want to exhaust the little that he had left. 

Finally, he reached the dormitory, which, even with the large gaping hole in the roof and the large pool of water in the middle, was still, technically, the safest place in the academy. Ben slumped down against a far wall, his body aching from the day, his toes bruised from stubbing them countless times and his arms weary from holding the heavy book so tightly.

It was strange to be so vulnerable. His entire life he’d always had physical strength and had rarely ever become ill or exhausted. He might have felt fragile and vulnerable emotionally, but never physically. He supposed this was what it was like to be ill or old.

It was humbling.

Finally regaining his breath, Ben knelt down to the only patch of dry ground he’d found and slowly sparked a small fire over bits of half-burnt debris he’d collected from around the room. Pieces of bed frames and wardrobes that hadn’t been completely destroyed in the explosion and fire. The sparks struggled to catch the damp wood, but after several huffs of breath, he was finally able to coax some life into the small fire. The popping and cracking was instantly soothing and for a brief moment, Ben allowed himself to enjoy the very basic comfort.

Then he sat back and very carefully opened the book. The first page was made from a material was so old that some of it had crumbled away in his fingers as he grasped it. Taking more care, Ben gently lifted the page to examine it closer. It was discolored and lumpy, as if it had once been wet and infected with mold. Large symbols, written in a brown ink, ran down the page.

A low-grade anxiety began to creep into Ben’s gut as he flipped to the next page and his eyes met a wall of text, similarly to the symbols he saw on the first page. They were completely indecipherable. This was a language so old that he didn’t even have a reference for it. Along the margins were notes in several different hands, all of which were in Basic, but even as Ben tried to read a few, without understanding to what they were referring to in the text, he was completely at a lost.

_Kriff!_ He should have brought C-3PO, but it was too late now and if he’d thought to try and keep his presence unnoticed before crashing through half the academy, coming here with the old droid would have made the task of keeping silent and remaining undetected completely impossible.

He also didn’t want to put the old droid in any danger.

Growing more panicked, Ben turned to the next page and saw something flutter to the floor. It was a loose sheet of durapaper covered with uneven handwriting from top to bottom and along the margins, more scrunched, hurried scratches as if someone had written them down in a rush, worried they would loose the thought or idea if they took too long to get it down.

Ben reached down and brought the loose page up to read. At the top he saw written, “The Chronicles of Sorzu Syn wherein contains the Origins of the Sith of Korriban, the Obvservasions and Discovries of Alchimiae, and the Generall Historie of the Sith Empire.”

A translation. His sigh of relief was so deep it ruffled the durapaper in his hand. Laying the book down, Ben took the loose sheet in both hands and began reading the text. The handwriting was so small and cramped, it almost looked like code, but Ben knew it well enough to decipher his uncle’s quick scratches.

Though he tried to concentrate on the text, Ben couldn’t stop thinking about his uncle. When had Luke had acquired the book? How many late nights had he sat in his hut, scribbling away while Ben, just a few strides away in his own little hut, was completely oblivious?

Recovering the lost history of the Jedi was a passion Ben had enjoyed sharing with his uncle. He remembered the thrill of finding the lost outpost on Elphrona, but he never would have guessed that his uncle secretly harbored an interest in the Sith, as well.

The realization was a dull ache in his chest.

It felt like a betrayal, but more than that, it felt like a missed opportunity.

If only he’d been more open about the voices in his head, if only his uncle had been more open about his studies, maybe all of this wouldn’t have happened.

Ben shook his head. He was letting himself get swept up in hypotheticals, which at this point, were completely useless to him. He tucked the loose page back where he’d seen it and returned his attention to the book in his hands.

Even though his connection to the Force was weak, he knew this wasn’t the text he was looking for.

Page after page he turned, glancing at the strange and alluring diagrams, maps and formulas, taking quick glances at the notes on the margins. How he wanted to take his time and read through them all. It was such a wealth of information, it could shed so much light on the past and on the Sith and their practices, but just as he knew how much it could have helped, he also knew why his uncle had hidden it away.

In the wrong hands, this book was more than dangerous, it was an unparalleled weapon, and not too long ago, his very hands would have been the wrong ones.

The weight of the accumulated knowledge settle into his palms and once again Ben couldn’t stop himself from contemplating what he would have done with such knowledge had he had it. Had he known it was right there, beneath his nose, ripe for the taking.

The _power_ it would have given him.

That old yearning flared briefly, but it was a ghost of the desire that had once been his sole intent.

He had a different one now—one that filled him with a greater sense of purpose than anything he’d felt before.

And just like that, Ben pushed the old objective aside.

He almost laughed at how easy it was. He never would have imagined himself letting go of the pursuit of power just a few years ago, but it felt good—more than that, it felt right.

The truth of it was, Ben had never really hungered for power. What he’d really wanted was a sense of control over his own life, some agency from the forces had dictated how his life would go.

Now that he understood that it had been Palpatine all this time, he thought that that feeling of being a puppet on strings would finally disappear when Rey killed the Sith Lord, only it hadn’t. Ever since Ben had regained consciousness, that feeling had stayed with him.

It was what had caused him to stop Rey from giving him any more of herself. It had caused him to question his very existence.

Perhaps Palpatine was just another puppet.

The answer lay in his hands, of that much, Ben was sure. So he continued flipping through the heavy bound book, skimming the pages and translations till finally, nearing the end of the book, he came upon a long, elegant hand. This he didn’t need to translate, it was in High Galactic.

“The Science of Creating Life,” Ben whispered, his quiet voice reverberating off the stone walls, his hands growing damp on the pages. Somehow, the tome seemed to almost vibrate in his hands.

Here was the answer.

A dark sense of foreboding hung over Ben, but he pushed it aside.

_For Rey_ , he told himself, then he turned the page.

🌗🌗🌗

Ben slammed the book shut, pushing it as far away from him as he could. It did not escape his notice that he’d pushed it dangerously close to the fire. His world, his entire existence, that of his grandfather, his mother and his uncle suddenly took on a horrifying clarity. This was not the answer he had come seeking and yet the truth of it struck so deeply within him that he didn’t even think to deny it.

Ben understood then, just what his grandfather was meant to be: a counter balance.

One provoked by the very hand he was reading, Darth Plagueis, and his apprentice, Darth Sidious.

It was their hubris, their manipulations and machinations that had led precisely to the downfall of the Sith. The reaction of an action that had been playing out over millennia, the rise and fall, the push and pull of the dark side and the light.

And finally, both had been extinguished, as the author predicted, but he’d also predicted that from that fall, would rise an even stronger, greater Sith.

Was that why he’d been brought back? Was this his purpose?

Had the Force prevented him from giving his life for Rey’s in order to prevent the second rising of the Sith?

Ben glanced at the book, the flames of his small fire dancing along the cover.

There was something else he’d read that had caused his hands to seize in fear. Reaching over, he opened the book to the chapter titled, “Transcending Death” and read the words that had made his stomach turn in disgust. 

When he reached the end he slammed the book shut again, horror and confusion passing over his features. No amount of re-reading would change what he had finally come to understand. 

He was alive not because of the strength of their Bond, but because the Force willed it for some purpose of it’s own and it had prevented him from dying by transferring his consciousness into Rey as he’d given her his life.

Two minds, one body.

This had been the fate that Palpatine had planned for her deep in the dark arena of the Sith, to infiltrate her mind and overwhelm her consciousness with his own till he was the one in control, only now it was Ben who had taken his place.

This was the reality he tired so hard not to see, but which he knew he couldn’t escape.

He’d transcended death only to become the biggest threat to her life.

There was a small, niggling sensation at the base of his skull, something that didn’t feel quite right, but before he could question it, a bone-chilling cold swept into the small dormitory, making Ben’s hair stand up on the back of his head. He stood up quickly from the fire, dousing it with dirt, his eyes desperately scanning the dark.

From deep within the academy, he heard the splash of something dropping into a shallow pool of water.

Ben tensed, looking up at where he guessed the skylight was, in the dark, he couldn’t tell, but it was a big enough hole that if he aimed for it, he just might be able to jump through with the last bit of waning strength he had. He crouched low, ready to spring when a voice spoke from right by his ear.

“Ben Solo, we meet at last,” it said.

Panicking, Ben pushed off against the ground, summoning the last of his Force strength to make it to the roof. He flew through the air, he could feel the fresher night as he got closer to the skylight. He was nearly there, he felt, and he reached out his hand, ready to grab the edge and pull himself through when a overwhelming Force seized him like an invisible hand, squeezing the air out of his lungs and threw him back to the ground.

A loud crack echoed against the walls as the back of his head slammed against a stone. The pain was overwhelming and then swallowed up as he started slipping from consciousness. 

Footsteps nearby. A kick to the ribs, but it felt dulled, his body didn’t feel like his own.

“This was the Master of the Knights of Ren? How pathetic,” said the voice, snide.

“You were too rough,” said the voice again.

“He was too weak,” snapped the same voice.

“Quiet,” this time the voice was sharp and cold. “There’s not time for this bickering.”

Ben felt his body lifted from the ground. Something cold lay against his cheek, he tried to draw away from it. 

“We must ready him for the Master.”

Tendrils, cold, invasive tendrils slithered into his mind. He tried to fight it but he had no strength and he was fading.

He had to warn Rey. With the last of his fading consciousness, he dropped his mental walls and reached out to her along the Bond.

**Rey. Stay away.**

And then all was black.


	39. The Spy

The drill area was quiet, the kind of deep quiet just before sunrise. It was unnerving and Rey paced as she and Maz waited for Poe and Finn to arrive. She needed to keep moving. Her body was thrumming with adrenaline, her hands were slick with sweat, her heart pounding in her chest even though she’d stopped running.

There was something else behind the need to find the spy that was upsetting her, an uneasy sense that was driving at her heels, but she couldn’t place it. 

“I’m not going to wait,” she said. “We might as well find out if the spy is here or not now.”

“Poe asked for us to wait,” Maz countered.

“What for?” Rey shook her head. “It’s pointless waiting here.”

Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her emotions and center her self before she reached out with the Force.

Just as she was readying herself to search for the spy, she gasped in surprise as she felt a sudden pull on the Bond.

_Ben._

The shockwave of feeling him reaching out to her after he’d blocked her was enough to drive the air from her lungs.

Rey was frozen to the spot, unsure what to do.

Should she respond? Should she put up her mental blocks?

Before she could decide, she heard his voice in her mind. 

**Rey.**

She nearly cried out hearing how broken and shattered he sounded. Their Bond wavered and she could feel him going away from her once again, but this time it didn’t feel like a mental block.

**Stay away.**

He was in trouble. She could sense it. Finally, that feeling that had been driving the anxiety in her made sense.

Her heart raced as she desperately clung to him, to the thin consciousness of him that still hovered there.

She had to find him.

_Are you alright?_ Her heart asked.

**Ben, tell me where you are.**

He didn’t answer.

_Are you alright?_ Her heart asked again.

**Tell me.**

**Ben!**

But he was gone.

And neither of her questions were answered. And of the two, she really only wanted to know one.

🌗🌗🌗

“Where is she?” Finn asked when he and Poe reached Maz’s pinned location.

“I don’t know. Something happened. She went off,” Maz said, gesturing towards the drill area, but there was something else she wasn’t saying. Finn could sense it in her hesitancy.

“Did she find the spy?” Poe asked, his excitement checked by his annoyance that Rey had gone off before them.

“I don’t know,” Maz answered.

“Let’s go,” Poe ordered, motioning for Maz to lead.

As they made their way deeper into the drill arena, Finn almost wished that the spy had left, that they would find nothing. With all this pent up anger, he was afraid what would happen if they did find the spy.

Ahead of him, the figures of Maz and Poe made a straight line for the south side where Maz has said Rey had headed.

They didn’t need to look for long. In the middle of a sparring arena, so still she almost looked like a practice dummy, stood Rey, her staff clenched in her hand, her chest heaving, and tears running down her face.

When drew near, she turned her stricken expression causing Maz and Poe to halt, unsure of what it meant, but Finn knew. Somehow he knew.

He ran to Rey and ever so gently placed his hand on her arm. She started, but the pressure of his hand was soft, reassuring. She blinked, her eyes finally focusing on him.

“I heard him,” she said. “Finn, he’s in trouble. I think he might be—”

Finn’s heart clenched at the choked sound that escaped her throat, the fear that trembled through her whole body. He knew that feeling and though perhaps at one time it might have made him jealous, now he only wished he could comfort her in some way.

“It’s alright,” Finn said, running his hand up and down her arm. He glanced over at the two generals who seemed to be waiting for a signal from him, their eyes glancing wearily to Rey.

As though sensing their doubt, Rey began shaking her head. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this right now, he needs me, he’s in trouble and I was the one, I pushed him away.”

Rey’s muscles twitched beneath Finn’s hand as she clenched and un-clenched her fist. Her breathing was nearing hyperventilation.

“Listen, Rey. We’re going to find him, okay? And I promise you, look at me—“ he waited till she lifted her eyes to his “—I promise you, we won’t hurt him. He’ll be safe with us.”

He saw the doubt flash in her eyes and he couldn’t blame her for it. Standing just behind him was the man who’d made it his personal mission to persecute Ben, but Finn wanted Rey to know that he would be there to make sure the man she loved would be safe.

“We’ll go find him right this minute and I promise you, I won’t let anything happen to him. Okay? Do you trust me?”

The doubt in Rey’s eyes lessened slightly as she looked deeply into his. Finn opened himself up to her, reaching out with the Force, asking her to read him.

He wanted so badly to hold her when he heard the smallest, softest hitch in her breathing. “I want to,” she whispered, but she didn’t take him up on his invitation and he refrained from enveloping her in his arms.

“You can,” he said instead and he willed her to hear the truth in that.

Finally, she nodded her head. It was slight and she didn’t break their gaze as she did, as if she was waiting to see just a hint of a lie so that she could climb back into her inner fortress once again and lock herself away behind those impenetrable walls. 

Inwardly, Finn heaved a sigh of relief. He acknowledged how hard it was to give one’s trust to someone else, especially for someone like Rey. He had meant what he said; he would do everything in his power to make sure that Ben Solo wasn’t harmed.

“But first we need to get this spy business out of the way, yeah?” He waited for Rey to nod her head. When she did, he briefly broke his gaze with hers to signal to Maz and Poe who began approaching them slowly.

Rey seemed to come back to herself as the two generals drew near. She straightened her shoulders and gave Finn a small, tight smile, her eyes spoke her thanks.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

Poe looked as though he might question her, but a slight shake from Finn’s head kept him quiet.

“Did you find something?” Maz asked tentatively.

“I...” Rey took a shaking breath, “I was distracted, I haven’t been able to clear the area.”

Maz and Poe exchanged glances, but Finn stepped in.

“We can do that right now,” he said, closing his eyes and focusing in on the Force. Soon, he felt Rey join him and it was like a jolt of pure energy. She was so much stronger than he was. Being next to her was like being next to a power source.

Their search radiated outwards, spilling over the practice arena and across the drill area. Finn could feel so much more through the Force this time, as if his senses had been heightened, but even then he knew that they would not find what they had come looking for.

The night felt heavy with their failure.

Suddenly, Maz jerked as her datapad vibrated in her hands, she opened the screen to see an incoming private commlink from C-3PO.

“General Kanata, this is urgent, a freighter parked in docking bay A-13 is being used to send out an unauthorized long distance commlink.”

“Are you certain?” Poe was by Maz’s side instantly.

“Absolutely, Sir. The transmission went out just minutes ago.”

Poe swore profusely. The docking bay was on the the other side of the base. It would take them an hour, if not more to get there on foot.

As if reading their thoughts, C-3PO replied, “Not to worry, General Dameron, I’ve already sent a transport to your location. It should be there presently.”

Within seconds, they heard the soft hum of a ship engaging landing gears above them.

“Threepio, you’re the best!” Poe shouted as he ran towards the descending loading ramp. “And switch to manual. I’m taking over the controls.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I’ll try to recall the compliment whenever you’re cross with me.”

But Poe had already disappeared into the ship, his mind focused on a new target.

Finn glanced at Rey then held out his hand. She hesitated the barest second then grasped it and Finn’s heart warmed from the implicit trust she was giving him.

The three of them rushed onto the transport, Poe taking off even before the ramp had come up complete.

“Everyone strap in. This is going to be a bumpy ride,” he said as he pushed the boxy transport ship to max speed, weaving in and out of buildings and drones.

By the time they reached the docking bay, the sun was just starting to come over the horizon and the thin pale light of dawn would soon be followed by more and more people moving around the base, something they all desperately wanted to avoid. The more people around, the more dangerous it would be. They had to get to the ship sending out the signal quick.

Poe landed the small transport vehicle three places down from the light freighter that C-3PO had identified. Once they landed, Rey dashed out and surveilled the ship.

“Are we going to call for back up?” Finn asked as the rest of them clambered out.

“Less people, less probability of this going wrong,” Poe said. “We go in fast and catch them off guard.”

“I’ll alert C-3PO,” Maz said, assuringly. “They won’t get away this time.”

Rey didn’t wait to hear anymore. A hardness overcame her then and her jaw set, her teeth bared as she grabbed the staff from the hostler on her back and sprinted towards the location, igniting the double yellow blade as she rushed up the loading ramp into the cargo bay of the freighter.

Poe and Maz were quickly on her heels. Only Finn was left standing by the transport ship.

He had a bad feeling about all this. Perhaps it was his distaste for violence, something no amount of training could wipe out of him. Whatever it was, Finn pushed it down and unclipped his lightsaber from his side. The training couldn’t wipe it out, but he knew how to overcome it. He just hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Those thoughts were soon lost as he entered the cargo bay and saw that the rest of the group had gone on without him and the uneasy feeling he had increased exponentially.

He ignited his saber. If there was one thing he’d learned to listen to, it was his intuition.

He was about to reach out to Rey through the Force when he felt the cool barrel of a blaster press against his temple.

“Not so fast General,” said a voice Finn had come to know well. A hand reached up and pried the saber from his hands. “I’m sorry it has come to this, but ifyou just do as I say, no one will get hurt.”

The blaster was taken from his temple then and pressed against his back. Finn had no choice but to go where he was pushed.

🌗🌗🌗

Rey rushed through the cargo bay of the freighter, her Force tuned to any disturbance and on high alert. She felt the others behind her in a dim awareness. They were growing further away as she sped through the ship, but they were not her priority. They could catch up eventually.

She Was running down a long hall that connected the back of the ship to the front when Poe called out for her to stop.

Rey frowned, they were loosing valuable time and risking alerting whoever it was to their presence. She tuned, ready to berate Poe, who was running to catch up to her, but his expression of panic erased her annoyance.

“Finn’s missing,” he said by way of explanation.

With a start she realized that it was true. Suddenly weary, she reached out through the Force to find him. His signature registered up near the front of the ship, most likely near the cockpit.

Then, from the same location as Finn’s, Rey registered another signature.

_No, it couldn’t be._

The shock, the incomprehension robbed her of the anger that was coursing through her.

Sensing that something was wrong, Poe stepped closer.

“What is it?” He asked, his voice tight with worry.

“Finn’s at the head of the ship.”

“Alright, let’s go,” Poe said, pushing past her to make his way to the front.

Rey grabbed his arm tightly, ignoring the incredulous look he gave her. “I sense someone else with him,” she said, her mind unable to accept what the Force was showing her.

“Who?”

“I...I don’t—“

“Who!?”

“I’m not sure!” Rey cried. “The signature, it’s...I know it, but something is different. We need to be careful.”

Poe’s lips flattened into a thin line. He heard the uncertainty in Rey’s voice, he saw the disbelief on her face.

“What we need is to hurry,” he said, his voice tight.

Normally, Rey would have chaffed at Poe’s tone, but this was Finn they were talking about and standing this close to Poe, she caught a sense of what made him so scared.

She heard the desperation, the edge in his voice and she understood it. She knew the feeling well enough herself.

“Okay, but I go first,” she said. “I’m not sure what we’re up against.”

Poe hesitated, then, ever so slightly, nodded.

Rey again took the lead as they raced to the end of the hall. She used the Force to jump from the bottom of a ladder leading to the top level in one bound, her anxiety growing as she neared the two signatures, her mind still unable to absorb who was in the room with Finn.

As she rounded the final corner, she stopped short, seeing Finn before her. The glow of the saber was so close to his neck it made her knees weak.

And standing behind him, unmistakable in the morning light that seeped through the duroglass windows, was Mara. Her beautiful features a smooth mask.

The shock sealed the words in her throat.

“Hello, Rey,” Mara said, her lekku folding in a graceful greeting. “I’ll wait for the others to join before I explain.”

How many time had she greeted her this way before? And how normal it seemed now. Rey was almost responded from habit, except that all of it was belied by the glowing saber in Mara’s hand.

That, and the raging tumult of emotions that Mara was barely keeping in check beneath her smooth exterior.

**Finn—**

“None of that,” Mara warned. There was a sharpness in her tone that Rey had never heard before. The Twi’lek stood as elegant as ever, but there was an edge to her, one that warned of danger—a poisonous animal ready to strike.

Poe’s thundering steps screeched to a halt as Rey felt him come up behind her, followed by the soft pads of Maz’s footfall.

Mara’s expression didn’t alter as she assessed all three of them, but the tension ratcheted up several degrees more. “Generals, Rey, if you would kindly lower your weapons to the ground. General Kanata, I would ask that you refrain from using your datapad unless I say so. I really don’t want any unnecessary harm to come to anyone.”

The threat did not go unheeded. Rey heard the clank of blasters on the floor, but she didn’t let go of her staff. Mara waited, her expression one of calm and yet readiness as Rey’s grip tightened. She glanced at Finn, he seemed unharmed, but the saber hovered just a breath away from his neck. It did not waver and nor did Mara’s expression, except for the barest hint of something in her eyes.

A dare.

Rey didn’t know what to do.

Mara’s signature was _significantly_ stronger. It was as if a compressor had been taken off and now her connection to the Force was running at full capacity, but, even more importantly in this moment, Rey could sense was how unstable she felt.

Waves of anger, confusion, doubt, conviction, disdain and yearning poured out from the woman who, on the surface, looked as cool as ice.

If suppressing her signature and flying under the radar for so long were any indications, Mara was _highly_ skilled and _highly_ experienced. The kind of skill and experience that came with years of dedicated training in the Force, something similar to the kind of training that Ben had received—and she was also completely unpredictable.

Rey couldn’t use any of the information she had learned about Mara until then; it had all been a lie.

All of this meant that in this small space with so many potential targets, Rey felt distinctly at a disadvantage. She’d rushed headlong into the ship, she’d rushed headlong into so many things without thinking twice and this was the result.

She wasn’t going to take that risk again.

Slowly, she lowered her staff to the floor. Once she released her grip, Mara’s eyes gleamed and she sent the weapons skidding away down the ladder chute with a flick of the Force.

“Thank you,” she said, and it sounded as though she was saying thank you after a compliment.

Once she had disarmed them, Mara turned and began initiating the flight sequence to take off. Rey almost stepped forward, it seemed like too easy an opening. First rule of a fight: never turn your back on the enemy.

Suddenly a hiss filled the room followed by Finn’s agonized shout. The saber had come close enough to sear the skin on his neck. All while Mara’s back was still turned.

“I really wouldn’t do that if I were you, General Dameron,” she snapped. 

Rey glanced behind her and saw that Poe had taken a step towards Finn. He held up his arms in placation, his eyes going to the burn on Finn’s neck. His throat worked to swallow the fear lodged there.

Finn’s nostrils flared and his eyes watered, but he managed the briefest of nods and a reassuring smile.

The ship hummed beneath them then and they all rocked, slightly unsteady on their feet as Mara disengaged the landing gears.

Rey’s eyes went to the saber. With her, back turned, there was no way Mara would be able to maintain the hold on the saber, but it never strayed from its proximity to Finn. That was truly impressive control and Rey couldn’t help but notice it.

An alarm went off in the ship and Mara quickly turned, her expression wearing thin on patience. “General Kanata, order C-3PO to clear me for take off.”

This time Rey could definitely hear a shift in her tone. The calm was beginning to crack.

Maz made no move to reach for her datapad. “Why are you doing this?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“I’ve lived many lives,” Maz said.

“So have I and I know when someone is stalling for time, now tell that droid to clear me or else,” Mara gritted out between clenched teeth, the anger and doubt flaring in her.

Finn stiffened slightly, stepping forward a little. The barrel of a blaster raised from behind him to aim at Maz.

Reluctantly, the Head of Intelligence did as she was told and the alarm quieted.

Through the duroglass window, Rey could see the ship had begun to rise slowly, making it’s way towards the exit.

“Mara, whatever it is they’ve promised you, you know it’s a lie.”

Ignoring her, Mara reached behind her and pushed down the thruster, sending the ship towards the exit even faster.

“Unless you was to disembark in mid air, I suggest you leave right this kriffin second.”

Poe defiantly took another step forward. Mara tensed, but they all could see that Poe’s eyes were trained on Finn. “We’ll come after you,” he said.

“I’m counting on that, General Dameron,” Mara replied as though he’d been addressing her.

Poe didn’t acknowledge her. Instead, he took one last look at Finn, then turned and left, his hands and jaw clenched tight. After a brief second, Rey heard Maz’s soft footfalls join Poe’s as they receded down the ship.

Only she remained.

The freighter had now cleared the exit and was beginning to tilt up towards the sky.

“In a few minutes, not even you would be able to survive a fall from that height.”

Mara seemed clam again, assured. The emotions that had roiled beneath the surface, settling back into place, as if she’d come to a decision.

“You could come with me,” she said, locking gazes with Rey. “Master.”

A deep shudder went through her.

“Never,” Rey spat out. “I’ll never turn to the dark side.”

Mara’s answering smile might have been mocking had it not been tinged with a resigned sadness.

“I thought so, too, once,” she said. “They’ll all try to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong. There is no such thing. There is only the Force. Either you understand it or you don’t. If you don’t, you’ll always be a slave. Whether it be to someone else’s ideals, someone else’s desires, someone else’s expectations or teachings, it doesn’t matter. You will never be your own person. You will never be free.”

Rey stared at the Twi’lek, confused but worse, those words rang like a deep truth inside her and she knew that both Mara and Finn saw it. She could see it in how the former’s whole demeanor relaxed while the later’s tightened.

“I can show you how to be free,” Mara continued, her eyes bright with excitement.

In front of her, Finn’s gaze desperately sought out Rey’s, a silent plea. She tried to reassure him with a slight nod. He needn’t have worried.

She’d been here before, after all. If she hadn’t taken Ben’s hand then, she would never take another’s at any other time.

“No, Mara,” she said and she saw the light go out of the other’s eyes. “You can’t.”

Suddenly, the ship shuddered as they began to climb in altitude.

Mara’s expression closed completely then. “Time’s up,” she said with a bitter smile. “Better run.”

Rey tried to convey the same promise that Finn had given her back to him in her gaze: she wouldn’t let any harm come to him, she swore it to herself. And though she didn’t want to, she let her gaze slide to Mara one last time.

Then Rey turned and darted through the ship. On the second landing, she saw her discarded staff and willed it to her was she raced down the hall and through the cargo bay, skidding to a halt on the edge of the loading ramp.

Ajan Kloss was rapidly moving away form her. On the ground, the figures of Poe and Maz were so far away she couldn’t read their expressions.

It was now or never.

Rey jumped.


	40. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue as to how militaries work or what type of speak they use, so please forgive the blatant errors. 

The silence in the ship was thick with tension. No one dared speak, no one dared make eye contact. Even Jaxon-Dax was uncharacteristically quiet.

Ever since they’d been informed about Finn and Mara, their demeanors had changed. The realization that they were fighting a possible Sith threat was something they had never imagined when they’d joined the program. This was no longer just about making things float and playing with light sabers. They were up against an enemy they’d only heard of in nightmarish tall tales.

Before they could leave, though, each recruit was submitted to a thorough interrogation and mind probe to see if mara had had any accomplices.

The mind probe had been deemed an necessary evil in the absence of time and it was particularly invasive. Ta who had been unable to hide his pain during the interrogation, crumbled during the mind probe and confessed that he had been in love with Mara and that they had been close, if only platonically, but that he had been completely ignorant of her secret.

The mind probe proved that to be true.

Others didn’t come off so clean.

It was during Sol’s interrogation that the High Command learned that it was he who had who had sent out the untraceable commlink that night and the time before.

He confessed he’d done it. When asked why, when he knew it would get him discharged from the program, he said it was because he hadn’t wanted his Force-sensitive twin to worry whenever she sensed he was experiencing an extreme emotion since it was just them two left after their parents were killed in the Hosnian Massacre.

He’d sworn only to do it when the emotion was extreme.

And he’d kept to his promise, except for the last time he’d contacted her, he admitted bashfully. That had been because he’d been too drunk for his own good. And sad—although knowing Mara’s true nature now, he didn’t feel as distressed as he had before.

Poe was ready to discharge the recruit then and there, but stopped himself. Sol was truly repentant and, more importantly, they would need all the trained Force-users they could get to go after Finn and Mara.

There was no question in his mind that that would be the mission objective now and no question in his mind that he would lead it with Rey, seconded by Jannah.

For once, both he and Rey seemed to be on the same page with Jannah forming a strong cohesive, as well. All that mattered in this moment, was getting Finn back.

As their ship raced through hyperspace, Poe knew he should’ve been listening to Rey and Jannah more intently as they went over the mission plans, but he couldn’t concentrate. Unbidden, his mind kept returning to the moment just before he and Finn received the notice about the transmission. They’d been alone in the secondary briefing room, a small, intimate space. He’d told the Finn that their meeting was to go over the mission details and it was, he really did have every intention of it being that.

It had been a long day, so before the meeting he’d gone back to his quarters and showered, refreshed himself, maybe put on more cologne than he normally would have, shaved, changed into his own clothes—he could never bring himself to think of his general’s uniform as his own—and may have put a little product into his hair, just to keep the waves out of his eyes, he told himself, so that he wouldn’t be bothered when looking over the plans.

When Finn had joined him, he’d been a little surprised at his change in appearance.

Poe had waved it off, saying he was going to meet up with friends later, which he wasn’t.

They’d been looking over the extraction plans, determining which ship to take and debating on what containment they could use on someone who could go incorporeal when Finn had dropped a sheet of the folder and they’d both bent down to retrieve it. They had come so close, their cheeks almost brushing. Neither had pulled away quickly. Instead they had both lingered, their eyes not meeting, each listening to the other’s breath.

Very slowly, they both rose, their eyes finally meeting and when they did, there was a question in Finn’s eyes. A question and something more, something that convinced Poe to do what he did next.

He’d leaned in, certain of what he’d seen, his hand coming up to cup Finn’s face.

As soon as their skin touched, Finn had jumped out of his seat.

There was a moment of silence and then the call had come in.

After that Finn had been skittish around him, even telling Poe to keep his distance.

He’d hated to admit it, but that had hurt more than he’d expected it to. Poe had been rejected plenty of times before, but that feeling? That wasn’t something he was used to.

He couldn’t get it out of his head.

Was that the reason Finn had hung back when they’d gone into the freighter? Was that the reason he’d been kidnapped?

Poe knew he had to get that guilt out of his mind, but it was hard to shake, wrapped up as it was in all these other feelings.

Once again, he’d been too headstrong, too certain in his gut and look what it cost him.

It was _his_ fault Finn had been taken. 

That’s why he’d insisted on joining the mission, even though he knew he was probably too emotionally involved to keep a straight head. Rey and Jannah could manage that. He just needed to make things right.

And as for High Command, well, he was confident in their ability to manage without him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was even sure that they would do better without him. This is where he should be, on missions, getting things done, not signing papers and greeting diplomats.

_This_ played to his strengths, he could feel himself coming alive as the ship raced through hyperspace on the tail of the freighter. Mara had more than a day and a half ahead of them, but they were closing in on her last location fast.

Luckily or perhaps not, Mara hadn’t torn out or disabled the tracking device, so they followed her easily enough.

She had obviously meant it when she’d told them she wanted Poe to follow.

It didn’t make much sense, but Poe wasn’t about to question it. That was until Rey informed him that the tracker for the freighter was pinging in the exact same direction as where she felt Ben’s presence.

It heightened Poe’s wariness, but he pushed it aside, just eager to get to Finn. So what, if they were in the same place? It probably meant Ben was working with the spy all along, as he’d thought since the beginning.

He refrained from saying this to Rey, however, knowing it would cool the understanding that had grown between them.

It wasn’t until they were within the Yavin system and heading straight for Yavin 4 that Poe’s wariness grew into a full blown worry that was impossible to push aside.

He contacted C-3PO to double-check, but the droid only confirmed what Poe already knew.

The surprise that flitted across Rey’s features was quickly covered by the same dreadful worry that Poe himself had felt when he told her the exact location of the freighter. They would have turned around, rethought the mission, except for the fact that it was also where Mara was with Finn.

If they didn’t follow, Poe dreaded to think what she might do to her hostage.

As they hurtled to their final destination, all he could do was hope that history did not repeat itself—though if Palpatine was any rule to go by, it meant the Force had a dark sense of irony.

🌗🌗🌗

The academy would have looked entirely abandoned if it weren’t for the freighter parked near the entrance. The building and the compound were so much bigger than Rey had expected and yet it all felt so familiar, as well. The sight of it alone sent memories rushing through her mind.

A fire so hot and so ferocious that she couldn’t even get near the building. The strain as she tried to listen for cries of help. The dark sky crackling with lightening that stuck the building over and over again.

She also felt the crippling anguish and horror as she gazed upon the wreckage she had wrought.

These memories, she knew, were not her own, but it was so hard to shake them.

She dreaded what they would find in the academy.

Beside her, she could feel the recruits shifting restlessly as if they sensed her disquiet. They were eager to charge in and confront whatever it was they would face. In a way, she too just wanted it all to be over. Anything was better than sitting and waiting and letting her mind imagine all the possible things they might find, to the choices she might have to make.

Till then, she, Sol, Jaxon-Dax and Ora, along with three of Jannah’s squad were crouched behind a pile of stones 500 meters from the academy with a view of the destroyed entrance.

En route, they decided they would land at the Resistance base, which was on the other side of the moon, split into three groups and approach the ruins separately in a prong fashion, trying to cover as much ground as they could to make sure there was nothing else hiding out there in the jungle that might attack them from behind.

It would take more time, but it was a necessary strategy.

The small Resistance base of Yavin 4 had yet to be outfitted with a proper military presence from the Republic and was running on the bare necessities. They hadn’t even realized that their airspace had been crossed not just once, but twice or maybe even more in the past few weeks. Who knows what else they had missed.

The planning of it cost them several hours, but they couldn’t expose themselves to any more risks than was absolutely necessary. By the time they had reached the academy, it was well past midday, which meant they wouldn’t have time to observe the building if they wanted to get in and clear it before dark.

All these things felt like small mistakes that were designed to weaken their position and yet Rey couldn’t think of anything else to do. Other than turn around and leave, which she knew wasn’t an option.

Ever since they’d landed, Rey had been even more on edge than when Mara had taken Finn back on Ajan Kloss. It wasn’t that she sensed anything amiss. In fact, she hadn’t sensed anything, not even a hint of Ben or Mara or Finn, but they’d traced the tracking locator on the freighter and it lined up exactly with Luke’s old academy.

It also just so happened to be where Rey felt Ben’s presence pulling her. It wasn’t a sharp pinpoint, but she knew he was there somewhere hidden by those crumbling walls.

They were so close now, she almost felt like she could tug on the Bond and Ben would come stumbling out of the ruins.

_If only it worked that way_ , thought Rey.

Finally, the signal came through. It was time to move.

Jannah with three of her squad, Karion, Akiva, and Var started moving up the hill from the west. Poe, along with Ta, Araneya and four of Jannah’s squad were coming up south, on the other side of the academy where Rey couldn’t see them.

They had all studied the old map of the academy, memorizing the general layout. Poe and his team would start with the kitchen and store room, Jannah and her group would come in by the library. Rey and her team would cross the entrance, pass the library and they would all meet in the dormitory in the center.

All communication between the Force Sensitives was restricted, in case Mara and anyone else had a way of listening in. Jannah’s soldiers relied on a scrambled commlink that would have been near imposible to decipher and crack in real time.

Their approach was fast and silent with the commanders leading the way, the recruits following and the soldiers bringing up the rear. Within minutes they were all inside the giant edifice.

They might have gone faster, but it would have left the soldiers who weren’t Force Sensitive behind. Still they made good time.

Inside, the academy was an empty ruin. Pools of water lay all along the halls and in the rooms, slowing their progress even more as they avoided the sound traps. It gave Rey time to really take in her surroundings. The place was built by ancient hands and even though the walls were even more scorched on the inside, blackened so dark that they seemed to suck out any light that seeped in, she could still feel the hum of power that lined the building and grounds.

What must it have been like for Ben? She could almost see him walking down these halls, his long legs stretching out before him, his nose buried in a book.

Rey shook her head of the image. They were nearing the library now and she couldn’t risk being distracted.

The library, or what had once been the library, was a high-ceilinged room. Parts of the roof had fallen in, but the stones as well as the burned furniture had all been moved to the sides of the room, leaving a clearing in the middle.

The first sign of a presence.

Slowly, Rey and her team circled the room. She signaled for the recruits to reach out with the Force to see if they could sense anything. Immediately, they encountered the reminence of it’s use.

The first sign of a Force user.

Carefully, they cleared the room. Whoever had been here wasn’t there any longer. They had to keep moving. Rey motioned for the soldier with the commlink to notify Jannah and Poe that they were headed to the dormitories.

The info came back that they too had cleared the outer corridors and rooms.

They, too, had found nothing.

Traces, hints of someone being there, but nothing concrete.

The fear and anxiety had dulled as they made their way through the abandoned edifice, but now that they were all converging on the same point, tensions were high once again.

There was only one room left uncleared, the largest and the most central.

Rey and her team entered the dormitories first. Through the gaping hole in the ceiling, light streamed through, highlighting motes of dust in the air. Everything was so quiet and still. It didn’t seem like anyone could have been there, not for years.

Ora signaled from a corner and when Rey approached she could see the small embers of a recent fire just burned out.

Just then, Poe and Jannah’s team slipped into the dormitories, as well, their weapons lowering as they caught sight of each other. After securing the location several times, Poe signaled for Rey and Jannah to join him near the still warm ash of the small fire, the only evidence they’d found.

“The place is empty,” he whispered as loud as he dared. The sound of it seemed so much sharper in the silence of tense breaths.

“The fire’s warm but they could have easily left hours ago,” Jannah answered. “We’re not picking up anything, not even heat signatures.”

“Could they have left?”

“No,” Rey said with certainty. She could still feel Ben’s presence, he was near, she just couldn’t pinpoint where. “If Mara’s as powerful as I think she is, she could easily conceal their presence. We need to remain vigilant.”

Poe sighed, his lips pressed into a thin line. “They’re waiting for something.”

Suddenly, a frigid air, so unlike the humid atmosphere they’d been trudging through, swept into the room. Groaning and gasping in pain, Poe, Jannah and her soldiers all bent double, their hands going to their heads.

Rey stared at them in confusion when at the base of her skull she felt a tingling. It felt like a cold, slimy tendril trying to slither into her mind. Quicker than she’d ever done before, she brought down her walls and shouted to the recruits as she ignited her saber.

“Mental block! Now!”

They looked up at her, confused and worried at first and then their training kicked in and they quickly adopted fighting stances as they blocked their minds.

“To me.”

The recruits followed her lead, igniting their sabers and forming a small tight circle, their eyes and senses sharp. This is what they had been preparing for, this was the first true test, and hopefully, not the last.

Around them, the soldiers, Poe and Jannah continued to groan in pain as they clutched their heads, tears streaming down their faces. Some of them had collapsed to their knees, their cries fueling the flames that lit Rey’s anger.

“Show yourself,” she demanded, unable to keep the anger from her voice. She should be calm and cool, unreadable and unpredictable, but it was impossible.

The enemy had made their first move and taken out more than half of their force just like that and she could do nothing to help them.

Long minutes ticked by as they waited and Rey debated what to do. Her arms had begun to tire and she could feel the cold, the cries of pain, and the tension wearing them all down.

She attempted to get Poe’s attention, but he couldn’t respond to her. Cautiously, she tried to reach out to him, to see if by touch she could feel what was happening in his mind.

Before she could reach him, he quieted, shuddered violently and then brought up his blaster and trained it on her.

Rey quickly stepped back into her defensive position.

Sudden silence filled the space as the soldiers and Jannah all stopped groaning. From their bent positions, they shifted, brining up their weapons and training them on the small circle of recruits, their eyes wide with horror.

Then from shadows, an answer.

“I am so very glad you could join us,” the voice slithered and slid against skin, running up the spine like a shiver and echoing in the mind. It was every bit as cold as the air that filled the room. “I do apologize for the necessary precaution, but you must understand that we can’t take any chances.”

Like a veil, the atmosphere shifted, lifted and there, bathed in the light streaming through the hole in the roof, appeared four figures in the center of the vast room. Two standing and two on their knees.

Rey’s strength nearly crumbled when she saw who knelt on the cold, wet ground, both their heads bent in supplication, the bright burning blade of a lightsaber held to their necks. Sabers that were all to familiar.

_Why did the past never stay buried_ , Rey wondered in despair.

Behind them, stood two figures cloaked in robes. The graceful lines of Mara’s lekku were unmistakable beneath the hood of one. Beside Mara stood a figured whose deep cowl cast so dark a shadow over the face, that Rey could not see a single feature, but from it emanated a chilling energy. The more she looked, the more she was drawn into the dark chasm, like the pull of a black hole.

Rey clenched her jaw and through gritted teeth, slow and deliberate, she said, “release them.”

“Considering the position you’re in, I don’t think you can really be making demands,” the robed figure said, then clucked their tongue.

The soldiers, Poe and Jannah all stepped forward, their weapons aiming for critical areas, hearts, heads, guts.

Rey winced. She’d never been very good at negotiation. Talking was not her strong suit.

“What do you want?” She amended.

“We’ll come to that in a moment,” the robed figure said, their tone patient, soothing even, if it weren’t for the shards of bone-chilling dread it sent down Rey’s spine. “First, I think introductions are in order.”

Sweeping back her hood, Mara’s elegant features appeared, the same sensuous lips, the full cheeks, the intelligent eyes, but something had changed in her, even from the time that she’d been caught in the freighter, her signature was no longer chaotic, the expression in her eyes pained. Now, she stared blankly at them, her signature a steady stream of darkness.

“I believe you have already met my dear apprentice.”

Ta could not shield himself well enough to prevent the gasp of despair that escaped. Mara remained entirely unfazed, as if she hadn’t even heard him.

“And now if I may,” with skeletal fingers, the heavy cowl was drawn back and Rey looked into the face of abnormally long dimensions, as if the features had been pulled and stretched and left to dry under the sun.

It was a horrible face made all the more so by the dead look in the eyes. She couldn’t help herself from drawing back.

“Who are you?”

“I have been known by many names. I have been many people, but I have never forgot my truest self. Finally, after such a long time, I have returned. You did me a great favor in killing Palpatine and all the disillusioned Sith, but I get ahead of myself.”

The figure swept out his free hand in front of him and bowed slightly.

“Your grandfather once called me Master, but you, you may call me Darth Plagueis.”


	41. Essence Transfer

Rey was frozen in shock and fear. Behind her she could feel the recruits shifting, their focus wavering as they digested what the Sith Lord had just said. His name meant nothing to them, but he’d spoken of Rey’s grandfather calling him master.

In front of her, Poe’ brow furrowed in confusion, a wariness creeping in as he held her gaze.

They didn’t fully understand, but the seeds of doubt were sown.

The enemy had made his next move. It was just a few words, but he’d practically destroyed their defenses.

The panic Rey felt was visceral. If her secret was revealed now there was no doubt in her mind that she would loose all chance of saving Finn and Ben. How could she ask the recruits to fight with her after they found out who she was? The faith they had put in her would wither and rot. She would just be another enemy to them.

Rye’s mind raced as she desperately thought of what to do. If things didn’t change fast, she feared she would loose everything she cared about all while she watched on helplessly.

She had to buy herself more time.

“Plagueis. Is that name supposed to mean something?”

Switching to focus back on the mysterious figure was a very obvious stalling tactic and by the look on the Sith Lord’s face he knew it, too. He knew he had her backed into a corner and with one sentence he could destroy her hastily constructed faint.

In front of the man with the frighteningly stretched face, Ben twitched and his eyes briefly flicked up, catching Rey’s gaze between his disheveled hair.

He couldn’t hold her gaze for long and he doubled over again after a second, but in that short time she saw that his eyes were full of fear and warning and pain.

Her heart plummeted seeing his pale features and haggard appearance. She was still angry, still confused as to why he’d left, but seeing him bowed and broken in front of the man who was the real enemy, she realized how foolish it had been for her to have ever doubted him.

And yet, there was something that still stood between them. Tentatively, she tried to reach out through their Bond, but she knew as soon as she tried that his walls were still up. It pained her to feel them. Why did he have them up now when she needed him most?

Meanwhile, the man who called himself Darth Plagueis stood quiet and still, not answering Rey immediately, as though he was letting her absorb the reality of the moment. The nearness of Luke’s saber hovering just beside Ben’s neck while it’s twin lay in the same position against Finn’s. Their battered and broken appearance. The wide, scared eyes of the soldiers held against their wills. Poe and Jannah’s futile struggles. The restless uncertainty of the recruits behind her.

Her secret, held like a bomb above them all.

All this was to impress upon her that she had, in fact, already lost.

Rey fought to deny it, but she could see no other way out. She called to the Force to answer her, to guide her and show her the way, but the Force lay silent in her heart and mind, giving her no clue as to what to do.

Finally, Plagueis spoke, the words sliding out of his mouth in a monotone drone. In that, he was very much like Palpatine, assured that he had the upper hand, but unlike Palpatine, there was no gloating, no snide undermining. Plagueis was unhurried, a predator secure in the knowledge that his prey had no means of escape. He could take his time in dismembering her, enjoying the processes as he did so. 

“It does not matter who I was, what matters now is what I am.” He paused, and though he was not a large man, such power emanated from him that he seemed to grow, filling and taking up all the bright light with his dark figure. “As there was a Chosen One, so too shall there be the counterpart. The Force seeks to find balance. Once one understands that essential fact, one can overcome it. Thus, I am the foretold Sith’ari.”

_Another kriffing prophecy_ , Rey nearly spat, she was so sick of them, but instead she kept silent, waiting to see what Plagueis believed was his destiny. Every time someone claimed they knew what the Force was, what the Force meant, it was always in service to them achieving more power. Rey was certain that the Sith Lord standing in front of her was no different.

It irked her that he was obviously referencing something she felt she should implicitly know. The way he’d delivered the names, how he’d paused and gathered himself, it was all a show for her, but try as she might, she couldn’t recall anything from her readings. It was as if her brain kept short circuiting. Even though she knew she should be thinking of how to get them all safely out of this situation, all she could think about was how she was about to loose everything she cared about.

“Palpatine believed it was his destiny to carry that title. As my apprentice, he understood the mechanics of the Force better than most and calculated it into his plans for eventual mastery of power and the Force. He might have done so and brought about the Sith Revolution foretold for millennia, he might have been the one to lead the Sith and destroy them, to raise them from the dead stronger than ever—” Plagueis paused again, this time his eyes focusing with intensity on Rey “—were it not for you.”

Rey’s thoughts froze in her mind. Here it was, the moment she’d feared ever since Ben had told her the truth about her parents, a truth she herself had suspected but feared to face. And just look where that fear had lead her, she thought to herself. She really was just prey, allowing the predator to bat her around.

She’d thought she’d destroyed the past and any hold it had over her when she’d killed Palpatine, but here stood another man with other designs that affected her life, propelled her and moved her in ways that she didn’t even fully comprehend.

She hated it. She hated that feeling. She was so tired of not being in control of her own fate.

“I killed Palpatine just like I’ll kill you,” Rey growled, letting her fear turn to anger and radiate out of her.

It wasn’t the Jedi way, it wasn’t what she had been taught, but it was the only thing she could grasp onto. In this desperate hour, she needed anything to prevent her from loosing all sense of control even though she knew it was pointless, he was just building her up for the final blow.

“Ah yes, such power. It is easy to see why Palpatine coveted it so. His own clones were dying too quickly, unable to house his essence, but he never considered any other option, egotistical as he was. That is, until he found you,” Plagueis’s voice remained cold and monotone, as if he was delivering a lecture as he dealt the killing blow, “his _granddaughter_.”

This time, Rey could see the slow realization dawn on her allies as Poe’s confused weariness turned to shock and something else. Horror, perhaps, or disgust. Rey had turned her eyes way before the transformation, unable to bring herself to watch her friends turning against her.

So this was it. This was the moment she’d dreaded for so long. Rey could feel the world closing around her, her life shrinking to this one terrible moment. This was not something she could fight, to call upon the Jedi of old to aid her. This had been an eventuality of her own making.

Leia had told her to never be afraid of who she was and she’d gone completely against that advice. If she had been more open, if she had trusted her companions more, maybe she could have avoided this, but it was too late now. 

She was so distraught over the revelation of her heritage that the rest of what Plagueis had said didn’t sink in, nor did she notice the changing expressions of the people around her. If she had thought to look she would have seen not disgust but pain that reflected her own and a solidarity that she would never have expected.

She had proved countless times that she’d chosen the Resistance and the Jedi as her real family. She had put her life on the line for them and that was something they would never forget—but Rey was too much in her own world to see it. 

Meanwhile, Plagueis continued, his monotone voice hitching a little with bemusement as he delivered his soliloquy uninterrupted.

“Blood of his blood, and strong with the Force, Palpatine had at last come upon the perfect vessel. One that wouldn’t deteriorate once he transferred his essence, one that would see through the Sith revolution and rebirth. That, indeed, might have been the fate of the galaxy. Instead, you surpassed his expectations. The irony is quiet intriguing, is it not, that the last Jedi Master is a Palpatine by birth—“

“Not by choice,” Rey gritted out, cutting him off.

“No, by choice you’re a _Skywalker_ ,” Plagueis mused, his tone reflective. “When we choose names that are not the ones we’re birthed with, we often choose that which we do not have or which we feel is lacking in ourselves. It is a mask, of sorts.”

As he spoke, Plagueis features seemed to shift and move, as if they weren’t fixated. Across his oblong face Rey thought she saw the expressions of hundreds of different people swimming to the surface then fading into someone else.

It was horribly disturbing and she wished to look away and yet couldn’t stop herself from staring.

“What I lacked in my original state, was foresight. I underestimated my apprentice. I did not think he would strike me down as soon as he did. It was a valuable lesson. No apprentice since, has been able to get the upper hand on me.”

Beside him, Mara continued to stare ahead, her gaze and expression unwavering, even her signature remaining unfazed.

“As the Force would have it, it was also that night that the true secret to immortality which had eluded me was finally revealed. That night, Palpatine thought he had destroyed me body and soul, but he only managed to exterminate the one. My experiments over the years had given me the solution to the problem of mortality, I just needed the final push, if you will, to see it through to its completion. As it was, the very moment Palpatine brought down that fateful stroke, a night porter was passing my rooms. Had I not attempted to solve the problem of death previously, I would most likely have gone to the Netherworld, but I was fully aware of my own severing. Thus, it was easy enough for me to take over such a feeble being as the porter the instant my soul left my body.”

Plagueis paused, waiting and watching to see how his words were being digested. Seemingly pleased with what he saw, he continued.

“Alas, my power was too much and the body and mind that was my new home deteriorated quickly. I was forced to jump from vessel to vessel until I had regained enough of my former power to seek out sturdier receptacles. This would have taken me much longer had I sought out only the most worthy, as Palpatine would have done. You see, my forced adaptations were what allowed me to be here instead of him. He thought to keep himself pure and that was his failing. We are made stronger by the bodies and souls we inhabit and they, in turn, are granted the unthinkable: immortality.”

Rey did not fully understand what Plageuis was saying, or rather, she didn’t want to understand. If what he was saying was, in fact, true and he had done what he’d done, it was a crime unlike any she could think of.

“I see that you are perhaps confused. I do tend to be longwinded,” Plagueis demurred. “Perhaps, I should let a recent student of my work explain it. He has, after all, an intimate acquaintance with it.”

Before Rey could wonder at the meaning behind his words, Ben gasped and suddenly he was being lifted, his feet dangling in the air, his arms pulled painfully behind him.

“Why don’t you give the class a summary of what you saved from obscurity, Ben Solo.”

“Rey, I—“ Ben choked, his voice cut short as he struggled for breath, his pale face turning red.

“A summary, nothing else,” Plagueis admonished.

Barely perceptible, Ben nodded. He folded forward as he was released, just catching himself before he crashed to the floor. Slowly, he straightened, bending slightly at the waist, as if he was injured. Even bent, he was taller than the man behind him and yet he was completely in the other man’s power.

His eyes sought hers and Rey’s heart clenched at his expression. His gaze was defeated and in his eyes she saw despair, the same despair that had so blinded her, but his wasn’t directed inwards. From the way he looked at her she could see that his only thoughts were of her.

“He calls it, ‘Essence Transfer,’” Ben said, his voice raw. “It’s a technique only the greatest Sith Lords in history have been able to achieve. It allows the wielder to transcend death by supplanting their essence, into the body of another. One’s essence is one’s being. It is the mind, the heart, the soul, and the spirit. It is what makes a person a person. If the mind of the receiving essence is feeble, the take over is instant, but the body fails faster. If the mind is stronger, than there’s a struggle for control, ultimately the one with more will prevails and the other mind is suppressed, becoming a part of the dominating one.”

Somewhere in the depths of Rey’s memory, she felt a pinging of recognition. Then she knew. With horrifying clarity, Plagueis’s words finally clicked into place.

Palpatine had ordered her to strike him down, saying it was so that they could rule together. At the time, she hadn’t understood what he’d meant. Now, she saw the future he had planned for her. His consciousness would have overwhelmed hers and he would have used her to wreak havoc on the galaxy.

She understood now the ghastly truth behind the shifting features of Plagueis’s face.

That would have been her fate, too, had she struck Palpatine down as he wanted. She would have been forced to watch, helpless, confined to the dark reaches of her own mind as he destroyed everything she cared about with her own body.

A ghost in a shell.

Rey felt sick to her stomach at the realization. She had so very nearly done as she had been set up to do. She had _wanted_ to strike Palpatine down and she very well might have had Ben not showed up when he did.

_Ben._

He’d saved her from a fate worse than death and given his life for hers.

_Ben._

He’d told her once that she’d come from nobody even though he’d known her dark heritage. She could see now that he’d tried to save her, in his way, from that burden. One he knew so well. 

She had let it consume her, this fixation, and it brought them to the brink of disaster, but Rey could see that now.

_Ben._

As long as he was with her, everything would be alright. She knew that was more true than anything else she felt. Not the fear, not even the anger could give her that. It was beyond those emotions, it was serenity.

She didn’t need a sign from the Force to understand that.

Ben was her truth.

Hope began building in her and Rey reached out along their Bond, certain and purposeful. She would show him just as he’d shown her that fateful day on Exegol that she was with him, that no matter the odds, that as long as they were together, they would find a way.

He was open to her and the piercing pain had subsided. She almost shuddered at the feeling of it, being able to touch him this way. It felt so right and it affirmed to her even more this was the way to be.

She swept into him, fully embracing him and basking in the glory of knowing him entirely.

Suddenly, she jerked back from the Bond, the blood draining from her extremities and pooling in her stomach. “It can’t be.”

“I knew it the second you gave me your Force, but I was too afraid—” Ben’s jaw clamped shut on his words as the breath was squeezed from him once again.

“That’s quite enough,” Plagueis said as he waved Ben back into a kneeling position.

At the same time that Ben doubled over, Rey gasped and was nearly felled by an excruciating pain that pierced her mind. Through it she felt Ben feebly trying to bring down his walls to block her from it, but he was barely able to.

She finally understood the twisted expressions on his and Finn’s faces. And she finally understood why Ben had kept his walls up to the last and what it must have cost him to do so.

All to protect her.

“As I mentioned before, I thought it best that my young student here explain my method,” Plagueis continued over Rey’s heart breaking. Then he spoke the words that destroyed any illusion of hope she’d given herself. “It is, after all, the reason for his very existence.”

If she had thought revealing her heritage was the killing blow, she’d been foolishly myopic. This was the true cut.

A scream built up from her chest and died in her throat.

“No,” was all she could say and it left her lips in a whimper. 


	42. Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Graphic Depictions of Violence in this chapter include deliberate skin burning and stabbing.

Ben watched as Rey’s face crumbled from confusion to disbelief to despair. He ached to reach out to her, to gather her in his arms the way he had those precious nights back on Alan Kloss, to take them back to that moment when he felt he could protect her, when all their worldly concerns were contained by the circle of their arms around each other.

How long ago that seemed now as he kneeled in the cold, crippled by the piercing pain, but that was nothing compared to the hate he felt for himself knowing he was the cause for Rey’s despair.

It seemed as if he always was.

It served to drive home the conviction that he had that had haunted him since he’d felt her life force infuse him: she was the light in him, but he was the darkness in her.

If he could, he would cut himself out of her, rid her of the dark cancer of his essence rather than see her broken this way, but for now all he could do was keep the pain away from her and watch helplessly as Plagueis unraveled his plan.

“I see that now you truly understand,” Plagueis said, behind Ben. “It is quite interesting how this ability manifests itself in the dyad. It was something I was very interested in and I look forward to continuing my research on it.”

Ben could feel the Sith’s icy cold signature seeping through the robe and pooling along the floor, freezing Ben’s feet and knees.

The only thing that surpassed his pain was the shock upon hearing the mysterious figure’s name.

Ben had come to laying prone on his side. He quickly realized he was still in the dormitory of the academy. His hands had been bound painfully behind his back and beside him was another prone figure whose arms were bound. Next to that figure, standing over them like an executioner, was Mara.

Ben had had to shake his head and rapidly blink his eyes, unable to understand just what and who he was seeing. Mara made no move to aid him, her lekku twitched slightly as the figure by her feat began to groan.

“Where am I,” the figure had asked, turning.

Ben’s eyes had widened as he met Finn’s confused gaze and then his disbelief had turned to fear as his brain slowly clicked in the missing pieces.

Just as he was realizing the meaning of Mara and Finn’s presence, he could feel that Rey was there on Yavin 4 and possibly even in the academy. He’d instantly tried to warn her through their Bond, but before he could even try, a searing pain had surged through his mind.

His first thought had been to throw up his mental blocks, contain the pain to himself, in case whoever it was that was doing it was trying to attack Rey through him. She would, without a doubt, try to reach out to him.

It was almost impossible though, the pain had been so intense that Ben thought he might pass out again. He writhed on the ground, kicking his feet out, trying to find relief, but the pain was unrelenting.

Just when he’d thought he couldn’t take anymore, it had eased and he’d been able to catch his breath. The pain was still there though, hovering behind his eyes like a knife just pressing into his brain rather than stabbing it.

“Do not try anything like that again.”

A robed figure had swept into view then, the face completed shadowed by a deep hood. From within, a deep, bone-chilling cold emanated from that dark abyss.

Though Ben didn’t recognize the voice nor the speaker’s Force signature, he knew enough of the touch of darkness to know that this was a frighteningly powerful Dark Side user. 

It wasn’t until he revealed his name that Ben began to grasp how deeply in trouble they all were.

The man whose writings he’d just been reading was an entirely different breed of Sith. Palpatine had hungered for power, this man hungered for knowledge. Not the type that would enlighten one and bring them understanding. No, Plagueis hungered for the type of knowledge that was all-encompassing, knowledge that would grant him control of the Force and the entire galaxy.

If he achieved that, it would be a dark age indeed, perhaps one that would never end.

Ben was brought back to the present as Plagueis stepped up on his right side, the saber that had been held against his neck now dangled by the Sith Lord’s side.

“You have a choice now, Rey. You can give yourself to me willingly and none of your little friends will be hurt or—” Plagueis paused, holding his left hand out.

The soldiers, Poe and Jannah, hoisted their blasters to their shoulders and aimed their sights.

Mara grabbed Finn by his vest and hauled him up so that his eyes were level with Rey’s as she laid the saber just close enough to start to burn the skin on Finn’s neck.

Finn tried to pull away, his growl turning into a pitiful howl as the smell of charred flesh filled the room.

Ben saw that Rey was desperately holding on for a last bit of hope, for a sign, but nothing was forthcoming. Tears pricked her eyes as she watched her friend suffering. Her fist clenched tight around her saber until it seemed that all the fight went out of her. Her shoulders slumped and her head hung to her chest, the tears falling to the ground as she yelled, “enough!”

The sound of sizzling skin stopped and Finn collapsed to the floor, his breath coming out in ragged gasps. Ben wished he could help him and he realized how strange it was that he felt that. At one time Finn had been his enemy and Ben wouldn’t have cared one way or another if Finn was suffering, in fact, he’d even caused him severe pain on purpose and yet somewhere along the way, he’d come to start caring for the traitor.

He could see why Rey valued him so much and even though he’d given Finn multiple valid reasons to hate him, the other man had always made the effort to understand him, if not like him.

Finn was a good person and he didn’t deserve this.

None of them did.

Except perhaps him.

Rey’s saber dropped to her side and she started forward.

Just then a hand reached out and grasped her arm.

“Don’t do it, Rey.”

“We can take them, come on, don’t let him get in your head.”

“Rey, stay with us, we can beat them.”

“Don’t listen to him, Rey.”

“We’ll stay by your side, we won’t let them get to you.”

“It’s a trap, they’ll never let us go, we’re stronger together.”

“We trust you, Rey.”

“Just tell us what to do and we’ll do it.”

They each pipped up, Jaxon-Dax, Akiva, Sol, Ta, Arayena, Var, Ora and Karion. They all embraced her, showed her their support, showed her who they believed she was no matter her name.

Rey’s back was turned and Ben couldn’t see her expression, but he saw her shoulders heave as a sob escaped her lips. He felt tears prick his eyes, too, at the outpouring of support and camaraderie the recruits gave her when he knew she was at her weakest.

He may not have liked all of them, but in that moment, he could have hugged each and every one of them for giving her what she so rightly deserved. 

“To be sure, you can stay with your little friends,” Plagueis mused. “Many of you will die, but a few might survive. You will not beat me, I can assure you that. You might be able to kill Mara, but that is no great loss to me.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Ben saw Mara shift, almost imperceptibly on her feet. Otherwise she remained perfectly still, her face an unreadable mask, her signature steady and dark.

He wasn’t the only one to notice.

His gaze crossed Finn’s who was sprawled sideways on the floor. Finn’s eyes flashed to Mara’s legs, which were now within kicking distance, then he ever so slightly nodded to Ben, his eyes looking over to Plagueis.

The Sith Lord was standing close enough for Ben to do something, he wasn’t sure what, with his strength so depleted, his arms bound and Plagueis grip still on his mind, but he knew he had to do something.

It might lead to a disaster, but it might also be their only chance to help their friends.

Ben nodded back at Finn.

Plagueis was still droning on, pondering on which of the remaining survivors he would transfer into if someone managed to land a killing blow on him. It was a tactic to dishearten the recruits, but it was also distracting him as he regarded each one, sensing their strengths and weaknesses.

This was his moment.

Ben gathered all of his remaining strength and reared up and to the right, slamming the top of his head into Plagueis’s chin.

He’d shot up so fast that he’s lost his footing and they were both falling over when he heard Finn roar and Mara shout in pain.

And then all hell broke loose.

Ben let the weight of his body carry him and Plagueis down, but he knew this wouldn’t hold the Sith Lord for long. He tried to catch something with his teeth, but he only bit in to voluminous robes.

Too soon, Plageuis lifted Ben off with the Force and shoved him aside, regaining his feet.

Ben crashed against a far wall and fell to the ground, the pain sharpening in his mind.

The air was suddenly thick with the smell and sound of blaster fire.

Gritting his teeth against the pain, Ben lifted himself up and saw that a desperate battle had broken out as the recruits and Rey as they tried to avoid harming the soldiers, Poe and Jannah. Ben was impressed and proud to see the recruits deflected killing shot after killing shot, maneuvering so that they could get close enough to disarm the soldiers. Rey had tackled Poe to the floor, pinning his arms beneath him and was holding her hand to his head, most likely trying to dislodge Plagueis’s hold on him.

Just then, Ben saw that Mara was moving towards Finn who was trying to work his hands free of the bind. His back was turned towards her and he didn’t see her coming.

Ben hadn’t seen the kick, but Mara was limping bad enough for him to guess Finn got in a solid one. Not knowing what else to do and seeing that Rey and the recruits were too far away to reach them, Ben hurled himself in front of Finn, covering him with his own body as Mara raised the saber to strike down.

Ben flinched as he heard the sound of the saber cutting through the air. The static hum vibrated close enough to his face that Ben could feel it in his teeth and yet he hadn’t felt anything.

Slowly, he cracked open one eye and then the other. In front of him, just barely an inch away from his face, hovered the bright blue blade of his mother’s lightsaber. He looked up then and saw Mara gritting her teeth as she tried to force the saber downwards, but it held, unmoving.

Unbelieving, Ben looked around to see who had stopped the saber, but everyone was engaged. Rey had managed to free Poe who was now working with the recruits to disarm the rest of the soldiers and Rey had pinned Jannah to the ground.

It seemed they were actually winning.

But Plagueis was no where to be seen.

Ben didn’t have time to think about that though as Mara turned and lifted the saber again. It was strange however, her movements were jerky and not at all graceful as she had been, as if she was fighting against her own movements.

“Go right,” he growled as he pushed Finn and rolled to the left, the saber just barely missing them both as it sliced the ground.

Ben’s head was still pounding with pain, which meant that even though he couldn’t see him, Plagueis was still somewhere, lurking unseen. Ben needed to find him, to out him before he could make a strike, but Mara had already recovered and was looking between Finn and Ben, deciding who to go for first.

Blaster fire continued to ping off the walls and Ben could see that there were more than half of the soldiers still armed and firing with the recruits and Rey.

Mara, however, seemed completely unconcerned with the fighting behind her. She narrowed her eyes on Finn and began to stalk towards him. Suddenly, Poe skidded to a halt in front of his comrade, his blaster in hand and pointed directly at Mara.

“Don’t make me use this thing,” he said.

Mara laughed in his face.

It wouldn’t even be a fight. He knew it. She knew it.

But still Mara didn’t engage. She had one bad leg, after all. Instead, her gaze slid to Ben. He would make an even easier target. Her feet shifted and she began stalking towards him.

Then, to everyone’s surprise, but most especially to Ben’s, Poe followed, moving to step in front of him, as well.

“Don’t be a fool,” Ben hissed. “She‘ll kill you in a second.”

“You think I don’t know that? You’re welcome, by the way,“ the Acting General quipped back at him, still standing his ground.

If the situation wasn’t so dire, he might have laughed. Poe Dameron protecting him? He never in a million lifetimes would have thought this was ever a possibility and yet there he stood in the face of certain death.

Ben didn’t know whether to be thankful or angry. If Poe died protecting him, he’d definitely never be accepted by the Republic.

At that thought, Ben started. He hadn’t even realized that he’d actually thought of going back, but now that the thought was there, he realized that yes, yes he did want to go back. He wanted to go back to the extended family he’d left behind for so long, to make things right, truly right with Chewbacca and Lando, C-3PO and R2-D2, he wanted to make an effort to get know Rey’s friends, really get to know them, and most of all he wanted to win back Rey’s trust.

From there, he wasn’t sure what they would do, maybe there was a way to stop the essence transfer, maybe they could just stay as they were, all he knew was that he wanted to be with her in any way he could for any amount of time he was allowed.

“You seem to have a death wish, General Dameron,” Mara smirked, her features twisting in strange ways. She didn’t sound or move like herself at all.

Mara slid her feet into a fighting stance that even Ben was unfamiliar with, it looked brutish and completely unlike anything Mara had displayed before.

It was then that Ben looked into her eyes and saw the fear. And that’s when he realized he’d been wrong.

Mara hadn’t been trying to force the saber down on him, she’d been holding it back. All that time she’d been standing there as much a puppet as the soldiers, Poe and Jannah. How long had all of them been under Plagueis’s sway? 

Ben cursed himself for not having seen it before.He pushed himself to his feet then and shouldered Poe out of the way.

“Untie me,” he ordered, ignoring Poe’s shocked and offended look at being ordered around. He turned to Mara, willing her attention to him. “Listen to me, I know you’re in there, Mara, you have to fight him.”

He felt his hands come free and he pushed Poe towards Finn, then slowly lifted up his open palms up in a placating manner. He saw her trembling as she fought for control over her own body.

“I can’t,” she choked out and this time her voice was her own, strained and filled with hopelessness as her body began to move.

“You can,” Ben insisted. “Mara, you just have to—“

He just barely escaped a swing aimed at his head and had to jump back to avoid another aimed at his gut. He had no time to recover as she came at him hard and fast. He ducked and dodged, rolled and crawled, stumbling over debris and fallen stones, going in circles trying to keep them on the far side of the recruits, Rey and the soldiers.

Ben was managing to evade her thrusts and cuts, but he wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long. He was tiring quickly and the pain in his head was crippling his movements.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Poe aiming his blaster.

“Don’t shoot!” He cried and nearly lost a foot for it as Mara crouched and swept the light saber low at his ankles.

“What do you mean, ‘don’t shoot?’” Poe turned to Finn, who he had untied by then. “What does he mean, ‘don’t shoot?’”

“He’s controlling her just like the others,” Ben shouted.

Poe and Finn shared a look and then the latter stepped forward and help up his hand. Ben could feel Finn using the Force trying to reach out Mara.It must have worked as Mara faltered in her next attack, tripping over her own feet and landing on her hands and knees.

Tentatively, Ben and Finn approached her. Ben nodded to the lightsaber that lay still clenched in her hand, warning Finn to be weary of it’s reach.

“Mara,” he said, “I know you can fight this. Believe me of anyone, there still a chance.”

Finn made a small flicking motion with his wrist and the lightsaber flew away from Mara’s hand, spinning back towards him. He caught it with his foot and slowly stooped to grab it. Mara remained on the ground, her lekku curled around her.

“Give me your hand, Mara,” Ben beckoned, holding out his.

Mara made no move to show whether she’d heard him or not. Then, faint as a whisper, she said, “I will never be anyone’s vessel.”

From her waist band she withdrew a slim dagger, the sharpness of it glinting in the light. Before either of them could move she plunged it into her gut, the bright blue of her blood spilling out between her fingers.

Ben, Finn and Poe rushed to her, but they quickly saw that there was nothing they could do.

“Why?” Ben asked as he knelt by her.

“I have made my choice,” she said, swallowing thickly. She’d grabbed onto Ben’s wrist then, her blood slick on his skin. “No more time for questions. He’s still here. He wants Rey. You have to protect her.”

Dread filled him at her words. He nodded and gently pried her hand from his wrist. 

“Stay with her, try to heal her,” he commanded Finn.

The other nodded and quietly laid his hands near the dagger as Poe stood watch over them.

“We need to gather everyone together,” Ben said to Poe. “Plagueis is still here somewhere, we need to be on the defensive.” 

Just then, all the sounds of fighting ceased. Ben looked up to see that Rey and the recruits had managed to subdue all the soldiers and Jannah and it even seemed as if no one was hurt.

No one except for Mara.

They could still save her, though.Ben started towards Rey.She could heal the Twi’lek and the rest of them could stand guard over them.They understood the nature of their enemy now, they were better prepared.

Just then he also realized that the pain in his head was gone. It had disappeared when the fighting had stopped.

Perhaps, Mara was wrong and Plagueis had left after all.

He should have thought more about it, should have questioned such a reprieve, but he looked up just then to see Rey making her way towards him, a small hesitant smile on her lips.

**Rey.**

**Ben.**

They both reached out at the same time, embracing each other through the Bond as they ran towards each other.

Suddenly, they both halted.

A horrible burning sensation bloomed on Ben’s back, running through him.At that exact same moment, he saw Rey clutch at her chest from across the room.Dread, unlike he’d ever known filled him as he feared she’d been injured.

When her hand came away clean and he saw her chest was unmarred, he tired to sigh with relief but he was finding it hard to breath.She looked up then, her eyes searching for his, her face a mirror of the fear he’d just felt.

Then Ben watched as that fear distorted into deep anguish. Rey screamed, but Ben didn’t hear it. Another roar, like the sound of an engine filled his ears, as if all the blood rushed there. Tears were streaking down Rey’s face and she was running towards him, but everything was slowed down.

Ben meant to go to her, but for some reason he was stuck. He looked down he to see the cause. The tip of a green saber glowed from where it poked out of his chest. Slowly he brought up his hand, almost as if he meant to grab it.

It was wrenched away and Ben tipped forward then back, the world rushing past him as he began to fall. He knew this feeling, this fading. 

Then as now, his last thoughts were of Rey.


	43. Lost and Found

Rey was blind with rage. She let the anger consume her, overwhelm her. Anything that would keep out the pain.

Ben was gone and she couldn’t face that again.

He was just coming toward her. His eyes so expressive, his lips quirked slightly just like hers in a tentative smile. An understanding between them.

And then he’d jerked and something had pressed through his chest, bright and final.

Behind Rey’s eyes, burned into her memory, his look of shock and sadness, his eyes searching for hers.

An apology.

One he wasn’t able to say.

Then he’d disappeared, fading to nothing as he fell and with him, inexplicably, Plagueis, too.

They both simply ceased to be, as if they were holos that had been shut off, blinking out of existence.

It wasn’t just invisibility, this time. Rey felt they were truly gone. 

There was nothing else she could do, no amount of pulling and searching brought Ben back to her. It was as it had been on Exegol, her alone with all her pain and no one to blame, so she turned and with tears in her eyes and her saber held tight in her grip, she stalked over to where Finn was kneeling by Mara.

His hands were covered in her blue blood, now dried and oxidized to a dark purple blue. He was trying to heal her, but he was barely able to keep her for loosing too much blood. His eyes were full of caution and yet he didn’t say anything as Rey stood over the prone Twi’lek.

Mara didn’t speak either. She lay where she fell, the dagger still protruding from her gut. Her energy signature was weak and slowly fading. Though she couldn’t prove it, Rey guessed that the former recruit was resisting the healing. She wanted to die.

Well, then, she would help her to it.

Mara had made her choice, she’d kidnapped Finn, hurt him, she’d helped Plagueis. She deserved what was coming to her, Rey told herself and it felt good to have power over someone. Too good, maybe, but the cold sense of righteousness overwhelmed her and Rey didn’t want to think about it. She just wanted to do something, anything that would keep her mind focused away from the pain.

She flicked her head at Finn to get out of the way.

“Rey, are you sure you want to do this?” His hands remained pressed to Mara’s side

“I’m sure.” She stepped up to them, her eyes only on Mara.

Finn hesitated, he seemed to want to say something more, but stopped himself. Poe was close behind him and quickly joined him once Finn stood up. When Finn wobbled a bit on his feet, Poe reached out to steady him.

Behind them, the recruits drew close, the soldiers just behind them, waiting to see what Rey would do. The tension in the air was thick and Rey sensed a mixture of emotions running high. She ignored them all and lifted her saber.

Her eyes met Mara’s then. Weak as she was, the Twi’lek still had her mental blocks up and Rey could read nothing from her, but her eyes she could not so easily disguise. Behind the stubbornness and pride, deeper than the defeat, there was something else, something that made Rey pause.

She remembered a time not too long ago when another pair of expressive eyes taught her how to look deeper.

But then the cold righteousness coursed through her.

_Do it_ , it whispered.

Rey was not naive enough to know that it was the Dark Side pulling her, seeping through her. She knew it was fed by her anger and her pain. It gave her a momentary answer. A violent one that promised to sate her sense of helplessness.

Angry, hurt and helpless.

Was this what Ben had felt growing up? Was this what the pull to the Dark Side had felt like?

Perhaps, but here and now there were no sinister voices driving her to that temptation.

This choice would be hers alone.

Ever so slowly then, Rey lowered her saber and returned it to her side. She knelt, ignoring Mara’s surprised look and pressed her hands near to Mara’s seeping wound. She recalled Ben’s teachings and she searched for Mara’s own life force to help her heal. It stuttered underneath her hands and then ever so slowly, Rey could feel flesh knitting back together, cell by cell. The sallowness in Mara’s cheeks and under her eyes began to fade and the clarity in her eyes began to sharpen. 

Her eyes flicked from Rey to Finn to all the hovering faces behind them.

“Why?”

Rey let her own eyes lift and glanced at the people around her. No one spoke, but from their looks alone she knew she had done the right thing, she had done the thing that Leia would have expected her to do.

Though part of her knew they would have stood by her had she chosen differently, she herself felt at peace with her decision. The cold, brittle anger had left her, the need for vengeance all but disappeared. In it’s absence Rey felt the fullness of loss, but she accepted it.

“It would have been selfish,” she said, the pain blooming like a stain in her heart. “And it would not have brought him back.”

Beneath her hands, Rey‘s tears fell on Mara’s cool skin, mixing with her dried blood. She made no move to wipe them away and Mara watched as they fell, each in their own world. Slowly, the dagger lifted from the deep wound, the healing flesh pushing it out incrementally till finally it fell to the floor with a clang right by Mara’s hand.

They both looked at it, at the dark and light blue blood staining the blade. It would be easy enough for the Twi’lek to grab it and attack Rey, she may not kill her, but she could get in a good slash or stab, but the blade remained where it was.

The silence was absolute. The rest of the squad and the recruits stood like stone sentinels, so still were they that not a single person shifted their weight or seemed to bat an eyelash. They were all waiting for something though none could say for what.

Then, with a soft grunt, Mara pushed herself up and away from Rey. Her wound, though still raw, was closed. Rey let her hands fall away as Mara lifted herself into a sitting position, her lekku, which had been limp and lifeless as she lay dying, regained some of their mobility and vibrancy. They were restless as Mara fussed with herself, as though she was unsure and undecided about what to do.

Finally they settled and Mara closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath and letting out a sigh. When she opened them again, her gaze was direct and unflinching.

“Do you want to find him?”

Rey’s heart which had felt as though it had withered and died, roared back to life.

🌗🌗🌗

The darkness swallowed Ben, sweeping over him and into him like liquid, filling up every part of him, till he felt as if almost nothing was left of him but his one last thought.

_Rey._

Her name echoed like a prayer in the darkness.

A fading beacon.

And then, as if in answer to his prayer, he heard his own name being called. Clear and strong, he heard his name ring out over and over again like a clarion bell, the caller beckoning him to her.

Ben rose up from the darkness, the sticky coldness of it falling away from him as he rose and rose. Suddenly, he was clear, he no longer felt the oppressive pressure all around him and he felt whole.

Solid.

Ben opened his eyes.

He was back in the darkling plane, but he was not alone.

Kneeling by him, holding his hand and stroking back his hair from his face, was his mother.

He swallowed knowing he must be truly dead if he was here with her. She must have come to take him home.

“Hello, Ben.”

Her voice was soft and full of tenderness as she smiled down at him.

It was too much and Ben closed his eyes against it. Against the thing he felt he didn’t deserve.

Forgiveness.

Love.

But Leia continued stroking his hair back, just like she used to do when he was young and would come crying to his parents, terrified by the horrible nightmares that haunted him. His mother would hold him close and press him to her chest, soothing him until he would finally fall back asleep. 

“Your hair’s grown so long.” She fingered a lock before sweeping it back. “It suits you.”

Her tone was so casual and light that finally Ben couldn’t take it anymore and opened his eyes.

She was so much older than he remembered her. The lines around her face were deeper, there was more grey in her hair. He had thought the same when he’d seen his father and Luke. It had surprised him. In all the years of anger and betrayal, these giants of his mind had somehow become smaller, frailer.

They had become human.

Ben pulled the hand that was holding his up to his heart and clasped it in both.

“I’m so sorry, Mom. I...Dad...I failed. I—“

His breath hitched and he struggled to find the words. What could he possibly say that could make anything alright? He bit down hard on his inner cheek to stop himself from babbling.

Ben felt the darkness creeping in around the edges again, always so close, waiting for any break in his amour to come pouring in. How long could he have held out against that with Rey? Would he have been able to keep it at bay forever? Perhaps not, and perhaps it was better that he was here, far away from hurting Rey.

His thoughts would have continued down those worn dark paths had Leia had not tugged _hard_ on the the lock of hair she was sweeping out of his face.

Ben looked up at her in shock.

“Ow!”

“Oh please, it’s just a few hairs.” Leia casually released what Ben thought was more than _just a few hairs_ from her elegant fingertips. “You have plenty more where that came from. You get that from my side of the family, you know, though I’m sure your father would try to fight me on that.”

Ben continued to stare at her and then slowly a smile crept to his lips.

“Yeah, I’m sure he would.”

The wry humor that lit the corner of Leia’s eyes deepened. His mother always had a way of expressing the most profound acts of love and kindness in the easiest manner and often with just the right touch of dry wit. It was what made her such a loved leader. 

It was what strengthened Ben now as he pushed himself up to surveil his surroundings.

The darkling plane was just as he remembered, stretching infinitely into nothing. Beside him, his mother emitted a slight blue glow, her features weren’t as sharp he realized. There was a softness, a blurring to her lines. 

“So,” he said, “are you here to guide me to the after life?”

He was surprisingly at peace with the idea and it seemed appropriate that his mother should be there at the end. He only ached for Rey, but maybe it was better this way. This way, he was no longer a threat to her.

“When that time comes, I promise you, I’ll be there,” Leia whispered as she cupped his face in her palm closed her eyes and reseted her forehead against his.

They stayed like that for a brief, quiet moment, sharing the silence and the promise. Then Leia lifted away.

“But now is not that time.”

The confusion on Ben’s face must have been abundantly apparent. Leia softly patted his cheek the way she would when he’d failed to grasp something

“Listen to me carefully, Ben. This is very important that you understand what I’m about to tell you.” Leia’s hand dropped from his cheek to cover his own hand. “When Rey died, her body remained, but her soul was gone. It was transported to a place where it would be safe.”

Something pricked at the back of Ben’s mind and thought back to that moment, perhaps one of the worst in his life, when he felt her sudden and resounding silence at the other end of their Bond after he felt the power of all the Jedi flowing through her. How he’d known he was too late as he climbed back from the abyss and saw her lying there, as pale as the grey stone beneath her.

He remembered the feel of her dead weight in his arms, how her light seemed to receding further and further away from him. Using everything he had within him, he’d chased her down and pulled her back, sending himself forward to the place she had been heading.

At least, that’s what he had intended to do.

“I endangered her, even when I was trying to save her.”

“No, Ben, don’t you see? How can you endanger her when your bodies and souls are so intertwined that you will always be a part of each other?”

The words fell on him like hope, lifting the weight he felt on his shoulders, and yet he was still hesitant.

“What do you mean?”

“Look within yourself, what do you see?”

The last thing Ben wanted to do was look within himself. For years he’d hated what he’d seen. He was too drawn to the dark side, too drawn to the light. He’d been a monster, a killer, a coward, a puppet.

Softly, Leia squeezed Ben’s hand as though she could read his very thoughts.

“Look deeper,” she whispered.

She was telling him what to do, but behind that, Ben understood that his mother was asking him to trust her to guide him once again. Perhaps, it was her way of acknowledging that she had given over that responsibility to her brother. She was here after all, not Luke. 

Ben shut his eyes then and turned his gaze inwards. He pushed past the dark, clinging fear and self-hate. He delved into the very core of himself, not sure of what he would find.

“I see...light and I see dark. I see...”

_Ben._

And suddenly he felt her, faintly, but not far, not at the end of the Bond, but close, so very close, within him.

He felt Rey.

In shock, Ben’s eyes flashed open as he looked up at his mother.

“How?”

Leia smile was as deep as oceans. “When Rey healed you in the wreckage, she didn’t just save your life, she gave you a piece of herself. That piece lives on in you just as a piece of you lives on in her. You are a part of Rey just as she is a part of you.”

The realization slowly dawned on Ben.

“So, I was...a projection? All this time?”

“Yes! From the piece of you that lies within her.”

“Then I’m not a...” he searched for the word, “a parasite, living within her, sucking away her life?”

“Would you call the piece of Rey that lives in you a parasite?”

Ben didn’t even have to think.

“No. But Plagueis—“

“—knew your body lay here. Getting here was his true goal. He manipulated you, took advantage of your doubts and tried to weaken the trust and love between you and Rey.”

“Why? Where is here?”

“This the place between space and time. It is everywhere and nowhere.”

Slowly, Ben stood up, taking in his surroundings with more care and detail. “The World Between Worlds,” he whispered in awe. He held out his hand and helped his mother to her feet. As he looked around, a small frown appeared on his brow. “If this is it, where are all the other worlds?”

“Have you tried looking?”

Ben looked down at the diminutive figure of his mother, the sardonic smile firmly in place. Come to think of it, he actually hadn’t really explored. He’d always been so eager to leave to be back by Rey’s side and if not with her, near her. He smiled back bashfully at Leia.

“Shall we?” He asked, offering his arm to her.

The sardonic smile turned tender as Leia took his proffered arm and they began to walk. As they did, the horizon shimmered like lightning behind a cloud. Then in the distance, Ben began to make out distortions, as if the the places he was looking at were strangely warped.

Slowly, they approached one and as they drew closer, Ben heard his name called, but it hadn’t come from his mother, no from anywhere around them. The voice had come from within the distortion.

Stranger still, the voice was that of his father.

Ben drew closer still to the warping air and suddenly, the distortion expanded and within it, Ben saw the moment his father called out his name.

_“Take off that mask. You don’t need it.”_

_“What do you think you’ll see if I do?”_

_“The face of my son.”_

Ben’s heart beat faster in his chest, his hand tightening around his mother’s in the crook of his elbow. She squeezed his back and gently pulled him towards another distortion without saying a word.

As they drew near another one, it was Ben’s own voice this time that came to him.

_“You’re nothing. But not to me.”_

On and on they passed by moments in time, the hardest of Ben’s short life.

“These portals,” Ben’s eyes followed the long line of distortions into the distance, “they’re all to moments I wish I could change. If Plagueis could reach here, he wouldn’t just be a danger to the future, but to all of time.”

“Yes.” Leia stopped walking then, turning Ben’s attention to her. “I’m afraid this may be your hardest fight yet. Plagueis is a much more cunning man than Sidious was.”

“He’s going to go after Rey.” Her name came out croaked with worry.

“Right now she’s weakened by her grief, she believes she might have lost you forever.”

Ben looked down at his empty hands in exasperation, clasping them into fists. “How do I protect her? How do I fight?”

“The answer is within you.”

Ben understood her meaning well enough. He could feel the Force moving within him, strong and powerful now that he was back in his own body, but he was afraid to use it, afraid of what it might bring out in him—it had scared Rey enough for her to distance herself from him and he couldn’t blame her for it.

Sensing his hesitation, Leia placed her hand over her son’s heart. “Ben, remember what you saw earlier when you looked inside yourself. The way to defeat Plagueis is to believe in yourselves and each other. You are strongest when you are together, united.”

“But how can I be sure that I won’t be drawn back to the Dark side?”

“Because you have her,” Leia tapped his chest, “and you have us.”

Behind his mother, thousands of figures suddenly appeared, each glowing faintly blue just like his mother. Some faces were familiar, many not and yet Ben felt as though he knew them all. They gazed at him with welcoming warmth and encouraging nods and smiles.

There was one face he looked for in particular. He found him, just to the right of his mother’s shoulder. He was young, maybe Ben’s age or a little older. His face was unknown to Ben but he recognized him immediately.

“Grandfather.”

A small smile quirked the corner of the young man’s lips and he tilted his head to Ben in acknowledgement. There was an understanding in his eyes that penetrated deep into Ben’s heart. It was an understanding that no one else in his family would quiet be able to share.

Suddenly, a bright flash blinded him. When he looked around again, his mother and all the Jedi had gone. In their place, swirled a strange anomaly, unlike the portals that Ben had seen earlier. Cautiously, he approached it and as he did the matter smoothed out and flattened so that he could see his own blurred figure coming towards him, like in clouded mirror.

No, not a mirror. As he drew closer, the figure became clearer. He would know that form anywhere.

_Rey._

As soon as he thought her name she opened her eyes. In them, he saw his own heart reflected back.

“Ben.” Her mouth formed his name but he couldn’t hear her.

They reached out to each other, all the warnings his mother had given him gone from his head as their fingers touched and their minds rushed to join each other through their Bond. 

_Home_ , he thought, _I’m going home_.


	44. I Choose You

The Bond was vibrating stronger than ever. It hummed with energy between them, building and strengthening as Ben and Rey drew closer to each other. This, this was what they had felt so briefly on Exegol, what they had only been able to echo faintly over the past several months.

They knew too, that this was while the Bond was being stretched further than the two most distant points in the galaxy. It was being pulled through time and space to someplace beyond. The strain was heavy upon it, but they knew that it would hold. It had held even through death, after all.

Finally, merely a step away from being toe to toe with each other, they saw each other clear. Ben’s eyes took in the shaky, happy smile on Rey’s lips, the streaks of shed tears on her cheeks. Rey’s heart leapt to see Ben full and corporeal, the heft and weight of him real and so close, just within her grasp.

The portal swirled, expanding as they leaned in, their palms pressing against each other’s, Rey looked up at Ben as he looked down at her. He bent and she tilted up. Their bodies, their souls, their minds yearning for each other, yearning for completion.

It was all so close.

And in the quiet moment of two lovers soon to be reunited, Plageuis made his move.

A blast of Force sent everyone in the temple hurtling back, pinning them to the walls. Shouts and yells of pain and frustration echoed in the vast library. Only Rey remained caught in the portal with Ben.

No sooner were they able to assemble their thoughts when Plagueis thrust himself, the entirety of his essence into the sacred space that had occupied by just the two of them. The shock of if was almost unbearable as the dark lord entered Rey and inched himself along the Bond towards Ben.

It was not just the invasion of a foreign, antagonistic presence into their Bond that nearly broke the two, it was that it was not just one mind, but a thousand others bent to the will of one, it was a battalion of enslaved souls that pushed and clawed and heaved Plageuis’s need for domination over the lovers, pressing them down under a weight so heavy it felt like they would shatter beneath it.

As they strained to keep a hold of each other, strained to push against Plagueis, the voices of all of Plagueis’s past hosts assaulted them, willing them to give up, to just let go and be taken up by the great and invincible power of a new God hardening a new world order.

Both Rey and Ben knew that if Plagueis was allowed to succeed, their own voices, along with countless others, would be sucked into the same never ending nightmare of deathless servitude.

The laugh that echoed through both their minds was cold and cynical.

**Do not be so dramatic. Can you even conceptualize what eternity is? What immortality is? You would be part of a living God. Without me you would fade to dust in the blink of an eye. Forgotten and meaningless.**

**I would rather be dust than to be a part of whatever plan you’ve concocted.**

**My child, we all know how comfortable you are in the dirt.**

The insidious laughter of a thousand voices was deafening. Ben felt a tug on the Bond and knew that the comment had stung. He tried to send Rey reassurances, but Plagueis had taken up so much of their connection that he stood almost like a wedge between them, batting away their attempts to reach each other and strengthen the other.

If he made it all the way across and entered World Between Worlds. Plagueis would twist time and space to suit his desire to become the Sith’ari. He would usher in an endless age of darkness. Life as they knew it, as the galaxy had known, would cease to exist, would never have existed.

The fear sent a chill down Ben’s back as he looked back over his shoulder to the dark plane all around him. Behind him still stood the pale and luminescent ghosts. Ben couldn’t quite believe it.

The ghosts stood quiet and patient, an unwavering line as far as his eyes could see. It was as if they were waiting for something, but Ben had no idea what for. Could they waiting for him?

Plagueis, sensing a distraction, surged towards Ben who just barely managed to push the dark lord back.

**You still resist me? It is evident that your companion has no concept of what I’m offering to her, but tell me, boy, do you?**

Even though she could barely feel Ben through the Bond now, Rey too, could feel his distraction and hesitation. An old doubt, tugged at her mind, but just as quickly as it surfaced Rey dismissed it.

Even like this, when she didn’t know exactly what he was thinking, when she could barely feel him, Rey knew she could trust Ben. After all they’d been through, after the fear, the loss, she finally understood—he was a part of her, just as she was a part of him.

Two parts of a whole.

Together they were stronger than ever.

Divided, they didn’t stand a chance.

So Rey waited. She held on, trusting that Ben felt the same as she did, trusting that he would let her know when it was time to fight.

**All I’ve heard thus far has been the preenings of an inflated ego.**

**Ah, there’s that famous arrogance we heard so much about. We were wondering when it would surface. You’ve been hiding, it seems.**

**I wasn’t fully myself.**

**So, I see.**

Ben felt the weight of Plagueis interest falling on him, drawing away from Rey. It was nearly overwhelming, but perhaps it was just enough of a distraction for Rey to do something. It was the little that he could think to do while still keeping Plagueis out of the portal. At least, he hoped desperately he was strong enough to keep him out and that Rey would see what he was trying to do.

He had to trust that she would.

Immortality is a tempting offer, but perpetual servitude is not.

Rey hadn’t heard this arrogant tone from Ben in such a long time that it took her back to the cold interrogation room aboard Starkiller Base. How much in their lives had changed since then. 

How much better she understood him.

And if she was right, then she’d understood that Ben had let Plageuis feel his hesitation. It was purposeful, she was sure of it.

Taking her cue from him, Rey pushed her trust to the back of her mind, shielding it and allowed the doubt to surface again.

**Ben, don’t.**

**Rey, think of it. We could be together forever. Not even the Force could take us. We would have infinite lifetimes together.**

**As mindless slaves!**

**Now, I am not unreasonable. To my allies, I can be quiet generous. I would allow you both a certain amount of autonomy, which is more than I have given any other, but you two are very special. Aid me and I will reward you.**

Instead of fighting Plageuis now, Ben seemed to be pulling the dark lord towards him, as if he was tempted by that offer. As the weight of his presence leaned more towards Ben, Rey’s attention was caught by some slight movements out of the corner of her eye.

Finn and Mara were beginning to wiggle against the wall and so, too, Ora and Sol and the other recruits. They were starting to gain back some movement as Plagueis’s attention was being pulled away.

Suddenly, an idea came to Rey’s mind. She wasn’t sure it would work and she would not just be risking her and Ben’s life, but everyone’s, but the alternative was inconceivable. This had to be what Ben was tying to do, he was distracting Plagueis, pulling him closer, loosening his presence and power over the recruits and everyone else, giving her a window to do something.

It was a small window, but it was all they had.

As the recruits and the rest of the soldiers started to make their way towards her, Rey tried to shield part of her mind against Plagueis and reach out to them. She couldn’t use too much of the Force, as she still had to maintain her pull against Plagueis, lest he overwhelm Ben or suspect anything.

It was a delicate tug of war she and Ben were pulling.

**What kind of rewards? I don’t want to just sit on the sidelines and watch like a spectator. I will not be your personal audience.**

Hearing the haughtiness in his own voice made Ben cringe now, especially knowing he’d purposefully affected that kind of speech at one time to seem more enigmatic.

He was sure plenty of the First Order officers and rank and file laughed at him for it. He would laugh at himself now, if it wouldn’t give away his intention.

**Certainly, the heir to Vader would be duly rewarded.**

Finn, Mara and the rest of the recruits had peeled themselves from the walls then. Poe, Jannah and the soldiers were just getting back the use of their limbs, too. They were all making their way towards Rey, their steps sluggish and slowed by the continued wave of Force pushing them back, but it was weakening and they were drawing closer.

**Don’t just give me empty promises. I want you to prove it. Show me now and I want guarantees.**

**Ben, don’t! Don’t do this! Not again!**

**I’m doing this for us, Rey.**

**Please, Ben, I can’t go with you down this path!**

**You’ll understand in time. So tell me, Plagueis, what are you going to offer me, really?**

Ben appreciated Rey’s enthusiasm. Calling back to a previous moment of division between them was good, well backed by a sense of doubt he could feel from her slightly along their Bond. He could tell though, she was playacting and he had to fight to suppress a smile. Rey would never have made it in the world of the performing arts or as a gambler, but it was enough to fool Plagueis and that’s all he needed.

He would kiss her so thoroughly if this worked.

If it didn’t, well, he’d pretty much doomed the galaxy.

**I’m glad one of you is showing some sense.**

Rey could feel that Plagueis had shifted nearly completely over to Ben, his presence looming over him. Her pull on him was so slightly, but she held on with all her might.

**Are you ready, Ben Solo, for immortality?**

Plagueis and his thousand souls reached out, wrapping their hungry tendrils around Ben and reaching into his soul, seeking purchase.

It was so powerful, so heavy a thing to fight against. Ben felt like he was being pressed into non-existence, so great was Plagueis’s will. The voices poured into his mind, filling up every part of his consciousness and Ben could feel Plagueis’s deep satisfaction, his triumph as his essence poured into Ben’s.

His own mind, so small compared to the behemoth that invaded him, sank further and further into the dark depths. As he fell, he wondered if he’d done the right thing.

Suddenly, the weight was heaved from him, and Ben was pulled up by the tendrils still hooked in him. What he saw, he almost couldn’t believe.

Plagueis was wrapped in bolts of lightening. His anger thrashed out against the bonds, but he could not break them. He was held in place and it was all coming from Rey.

And behind Rey, Ben saw Finn and Mara, their hands placed on Rey’s shoulders, their heads bent and then behind them the rest of the recruits and the soldiers with their hands placed on each other. All of them, channeling and pooling whatever they had towards Rey, helping her and, he realized, helping him.

It was then that Ben knew what the ghosts had been waiting for.

Reaching out to them through the Force, he asked them for their aid.

And they came.

Caught in the lightening cage, Plagueis was unable to shrink away from the combined Force of the Jedi and Ben. He wailed and thrashed as one by one, the souls that he had held captive were plucked from him, each disappearing into the Netherworld with a sigh. Finally, all that was left was Plageuis, his soul frantically darting about.

Mara broke away then and searched the library for the anchor that kept Plagueis in the world. It wasn’t long before she found the huddled form, no longer empowered with a thousand souls. She hefted the shell over to the portal, the body followed, a zombie without a mind, Plagueis tether to it weakened by the cage.

**What is this?**

His voice, small and croaked with fear echoed in their minds.

“This is death,” Ben and Rey answered him.

And quietly, Mara executed the last remaining physical remanente of the dark Sith Lord. The body crumbled at her feet.

Plagueis’s essence flickered in its cage, dimming and diminishing.

**No.**

His last and final word. And then like a whisper, Plagueis, the Sith’ari, faded into nothing.

The quiet that filled the room afterwards was thick with uncertainty. No one could quiet believe that this was the end. Rey’s lightening cage still crackled, but nothing remained inside. Eyes sought out eyes, and though no one dared move yet, small hesitant smiles were beginning to appear.

A sudden whoop filled the air then and every one jumped as Jaxon-Dax started dancing around and pumping his arms.

He received several smacks and was soundly chastised, but at last everyone felt that they could breath a sigh of relief. Chatter filled the room and tension all but left.

Ben and Rey, alone in their Bond once again, gazed into each other’s eyes.

“We did it,” she whispered.

“We did it,” he agreed.

Their eyes were full of tears and Rey could hardly wait to hold Ben, all of Ben in her arms. Gently, she pulled him towards her. Just before he was about to step through though, Ben paused. Unbidden, his old doubt and self-hate once again reared it’s head.

“Rey, are you sure this is what you want? I am what you want?”

Confused as to what could be holding him back, Rey vehemently nodded her head and tugged at his arms. Still her resisted her.

“But you’ll be taking me, all of me, all the things I learned, the darkness, all the things I did.”

Sighing with frustration, Rey reached up and grabbed Ben’s face, pulling him down to her height so that she could look him straight in the eye.

“Ben, I choose you. Every time, I choose you. I love you.” She leaned in then and kissed him soundly, her hands holding his face to hers.

The kiss was electric. It was everything they had been missing and promised so much more. Ben was sure they could start a fire with it. Oh how she tasted, how velvety soft her tongue against his, how plush her lips. Her words filled him with so much joy. He hadn’t even realize how long he’d been waiting to hear her say it.

He could live in this moment forever, he thought.

He was falling deeper and deeper into it when suddenly there was a vacuum between him and what he wanted so desperately. On the other side of the Portal, Rey beckoned him with a crook of her finger.

“If you want more of that, you’re going to have to come over here.”

Ben felt the smile take up half his face as the blush covered most of Rey’s. He was going to love her so right this time. He took one last look at the portals behind him, the temptation to change everything, the past, the present, the future still beckoning to him, but then looked back at Rey and knew what decision to make.


	45. A New and Bright Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference of Ben’s time at the Academy from the comic: “Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren”

_Several years later..._

Ben reminded himself to take a deep breath and relax as the hammering and soldering began precisely at 8 am as it had everyday for the past five months. He repeated the same mantra he’d been telling himself since they arrived: it was all for a purpose and he would be thankful for the loss of sleep when it was done.

Rebuilding the Academy couldn’t happen in one day, after all. He just couldn’t recall the probably very good reason they had for being here during the reconstruction. The students weren’t set to arrive for another two months.

Sure, they were overlooking the rebuild and Rey had insisted that Ben make sure it was exactly as it had been when he’d been there, but really, he could have just drawn a plan.

Just then the form beside him shifted and stretched, pressing herself up against him.

There were, of course, other reasons why he wasn’t getting that much sleep.

“All this hammering has put something in my mind,” he said, pulling her into spoon with him.

Rey giggled and wriggled back against him.

And there went another morning pleasantly spent.

Later on in the evening, Ben was again thinking to himself that he would ever not love the way Rey fit into him. How her body curled into his so perfectly. He was also pretty sure that there would ever be a time when he wasn’t aroused by her very nearness. They didn’t always act on it, though more often than not they did.

He never thought he’d feel this way but life was bliss. Pure bliss.

Even with all the hammering. Construction hammering, that is.

Ben took in a deep breath, watching Rey rise on his chest and let it out contentedly.

Rey shifted slightly then, so that she could look up at him from his chest. Not his most flattering angle, he thought, but she had that look in her eye that told him she had something on her mind.

“What is it?”

“You know, since we’ve been spending all this time here, I’ve been thinking about something.”

“About what?”

“When have you ever exhibited lightening ability?”

Ben was slightly taken aback. In all their time here, they hadn’t spoken about the night of the fire and the storm. Of course, Rey knew what had happened, their lives and memories now were more entertained than ever, but she had stayed away from the topic. Probably out of respect to him and not wanting to bring up hurtful memories, but Ben realized now that he wouldn’t have minded talking about it.

He smoothed the little lines that had formed between Rey’s brows as her eyes darted quickly back and forth between his, waiting for his answer.

“I haven’t, actually.”

“Right?” Excitedly, Rey propped herself up on his chest then, swiping the loose hair from her eyes. “As I was thinking that, I realized that it didn’t make any sense that Snoke would try to surppress an event in your mind that might have help to push you to the dark side. So, I started thinking about that night. You say you remember your uncle holding the saber above you and you, sensing the wave of anger from him, then you pulled your hut down around him and ran out, right?”

Ben nodded his head, his gaze lingering on the way Rey’s hair framed her face as he thought back to that fateful night. He was surprised that it didn’t burn him the way that it used to.

Sensing that he wasn’t resistant, Rey continued, “and then once you were outside you were so angry that you supposedly called down a lightening storm which struck the temple just as you ran out. The destruction was immediate. You tried save the other students, but the fire was too hot and you couldn’t get inside.”

Ben recalled the heat on his face, the singed hairs on his arms and the incessant roar of the flames consuming everything.

“Yes,” he said, quietly.

“Ben, think about it. You’ve never had that power and then instead of being turned by the action, you ran in to try and save people.”

“Rey, there was no one else there.”

The lines between Rey’s brow deepened and she pulled herself closer to him.

“Are you sure about that?”

Ben couldn’t answer her. He wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t responsible for one of the many things he regretted. It would be one load lighter that he didn’t have to carry, but facing his past and not shying away from it was part of the reason he came back. He had told Rey that it was his small way of starting to make up for the wrongs he’d done.

“My love,” Rey reached out her hand, cupping his face. “I think you were manipulated, both of you, by Palpatine. I think it was Palpatine that Luke felt that night and it was Palpatine that called down the lightening and destroyed the temple and killed all the students within, why else would that memory need to be erased? In order to manipulate you into thinking you were the one responsible.”

Ben started to shake his head, then he stopped. There was something that pinged the back of his mind at Rey’s words, whether it was just his own hope deluding him or something more, he couldn’t be sure, but perhaps what mattered most was that the woman he loved was trying to help him find the truth.

Looking into Rey’s eyes, Ben never felt more lucky in his life. Force willing, he would spend the rest of his life proving just how thankful he was.

And he hoped it was a long, long life.

🌗🌗🌗

Walking around the perimeter of the grounds, Rey still couldn’t believe that this was going to be _their_ school. Firstly, she never thought the High Command would let them leave and secondly she never thought Ben would be interested, especially after his experience, but he’d been such a natural when they were training the recruits that the idea had been planted in her head.

It had taken a few years, but finally the High Command had agreed to let them go. They’d trained enough recruits who could now take over the program and almost all, if not most of the First Order had been caught and tried and the stormtrooper re-education centers destroyed.

There was as much peace as could be expected and Rey and Ben felt it was time to make their own way. To do what they’d been talking about for so long and create something. It was during their many walks that Rey’s first idea finally blossomed into a future plan.

Ben had resisted at first, especially when she suggested they call it the Skywalker Jedi Academy—he still didn’t consider himself Jedi, even if she did—but gradually he warmed to the idea with one condition: he not be called a Jedi Master. He’d told her that it was a title he could never wear comfortably not just for the things he’d done but also because disagreed with many of the tenets.

Celibacy?

Over his dead body.

And she certainly agreed on that point.

So they’d amended the plan. In the end, it would be a school for any and all Force sensitives who wanted instruction and help controlling and understanding their connection to the Force. They didn’t want to creat fighters, they decided. Their school would be about education, history, and practical knowledge.

They would mostly likely have to amend their own rules once they started teaching, but Ben and Rey agreed, what they wanted most was to help children who may have been lost like them.

When they’d finally settled on the idea and agreed what they would do, they brought it before the High Command. Needless to say, the generals were reluctant to see Ben and Rey leave, but to Rey’s surprise, they were understanding and extremely supportive. They all eagerly promised to come for the opening ceremony and to visit often. 

At the time, it all seemed like a distant dream, but here she was, checking on the last minute preparations for the big night.

Rey almost couldn’t believe it. That, and another dream which would follow close behind.

Smiling to herself, she rested her hand lightly on the slight swell of her belly. She never thought that this could be her future and after everything that had happened with the Bond and the World Between Worlds, she and Ben hadn’t even been sure they could.

Though they definitely couldn’t be faulted for lack of trying, Rey thought, laughing to herself.

The thought alone brought the heat right back to her cheeks and Rey wondered if that would ever become old and tired for them. Somehow, she didn’t think it would.

The sound of C-3PO’s crisp accent dealing out orders greeted Rey as she rounded the perimeter and came upon the newly constructed entrance. The arch was covered with a banner that would come down at midnight, revealing the name of the academy. Rey continued, looking around her in wonder at how the welcoming courtyard had been turned into an entirely different world. Live plants and flowers from all over Ajan Kloss dripped from the walls and covered the tables.

The former spymaster now master of ceremonies was beaming in the bright morning sunlight as he directed droids carrying potted plants and lights to and fro. Beside him, R2-D2 rocked back and forth excitedly as Rey walked up to them.

“You’ve really outdone yourself, C-3PO.”

“Oh thank you, I do believe I’ve found my second calling, if I may say so myself. It’s going to be quiet the grand affair,” C-3PO gushed, unable to keep the excitement from his voice.

Rey would have said more, but C-3PO suddenly gasped and hustled over to where the band was setting up for a sound check.

“No, no, no, no, you can’t place the that there, you’ll crush the flowers!”

Rey knew it was her cue to go and get changed. The ceremony was only hours away.

That night, the entire academy glowed faintly green, lit from the bioluminescence of all the plants C-3PO had brought in. The tables were filled with people that Rey and Ben loved and cared for and who in turn, loved and cared for them. The fact that the guests just so happen to be some of the most important people in the Resistance, if not the most important, was what necessitated the intense security surrounding the tiny moon, otherwise it seemed like any other festivity with plenty of wine flowing and good music to groove to. It was just another gathering of friends celebrating friends.

All night, Rey and Ben weaved around each other, spending time with the people they hadn’t seen in so long. Rey finally had a moment to catch up with Finn and Ben spent most of the evening reminicing with Generals Clarissian, Uncle Lando to Ben, and Chewbacca.

Later, after everyone had finished eating, the music kicked up a beat and Rey wasn’t sure who would win for most time spent dancing, Finn and Poe or Maz and Chewbacca and she wasn’t sure who she enjoyed watching more. It filled her heart with joy to see her friends so happy and so in love.

It radiated out from them and from her and Ben and she hoped that it touched the dark, empty spaces in the galaxy.

At midnight, the banner was released, revealing the Skywalker-Solo Academy. A roar went up and everyone cheered as fireworks burst in the night sky.

Beside her, Ben laughed at the raucousness, gently wrapping his arm around Rey’s waist. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head and they stood quietly for a moment before the party beckoned them back. It would be hours still before night was finished and Ben planned to sweep Rey off her feet at least once on the dance floor.

Above them, the sparkles faded to a hundred-thousand stars.

_ Fin. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe this is the end! Thank you so much to everyone who gave this a chance and stuck through to the finish. I really can’t express my gratitude enough except to shower you with emoji hearts ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
> 
> This was such a fun ride and I hope some of you enjoyed it as much as I did. For anyone thinking of taking a stab at writing, let me tell you, I was one of those reticent types that didn’t believe that anytime was the right time to start writing and I definitely didn’t think that lil’ ol’ me could do it, but if I can do it, you can, too! It doesn’t have to be good or perfect, as long as it’s yours it’ll be beautiful ❤️


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